so confused....
omg my life is like a soap opera... So now after ignoring me for 2 weeks ( it seems like it was longer though) Ryan has decided he wants to get back together...ya know...after he ripped out my heart and did a little dance on it. I went on my first "official" date last night with Nick. (I don't know if Chris counted since we are just friends). Nick is such a sweetheart. He opened doors for me, refused to let me pay and told me i looked pretty. (come to think of it i don't remember Ryan ever telling me i look pretty) So he and I went to the movies and saw Meet the Fockers. It was nice to have someone to hold my hand and cuddle with again. Nick is such an awesome guy and i know he would make a great boyfriend in the future ( don't know if he wants to go out with me though), but I love Ryan so much.
I'm afraid to take Ryan back because if he knows i will forgive him after saying the things he said then he might do it again. Loving someone like this scares me...now i've seen how much he can hurt me...how he can make me look at a knife laying in the sink and think "what if..." I wish it was just back to the way it was... Laying on a blanket on the beach at 9:30 at night freezing our asses off, but so happy because we're together. Talking about the future and how we were going to be together forever...what happened to us?
I'm afraid to take Ryan back because if he knows i will forgive him after saying the things he said then he might do it again. Loving someone like this scares me...now i've seen how much he can hurt me...how he can make me look at a knife laying in the sink and think "what if..." I wish it was just back to the way it was... Laying on a blanket on the beach at 9:30 at night freezing our asses off, but so happy because we're together. Talking about the future and how we were going to be together forever...what happened to us?