(no subject)
The first thing I want to say is that Love is not a simple thing. Hell, just try to describe it, and you'll understand. This situation was not a simple thing either. I agree wholeheartedly that asking someone to do that is on the surface an extremely shitty thing to do. But to be honest I was Extremely hurt and pissed off when I made the actual ultimatum. Also, I made one thing very clear to him at the time. I was not asking him to make that choice because I wanted him to prove his love to me. I made it because I honestly cannot handle this anymore. I can't stand being away from him and never knowing when I'll see him again. I tried for two years to keep from getting into this relationship, and I was to weak then as I am now. From the moment I said, "Ok, we're together" I knew this moment was coming. I know very well that I don't weather long distance relationships well. But I do, honestly and truly, love him from the very bottom of my heart and with every bit of my soul. So I said to him, I can't do this, either come here, or we have to break up.
The distance has made me jealous and paranoid. The worst times are when I start to doubt him, his intentions, and my trust. If you love someone, you should trust them, right? And from 2500 miles away, sometimes that's honestly hard to do. Add to that the fact that every one of my boyfriends has been bi and either used me to get to, left me for, or gone to a woman after we broke up, and when Baddy asks me if he can have sex with a woman, I think it's understandable for me to fly off the handle. But regardless of that, the fact is, I don't like who I'm becoming because of this.
There's also our personal history to consider, but I'll leave that between us. The point of all this is that I can't handle the distance, and being hurt and pissed off, I made an ultimatum. After I cooled off, it still stood, because I really do need to be with him physically for this relationship to work, on my end at least.
R(Gonna be R cause I can't spell your name right evar)'s comment really hit me. If the apple of a one of my good friend's eye thinks I'm being an asshat, there's something to be said for that. Also, he said something no one else did...that I should consider other options (and actually try to make it work). Upon more consideration and due to the extreme difficulty involved in immigration, and because of R, I had to sit and think a little harder, and a little more clearly. Yes, I want him here more than anything in the world. But if I could just see him more often, I think I could handle it. That's one other thing R made me realize. One of the reasons you and PR get by ok is that you two see each other a shitload more than baddy and I do, and I can't be sure it wouldn't be a problem, even between you two, if our situations were reversed. So, if I can see baddy more often, I think that'll work. Now, I told him I need to see him once every three or four months. Someone said that asking him to hurt himself financially and emotionally to visit me was more of me being an asshat. Firstly, -I- pay for his visits. Secondly, I'm willing to go there to visit him when I can get the time off, even though it would require me to stay with complete strangers while he's at school or when he can't be there due to his dad being a controlling shithead.
One more thing, I didn't defend myself in his journal even though he asked me to put my side up there, even going so far as offering me his password to make a post, nor did I ask him to remove the post even though it was rather one sided, because I knew he needed the support, one way or another, it's his journal, and he didn't need me arguing or coloring any of the comments coming from there. Just needed to get that out there.
Long story short, thank you R, for actually helping rather than Just making me out to be an asshat and saying I didn't love him. I'm going to wait for him.
The distance has made me jealous and paranoid. The worst times are when I start to doubt him, his intentions, and my trust. If you love someone, you should trust them, right? And from 2500 miles away, sometimes that's honestly hard to do. Add to that the fact that every one of my boyfriends has been bi and either used me to get to, left me for, or gone to a woman after we broke up, and when Baddy asks me if he can have sex with a woman, I think it's understandable for me to fly off the handle. But regardless of that, the fact is, I don't like who I'm becoming because of this.
There's also our personal history to consider, but I'll leave that between us. The point of all this is that I can't handle the distance, and being hurt and pissed off, I made an ultimatum. After I cooled off, it still stood, because I really do need to be with him physically for this relationship to work, on my end at least.
R(Gonna be R cause I can't spell your name right evar)'s comment really hit me. If the apple of a one of my good friend's eye thinks I'm being an asshat, there's something to be said for that. Also, he said something no one else did...that I should consider other options (and actually try to make it work). Upon more consideration and due to the extreme difficulty involved in immigration, and because of R, I had to sit and think a little harder, and a little more clearly. Yes, I want him here more than anything in the world. But if I could just see him more often, I think I could handle it. That's one other thing R made me realize. One of the reasons you and PR get by ok is that you two see each other a shitload more than baddy and I do, and I can't be sure it wouldn't be a problem, even between you two, if our situations were reversed. So, if I can see baddy more often, I think that'll work. Now, I told him I need to see him once every three or four months. Someone said that asking him to hurt himself financially and emotionally to visit me was more of me being an asshat. Firstly, -I- pay for his visits. Secondly, I'm willing to go there to visit him when I can get the time off, even though it would require me to stay with complete strangers while he's at school or when he can't be there due to his dad being a controlling shithead.
One more thing, I didn't defend myself in his journal even though he asked me to put my side up there, even going so far as offering me his password to make a post, nor did I ask him to remove the post even though it was rather one sided, because I knew he needed the support, one way or another, it's his journal, and he didn't need me arguing or coloring any of the comments coming from there. Just needed to get that out there.
Long story short, thank you R, for actually helping rather than Just making me out to be an asshat and saying I didn't love him. I'm going to wait for him.