unexpectations
The ba-jillion cats are mating
And my crazy neighbors are yelling and chasing them
To stop the mating process.
God I just cant wait for more kittens
We totally don’t have enough.
So I get to hear cats in heat and loud drunk people
At 12 am
I hate this place.
He got me all freaked out
And it sucks
I don’t want to think about it
I just want to get married
And why is it that we don’t get to do things like other people do.
Suppose to be happy looking forward to our lives together
And instead I get to talk about support groups for wives with husbands overseas
And how he hopes it’s worth waiting for.
Then what are we doing if it’s not?
I think it is.
Like he doesn’t think I can handle it or something
Like I’m too fragile for this
I’ll break.
Whatever.
One more obstacle to get through
Just another part of our lives together.
Get through it and move on to the next one I guess.
Waiting for a time when everything syncs up and we can just be.
He’s worried about me
I’m worried about him.
I want to spend as much time with him as I can before he leaves
And it’s just not working out right
He’s out of town all week and our weekends are all booked
It’s making things hard
I miss him for the first time in a long time.
I don’t like it
And I have to get used to it
I’m shutting down
My systems are powering off slowly
I figure by the time he leaves I’ll feel completely numb
I’ll probably function on auto pilot for a while
There wont be any emotion to give anyone else.
It’ll lie dormant until he gets back and wakes me up again.
Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done this
Melissa and I were talking about it and she says to me
Yeah but you shut down
That’s how you deal with things
You turn off your emotions and even though you do feel something
It doesn’t really affect you anymore.
My life will end up completely absorbed by chase
I’ll be one of those mothers who never does anything with out her kid.
I just hope I don’t turn into one that only talks about her kid but it’s bound to happen I guess.
I hate how much he’s gonna miss.
I think I will buy a camcorder and just tape chase a lot
Maybe I can send it to him
I think I will if he can watch video somehow.
It’s hard to know what he’ll be able to do over there.
So it looks like I’ll be joining that support group
I never paid it any attention because he was home
I didn’t need to become a part of it and we weren’t married.
I never thought I’d have to either
I never really thought he’d have to go.
I’m still not sure if we’re getting ahead of ourselves preparing for it.
I mean I just don’t trust that it’s set in stone.
So I don’t want to ruin my wedding with this only to have it not even happen
It’s stupid.
I was going to get creative but I just had to let out the real thoughts for awhile
I feel like I’m in a train wreck at the moment and I’m just trying to get a handle on everything.
And my crazy neighbors are yelling and chasing them
To stop the mating process.
God I just cant wait for more kittens
We totally don’t have enough.
So I get to hear cats in heat and loud drunk people
At 12 am
I hate this place.
He got me all freaked out
And it sucks
I don’t want to think about it
I just want to get married
And why is it that we don’t get to do things like other people do.
Suppose to be happy looking forward to our lives together
And instead I get to talk about support groups for wives with husbands overseas
And how he hopes it’s worth waiting for.
Then what are we doing if it’s not?
I think it is.
Like he doesn’t think I can handle it or something
Like I’m too fragile for this
I’ll break.
Whatever.
One more obstacle to get through
Just another part of our lives together.
Get through it and move on to the next one I guess.
Waiting for a time when everything syncs up and we can just be.
He’s worried about me
I’m worried about him.
I want to spend as much time with him as I can before he leaves
And it’s just not working out right
He’s out of town all week and our weekends are all booked
It’s making things hard
I miss him for the first time in a long time.
I don’t like it
And I have to get used to it
I’m shutting down
My systems are powering off slowly
I figure by the time he leaves I’ll feel completely numb
I’ll probably function on auto pilot for a while
There wont be any emotion to give anyone else.
It’ll lie dormant until he gets back and wakes me up again.
Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done this
Melissa and I were talking about it and she says to me
Yeah but you shut down
That’s how you deal with things
You turn off your emotions and even though you do feel something
It doesn’t really affect you anymore.
My life will end up completely absorbed by chase
I’ll be one of those mothers who never does anything with out her kid.
I just hope I don’t turn into one that only talks about her kid but it’s bound to happen I guess.
I hate how much he’s gonna miss.
I think I will buy a camcorder and just tape chase a lot
Maybe I can send it to him
I think I will if he can watch video somehow.
It’s hard to know what he’ll be able to do over there.
So it looks like I’ll be joining that support group
I never paid it any attention because he was home
I didn’t need to become a part of it and we weren’t married.
I never thought I’d have to either
I never really thought he’d have to go.
I’m still not sure if we’re getting ahead of ourselves preparing for it.
I mean I just don’t trust that it’s set in stone.
So I don’t want to ruin my wedding with this only to have it not even happen
It’s stupid.
I was going to get creative but I just had to let out the real thoughts for awhile
I feel like I’m in a train wreck at the moment and I’m just trying to get a handle on everything.