A backdated update, part two
This post is a month late in coming, but I still wanted to write about it. So, I returned home from visiting fadingembers for the first part of spring break and all was well. We were going to spend the rest of it packing up the house for a semi-imminent move, and in fact we did end up doing this. On Wednesday, I was dooting around the computer and I saw out the front window that both my parents had come home. It was lunchtime, and sometimes Dad forgets things, but Mom rarely comes home. When they came inside, I asked why and they said they had bad news. I knew immediately that Grandpa had died but still asked. It was peaceful, he just slowed down his breathing and went to sleep. The home-care nurse was there, not my cousin Shelly (a recent nurse) which is as Shelly wanted it. Technically Grandpa died from cancer but I really think it was just his time--a general winding down of his body--than that specific disease.
There was crying that day, and then I was fine until Sunday, the wake. We were at the funeral home for something like eight hours. It was very full--I have a large, Catholic extended family on my mom's side (she has 6 brothers and sisters, all married, all but one of them have kids) and Grandpa was much loved. Some friends of ours from Marysville came, too, which is nice. Lots of pictures with captions hung up on boards, and my cousin Kenny made a slide show of pictures to music. Lots of flowers, too. It was an open casket and eventually Kenny put an unpopped bag of microwave popcorn in with him, which Grandpa would have loved. That or a Hershey's bar, which was my suggestion.
At various times throughout the day I got teary, but especially during the prayer service. It was Grandpa's time; he was ready to rest. I knew that we grieved for our loss, not his, but that didn't make it easier. Hearing people's stories about him really drove it home, and reminded me where I got my tendency to be a little shit at times. (Grandpa could bring the snark in his own way.) They took Grandma home before the prayer service--being there that long would be way too much for her. Her mind really isn't with us much anymore. She asked where Dick was a few times and Aunt Mary told her he went to Heaven. I'm not sure how much of this she absorbed, though Mom said later that she heard Grandma say she would really miss him later. So a part of her knows.
To lighten things up a bit, my cousin Alan is going to hear about the wake for the rest of his life, because at one point he was nowhere to be found, and it turned out he was crashing the other wake. He even kneeled at the casket and went around looking at all the pictures. Hee.
The funeral was the next day and I was dry-eyed. I felt closer to the situation at the wake. The casket was closed at the funeral, and the mass was heartfelt but not as personalized. I did a reading and was glad not to make an idiot of myself. At the graveside, my mom and my aunts sat together and one of them decided to take a rose from the bouquet. Aunt Phyl or one of them made a comment about how Grandpa would think they were silly and to take the whole damn thing and there was some tearful laughter.
I was doing all right. When we came home, I was chatting with Casey over IM and she unfortunately got to witness my freakout when Mom came in and told me that Dad thought Spencer (our dog) was dying. Like he was sick? I thought. No, right now. Spencer was lying there when Dad went out to feed him and didn't respond much when he called. Dad went over to him, turned him over, and Spencer breathed a few times and was gone. We don't know why. He was getting old (12) despite the fact that he acted so much like a puppy, and he'd had a few infrequent seizures, so maybe it was one of those. Or maybe, like Grandpa, it was just his time.
Mom and I list it. Totally flipped out. I feel bad that Dad had to deal with us, but it was just too much. The next day, Dad and I took him to the vet, who would bury him for us. It would've been too hard for Dad to do it, physically, and he didn't want to have him cremated--too much of a sad reminder. And I didn't really want to bury him in our back yard right when we were trying to sell the house. It didn't seem right. Dad finally cried there in the office and we hugged each other. It was kind of frightening because my dad is a taciturn person and rarely cries, though he's not afraid to show emotion.
In a way, losing Spencer hurt more. We expected to lose Grandpa for a long while and his loss will be felt over a longer period of time--I only saw him once a month at the most. Spencer was unexpected and really shitty timing. He was around all the time and now he's not. At home this weekend, it seemed very weird not to have him jumping up to the window to watch us as we ate.
