I Want It.......I Want It So Much....
I want it.... . Code Blue. That sensation, that peace.... . I hunger for it, and my gosh, I pray...for the sake of those depending on me, that I did not condemn myself by coming back...... .
I had yet to post this due to noting crazed enemy reactions (overnight stay and dinner invitations), but the realization, decision, (*gulps*) and epiphany was made in a calm manner on Saturday morning.... . I was, in peace, rummaging through my writings and illustrations dating over a decade. More than 5000 pages..... . This world has not transformed in pace with my writings and my own awakening, that is what I realized and admitted to myself. (*Feels a glowing sensation (???) around my waist area*).
I realized that some trigger event had yet to happen, and deduced that a concluding Code Blue event is that trigger, a Code Blue event that is not nor related to suicide (*exhales in relief*) (*feels my fingernails glowing with relief*), and is of natural causes.
Even with a house available, all I have done is suffer.....since November 6th. I had to strain....to come back from that last Code Blue, and the strain has continued since then... . Now, too, just walking up a hill can result in me winded, clutching my chest amidst heart pain, dizzy, feeling heart palpitations, and even having heart rhythm issues.... . How am I supposed to gem mine like this??? How am I supposed to lift weights??? How am I supposed to scale up waterfalls and explore river bottoms for gemstones??? What kind of life am I supposed to lead like this??? Me??? I would rather try to conclude things on a good note, so next Code Blue event, I am just going to relax....and let "it" happen........ .
(*Recalls suddenly at lpoulakos, and his references about "a mortal coil" *).
What is "it"??? I do not know, but my hope and hunch is that it may be some kind of "reboot" event.....where The Infiniversal Routing Gem is ejected from my being......(*feels my fingernails glowing with hope*). Maybe it would involve a huge reconfiguration event regarding this place..... . Whatever the case, mankind is going nowhere in the last decade, and I do not want to have to live like an old man in an old dudes home..... . I am feeling very miserable having to cling on like this, and that is new for me....... .
Hmm? Dual trial scenario??? If the (???) red entity (sighted recently) has not contacted me yet, that speaks volumes. Too, any person whose mind is mentally merged with me right now......as they trial with me, should and would have their vital signs and literal health linked to me as well. If *I* Code Blue soon, *they* would Code Blue...right along with me (*gulps*). So that addresses that. I am not abandoning anybody, nor intending to abandon anybody by doing this.
Yea, there is no excuse for me not, in any case, noting an anime world right now. Certainly not, considering the abilities displayed irl this year. A not yet transpired Code Blue event......is the only thing......I can figure....that is keeping me from moving on.......to what I know awaits..... .
Yea, I'm done......, emotional!y, and mentally, at witnessing subanine stuff....... . I can't stand the brutality, the coldness, the apathy, the lovelessness, the thoughtlessness, the lifelessness, the violence that subanime status stuff embodies.
Hmmm??? I do not blame the red dragonoid.....about this situation. The only reason the August and September era hurt so much for me, is and was the fact that I truly have, and am meant to be with my girlfriend / soulmate. A celestial maiden named Dawn (*feels my fingernails glowing with love*). Yea, I got to see who I am inside, and I was made aware of my own needs...... . Such as the fact that I need love (*blushes*). (*Feels a caress to my head*). Such as the fact that I need friends, my friends, on levels so deep that I did not even know said levels were there. I am not alone, and now I know was not meant to be alone....... . I am grateful that that era, and all the events involved.....took place. *Prays in thanksgiving*. (*Feels my fingernails and hands glowing with energy as I pray*).
Yea, there is this too??? I need to seek a female body and state of existence (*feels surprised as I feel my fingernails glowing with the emotions of zeal, and determination*)..... . This is not about sex, not about mate preference and fitting in some "hetero" or "homo" false classification "box" created by mankind, nor "sexual gratification" / "kink"....../ "getting 'rocks' off" . To access cosmic energy, hyperdimensional cosmic energy, a certain shape, a certain energy signature, and a certain spiritual physiology (yes, souls have gender) is required. Being female is the literal and figurative ***key***. Yea, I (*goes red*) can't do what needs to be done...., so it seems, with "a Negro male". Yea, and I have a duty, a mission, to do..... . Too though (*goes red*), in recent times (hence why I think a conclusive Code Blue event is a ***part*** of The Infiniversal Routing Gem Trial).......I really want to try to be comfortable (*goes red*)..... . I want to wear looks that I like......
