(no subject)
I can't sleep at all. I think my insomnia may be coming back back oh well.
Maybe it's just because it feels like I've been having one revelation after the other the past couple days.
I realized I may never who I truly am. I'm never going to please everyone but that really is okay with me.
We're all kind of lost in this rat race.
How can anyone expect everyone to accept them for who they are when they don't accept themselves?
It's actually been making me really sad; how cold the world really is.
I've been listening to a lot of classical lately. As corny as it sounds it really feels like it opened up another part of my mind.
Or maybe it's just Olafur Arnalds' music that I'm completely infatuated with. I hear more words in his instrumentals than I do songs with actual, spoken lyrics.
I really do want to change the world. I really do believe I can do it. I keep telling myself that all this time I'm spending wondering about everything that one day it'll just click and nothing will ever be the same.
It's almost scary when I think about human existence anyways. As a species we're hardly a mere dust particle in comparison to how vast the universe is. Makes it hard for me to take any kind of effort seriously when I get to far in thought about that one.
But after I think about how pointless real "success" is in today's society.. I really only do believe in one thing.
We need someone else. A best friend. Someone who understands.
Whether that one is a boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, family, or even an animal. If I were to be more ridiculous and think more in to it, even forms of art could be a best friend.
I can't count how many times writing a cliche poem has helped me sort out a bad day.
Or taking a walk just to see the colors. I miss being happy.
I miss how taking those walks used to calm me down.
Now all I can think of is all the homework I have to do, the jobs I need to find, the reality of everything.
I hate how much time I'm wasting just trying to be happy.
Taking walks and writing stupid poems may make me happy for a little bit, but I'm wasting so much time.
I need to get a job, get my own place, get a car (Or a job, so I can pay to take the bus or something), and get the hell out of here.
At this point, I don't care if I "fail"
I need to at least try.
I can't be here forever. I know I have so much more to give.
Right?
Maybe it's just because it feels like I've been having one revelation after the other the past couple days.
I realized I may never who I truly am. I'm never going to please everyone but that really is okay with me.
We're all kind of lost in this rat race.
How can anyone expect everyone to accept them for who they are when they don't accept themselves?
It's actually been making me really sad; how cold the world really is.
I've been listening to a lot of classical lately. As corny as it sounds it really feels like it opened up another part of my mind.
Or maybe it's just Olafur Arnalds' music that I'm completely infatuated with. I hear more words in his instrumentals than I do songs with actual, spoken lyrics.
I really do want to change the world. I really do believe I can do it. I keep telling myself that all this time I'm spending wondering about everything that one day it'll just click and nothing will ever be the same.
It's almost scary when I think about human existence anyways. As a species we're hardly a mere dust particle in comparison to how vast the universe is. Makes it hard for me to take any kind of effort seriously when I get to far in thought about that one.
But after I think about how pointless real "success" is in today's society.. I really only do believe in one thing.
We need someone else. A best friend. Someone who understands.
Whether that one is a boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, family, or even an animal. If I were to be more ridiculous and think more in to it, even forms of art could be a best friend.
I can't count how many times writing a cliche poem has helped me sort out a bad day.
Or taking a walk just to see the colors. I miss being happy.
I miss how taking those walks used to calm me down.
Now all I can think of is all the homework I have to do, the jobs I need to find, the reality of everything.
I hate how much time I'm wasting just trying to be happy.
Taking walks and writing stupid poems may make me happy for a little bit, but I'm wasting so much time.
I need to get a job, get my own place, get a car (Or a job, so I can pay to take the bus or something), and get the hell out of here.
At this point, I don't care if I "fail"
I need to at least try.
I can't be here forever. I know I have so much more to give.
Right?