A hugh sigh of releif
I forget what fast food chain says "have it your way", but thats not always the case when it comes to life, that is unless you make it the way you want it, but still you cant always have things your way, so just accept the shit, thats what i've come to, try to make a change.
I don't know how many times you have to get hurt to become numb, but I don't feel anything anymore. It's a scarry feeling alone, feeling no one cares about you, finding out how people actually feel about you, the shit that's spoken about you behind your back by the people you're suppose to trust, but more importantly, love. Then it gets worse, you do have someone you can trust, someone you can love but you cant be %100 honest with them, so now you're feeling like the people you've come to despise, the people that make you so angry you try to avoid them at all costs, you're that person to the person that actually cares.
Perhaps its just me, maybe I thought people stuck together, I thought blood is thicker than water, or maybe I'm just too dependant upon others. Not too many people know me, who I really am, my life, my history. I think I'm somewhat ashamed of not myself but other people. I'll just have to come clean, tell him how it really is, not try to hide because I think he's the only one who cares.
I'm confused and a little hurt, I just want to be able to disconnect myself with the people I've become attached to, and shit, if this is life, like if this is a cycle to where you'll always be let down then I don't want to form anymore attachemnts, I don't want to care about other people.
Then hurt is now turning to anger, I'm angry and if a small hand full of people never speak to me again I wouldnt give it a second thought as of right now.
Ugh, I'm refraining right now, a lot, I know words cant be taken back so I'm trying to be careful.
Really though, there are only a few people that read this, so you know its directed to you, not that you should care, shit, I wouldnt if I were you, and I highly doubt you do care, and i could give a shit less if you don't.
And there is another person within my family that is a female that I really don't care for anymore, its like the two of you are a tag team. It makes me sick that you know what she does to people but as long as it benifits you, you dont care. How did you become this person? How could you let someone say such mean things about me and disregard them? You know Dustin is the ONLY person that I think actually loves me, I mean, I know mom and dad and I'm sure you do, as I do you, but thats only because we're family, he loves me, flaws included and i love him. But if he ever said one single bad thign about you I'd first tell hiim to fuck off, then depending on what he said never speak to him again, and more than likely have someone kick his ass, but thats just me, or I'm sorry was me....I'm no better than you when it comes to morals now days.
Well, I think I've said my peace. No, the other person that has to do with this entry that is not related to me, I'd like to say I'm sorry for the things I said, truly, but I'll never look at you as a friend for as long as I live, and if one day you become part of my "family"...whatever the fuck that means anymore, well, you wont be welcome on my part.
Now, I'm truly done with all of this, I had to say what I said and vent because I don't go to others and talk about my problems with other people unless its to the point where I dont know what to do anymore, but I've found the way and I'm content with what I've said...Like we said today, its done, its over, I'm sorry.
Good luck in the future,
Christina
I don't know how many times you have to get hurt to become numb, but I don't feel anything anymore. It's a scarry feeling alone, feeling no one cares about you, finding out how people actually feel about you, the shit that's spoken about you behind your back by the people you're suppose to trust, but more importantly, love. Then it gets worse, you do have someone you can trust, someone you can love but you cant be %100 honest with them, so now you're feeling like the people you've come to despise, the people that make you so angry you try to avoid them at all costs, you're that person to the person that actually cares.
Perhaps its just me, maybe I thought people stuck together, I thought blood is thicker than water, or maybe I'm just too dependant upon others. Not too many people know me, who I really am, my life, my history. I think I'm somewhat ashamed of not myself but other people. I'll just have to come clean, tell him how it really is, not try to hide because I think he's the only one who cares.
I'm confused and a little hurt, I just want to be able to disconnect myself with the people I've become attached to, and shit, if this is life, like if this is a cycle to where you'll always be let down then I don't want to form anymore attachemnts, I don't want to care about other people.
Then hurt is now turning to anger, I'm angry and if a small hand full of people never speak to me again I wouldnt give it a second thought as of right now.
Ugh, I'm refraining right now, a lot, I know words cant be taken back so I'm trying to be careful.
Really though, there are only a few people that read this, so you know its directed to you, not that you should care, shit, I wouldnt if I were you, and I highly doubt you do care, and i could give a shit less if you don't.
And there is another person within my family that is a female that I really don't care for anymore, its like the two of you are a tag team. It makes me sick that you know what she does to people but as long as it benifits you, you dont care. How did you become this person? How could you let someone say such mean things about me and disregard them? You know Dustin is the ONLY person that I think actually loves me, I mean, I know mom and dad and I'm sure you do, as I do you, but thats only because we're family, he loves me, flaws included and i love him. But if he ever said one single bad thign about you I'd first tell hiim to fuck off, then depending on what he said never speak to him again, and more than likely have someone kick his ass, but thats just me, or I'm sorry was me....I'm no better than you when it comes to morals now days.
Well, I think I've said my peace. No, the other person that has to do with this entry that is not related to me, I'd like to say I'm sorry for the things I said, truly, but I'll never look at you as a friend for as long as I live, and if one day you become part of my "family"...whatever the fuck that means anymore, well, you wont be welcome on my part.
Now, I'm truly done with all of this, I had to say what I said and vent because I don't go to others and talk about my problems with other people unless its to the point where I dont know what to do anymore, but I've found the way and I'm content with what I've said...Like we said today, its done, its over, I'm sorry.
Good luck in the future,
Christina