always seek the happiness you deserve.
For some reason, I'm not happy again. But I've really learnt something in the past months. I've understood so much more. Tried so much more, just for the people that mean so much to me. Until now, I never realised that just for my friends that I would smile, laugh and be happy just for them. I never told them about my sadness. When I was down and had been crying, I'd wipe away the tear tracks and smile, just for them. I'd laugh at my idiocy. I'd laugh it all away because when I had you guys, I was fine.
But during the process of doing this, I hadn't realised I'd neglected family. I hadn't realised that I'd grown distant to them and constantly had arguments with them. I didn't show the same care to my family that I did to my friends. I didn't give them those simple things that I did for my friends and I realised almost too late that I'd hurt them. They were hurt and upset by my behaviour and attitude and the realisation hit me hard. Knowing that I had hurt them had hurt me too.
For a while, I'd been pained by it. I'd felt really bad and now I do try. I work hard to prove myself. But sometimes, even though I'm trying, I feel it all hit back so hard when they keep on mentioning it. I know I've done wrong. Why can't they let me slowly show them what they mean to me? I know it's difficult but in time I can do it. I really wish that'd give me that chance.
I know many things my mother says about me is true. I care more about friends than family. I'm desperately trying to change that but it's not something that can change instantly. She says that when I grow up, I'll leave and I won't come back. That I'll choose my future partner and friends over them. This is partially the truth and partially the words of an angry person. Yes. Eventually I'll leave. Eventually, I'll be gone. But don't you understand my dreams?
Even since I was young, I dreamed of that house that I would own. Even now I dream about it. Now I have a job and passion combined with it. Through the years, I've thought through every small detail. I've thought about the positioning, furnishing, colours, etc of my house. What suburbs I would choose to live. The different styles of my house depending on what suburb I choose. What the terrain of my future house would be like. I'd thought about my job. How I'd be able to keep myself standing. I'd thought about my passion as a musician and how much I wanted to do that. That no matter what I would do it.
Hell. I even thought about a car. I've thought about the colours, the interior and exterior design. I've thought about the brands and I even know the models. I probably know more about cars then the boys I'm friends with. But despite all of this, I had family and friends incorporated. I've even had that dream man it. Everyday I dream and think of these things. I know I can't stop now. I know I can't end this life peacefully if I can't get my dreams.
My mother told my I was a persistent person. My father told me I was a stubborn person. They couldn't be my right. If I said I wouldn't I wouldn't. When I even think about doing those things I consider in my sleep, I scold myself. I get angry and upset. When I try to get a song right or finish something, I'll work hard to get to the end. I'll keep on going no matter what. When I reach the end, it's really rewarding. It's the knowledge of success that brings me joy. That's why it makes me and so many of my friends with the exact same spirit really down after we receive word that we've failed or done badly.
It's this fighting spirit that brings us down.
But basically, I just wanted to say, without all of my friends (including the online ones) I wouldn't be able to get past my down times. I'm glad that I have all of you. That because of you, I try to get the happiness that I deserve. All in all, I hope you guys don't ever give up and always remember that you have awesome friends always waiting for you.
Always seek the happiness you deserve.
- Wendy
But during the process of doing this, I hadn't realised I'd neglected family. I hadn't realised that I'd grown distant to them and constantly had arguments with them. I didn't show the same care to my family that I did to my friends. I didn't give them those simple things that I did for my friends and I realised almost too late that I'd hurt them. They were hurt and upset by my behaviour and attitude and the realisation hit me hard. Knowing that I had hurt them had hurt me too.
For a while, I'd been pained by it. I'd felt really bad and now I do try. I work hard to prove myself. But sometimes, even though I'm trying, I feel it all hit back so hard when they keep on mentioning it. I know I've done wrong. Why can't they let me slowly show them what they mean to me? I know it's difficult but in time I can do it. I really wish that'd give me that chance.
I know many things my mother says about me is true. I care more about friends than family. I'm desperately trying to change that but it's not something that can change instantly. She says that when I grow up, I'll leave and I won't come back. That I'll choose my future partner and friends over them. This is partially the truth and partially the words of an angry person. Yes. Eventually I'll leave. Eventually, I'll be gone. But don't you understand my dreams?
Even since I was young, I dreamed of that house that I would own. Even now I dream about it. Now I have a job and passion combined with it. Through the years, I've thought through every small detail. I've thought about the positioning, furnishing, colours, etc of my house. What suburbs I would choose to live. The different styles of my house depending on what suburb I choose. What the terrain of my future house would be like. I'd thought about my job. How I'd be able to keep myself standing. I'd thought about my passion as a musician and how much I wanted to do that. That no matter what I would do it.
Hell. I even thought about a car. I've thought about the colours, the interior and exterior design. I've thought about the brands and I even know the models. I probably know more about cars then the boys I'm friends with. But despite all of this, I had family and friends incorporated. I've even had that dream man it. Everyday I dream and think of these things. I know I can't stop now. I know I can't end this life peacefully if I can't get my dreams.
My mother told my I was a persistent person. My father told me I was a stubborn person. They couldn't be my right. If I said I wouldn't I wouldn't. When I even think about doing those things I consider in my sleep, I scold myself. I get angry and upset. When I try to get a song right or finish something, I'll work hard to get to the end. I'll keep on going no matter what. When I reach the end, it's really rewarding. It's the knowledge of success that brings me joy. That's why it makes me and so many of my friends with the exact same spirit really down after we receive word that we've failed or done badly.
It's this fighting spirit that brings us down.
But basically, I just wanted to say, without all of my friends (including the online ones) I wouldn't be able to get past my down times. I'm glad that I have all of you. That because of you, I try to get the happiness that I deserve. All in all, I hope you guys don't ever give up and always remember that you have awesome friends always waiting for you.
Always seek the happiness you deserve.
- Wendy