(no subject)
any thought process that i have ever gone through has led me to one simple conclusion. life is complicated...it doesnt matter if you live with the philosophy that making life complicated isnt the way to go about things. you dont control your own life. you can control how you react to whatever situation you may face...but those situations are brought about by the decisions of everyone that surrounds you. it makes no difference whether these decisions are made by those you consider to be close to you...a complete stranger can impact your life without you even knowing. it is just much harder to deal with when its someone that you have put your faith and trust into.
trust has always been an issue for me. there is a good chance that i might consider you a very good friend. however, that never means that i fully trust you. there might be about three people in this entire world that i can say i truly trust. i wish that number were a bit higher, but ive made it this far without much of a variance...
i hate not being in control of my own life. i hate not being constantly surrounded by the type of circumstances that i would consider comfortable. i hate realying on other people to fulfill aspects of existence that will bring me happiness. if there is one thing i have learned in my life...it is that you cant rely on any person to always be there for you. even if you have never let them down. i pride myself on my level of devotion and loyalty to those i care about. sometimes though...i just feel like some people dont deserve it. like maybe i should be the one to just say "go fuck yourself, i dont care about your problems." in a realistic situation though...thats just not me.
i dont want to be here right now. i dont want to be sitting on my bed...awake...at 2 in the morning. i dont want to be sleeping either. i want to be outside...but i dont want to be around people. i want to go to the beach...but i dont want to drive. im basically trapped by my own laziness. everything i want to do requires effort that i am not going to put forth. i listened to a song not too long ago...and it gave me the feeling of last summer...but since its basically summer right now...a link was made between the two different time periods...in my head it seems like last summer never ended. it seems like school never happened, and the last 9 months of my life never occurred. its strange how a weird techno song could bring such strange feelings. im probably okay with it.
i guess sleeping is going to happen....though i dont really have much of a reason to sleep. i dont have anything to do tomorrow...whatevs.
trust has always been an issue for me. there is a good chance that i might consider you a very good friend. however, that never means that i fully trust you. there might be about three people in this entire world that i can say i truly trust. i wish that number were a bit higher, but ive made it this far without much of a variance...
i hate not being in control of my own life. i hate not being constantly surrounded by the type of circumstances that i would consider comfortable. i hate realying on other people to fulfill aspects of existence that will bring me happiness. if there is one thing i have learned in my life...it is that you cant rely on any person to always be there for you. even if you have never let them down. i pride myself on my level of devotion and loyalty to those i care about. sometimes though...i just feel like some people dont deserve it. like maybe i should be the one to just say "go fuck yourself, i dont care about your problems." in a realistic situation though...thats just not me.
i dont want to be here right now. i dont want to be sitting on my bed...awake...at 2 in the morning. i dont want to be sleeping either. i want to be outside...but i dont want to be around people. i want to go to the beach...but i dont want to drive. im basically trapped by my own laziness. everything i want to do requires effort that i am not going to put forth. i listened to a song not too long ago...and it gave me the feeling of last summer...but since its basically summer right now...a link was made between the two different time periods...in my head it seems like last summer never ended. it seems like school never happened, and the last 9 months of my life never occurred. its strange how a weird techno song could bring such strange feelings. im probably okay with it.
i guess sleeping is going to happen....though i dont really have much of a reason to sleep. i dont have anything to do tomorrow...whatevs.