finding my way back to a comfortable place
I think the most significant event today was a three-way call from Alicia and Kathryn; it was a nice escape and very much needed. Closing my eyes I could pretend that it was freshman year and we were all bitching about our respective white roommates, attempting to eat something collectively, or even Jenny - the irony here being that Jenny actually is missing, having found her after Katrina, that bitch packed up and evacuated for Rita, only to be lost somewhere in the vicinity of western Tennessee. Anyway, eyes have to be opened and reality has to sink in. I’m here with my life and they’re with theirs at UT and Harvard. In Indiana I have no access to pain-killers that aren’t over the counter and so I have no escape; alcohol makes me sick these days, these days that I need it most. I hate social situations entirely as of late, partially because I am horrifically fat and, let’s face it, fat people are not the most welcomed components of the world outside my walls, and partially because I have spent the better part of the last year cooped up on a reservation, sheltered from the goings on of the world, numbed with pills the majority of the time, free from almost every sort of responsibility, and now the idea of jumping back into the pool keeps me in a zombie-like state of exhaustion all day every day. I’ve come to appreciate life as a recluse, and I’m not so willing to give it up; avoidance is a minor form of medication and that’s about all that life has afforded me lately. This life is so boring I could fucking die.
In other news, no one bought my plane ticket for me, so I did not attend that march on Washington today. My mother called and instructed me to be ready to bail her out, my dad later called to make sure I was watching the shit on TV, and two cousins called to bitch at me for not being there with them to get trashed and later picked-off by White House snipers. Saying that I feel ‘left out’ is an understatement; I feel like less of a person because I wasn’t there.
I also would like to voice my discontent with this “Hurricane” Rita. Why the fuck was I led to believe that there would be unparalleled death and destruction and then shown a wee bit of flooding and the possibility of only one death!? I’m sorry, but I’m American, and as such I expect to be given disasters on the daily; how the hell am I supposed to maintain my current Fear Level - Yellow [Elevated] - without apocalyptic camera shots? Katrina was great, but I’m over her and I need a new fix. After all of that hype I was expecting to see east Texas and southern Louisiana under twenty feet of water, refineries ablaze atop the bouillabaisse of tepid, disease-infested gulf waters; corpses coming to rest in mangrove tree tops; white people surviving on what food they can find; black people looting the shit out of every partially-submerged business…where’s the carnage!? Mother Nature is fired, let’s give Hollywood a go at this business of disaster.
In other news, no one bought my plane ticket for me, so I did not attend that march on Washington today. My mother called and instructed me to be ready to bail her out, my dad later called to make sure I was watching the shit on TV, and two cousins called to bitch at me for not being there with them to get trashed and later picked-off by White House snipers. Saying that I feel ‘left out’ is an understatement; I feel like less of a person because I wasn’t there.
I also would like to voice my discontent with this “Hurricane” Rita. Why the fuck was I led to believe that there would be unparalleled death and destruction and then shown a wee bit of flooding and the possibility of only one death!? I’m sorry, but I’m American, and as such I expect to be given disasters on the daily; how the hell am I supposed to maintain my current Fear Level - Yellow [Elevated] - without apocalyptic camera shots? Katrina was great, but I’m over her and I need a new fix. After all of that hype I was expecting to see east Texas and southern Louisiana under twenty feet of water, refineries ablaze atop the bouillabaisse of tepid, disease-infested gulf waters; corpses coming to rest in mangrove tree tops; white people surviving on what food they can find; black people looting the shit out of every partially-submerged business…where’s the carnage!? Mother Nature is fired, let’s give Hollywood a go at this business of disaster.