Eurovision 2012: Semi final 2
Serbia: Zeljko Joksimovic - Nije Ljubav Stvar
Oooh Zeljko, welcome back! It feels like you take part every year, and in a way you do. But there’s nothing like the real Zeljko: He Of The Dramatic Stroll Onstage. Now I’ll be honest, when I first heard this, it was the English version and I hated it. The lyrics were completely ridiculous. The good thing about singing in Serbian is that the lyrics might be just as ridiculous now, but I wouldn’t know. It sounds fantastic. I’m a fan. Obviously. It’s Zeljko!
FYR Macedonia: Kaliopi - Cmo I belo
No country has suffered more from the reinstatement of the juries than FYR Macedonia. Used to be they could send a farting sheep (and often times I hoped they had instead of the drivel they did send) and still get into the final. Not so anymore. So they’ve gone the “intense” route this year. Unfortunately I can’t say I’m convinced. I get the feeling this will be horribly off key, which should provide us with some entertainment at least. Meh.
The Netherlands: Joan Franka - You and Me.
It’s “you and I”. Thank you. But never mind. If you actually listen to this song, which I know is very hard, because after all, there’s a very white Dutch woman -not a drop of Native American blood in her veins- wearing a headdress and playing a guitar looking entirely too cheerful about it. And then we haven’t mentioned the backing “dancers” who manage to look even more ridiculous. Quite an accomplishment! But if you listen, if you close your eyes and really really listen, then I think this song isn’t so bad at all.
Malta: Kurt Calleja - This is the night
Ooh, just the title reminds me of good old Sakis Rouvas, which is always enough to get me in a good mood. And while the start (stomping disco beat, yeah baby!) is promising, the rest of the song unfortunately sinks away to nothing. Kurt doesn’t even have the sense to take his shirt off in the videoclip. I mean, honestly... you expect to get votes on the merits of the song? How naive.
Belarus: Litesound - We are the heroes
What, no “We really really love Belarus, in case you didn’t know already”? How disappointing! Hee hee... They sing “we are the weeners”. Ahem. I’m sorry. It’s funny. And the outfits, oh my. I fear that -through some inexplicable plot of the west against the great country of Belarus- this will be the first and only time we’ll see and hear “we are the heroes”. So make the most of it, Europe.
Portugal: Filipa Sousa - Vida Minha
Now this on the other hand, if they leave the distracting dancers at home, this I like. It’s like a proper song and everything. With singing. No Senhora Do Mar, but not bad either. Go Portugal!
Ukraine: Gaitana - Be My Guest
Oh right, wasn’t there a mini riot a while back because some idiot politician had said that Gaitana couldn’t represent the Ukraine since she was black? Ha. The only reason he should have protested was the strange getup they put her backing dancers in, what is *that* all about? On a first listen the song doesn’t blow me away, but I have every confidence in the Ukrainian Eurovision Machine will pull a great stage act out of the hat and make this a (very gay) fan favourite.
Bulgaria: Sofi Marinova - Love Unlimited
I’m confused. There’s a dance beat, but no-one’s dancing. What’s that all about? I get the vague impression of something multilingual going on, but I can’t be 100% sure and after the Ukraine this will probably disappear into thin air. Well, unless the Bulgarian Eurovision Machine get their act together of course.
Slovenia: Eva Boto - Verjamem
Dear god, there’s something on her head! And... and... the outfits... Oh no. It’s well known I usually have a weak spot for Slovenia, but this time... No. I don’t get it. It all looks pretty intense, but then why do her backing singers have rolls of toilet paper stacked on their heads? Maybe this will bedazzle me on the night, who knows, but I doubt it.
Croatia: Nina Badric - Nebo
Oh lord with her and Zeljko in one semi I’ll be spoilt for choice. And I’m not even able to vote in this semi. How cruel. You can say what you want about former yugoslavia, but they know how to write and perform a Dramatic Balkan Ballad. And on a completely superficial note: she is bloody gorgeous. Now I’m not sure about the song getting more and more uptempo towards the end, but I’m sold already, so I’m sure it doesn’t matter all that much.
Sweden: Loreen - Euphoria
Oooh, just the way the Swedish guy says “Loreen”, doesn’t it make your heart beat just that tiny bit faster? No? Just me then? I really need to get over this thing I have about languages and accents. But that’s part of what makes Eurovision so much fun. Ok, never mind. Loreen is on a roll with the wind machine set to Carola-Tornado and a nineties beat we haven’t heard since ... the nineties probably. I love the whole craziness of it, including the snow storm at the end, and I hope this does fabulously. Listen up, slutty girls from semi one, this is what a dance song can also sound like. And you can even keep your clothes on!
