"I rest my head on 115, but miracles only happen on 34th so I guess life is mean"
"Let's talk in layman's terms; Rotten Apples and Big Worms, Early Birds and Poachers. New York is evil at it's core so those who have more than them: Prepare to be vic-tims. Ate up by vulchers of politicians in a Dog-Eat-Dog world; that'll sick 'em. Lack of mineral we take it personal. A pigeon can't drop shit if it never flew. Everyday is no frills, empty crills, Broken 40 Bottles and MC's with skills"
Cannibal Ox-Iron Galaxy
The World is a cold, barren wasteland of lifeless souls wandering around trying to find a reason for their existance. Upholding to their beliefs that the Almighty Dollar reigns supreme and to strive for the American Dream. Somtimes, I feel like throwing in the towel and giving in. This past weekend had it's ups and downs.
Somtimes I wish I wasn't as sensitive a person as I am. In the public eye; I am shy, submissive, yet I am able to put up a very strong front and sheild towards the shit life enjoys flinging at me. However, in private; behind closed doors I weaken and brake down and berate myself for basking in the light of Failure. Today was such a day.
On Saturday, I stopped by my old job at Colonial to check up on the status of my re-application for employment there. Perhaps I was being a little more cocky about the situation than I should have been because I really thought I had the job in my back pocket. While I was "hanging around" and talking to people, I was told by one of my ex-coworkers that she had overheard through the grapevine that the reason I wasn't being fed any correspondance to my application was because one of the 6 ladies in the DMV office at the back of the dealership had a thing against me and basically told the woman who was in charge of the interviewing and hiring that I was 'Snotty and stuck up'. This was preventing my coming back to Colonial.
This struck me as quite odd because I feel adored by everyone there. I couldn't put a finger on anyone who would think of me in that manner. Granted, I am human just like everyone else and we all have our days when we can be sugar and honey one day, yet also have our days when every other word out of our mouths is fire-laced and poison dripped. As I was saying, I couldn't place who could have said such a thing about me.....except one. There is one woman in the DMV office who takes care of the registration certificates and issuance of plates. When I was employed at the dealership, she and I got along fine as far as I knew. Then, one day, a new receptionist started a job with us. I didn't know it at the time, but she is from Poland, has an accent and is very nice. This was around the time that the stresses of working in a dealership had caught up to me. I would call the main building from the Scion dealership and she would constantly get people mixed up and misunderstand my requests. I once asked if she could page one of the red shirts (the people responsible for making sure the cars are situated on the grounds properly) and she replies "You want to buy a red shirt"?.
So, one particular day when everything I did was borderline evil. I was simply in a sour mood that day and think I went home early because of it. I went into the back office during routine registration paperwork. And I told the registration woman: "They need to fire that receptionist and place me there instead because nobody seems to like her much". Had I known what a big oops that was my tongue would have bled profusily from biting it to hold back the words. But, unbeknownst to me, this woman who takes care of the registration had also trained the Polish girl as receptionish. Point Blank: I just insulted teacher. From that moment on, I'm pretty sure I'm stuck on her bad side like a mole to a person's cheek. I however owned up to the Polish girl a week later when I was having a general conversation with her and realized that I was really out of line with what I had said. Well, what are you gonna do? I can't take it back now. But, I told her that the week before I was having a difficult day and that I had said somthing about her that wasn't nice. And that I wanted to start fresh and let bygones be bygones. She and I are quite cordial with each other when we see each other. The woman in the DMV office though is forever pissed at me I'm sure. And if anyone would speak now instead of holding their peace, it would be her.
Despite all of this, it stuck with me all fucking weekend. I had two nightmares about how people were being nice to my face and then being the exact opposite outside of my presence. Today, I headed back there to speak with the woman in charge of the final hiring decision to nicely and professionally ask "Are you or are you not going to re-hire me?" But when I got there, I found out that she had taken the day off. Well so much for that Ace up the sleeve. So, I confided in my former boss, Barry. Barry is like a father to me. He's very honest and forthright. So, I told him what had transpired on Saturday and he assured me that noone here believes me to be snotty or anything else in that department. With this new confidence and reassurance I marched into the back office and spoke to yet another woman who was in charge of handling the applications and polietly asked her if they were still considering me as a candidate. I was bluntly met with a "We hired someone else already". In a tone that clearly stated that I was a nuscense and was not welcome there.
I felt crushed. I came home and broke down in tears. Not just because I didn't get my old job back. But because shit tends to pile up when you try to make your days productive and fruitful yet the results are non-existant anyway.
The Good news is that I met with another temp agency today that specializes in administrative work. They pay more money and it's closer to home. So maybe ther is hope still.
This past sunday, I spent Catholic Easter at Tim's father's house. It was very nice. I love him so much. And I love spending time with him. He pretty much waited on me the whole time haha. Friday night, I made dinner at his house. We have this routine where every other weekend I'll make him dinner because I love to cook so much and it's just somthing that I do. Next weekend is Greek Easter, which I guess I'll be in New York at my aunt's house celebrating. I'm kind of jaded with holiidays. Too many expectations involved. I've been leaning more towards anything quiet and relaxing, which is why I rarely go out.
My dad has this interesting idea today that I should get a job working as a card dealer at one of the casinos here in Connecticut. For once, he made some damn sense, lol! Casino card dealers can make a pretty decent living by touching cards all night. Interstingly enough, Foxwoods is looking for a Poker dealer. The training is paid and even if you're part-time you get in on full benefits, free uniforms, a free meal during your shift, free access to the gym (sweet Christ all mighty I need to start going to the gym again) not to mention I could walk away at the end of a 20 hour work week with somthing in the "G" note department. That's stupid money for part time work. I wouldn't mind the 45 minute commute one bit for that kind of money. So I am considering this very thouroughly.