Please don't feel the need to respond to this post with sympathy. I just wanted to write it down, not to get attention from people, but because I want to remember. All the support you guys gave me when this stuff was happening was very much appreciated. I'm doing quite well now, after an emotionally shitty few weeks. Heck, I got to see three hours of LOTR-boy prettiness last night, and that's quite a mood booster. :D I'm all right.
There was crying that day, and then I was fine until Sunday, the wake. We were at the funeral home for something like eight hours. It was very full--I have a large, Catholic extended family on my mom's side (she has 6 brothers and sisters, all married, all but one of them have kids) and Grandpa was much loved. Some friends of ours from Marysville came, too, which is nice. Lots of pictures with captions hung up on boards, and my cousin Kenny made a slide show of pictures to music. Lots of flowers, too. It was an open casket and eventually Kenny put an unpopped bag of microwave popcorn in with him, which Grandpa would have loved. That or a Hershey's bar, which was my suggestion.
At various times throughout the day I got teary, but especially during the prayer service. It was Grandpa's time; he was ready to rest. I knew that we grieved for our loss, not his, but that didn't make it easier. Hearing people's stories about him really drove it home, and reminded me where I got my tendency to be a little shit at times. (Grandpa could bring the snark in his own way.) They took Grandma home before the prayer service--being there that long would be way too much for her. Her mind really isn't with us much anymore. She asked where Dick was a few times and Aunt Mary told her he went to Heaven. I'm not sure how much of this she absorbed, though Mom said later that she heard Grandma say she would really miss him later. So a part of her knows.
To lighten things up a bit, my cousin Alan is going to hear about the wake for the rest of his life, because at one point he was nowhere to be found, and it turned out he was crashing the other wake. He even kneeled at the casket and went around looking at all the pictures. Hee.
The funeral was the next day and I was dry-eyed. I felt closer to the situation at the wake. The casket was closed at the funeral, and the mass was heartfelt but not as personalized. I did a reading and was glad not to make an idiot of myself. At the graveside, my mom and my aunts sat together and one of them decided to take a rose from the bouquet. Aunt Phyl or one of them made a comment about how Grandpa would think they were silly and to take the whole damn thing and there was some tearful laughter.
I was doing all right. When we came home, I was chatting with Casey over IM and she unfortunately got to witness my freakout when Mom came in and told me that Dad thought Spencer (our dog) was dying. Like he was sick? I thought. No, right now. Spencer was lying there when Dad went out to feed him and didn't respond much when he called. Dad went over to him, turned him over, and Spencer breathed a few times and was gone. We don't know why. He was getting old (12) despite the fact that he acted so much like a puppy, and he'd had a few infrequent seizures, so maybe it was one of those. Or maybe, like Grandpa, it was just his time.
Mom and I list it. Totally flipped out. I feel bad that Dad had to deal with us, but it was just too much. The next day, Dad and I took him to the vet, who would bury him for us. It would've been too hard for Dad to do it, physically, and he didn't want to have him cremated--too much of a sad reminder. And I didn't really want to bury him in our back yard right when we were trying to sell the house. It didn't seem right. Dad finally cried there in the office and we hugged each other. It was kind of frightening because my dad is a taciturn person and rarely cries, though he's not afraid to show emotion.
In a way, losing Spencer hurt more. We expected to lose Grandpa for a long while and his loss will be felt over a longer period of time--I only saw him once a month at the most. Spencer was unexpected and really shitty timing. He was around all the time and now he's not. At home this weekend, it seemed very weird not to have him jumping up to the window to watch us as we ate.
Please don't feel the need to respond to this post with sympathy. I just wanted to write it down, not to get attention from people, but because I want to remember. All the support you guys gave me when this stuff was happening was very much appreciated. I'm doing quite well now, after an emotionally shitty few weeks. Heck, I got to see three hours of LOTR-boy prettiness last night, and that's quite a mood booster. :D I'm all right.