I'm a Loser
I'm having a strange day.
First with Kevin, and now the guy from Pavilion.
He comes to my house, and he's all quiet and non social. So, I just try and talk about stuff since he's not saying anything, while getting annoyed that he keeps walking in and out of my room for no reason as I sit in the living room. I then made up that I was going to get ready early for the shoot for tonight and etc to get rid of the weirdness. I take him to his car as I wait for the mail to arrive and I apologized for the boredom since I never invite people to my house anyways since there's nothing ever to do and then he says something along the lines of it being okay and whatnot. And says something about him being fine if we messed around, and I just didn't know what to say to that. I was more insulted than anything. I'm not a toy and don't expect to be treated like one.
Brianna made me accidently sad today talking about her and Joe so I felt "unloved". It's so lame that I get that way sometimes. I blame it on myself cause most of the time the things that happen are my fault. There's certain people I will blame for other disasters but things like that, I won't. I generally have bad luck when dealing in that area of my life. I think that's why I sometimes like to be single, it saves trouble that I probably will get in the future. That or I'm just negative too much of the time. Mixture of both I suppose. My problem is that I never get the chance to trust someone because they have done something to already have lost my trust to begin with, so I never speak up about it and just keep letting everything that's happening, just happen. I usually base everything on past experiences, cause I have this fear of them happening again, and they usually do no matter how hard I try to avoid them. It's happened again, but I'm not sure what to think.
First with Kevin, and now the guy from Pavilion.
He comes to my house, and he's all quiet and non social. So, I just try and talk about stuff since he's not saying anything, while getting annoyed that he keeps walking in and out of my room for no reason as I sit in the living room. I then made up that I was going to get ready early for the shoot for tonight and etc to get rid of the weirdness. I take him to his car as I wait for the mail to arrive and I apologized for the boredom since I never invite people to my house anyways since there's nothing ever to do and then he says something along the lines of it being okay and whatnot. And says something about him being fine if we messed around, and I just didn't know what to say to that. I was more insulted than anything. I'm not a toy and don't expect to be treated like one.
Brianna made me accidently sad today talking about her and Joe so I felt "unloved". It's so lame that I get that way sometimes. I blame it on myself cause most of the time the things that happen are my fault. There's certain people I will blame for other disasters but things like that, I won't. I generally have bad luck when dealing in that area of my life. I think that's why I sometimes like to be single, it saves trouble that I probably will get in the future. That or I'm just negative too much of the time. Mixture of both I suppose. My problem is that I never get the chance to trust someone because they have done something to already have lost my trust to begin with, so I never speak up about it and just keep letting everything that's happening, just happen. I usually base everything on past experiences, cause I have this fear of them happening again, and they usually do no matter how hard I try to avoid them. It's happened again, but I'm not sure what to think.