One Crazy Night...
Last night I had to leave Faye all alone to face her parents. It was one of the hardest things that I have had to do. I walked away knowing that she was scared and in tears. I didn't have a choice she told me that I should go. I know that if I was there things probably would have been worse for her. I just wish that she would call someone. We need to know if she is okay. I hate this. I wish that it was later so that I could call her. I feel so horrible. It's like watching someone fall and being able to do something to stop them but not doing anything. The guilt eats at you. I feel so guilty and I wish that I could make this all go away for her and her family. I don't know how much more they can all take. I just wish that I knew what happened when I left last night. Why didn't I do something? What could I have done?
Due to everything that happened last night I got a call from the guy I am seeing. He called because Nick was freaking out on him and he figured he would find out from me what was going on so that he could tell Nick. I told him what was going on and that I was waiting to hear from her and that I was worried about Faye. After all that was said he told me about his getting more money from his job so he won't quit. This was not what I wanted to hear last night. He is getting into Insurance and maybe Comcast. If he stays where he is he will have the 3 jobs. I barely see him now and if he works even more than I will never get to see him. I know that I should be happy for him, he's finally getting his life back on track and he's been through a lot. I kinda am happy for him, I guess. I guess it just makes me sad to know that I am probably going to be forgotten about. Maybe I should just walk away before I totally lose myself. I already really like him and I don't even know what he thinks about me another than the fact that he thinks I am a nice person. I don't want to lose him but I kinda feel like I already have...We are supposed to see each other today, I hope that we do. I think that tonight will be what makes my decision. If I end it now or if I try. I really want to try but I don't know what to do. This seems harder than it should, but then again maybe that's what will make it worth it.
Last night I had a Mary Kay thing to do for my Grandma Gayle...I didn't want to do it and was afraid to disappoint her but it turned out pretty good. I brought Faye with me and we had a good time. I have some customers now and I made quiet a few sales. I was very glad with how things turned out. I feel like I did a good job. I was friendly and I got along with the women. I am glad that I did it. I was so freaked out about it and it was all for nothing. (Maybe it's the same with him...) I feel very lucky to have done that last night and I know that it wouldn't have been as good without Faye. Thanks for coming with me. It made me calm down and not be so freaked out. I love you!!!
If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.
- Courtney Kuchta -
I really like this poem and I thought that I would share it to make the darkness of life seem less dark. There is still some light within life and we need to make sure not to miss it.
I will end this on that note because with everything that has happened we could all use some hope...Of something better than this...
The Cakes
Due to everything that happened last night I got a call from the guy I am seeing. He called because Nick was freaking out on him and he figured he would find out from me what was going on so that he could tell Nick. I told him what was going on and that I was waiting to hear from her and that I was worried about Faye. After all that was said he told me about his getting more money from his job so he won't quit. This was not what I wanted to hear last night. He is getting into Insurance and maybe Comcast. If he stays where he is he will have the 3 jobs. I barely see him now and if he works even more than I will never get to see him. I know that I should be happy for him, he's finally getting his life back on track and he's been through a lot. I kinda am happy for him, I guess. I guess it just makes me sad to know that I am probably going to be forgotten about. Maybe I should just walk away before I totally lose myself. I already really like him and I don't even know what he thinks about me another than the fact that he thinks I am a nice person. I don't want to lose him but I kinda feel like I already have...We are supposed to see each other today, I hope that we do. I think that tonight will be what makes my decision. If I end it now or if I try. I really want to try but I don't know what to do. This seems harder than it should, but then again maybe that's what will make it worth it.
Last night I had a Mary Kay thing to do for my Grandma Gayle...I didn't want to do it and was afraid to disappoint her but it turned out pretty good. I brought Faye with me and we had a good time. I have some customers now and I made quiet a few sales. I was very glad with how things turned out. I feel like I did a good job. I was friendly and I got along with the women. I am glad that I did it. I was so freaked out about it and it was all for nothing. (Maybe it's the same with him...) I feel very lucky to have done that last night and I know that it wouldn't have been as good without Faye. Thanks for coming with me. It made me calm down and not be so freaked out. I love you!!!
If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.
- Courtney Kuchta -
I really like this poem and I thought that I would share it to make the darkness of life seem less dark. There is still some light within life and we need to make sure not to miss it.
I will end this on that note because with everything that has happened we could all use some hope...Of something better than this...
The Cakes