Lost and Frozen
This is a section from my last entry. I clearly wasn't clear with it. I need to fix that so that it is understood...
I now know that the guy I was starting to like only thinks that I am a cool person but not one that is crushable. He gave my that whole friend thing which really means that he doesn't like me and can't get enough guts to tell me the truth. He can't say to me that he doesn't like me. I wish everyone would just be honest. If you don't then say so. It might hurt at first but the pain will go away. Not telling the truth leaves hope and that turns into a whole mess of pain and even anger. I would much rather be told that the guy doesn't like me than to think there's hope when there isn't. To be hopeful leaves one open to more pain. People should be able to tell the truth about their own feelings. Feelings might get hurt but in the end it's better. No wasted time and effort on someone that isn't the one. It just makes more sense.
The guy did not say the above information. It was just what I concluded. The thing about being friends was said yes but he said that we are friends and that it could be more later. He did not say that I was not crushable and he did not say that we are just friends. He implied more and I know he isn't serious. And so you all know this is not who you think it is. It is no one that you know.
Sorry if that at anyway came off as mean or anything like that. I am not trying to make anyone angry. I just what to make things as clear as I can.
Now that I took care of that I just thought I would let you all know how school is...School is going well so far and seems to be where I should be. I need school now more than ever. It will help me get back my so called life. It will drive me to overcome certain things. I need school before I completely disappear forever...
My life is not what I thought it would be at the age of 20. I will be 20 in 12 days and I am not who I thought I would be. I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I don't know if I am happy with who I am or what I am doing. I miss who I was and wish I could find her again. I wish I was happy again. I just don't know what to do about anything anymore...
Lately I have been trying to pretend that things are okay and that I am happy but it's becoming quite difficult. I am starting to show how messed I am. It's hard to hide now that things have gotten worse. I have lost so many people this year both through deaths and through losing contact with those that are alive. I don't know which is worse. I think that the second is worse. I didn't have a choice. I somewhat have a choice with those that are still here. It's so very sad...
I am not sure who is reading this anymore, that's if anyone still does, but I want you to know that I care about you and will always be here. Just call me and we'll talk or whatever you want...
Good Night Everyone! I hope your life is better than mine right now!!!
Cakes
I now know that the guy I was starting to like only thinks that I am a cool person but not one that is crushable. He gave my that whole friend thing which really means that he doesn't like me and can't get enough guts to tell me the truth. He can't say to me that he doesn't like me. I wish everyone would just be honest. If you don't then say so. It might hurt at first but the pain will go away. Not telling the truth leaves hope and that turns into a whole mess of pain and even anger. I would much rather be told that the guy doesn't like me than to think there's hope when there isn't. To be hopeful leaves one open to more pain. People should be able to tell the truth about their own feelings. Feelings might get hurt but in the end it's better. No wasted time and effort on someone that isn't the one. It just makes more sense.
The guy did not say the above information. It was just what I concluded. The thing about being friends was said yes but he said that we are friends and that it could be more later. He did not say that I was not crushable and he did not say that we are just friends. He implied more and I know he isn't serious. And so you all know this is not who you think it is. It is no one that you know.
Sorry if that at anyway came off as mean or anything like that. I am not trying to make anyone angry. I just what to make things as clear as I can.
Now that I took care of that I just thought I would let you all know how school is...School is going well so far and seems to be where I should be. I need school now more than ever. It will help me get back my so called life. It will drive me to overcome certain things. I need school before I completely disappear forever...
My life is not what I thought it would be at the age of 20. I will be 20 in 12 days and I am not who I thought I would be. I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I don't know if I am happy with who I am or what I am doing. I miss who I was and wish I could find her again. I wish I was happy again. I just don't know what to do about anything anymore...
Lately I have been trying to pretend that things are okay and that I am happy but it's becoming quite difficult. I am starting to show how messed I am. It's hard to hide now that things have gotten worse. I have lost so many people this year both through deaths and through losing contact with those that are alive. I don't know which is worse. I think that the second is worse. I didn't have a choice. I somewhat have a choice with those that are still here. It's so very sad...
I am not sure who is reading this anymore, that's if anyone still does, but I want you to know that I care about you and will always be here. Just call me and we'll talk or whatever you want...
Good Night Everyone! I hope your life is better than mine right now!!!
Cakes