Mo' Money, Mo' Problems!
What the hell am I doing? I woke up this morning, and I felt physically ill. I've been wasting a ton of money this month, and I didn't realize it until I actually looked at my finances. True, some of the purchases needed to be done (fixing my car's broken axle and replacing the battery) and I have money saved up for that reason, but so much of the money has been spent on fast food, drinks, frivolous purchases. What the hell? Why did I allow that to happen? I know why: I've been somewhat depressed this month, and have been trying to fill that void with retail therapy. But it doesn't work, and now I just feel disgusted with myself. Oh, I can give myself feedback: When I spend horrendous amounts of money on stupid bullshit (that's not judgmental, is it?), the effect I see is I feel disappointed in myself. Some things I might try is preparing food and coffee at home, and continue to work on the underlying feelings of loneliness. Money can't buy love, Jamie. I justified it was okay because I was "spoiling" myself, but I was doing so in the wrong way. For example, this Friday I'm going to see Daniel Tosh perform in Detroit. Those tickets were kind of expensive, but I feel good about that financial decision, because I believe it's something that I will really enjoy. But some of the other things (Biggby lattes every other day, cigarettes) is coming from a place of not liking myself. So that's a problem. I can work on this. Making out a budget, giving myself allowance. That can help me rein my behavior in. I'm not out of control, and I'm not hopeless. There are things I can do to work on this. Ok, that helps. I'm going to go get my volunteering on. I get some emotional fulfillment out of that, and guess what, it's free! :D