(no subject)
Truth be told, my secret motivation for experimenting with The Sims was to see if I could sustain any kind of successful relationship within the scope of the game .... I'm guessing this is a pretty big draw for all Sims obsessives, since it's hard to imagine how anyone regularly sitting in front of a computer for hours at a time could be having much sex. I realize that's a stereotype, but the popularity of The Sims almost irrefutably proves it to be true: This game is single-mindedly designed to be a reflection of a normal life that's filled with normal human interaction. Apparently, that notion is so far removed from gamers that it can only be pursued through fantasy realm.
Still, there's something oddly Utopian about The Sims relationship-driven, peacenik theology. Unlike other video games I've enjoyed in the past ... The Sims does not require me to kill virtually everyone I meet. As I meet other Sims in the neighborhood, my initial options are to talk with them (understandable), joke with them (also understandable), tickle them (somewhat less understandable), or sneak up behind their back and scare the crap out of them (pretty incomprehensible, but hard to resist). Our interactions are marked by thought bubbles that contain little pictures of conversation topic; the characters don't speak with real words. They talk in a goofy pigeon language that has been compared to the teachers in old Peanuts cartoons, although I tend to think it sounds like a combination of French, Ebonics and the Japanese pop band Pizzicato Five.
The first two people I meet in "Simburbia" are Mortimer and Bella, a guy with a mustache and a woman wearing a tight red dress. They evidently live nearby. Mortimer is a lot like my real-life friend Dr.Dave in Akron: He's always up for anything. Bella is a tougher nut to crack; she often glances at her watch when I talk to her. But because Bella's a woman, I keep talking (and talking and talking),and I throw a little tickle into the mix, and I talk some more, and in no time at all I am given the opportunity to select the "flirt" option whenever I meet Bella on the street.
I start calling Bella on my SimPhone several times a day, and she always comes over immediately. My Sim is one suave bastard. A little pink heart icon apears next to Bella's on-screen dossier, and she begins defining me as "The Sim I adore." We smooch hardcore. Yet - for some reason - I can't come up with a finishing move. It's not so much that Bella declines to sleep with me; it's more that I don't know how to ask. I stand by my bed and call her name, and she runs right over...but then we start talking about skiing. I buy a billiard table in order to impress her, but all she does is clap her hands. I mean, I know she's comfortable with me: She has no qualms about using the toilet while I'm standing right next to her, an experience that's light-years more intimate than most kinds of oral sex. But my Sim remains denied.
And you know why my sim gets no nookie? Because Bella was lying to me all along. At the height or our relationship, I invite Bella over for a game of pool (and "maybe more"), and she says, "Sure, I'd love to come over. Can I bring a friend?" I reluctantly agree, but guess who shows up: Mortimer! It turns out he and Bella are married. Upon watching Bella's hello embrace, Mortimer immediately slaps me and we kind of scuffle. I try to call him the next morning to apologize, but he tells me to get bent. In a matter of simulated hours, I've managed to lose my only male acquaintance by not having sex with his wife. This is unprecedented. Even I can't compete with the problems of my Sim.
[first off I need to aplogize to my BFF's Sheryl Crow and Ryan Adams. They can still play date tomorrow but Jakob will be in spirit. I'm sorry. At first, I planned on fading out, but I cannot drag Jakob any longer. And there's other issues, but let's not go into that. Since 2002 with this role, I think I've done as much as I can with him. I'm picking a replacement. Also, if anyone is looking for access to image sites, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm still around in another shape which if you've been paying attention I think it's quite obvious who. Anyway, comments are screened. I probably won't respond unless you have some wise crack about The Sims.]
*Jakob and Drew runs off into the sunset together holding hands*
[with that being said, please vote for them at the mbp bubble awards, it'll be a nice finishing touch to their story. Thank you. I'll miss you all.]
Still, there's something oddly Utopian about The Sims relationship-driven, peacenik theology. Unlike other video games I've enjoyed in the past ... The Sims does not require me to kill virtually everyone I meet. As I meet other Sims in the neighborhood, my initial options are to talk with them (understandable), joke with them (also understandable), tickle them (somewhat less understandable), or sneak up behind their back and scare the crap out of them (pretty incomprehensible, but hard to resist). Our interactions are marked by thought bubbles that contain little pictures of conversation topic; the characters don't speak with real words. They talk in a goofy pigeon language that has been compared to the teachers in old Peanuts cartoons, although I tend to think it sounds like a combination of French, Ebonics and the Japanese pop band Pizzicato Five.
The first two people I meet in "Simburbia" are Mortimer and Bella, a guy with a mustache and a woman wearing a tight red dress. They evidently live nearby. Mortimer is a lot like my real-life friend Dr.Dave in Akron: He's always up for anything. Bella is a tougher nut to crack; she often glances at her watch when I talk to her. But because Bella's a woman, I keep talking (and talking and talking),and I throw a little tickle into the mix, and I talk some more, and in no time at all I am given the opportunity to select the "flirt" option whenever I meet Bella on the street.
I start calling Bella on my SimPhone several times a day, and she always comes over immediately. My Sim is one suave bastard. A little pink heart icon apears next to Bella's on-screen dossier, and she begins defining me as "The Sim I adore." We smooch hardcore. Yet - for some reason - I can't come up with a finishing move. It's not so much that Bella declines to sleep with me; it's more that I don't know how to ask. I stand by my bed and call her name, and she runs right over...but then we start talking about skiing. I buy a billiard table in order to impress her, but all she does is clap her hands. I mean, I know she's comfortable with me: She has no qualms about using the toilet while I'm standing right next to her, an experience that's light-years more intimate than most kinds of oral sex. But my Sim remains denied.
And you know why my sim gets no nookie? Because Bella was lying to me all along. At the height or our relationship, I invite Bella over for a game of pool (and "maybe more"), and she says, "Sure, I'd love to come over. Can I bring a friend?" I reluctantly agree, but guess who shows up: Mortimer! It turns out he and Bella are married. Upon watching Bella's hello embrace, Mortimer immediately slaps me and we kind of scuffle. I try to call him the next morning to apologize, but he tells me to get bent. In a matter of simulated hours, I've managed to lose my only male acquaintance by not having sex with his wife. This is unprecedented. Even I can't compete with the problems of my Sim.
[first off I need to aplogize to my BFF's Sheryl Crow and Ryan Adams. They can still play date tomorrow but Jakob will be in spirit. I'm sorry. At first, I planned on fading out, but I cannot drag Jakob any longer. And there's other issues, but let's not go into that. Since 2002 with this role, I think I've done as much as I can with him. I'm picking a replacement. Also, if anyone is looking for access to image sites, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm still around in another shape which if you've been paying attention I think it's quite obvious who. Anyway, comments are screened. I probably won't respond unless you have some wise crack about The Sims.]
*Jakob and Drew runs off into the sunset together holding hands*
[with that being said, please vote for them at the mbp bubble awards, it'll be a nice finishing touch to their story. Thank you. I'll miss you all.]