My lethargic attack
As I was poking around the internet I ran across some things that made me start pondering into my past. A few web pages later I see a picture and find myself in tears. I cried today for the pain I caused myself and others. I was afraid then and was in pain I couldn't understand but yearned for it to go away. Instead I created more wounds, the self destruction habit that humanity has as an instinct was put on display. When I made the wound it was deep in two directions and I'm sure mine mended before theirs but mine is forever a scab. I pick at it every now and then and the wound returns but not as strong. I'm sure I can't compare anything properly because it's only my ponderings of my choices. Is this regret I'm feeling? Why would I feel regret when things are going so well? Maybe it's more guilt than regret because I hurt this friend and I can never mend the wound I created. I altered our lives both forever, for better or for worse. I sit here pondering the "What If" of my lethargic spell. Then I realized that it is silly to consider them as they are lies I'm telling myself to entertain my mind. I am happy, but I am sad. At this particular moment I was rushed with thought and poor reaction to this surprise. I yearn for an understanding into my dwelling of the past. I cherrish those memories but I don't think about them because that is one way to pick at the scab. I am my own path to destruction, I should tread with ease into my lethargic spell if expect to break it. For now I hurt, but quickly it will go away. I have a life to live, and back to reality I go.
I thought about deleting this journal because I don't use it often, nor do I have a desire to be active in it. However I decided to keep it so I can dive into the words that I have written improperly in the past.
I thought about deleting this journal because I don't use it often, nor do I have a desire to be active in it. However I decided to keep it so I can dive into the words that I have written improperly in the past.