(although I want sky blue, royal blue, and white color variants).
Yea. Not only is there my sense of duty, but also an issue of aesthetics..... . I do not want to have to "live vicariously" through another, and I do not want to "live vicariously" through "pressuring" anybody into looking and acting the way a woman should..... . I want to, although I do not know how it could be possible or a successful, try to represent the great hyperdimensional nation which I love and need by my own actions, appearance, and example. I want to try to do for those immeasurably gorgeous Goddesses what they do for me.....when they make me blush, and make my eyes go wide with awe / hope / zeal for life / hunger for eternal life with said Goddesses / inspiration..... . They ***saved*** me with beauty (*goes red*), so I want to ****try**** to return the favor (even though I do not know how or if that'll be possible)......... .
Ok, so what happens next? I will assemble the studio, while I can, just to keep my mind active. But my goal for 2016/2017, is another Code Blue event, whereafter, I move on from witnessing "a Negro male"...... . If I have to witness an anime world, I have already selected at target.....(*smiles blushingly*). *Recalls at "Rail Wars!"*.
Again, it is all about strategy.... . If a Code Blue event leads to me noting an anime world..........***and*** my memories are intact (*gasps as I feel a caress*), by witnessing an elite anime XX chromosone type grafted at me, I ***should*** have a ***LOT*** more resources to put into my quest.....of deactivating The Infiniversal Routing Gem.
Okay, time to take this post on home with a prayer. (*Feels my nails glowing*).
If it is meant to be, and if it helps those who I have pledged my life to protect, I pray for a conclusive Code Blue event. I pray that all my true bodies, like my Sailor Moon physical body seen just a week ago, may function on....., may live on. I pray for the next Code Blue event.....not in seeking death, no, but in seeking life. I pray now, admitting in full too.....that if for some reason.......I am meant to hold on...and keep witnessing a mortally ill Negro male for some time longer, I guess (???) I can manage. I pray and hope for the best for all involved. Yes, and I thank you all the beings who have supported me in my days here.
I had yet to post this due to noting crazed enemy reactions (overnight stay and dinner invitations), but the realization, decision, (*gulps*) and epiphany was made in a calm manner on Saturday morning.... . I was, in peace, rummaging through my writings and illustrations dating over a decade. More than 5000 pages..... . This world has not transformed in pace with my writings and my own awakening, that is what I realized and admitted to myself. (*Feels a glowing sensation (???) around my waist area*).
I realized that some trigger event had yet to happen, and deduced that a concluding Code Blue event is that trigger, a Code Blue event that is not nor related to suicide (*exhales in relief*) (*feels my fingernails glowing with relief*), and is of natural causes.
Even with a house available, all I have done is suffer.....since November 6th. I had to strain....to come back from that last Code Blue, and the strain has continued since then... . Now, too, just walking up a hill can result in me winded, clutching my chest amidst heart pain, dizzy, feeling heart palpitations, and even having heart rhythm issues.... . How am I supposed to gem mine like this??? How am I supposed to lift weights??? How am I supposed to scale up waterfalls and explore river bottoms for gemstones??? What kind of life am I supposed to lead like this??? Me??? I would rather try to conclude things on a good note, so next Code Blue event, I am just going to relax....and let "it" happen........ .
(*Recalls suddenly at lpoulakos, and his references about "a mortal coil" *).
What is "it"??? I do not know, but my hope and hunch is that it may be some kind of "reboot" event.....where The Infiniversal Routing Gem is ejected from my being......(*feels my fingernails glowing with hope*). Maybe it would involve a huge reconfiguration event regarding this place..... . Whatever the case, mankind is going nowhere in the last decade, and I do not want to have to live like an old man in an old dudes home..... . I am feeling very miserable having to cling on like this, and that is new for me....... .
Hmm? Dual trial scenario??? If the (???) red entity (sighted recently) has not contacted me yet, that speaks volumes. Too, any person whose mind is mentally merged with me right now......as they trial with me, should and would have their vital signs and literal health linked to me as well. If *I* Code Blue soon, *they* would Code Blue...right along with me (*gulps*). So that addresses that. I am not abandoning anybody, nor intending to abandon anybody by doing this.
