(no subject)
im going crazy. i dont like the way i feel. paranoid....always paranoid. i dont know what im doing anymore. im ok then im not. im happy then im not. when im with him im happy then alone im crazy. what does this mean? i was online today knowing that he was gone on a golf tourn. but he popped online so i tried to talk but it wasnt him it was his bro. i checked on my phone online while i was working to see if he would be on. what is wrong with me? this isnt normal behavior with me. im quiet scared. and annoyed. how does anyone put up with me. why does anyone put up with me. its funny nikki finds a guy online and she is stupid or whateve but when i found anthony it was ok. why was it different. im really not liking myself. i dont want to be how i am. always wondering what he is doing who he is seeing why isnt he with me. why am i like this. i need some proffessional help or something. if anyone of you can help me im beggin. i dont like being a crazy person.
i keep telling myself it will all be ok but i dont know anymore. i think im breaking down. (sidenote he is online but im not going to be the first to talk)he prob wont talk to me oh well. im running after him. my mom told me not to chase guys but look where i am. im waiting for him. i dont really make plans till i know im not going to see him. im so fucked up.....i hate it. i just want to cry but then i want to punch something. im a mess of feelings. i dont know what to do anymore.
i keep telling myself it will all be ok but i dont know anymore. i think im breaking down. (sidenote he is online but im not going to be the first to talk)he prob wont talk to me oh well. im running after him. my mom told me not to chase guys but look where i am. im waiting for him. i dont really make plans till i know im not going to see him. im so fucked up.....i hate it. i just want to cry but then i want to punch something. im a mess of feelings. i dont know what to do anymore.