Hallmark cards you won't find...
Haha. Some of these are so funny...
So your daughter's a hooker,
And it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
It's really good pay.
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire.
I noticed your cat. Sorry!
You had your bladder removed
And you're on the mend.
Here's a bouquet of flowers,
And a box of Depends.
Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it,
She moved in with me
Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder:
What the HELL was I thinking?
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your wife!
How could people as beautiful as you two have such an ugly baby?
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you."
"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am
That you're not here to ruin it for me."
"If I get only one thing for Christmas,
I hope it's your sister."
"As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me.
Like the need for therapy..."
"Thanks for being a part of my life
... I never knew what evil was before this!"
"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."
We have been friends for a very long time,
Let's say we call it quits.
"I'm so miserable without you
It's almost like you're still here."
"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?"
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship
And there was only one life jacket
I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday
So we're having you put to sleep."
"Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Kentucky)
So your daughter's a hooker,
And it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
It's really good pay.
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire.
I noticed your cat. Sorry!
You had your bladder removed
And you're on the mend.
Here's a bouquet of flowers,
And a box of Depends.
Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it,
She moved in with me
Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder:
What the HELL was I thinking?
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your wife!
How could people as beautiful as you two have such an ugly baby?
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you."
"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am
That you're not here to ruin it for me."
"If I get only one thing for Christmas,
I hope it's your sister."
"As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me.
Like the need for therapy..."
"Thanks for being a part of my life
... I never knew what evil was before this!"
"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."
We have been friends for a very long time,
Let's say we call it quits.
"I'm so miserable without you
It's almost like you're still here."
"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?"
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship
And there was only one life jacket
I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday
So we're having you put to sleep."
"Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Kentucky)