Control
I've been reflecting on the people that created me. I'll write about my mom first.
My mom grew up with the most traditional family. Mom.and dad, younger brother, family pets, etc. Her parents were good people. I was extremely close to them. My mom has been such a blessing to me my entire life. She raised us by herself. She taught me to work hard, be strong, and to love others. She was selfless as a mother. She put our needs above her own.
My father was another story. He left before I was born. He struggled with drugs and alcohol my entire life. I remember when I was young his parents took me to see him. He was in jail or rehab at the time. I am not sure which he was in. I just remember sitting across from him and feeling disgust with him. I was ashamed of him. I remember thinking I'd never allow him in my life. I decided that day I would control the relationship I had with him. It would be my choice whether he was in my life. I chose to exclude him from my life. I decided right then and there I'd never allow him to hurt me, disappoint me, or use me. As long as I was in control of that I was protected from him. It caused me to learn that if I was in control of anything then I was safe from harm. Being in control kept me from getting hurt.
Now, as an adult I try to control every aspect of my life. That control keeps me safe from the sadness of this world. Being in control keeps my world safe. I determine my destiny. I determine my happiness, and I definitely control my sadness. However, as we all know we don't have control over everything. We can't control people. We can't control life. As much as we want to its just not possible. I'm losing control over areas of my life and I'm kinda freaking out. Life is scary in those moments. Life is uncertain in those moments. But, we have to remind ourselves that the best times are ahead of us. We keep pushing forward and keep appreciating life and all it has to offer. We have to keep living. Live life to the fullest! Love to all!