Georgia: Anri Jokhadze - I’m a joker
Yes, well, you’re not funny. However you do manage to combine about seventy different styles of music, in the hope that something decent comes out. It doesn’t. Three minutes can really take a long time to be over.
Turkey: Can Bonomo - Love me back
What happened to the rock bands and the bellydancing girls, Turkey? Not that I’m complaining. Or well, I wasn’t, until about 15 seconds in the song when I found myself thinking “where the hell is this leading to”. I’m afraid the answer is “nowhere”. And what is all this about you being a sailor? You look as much like sailor like Milan Stankovic resembles a builder.
Estonia: Ott Lepland - Kuula
Meh. Now if this was in Serbian I might have loved it, I might just be superficial like that (or my ears might be), but this has me turning towards the “skip forward” button. I don’t doubt that I might be the only one in Europe and the rest of us will be dabbing their eyes with their hankies by the last “kuula” though, so don’t despair Ott (now there’s a name if it’s a boy... who knows). I guess for me there’s just not enough of a “Bombastic Red Army” vibe going on.
Slovakia: Max Jason Mai - Don’t close your eyes
I guess I can be sure the Slovakians will shake me awake after Estonia. The contrast couldn’t be bigger. You might actually go somewhere, Max, if you wear something sleeveless and promise not to do that thing with your tongue. I feel like I’m 16 again and at war with the world.
Norway: Tooji - Stay
Hang on, I’ve heard this somewhere before. No? Just me? But yay for our first slutty boy of the evening, took us long enough! Provided he brings the right backing dancers (because we’re very superficial like that, yes) this could be a huge hit at our house. Hey, perhaps you could do something with a glass box? Or a giant stapler? Something threatening with leather? I’m sure you’ll think of something! So nice of Norway to make sure we have something similar to “I’ll get you wet, I’m popular” this year!
Bosnia & Herzegovina: Maya Sar - Korake Ti Znam
Hmz. And the difference between my lacklustre response now compared to Zeljko? Just like with Estonia: not enough Bombastic Red Army, too much regular ballad. Meh.
Lithuania: Donny Montell - Love is blind
Oh good god, he’s Making A Point by wearing a blindfold. I suppose it’s less offensive than grabbing some sunglasses and a white stick. And just when you think you’ll get to refilling the glasses a bit sooner so you don’t miss any of the interval, in comes a dancebeat and... yeah, I think I’ll just get started on the glasses after all.
Oooh Zeljko, welcome back! It feels like you take part every year, and in a way you do. But there’s nothing like the real Zeljko: He Of The Dramatic Stroll Onstage. Now I’ll be honest, when I first heard this, it was the English version and I hated it. The lyrics were completely ridiculous. The good thing about singing in Serbian is that the lyrics might be just as ridiculous now, but I wouldn’t know. It sounds fantastic. I’m a fan. Obviously. It’s Zeljko!
Click to viewFYR Macedonia: Kaliopi - Cmo I belo
No country has suffered more from the reinstatement of the juries than FYR Macedonia. Used to be they could send a farting sheep (and often times I hoped they had instead of the drivel they did send) and still get into the final. Not so anymore. So they’ve gone the “intense” route this year. Unfortunately I can’t say I’m convinced. I get the feeling this will be horribly off key, which should provide us with some entertainment at least. Meh.
The Netherlands: Joan Franka - You and Me.
It’s “you and I”. Thank you. But never mind. If you actually listen to this song, which I know is very hard, because after all, there’s a very white Dutch woman -not a drop of Native American blood in her veins- wearing a headdress and playing a guitar looking entirely too cheerful about it. And then we haven’t mentioned the backing “dancers” who manage to look even more ridiculous. Quite an accomplishment! But if you listen, if you close your eyes and really really listen, then I think this song isn’t so bad at all.
Malta: Kurt Calleja - This is the night
Ooh, just the title reminds me of good old Sakis Rouvas, which is always enough to get me in a good mood. And while the start (stomping disco beat, yeah baby!) is promising, the rest of the song unfortunately sinks away to nothing. Kurt doesn’t even have the sense to take his shirt off in the videoclip. I mean, honestly... you expect to get votes on the merits of the song? How naive.
Belarus: Litesound - We are the heroes
What, no “We really really love Belarus, in case you didn’t know already”? How disappointing! Hee hee... They sing “we are the weeners”. Ahem. I’m sorry. It’s funny. And the outfits, oh my. I fear that -through some inexplicable plot of the west against the great country of Belarus- this will be the first and only time we’ll see and hear “we are the heroes”. So make the most of it, Europe.
Portugal: Filipa Sousa - Vida Minha
Now this on the other hand, if they leave the distracting dancers at home, this I like. It’s like a proper song and everything. With singing. No Senhora Do Mar, but not bad either. Go Portugal!