Yea, there is no excuse for me not, in any case, noting an anime world right now. Certainly not, considering the abilities displayed irl this year. A not yet transpired Code Blue event......is the only thing......I can figure....that is keeping me from moving on.......to what I know awaits..... .
Yea, I'm done......, emotional!y, and mentally, at witnessing subanine stuff....... . I can't stand the brutality, the coldness, the apathy, the lovelessness, the thoughtlessness, the lifelessness, the violence that subanime status stuff embodies.
Hmmm??? I do not blame the red dragonoid.....about this situation. The only reason the August and September era hurt so much for me, is and was the fact that I truly have, and am meant to be with my girlfriend / soulmate. A celestial maiden named Dawn (*feels my fingernails glowing with love*). Yea, I got to see who I am inside, and I was made aware of my own needs...... . Such as the fact that I need love (*blushes*). (*Feels a caress to my head*). Such as the fact that I need friends, my friends, on levels so deep that I did not even know said levels were there. I am not alone, and now I know was not meant to be alone....... . I am grateful that that era, and all the events involved.....took place. *Prays in thanksgiving*. (*Feels my fingernails and hands glowing with energy as I pray*).
Yea, there is this too??? I need to seek a female body and state of existence (*feels surprised as I feel my fingernails glowing with the emotions of zeal, and determination*)..... . This is not about sex, not about mate preference and fitting in some "hetero" or "homo" false classification "box" created by mankind, nor "sexual gratification" / "kink"....../ "getting 'rocks' off" . To access cosmic energy, hyperdimensional cosmic energy, a certain shape, a certain energy signature, and a certain spiritual physiology (yes, souls have gender) is required. Being female is the literal and figurative ***key***. Yea, I (*goes red*) can't do what needs to be done...., so it seems, with "a Negro male". Yea, and I have a duty, a mission, to do..... . Too though (*goes red*), in recent times (hence why I think a conclusive Code Blue event is a ***part*** of The Infiniversal Routing Gem Trial).......I really want to try to be comfortable (*goes red*)..... . I want to wear looks that I like......
(although I want sky blue, royal blue, and white color variants).
Yea. Not only is there my sense of duty, but also an issue of aesthetics..... . I do not want to have to "live vicariously" through another, and I do not want to "live vicariously" through "pressuring" anybody into looking and acting the way a woman should..... . I want to, although I do not know how it could be possible or a successful, try to represent the great hyperdimensional nation which I love and need by my own actions, appearance, and example. I want to try to do for those immeasurably gorgeous Goddesses what they do for me.....when they make me blush, and make my eyes go wide with awe / hope / zeal for life / hunger for eternal life with said Goddesses / inspiration..... . They ***saved*** me with beauty (*goes red*), so I want to ****try**** to return the favor (even though I do not know how or if that'll be possible)......... .
Ok, so what happens next? I will assemble the studio, while I can, just to keep my mind active. But my goal for 2016/2017, is another Code Blue event, whereafter, I move on from witnessing "a Negro male"...... . If I have to witness an anime world, I have already selected at target.....(*smiles blushingly*). *Recalls at "Rail Wars!"*.
Again, it is all about strategy.... . If a Code Blue event leads to me noting an anime world..........***and*** my memories are intact (*gasps as I feel a caress*), by witnessing an elite anime XX chromosone type grafted at me, I ***should*** have a ***LOT*** more resources to put into my quest.....of deactivating The Infiniversal Routing Gem.
Okay, time to take this post on home with a prayer. (*Feels my nails glowing*).
If it is meant to be, and if it helps those who I have pledged my life to protect, I pray for a conclusive Code Blue event. I pray that all my true bodies, like my Sailor Moon physical body seen just a week ago, may function on....., may live on. I pray for the next Code Blue event.....not in seeking death, no, but in seeking life. I pray now, admitting in full too.....that if for some reason.......I am meant to hold on...and keep witnessing a mortally ill Negro male for some time longer, I guess (???) I can manage. I pray and hope for the best for all involved. Yes, and I thank you all the beings who have supported me in my days here.