Life 1.0.3
Once Again...
So here I once again sitting on the edge of impending surgery that could end either in a bad way or a good way. A draw back to being inteligent and having a good imagination is letting it get ahead of you sometimes. The phrase one of my ex's used was ;letting it run rampet and foolish'. Possiblly she was right.
That being said, it's hard to fight back fear and terror. Their powerful instinctual drives that we as a species developed in order to survive. It's jsut a bitch to have to deal with them. They coil in side and the chance of them exploding worsens with each passing moment. And what happens if they do explode? Could it be the ever fun massive panic attack that most of my fmaily suffers from; a blow out like the Swansee fireworks debacle with Fuzzy? Or could it end up like my love life when it goes off- a dismial fizzal?
I'm hoping for the latter. I've seen the results of panic attacks one to many times. I'm good with not having one.
Still the images and thoughts are there. Paralyzed form the waist down in a wheelchair. One dead leg that is as worthless, as the addage goes, tits on a bull. No change and pain for life. I 've been looking for Kitten's silver linning in the bleak black cloud and about all I've come up with is that I'll qualify for the fun handicap plate and the niftty close to everything parking spots.
11 and a half hours and counting. And I can't eat. Or drink. Which is good an bad. I won't go into why it's bad since you may be reading this while eating. Not a pretty picture.
I'm going to miss one thing during my rehab...Saturday/Sunday Brunch at Aiden's in Bristol. God they do a great Irish Breakfast. With a Bailey's and coffee...heaven. Rehab may nto be fun, but at least it will get to Aiden's quicker.
See you on the other side of hope...