i can't wait any longer
the wedding has come to a close and with it brought school starting and Jen leaving and Chris being home for a few weeks
so the wedding stress is gone but now I have a ton of new stressful things on my plate and I’m getting to the point where I don’t want to do it anymore
it's exhausting
I don’t know if people really get what I do on a daily basis
Sometimes I don’t fully get how much I actually do.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m even doing all that much to begin with.
It doesn’t seem like a lot to me until I look around at other people and then I think maybe I over extend myself
Chris keeps getting on me about the amount of things I take on.
He says I need to ease up and let other people take care of things sometimes
I don’t always have to jump in and do it.
But usually that’s the only way to get something done.
I actually feel compelled
Not to mention I have a hard time saying no
People have done a lot for me and us so I feel like I have to give it back even if I cant really do it due to other obligations
So how do I say no?
My dad’s not getting it either
I can not keep doing side work
Astronomy is killing me and I don’t have anytime to do my freaking home work or get extra help because I have to work.. it’s all I do
I have no family time because I’m working and squeezing in school
I’m crunched
And I’m sick of being crunched
And for the first time in my life I just don’t fucking care.
I want to be there for other people but I have to be there for me first
It’s time to be a little selfish and do what I need to do for me and my family
Of course just coming off the wedding I feel so indebt to so many people I almost regret having the damn thing for that reason.
But school is going to take us to a better place I want us to have a better life and I am working my ass off to get it, however I need to really give it my all for it to work which means I have to sacrifice some things for the time being.
I guess that makes me a bitch
I’m sure some people have that take on me and I’m to the point where I don’t want to bother with those types of people anymore.
Time to trim some fat.
I wont have the extra time, every spare second I get not in school or doing homework is going to be strictly chris time. I don’t know how much of that is left.
And I’m just never home. I’m working Friday and that’s it. Dad’s going to have to make due without me.
We have family day this Saturday
I’ll get to see what happens when our men are about to be deployed.
Our lives are never certain feels like we can never plan for anything because it’s always hanging we’re always waiting to hear from this or get that we just never know.
My life can go in five different directions all based off this one detail.
And I cant plan or prepare for any of them until I know for sure he’s going or not.
It’s beyond frustrating
Most of the time I don’t think about it but every once in a while it creeps up on me and I just have to let it out.
The up side the down side, I’m all twisted inside shoving the emotions into a box in my head and putting it away for now, I cant think about it I have to flow with it and focus on whats going on right now this second this minute and I’m not getting any work done at the moment….
The older I get the more I realize things and the more I realize things… it just makes me sad I guess. Seeing people for what they are, coming to a point where you no longer care what they think is liberating I just haven’t fully reached that point though I am getting there.
No one needs to know anything about me anymore,
Theres so much shit going on with me that a small handful of people have even a clue about.
Keeping it that way.
Everyone can kiss my ass you don’t fucking know anything.
so the wedding stress is gone but now I have a ton of new stressful things on my plate and I’m getting to the point where I don’t want to do it anymore
it's exhausting
I don’t know if people really get what I do on a daily basis
Sometimes I don’t fully get how much I actually do.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m even doing all that much to begin with.
It doesn’t seem like a lot to me until I look around at other people and then I think maybe I over extend myself
Chris keeps getting on me about the amount of things I take on.
He says I need to ease up and let other people take care of things sometimes
I don’t always have to jump in and do it.
But usually that’s the only way to get something done.
I actually feel compelled
Not to mention I have a hard time saying no
People have done a lot for me and us so I feel like I have to give it back even if I cant really do it due to other obligations
So how do I say no?
My dad’s not getting it either
I can not keep doing side work
Astronomy is killing me and I don’t have anytime to do my freaking home work or get extra help because I have to work.. it’s all I do
I have no family time because I’m working and squeezing in school
I’m crunched
And I’m sick of being crunched
And for the first time in my life I just don’t fucking care.
I want to be there for other people but I have to be there for me first
It’s time to be a little selfish and do what I need to do for me and my family
Of course just coming off the wedding I feel so indebt to so many people I almost regret having the damn thing for that reason.
But school is going to take us to a better place I want us to have a better life and I am working my ass off to get it, however I need to really give it my all for it to work which means I have to sacrifice some things for the time being.
I guess that makes me a bitch
I’m sure some people have that take on me and I’m to the point where I don’t want to bother with those types of people anymore.
Time to trim some fat.
I wont have the extra time, every spare second I get not in school or doing homework is going to be strictly chris time. I don’t know how much of that is left.
And I’m just never home. I’m working Friday and that’s it. Dad’s going to have to make due without me.
We have family day this Saturday
I’ll get to see what happens when our men are about to be deployed.
Our lives are never certain feels like we can never plan for anything because it’s always hanging we’re always waiting to hear from this or get that we just never know.
My life can go in five different directions all based off this one detail.
And I cant plan or prepare for any of them until I know for sure he’s going or not.
It’s beyond frustrating
Most of the time I don’t think about it but every once in a while it creeps up on me and I just have to let it out.
The up side the down side, I’m all twisted inside shoving the emotions into a box in my head and putting it away for now, I cant think about it I have to flow with it and focus on whats going on right now this second this minute and I’m not getting any work done at the moment….
The older I get the more I realize things and the more I realize things… it just makes me sad I guess. Seeing people for what they are, coming to a point where you no longer care what they think is liberating I just haven’t fully reached that point though I am getting there.
No one needs to know anything about me anymore,
Theres so much shit going on with me that a small handful of people have even a clue about.
Keeping it that way.
Everyone can kiss my ass you don’t fucking know anything.