Ukraine: Gaitana - Be My Guest
Oh right, wasn’t there a mini riot a while back because some idiot politician had said that Gaitana couldn’t represent the Ukraine since she was black? Ha. The only reason he should have protested was the strange getup they put her backing dancers in, what is *that* all about? On a first listen the song doesn’t blow me away, but I have every confidence in the Ukrainian Eurovision Machine will pull a great stage act out of the hat and make this a (very gay) fan favourite.
Bulgaria: Sofi Marinova - Love Unlimited
I’m confused. There’s a dance beat, but no-one’s dancing. What’s that all about? I get the vague impression of something multilingual going on, but I can’t be 100% sure and after the Ukraine this will probably disappear into thin air. Well, unless the Bulgarian Eurovision Machine get their act together of course.
Slovenia: Eva Boto - Verjamem
Dear god, there’s something on her head! And... and... the outfits... Oh no. It’s well known I usually have a weak spot for Slovenia, but this time... No. I don’t get it. It all looks pretty intense, but then why do her backing singers have rolls of toilet paper stacked on their heads? Maybe this will bedazzle me on the night, who knows, but I doubt it.
Croatia: Nina Badric - Nebo
Oh lord with her and Zeljko in one semi I’ll be spoilt for choice. And I’m not even able to vote in this semi. How cruel. You can say what you want about former yugoslavia, but they know how to write and perform a Dramatic Balkan Ballad. And on a completely superficial note: she is bloody gorgeous. Now I’m not sure about the song getting more and more uptempo towards the end, but I’m sold already, so I’m sure it doesn’t matter all that much.
Sweden: Loreen - Euphoria
Oooh, just the way the Swedish guy says “Loreen”, doesn’t it make your heart beat just that tiny bit faster? No? Just me then? I really need to get over this thing I have about languages and accents. But that’s part of what makes Eurovision so much fun. Ok, never mind. Loreen is on a roll with the wind machine set to Carola-Tornado and a nineties beat we haven’t heard since ... the nineties probably. I love the whole craziness of it, including the snow storm at the end, and I hope this does fabulously. Listen up, slutty girls from semi one, this is what a dance song can also sound like. And you can even keep your clothes on!
Georgia: Anri Jokhadze - I’m a joker
Yes, well, you’re not funny. However you do manage to combine about seventy different styles of music, in the hope that something decent comes out. It doesn’t. Three minutes can really take a long time to be over.
Turkey: Can Bonomo - Love me back
What happened to the rock bands and the bellydancing girls, Turkey? Not that I’m complaining. Or well, I wasn’t, until about 15 seconds in the song when I found myself thinking “where the hell is this leading to”. I’m afraid the answer is “nowhere”. And what is all this about you being a sailor? You look as much like sailor like Milan Stankovic resembles a builder.
Estonia: Ott Lepland - Kuula
Meh. Now if this was in Serbian I might have loved it, I might just be superficial like that (or my ears might be), but this has me turning towards the “skip forward” button. I don’t doubt that I might be the only one in Europe and the rest of us will be dabbing their eyes with their hankies by the last “kuula” though, so don’t despair Ott (now there’s a name if it’s a boy... who knows). I guess for me there’s just not enough of a “Bombastic Red Army” vibe going on.
Slovakia: Max Jason Mai - Don’t close your eyes
I guess I can be sure the Slovakians will shake me awake after Estonia. The contrast couldn’t be bigger. You might actually go somewhere, Max, if you wear something sleeveless and promise not to do that thing with your tongue. I feel like I’m 16 again and at war with the world.
Norway: Tooji - Stay
Hang on, I’ve heard this somewhere before. No? Just me? But yay for our first slutty boy of the evening, took us long enough! Provided he brings the right backing dancers (because we’re very superficial like that, yes) this could be a huge hit at our house. Hey, perhaps you could do something with a glass box? Or a giant stapler? Something threatening with leather? I’m sure you’ll think of something! So nice of Norway to make sure we have something similar to “I’ll get you wet, I’m popular” this year!
Bosnia & Herzegovina: Maya Sar - Korake Ti Znam
Hmz. And the difference between my lacklustre response now compared to Zeljko? Just like with Estonia: not enough Bombastic Red Army, too much regular ballad. Meh.
Lithuania: Donny Montell - Love is blind
Oh good god, he’s Making A Point by wearing a blindfold. I suppose it’s less offensive than grabbing some sunglasses and a white stick. And just when you think you’ll get to refilling the glasses a bit sooner so you don’t miss any of the interval, in comes a dancebeat and... yeah, I think I’ll just get started on the glasses after all.