Recent Musings ...
Recent events have through a twist of fate, put me back into contact with someone I once wronged. Suprisingly things have been ... polite and almost like they once were. It is at once both unique comforting and suprisingly painful.
Then of course being the sick twisted individual that I am, went and read their LJ backwards in time until I found the entry where they discussed how they felt when they found out.
A huge chasm of regret welled up inside me, exactly as I knew that it would. Why did I do that? Emotional masochism? Perhaps I simple sought to understand the giantness of mistake, and why I had done such a thing. Maybe I wanted to know if I was still human, and felt regret and pain like I should. I do no know.
We never get to take back any of mistakes. And we always think we are a stronger more noble person than we really are. The human nature is to think higher of itself, and all to easily seek the gutter when pushed. It is a strange thing to be. I know that I did not turn out at all like the person I wanted to be, nor did I end up where I wanted to be.
Some days, I wish I could take it all back, like one big rewind button. So much I could have, would have, SHOULD have done differently. But it does not work like that.
I won't ever grow up to be the superhero that saves the world. And I can't take back my mistakes. Only be sorry for them. Which at least I have the humanity to do.
One day, I hope that I won't create any more regrets. It seems so far away.
Then of course being the sick twisted individual that I am, went and read their LJ backwards in time until I found the entry where they discussed how they felt when they found out.
A huge chasm of regret welled up inside me, exactly as I knew that it would. Why did I do that? Emotional masochism? Perhaps I simple sought to understand the giantness of mistake, and why I had done such a thing. Maybe I wanted to know if I was still human, and felt regret and pain like I should. I do no know.
We never get to take back any of mistakes. And we always think we are a stronger more noble person than we really are. The human nature is to think higher of itself, and all to easily seek the gutter when pushed. It is a strange thing to be. I know that I did not turn out at all like the person I wanted to be, nor did I end up where I wanted to be.
Some days, I wish I could take it all back, like one big rewind button. So much I could have, would have, SHOULD have done differently. But it does not work like that.
I won't ever grow up to be the superhero that saves the world. And I can't take back my mistakes. Only be sorry for them. Which at least I have the humanity to do.
One day, I hope that I won't create any more regrets. It seems so far away.