i said no no no; a totally gay interview
A friend of mine asked if she could interview me for her Gender and Sexuality class, and gave me this questionnaire her professor gave her. I answered as calmly as I could.
1. What do you think caused your homosexuality?
I don't know. I've heard it's a mixture of genetics and upbringing, so that's what I'm going with.
2. When and how did you know you were a homosexual?
It was in fifth grade. Before that I basically didn't feel anything sexual until one day when it just hit me, why I didn't like girls the way other classmates did, and why I tended to look more at the boys.
3. Is it possible that homosexuality is just a stage you are going through?
Anything is possible. Sexuality is this confusing, fluid mess after all, and by the way, I love how the question is being framed already to suggest that homosexuality is a phase. However, right now things make more sense than they ever have, so it isn't likely.
4. If you've never slept with someone of the opposite sex, is it possible that all you need is to experience good "straight" sex?
That's just like the last question. One has to sleep with someone he's attracted to, before "good" sex has to happen. If I had good sex with a plant, I seriously doubt I'd be plantsexual.
5. To whom have you confessed your homosexual tendencies? How did they react?
All of my friends know, it's hard to keep a secret like that, especially when I'm enjoying being myself so much. The friends I came out to in high3 needed a little time to get used to it, because even if all I did was confirm Major Suspicions, it was still confirmation. After that, it didn't become an issue to tell the world or hide it, it's just another bit of me to get to know anyway.
6. Why do homosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into their lifestyle?
I think it's beneath me to answer such a question like that. Whoever professor which came up with this test is either a stupid Catholic, or in the closet. Why do heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into their lifestyle? By the way, "lifestyle" denotes a choice, which I sadly did not have when choosing my sexuality, because surprise! It came naturally!
7. Do you think that you make your homosexuality obvious to other people? If so, why do you do that? Is it possible for you to *not* flaunt your homosexuality?
This is the same as the last questions. Gender is not a bipolar opposite of woodsman masculinity and damsel in distress femininity. My mannerisms are my own, and honestly, do you know how offensive it is for straight people to flaunt their heterosexuality? Being themselves in public, what a disgrace!
8. Many people believe that homosexuals tend to be child molesters. Do you think it's safe to expose kids to homosexual teachers?
Unless we find statistics to prove so, it's very inappropriate frame the question like that. Anyway, a teacher's sexuality has no effect on his or her ability to teach, but gay people tend to dress better, so that could be a reason why all these children are throwing themselves at them. Who knows!
9. Homosexuals are known for not conforming to societal gender roles. Why do you not adhere to these roles?
Why are there roles in the first place? Heteronormativity is such a dirty word. Roles are there to make people feel better that they can drop everyone around them into tidy boxes, but in reality, everyone's different. Gender and sexuality can cross this enormous continuum, and everyone can find themselves anywhere there. It's not that I don't adhere to the roles, they just don't seem to adhere to me.
10. Do you think that homosexuals are mostly happy? Why do you think that is?
Anyone who knows exactly who he or she is has found him or herself, and is happy. When I came out it was the most freeing thing I ever did, because I didn't need to let those meddling heterosexuals "seduce" me into their "lifestyle", or "adhere" to their "roles". Happiness is knowing who you are and accepting yourself, and I can't be the only nasty abnormal homosexual freak in the world to have done so.
11. Have you ever considered seeing a therapist to stop your homosexuality?
My parents have. Trust me, it's easier to cure homophobia.
-
In conclusion. This bitch named Professor Bea Torres deserves to be raped by a rampaging horde of lesbians, and then run over by a Pride Parade. Do you honestly know how hard it is to come up with politely bitchy answers that are still very meaningful without going "YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH"?
edit: apparently, the professor compiled a list of questions she felt gay people would be asked most frequently. Which is a big relief. Kind of.
1. What do you think caused your homosexuality?
I don't know. I've heard it's a mixture of genetics and upbringing, so that's what I'm going with.
2. When and how did you know you were a homosexual?
It was in fifth grade. Before that I basically didn't feel anything sexual until one day when it just hit me, why I didn't like girls the way other classmates did, and why I tended to look more at the boys.
3. Is it possible that homosexuality is just a stage you are going through?
Anything is possible. Sexuality is this confusing, fluid mess after all, and by the way, I love how the question is being framed already to suggest that homosexuality is a phase. However, right now things make more sense than they ever have, so it isn't likely.
4. If you've never slept with someone of the opposite sex, is it possible that all you need is to experience good "straight" sex?
That's just like the last question. One has to sleep with someone he's attracted to, before "good" sex has to happen. If I had good sex with a plant, I seriously doubt I'd be plantsexual.
5. To whom have you confessed your homosexual tendencies? How did they react?
All of my friends know, it's hard to keep a secret like that, especially when I'm enjoying being myself so much. The friends I came out to in high3 needed a little time to get used to it, because even if all I did was confirm Major Suspicions, it was still confirmation. After that, it didn't become an issue to tell the world or hide it, it's just another bit of me to get to know anyway.
6. Why do homosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into their lifestyle?
I think it's beneath me to answer such a question like that. Whoever professor which came up with this test is either a stupid Catholic, or in the closet. Why do heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into their lifestyle? By the way, "lifestyle" denotes a choice, which I sadly did not have when choosing my sexuality, because surprise! It came naturally!
7. Do you think that you make your homosexuality obvious to other people? If so, why do you do that? Is it possible for you to *not* flaunt your homosexuality?
This is the same as the last questions. Gender is not a bipolar opposite of woodsman masculinity and damsel in distress femininity. My mannerisms are my own, and honestly, do you know how offensive it is for straight people to flaunt their heterosexuality? Being themselves in public, what a disgrace!
8. Many people believe that homosexuals tend to be child molesters. Do you think it's safe to expose kids to homosexual teachers?
Unless we find statistics to prove so, it's very inappropriate frame the question like that. Anyway, a teacher's sexuality has no effect on his or her ability to teach, but gay people tend to dress better, so that could be a reason why all these children are throwing themselves at them. Who knows!
9. Homosexuals are known for not conforming to societal gender roles. Why do you not adhere to these roles?
Why are there roles in the first place? Heteronormativity is such a dirty word. Roles are there to make people feel better that they can drop everyone around them into tidy boxes, but in reality, everyone's different. Gender and sexuality can cross this enormous continuum, and everyone can find themselves anywhere there. It's not that I don't adhere to the roles, they just don't seem to adhere to me.
10. Do you think that homosexuals are mostly happy? Why do you think that is?
Anyone who knows exactly who he or she is has found him or herself, and is happy. When I came out it was the most freeing thing I ever did, because I didn't need to let those meddling heterosexuals "seduce" me into their "lifestyle", or "adhere" to their "roles". Happiness is knowing who you are and accepting yourself, and I can't be the only nasty abnormal homosexual freak in the world to have done so.
11. Have you ever considered seeing a therapist to stop your homosexuality?
My parents have. Trust me, it's easier to cure homophobia.
-
In conclusion. This bitch named Professor Bea Torres deserves to be raped by a rampaging horde of lesbians, and then run over by a Pride Parade. Do you honestly know how hard it is to come up with politely bitchy answers that are still very meaningful without going "YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH"?
edit: apparently, the professor compiled a list of questions she felt gay people would be asked most frequently. Which is a big relief. Kind of.