(no subject)
I've been so busy lately... My room is such a mess, and today i started cleaning it and im not going to bed until its done so I'll probally be up forever. So Im taking a break right now and I figured I would write something in my journal. Jenns back home, I hope it works out for her there, I get nervous about this whole Shannon thing but Jenns grown and she can make her own choices and I just hope she makes the right one, but so on. For some reason I cant use aim on my computer, oh fucking well, im kinda sick of people lately........ thinking about that i had a werid day at therpy, I told my Roseanne about how much i hate people and how i would love to be alone. People cause problems, when there not in the picture my life is somuch better, like when im here at home, i dont have any good friends and damn it i dont want them really, I want to just fade away from everyones life and i swer im going to do it, one of these days im going to leave and never fucking come back i'll be happy atleast, I could be homeless and would be happier there then to have a million dollars.... i know im starnge but thats what makes me different then everyone else in the world... my only true happiness lays on a tombstone... Death is the only thing thats beautiful left in my life, im such a fuck up and a worthless person anymore, im starting to feel so guilty now. I have no job, no life, no nothing... Im only smart because i choose to teach myself after i left school. but that kind of stuff does not matter in the real world, but my feeling are like this to the real world... if all you do is worry about yourself and how people see you what kind of person will you be, EVIL PEOPLE are Shit!!!!!!! when I die I want to know i was better then that... atleast alittle bit. The real world can fuck off for all i care these days. When i give up my kidney its only alittle bit closer to death. I dont care I'm just not going to try and save the other one im just going to kill it... and thats what will make me happy and if people dont like that... fuck you too.. you dont have to live in this insanity.....
J.
J.