My eyes are hurting from staring at this computer screen for too long. I'm out.
Cannibal Ox-Iron Galaxy
The World is a cold, barren wasteland of lifeless souls wandering around trying to find a reason for their existance. Upholding to their beliefs that the Almighty Dollar reigns supreme and to strive for the American Dream. Somtimes, I feel like throwing in the towel and giving in. This past weekend had it's ups and downs.
Somtimes I wish I wasn't as sensitive a person as I am. In the public eye; I am shy, submissive, yet I am able to put up a very strong front and sheild towards the shit life enjoys flinging at me. However, in private; behind closed doors I weaken and brake down and berate myself for basking in the light of Failure. Today was such a day.
On Saturday, I stopped by my old job at Colonial to check up on the status of my re-application for employment there. Perhaps I was being a little more cocky about the situation than I should have been because I really thought I had the job in my back pocket. While I was "hanging around" and talking to people, I was told by one of my ex-coworkers that she had overheard through the grapevine that the reason I wasn't being fed any correspondance to my application was because one of the 6 ladies in the DMV office at the back of the dealership had a thing against me and basically told the woman who was in charge of the interviewing and hiring that I was 'Snotty and stuck up'. This was preventing my coming back to Colonial.
This struck me as quite odd because I feel adored by everyone there. I couldn't put a finger on anyone who would think of me in that manner. Granted, I am human just like everyone else and we all have our days when we can be sugar and honey one day, yet also have our days when every other word out of our mouths is fire-laced and poison dripped. As I was saying, I couldn't place who could have said such a thing about me.....except one. There is one woman in the DMV office who takes care of the registration certificates and issuance of plates. When I was employed at the dealership, she and I got along fine as far as I knew. Then, one day, a new receptionist started a job with us. I didn't know it at the time, but she is from Poland, has an accent and is very nice. This was around the time that the stresses of working in a dealership had caught up to me. I would call the main building from the Scion dealership and she would constantly get people mixed up and misunderstand my requests. I once asked if she could page one of the red shirts (the people responsible for making sure the cars are situated on the grounds properly) and she replies "You want to buy a red shirt"?.
So, one particular day when everything I did was borderline evil. I was simply in a sour mood that day and think I went home early because of it. I went into the back office during routine registration paperwork. And I told the registration woman: "They need to fire that receptionist and place me there instead because nobody seems to like her much". Had I known what a big oops that was my tongue would have bled profusily from biting it to hold back the words. But, unbeknownst to me, this woman who takes care of the registration had also trained the Polish girl as receptionish. Point Blank: I just insulted teacher. From that moment on, I'm pretty sure I'm stuck on her bad side like a mole to a person's cheek. I however owned up to the Polish girl a week later when I was having a general conversation with her and realized that I was really out of line with what I had said. Well, what are you gonna do? I can't take it back now. But, I told her that the week before I was having a difficult day and that I had said somthing about her that wasn't nice. And that I wanted to start fresh and let bygones be bygones. She and I are quite cordial with each other when we see each other. The woman in the DMV office though is forever pissed at me I'm sure. And if anyone would speak now instead of holding their peace, it would be her.
Despite all of this, it stuck with me all fucking weekend. I had two nightmares about how people were being nice to my face and then being the exact opposite outside of my presence. Today, I headed back there to speak with the woman in charge of the final hiring decision to nicely and professionally ask "Are you or are you not going to re-hire me?" But when I got there, I found out that she had taken the day off. Well so much for that Ace up the sleeve. So, I confided in my former boss, Barry. Barry is like a father to me. He's very honest and forthright. So, I told him what had transpired on Saturday and he assured me that noone here believes me to be snotty or anything else in that department. With this new confidence and reassurance I marched into the back office and spoke to yet another woman who was in charge of handling the applications and polietly asked her if they were still considering me as a candidate. I was bluntly met with a "We hired someone else already". In a tone that clearly stated that I was a nuscense and was not welcome there.
I felt crushed. I came home and broke down in tears. Not just because I didn't get my old job back. But because shit tends to pile up when you try to make your days productive and fruitful yet the results are non-existant anyway.
The Good news is that I met with another temp agency today that specializes in administrative work. They pay more money and it's closer to home. So maybe ther is hope still.
This past sunday, I spent Catholic Easter at Tim's father's house. It was very nice. I love him so much. And I love spending time with him. He pretty much waited on me the whole time haha. Friday night, I made dinner at his house. We have this routine where every other weekend I'll make him dinner because I love to cook so much and it's just somthing that I do. Next weekend is Greek Easter, which I guess I'll be in New York at my aunt's house celebrating. I'm kind of jaded with holiidays. Too many expectations involved. I've been leaning more towards anything quiet and relaxing, which is why I rarely go out.
My dad has this interesting idea today that I should get a job working as a card dealer at one of the casinos here in Connecticut. For once, he made some damn sense, lol! Casino card dealers can make a pretty decent living by touching cards all night. Interstingly enough, Foxwoods is looking for a Poker dealer. The training is paid and even if you're part-time you get in on full benefits, free uniforms, a free meal during your shift, free access to the gym (sweet Christ all mighty I need to start going to the gym again) not to mention I could walk away at the end of a 20 hour work week with somthing in the "G" note department. That's stupid money for part time work. I wouldn't mind the 45 minute commute one bit for that kind of money. So I am considering this very thouroughly.
My eyes are hurting from staring at this computer screen for too long. I'm out.