a tribute to jimmy . . .
hi everyone* i*ve done absolutely nothing all day. well, i went to buy the STaiNd cd but that*s about it. oh & i also cleaned, and beat AJ at pool and fought with my friend but there*s no big suprise there.
so i cleaned out the jimmy today. he*s like the only thing that*s always been there for me, whenever i needed him. whether it be putting my life in danger because of malfunctioning wipers or listening to me cry when things weren*t going my way, he never let me down. i may sound stupid for being so sad about getting rid of him, but i*ve just been through a lot of shit with that damn car. lol i*ve had some real good times in it. like sneaking people in the back & leaving school. or that one time i drove with cj & david i laughed sooo much. then there was that time julian drove it and we shared a cigarette on the expressway with the windows down and Happy on full blast. the time on the way home from buffalo*s when amanda & i had our heart2heart and i was crying like a psycho. the times that robert smoked out while i drove him around & we talked about our problems. the HEB crash. the speeding ticket. the broken door [ thanks david ] ah i don*t know, i*m gonna miss it.
i*m a very very weird person. i*m happy. i really truly am. there*s like one thing in my life that isn*t going perfect but that*s not really something I can control. i mean, even if i had the chance to have that thing that*s missing, i probably still wouldn*t take it. does that make sense? yeah no one knows what i*m talking about and i*m not even going to try to begin to explain. i realized that i take a lot of things for granted. i mean, i*ve been talking to a good friend lately & he makes me realize that my problems are papitas compared to some other people*s. life is too short to be mad all the time. i know this. but being cynical, hard-headed & a bit moody is who i am. and if i*m happy with myself and my wonderful friends & family, i should be fine...right? i don*t know, this is complicated. i*m only updating because i*m bored. so i guess i*m done.
i*m going to miss my brother. i love my family. i*m glad nathan & i are friends again, eventhough we*ll be arguing by tomorrow. julian was right, we do need to get2gether at robert*s before school starts. i want a black. i need perfume. i*m excited to cruise in my new car :) i really wanna be the perfect daughter. i can pull it off, i know i can. i haven*t hung out with cici in forever. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JASON! football season will be great. drama is annoying, especially when it involves me. my brother*s good at pool but i can still beat him. i*m really thankful that my parents came through for me on this one, they*re the greatest.
whoa. last night as i was trying to go to sleep, i had a panic attack. i hadn*t had one of those in a while. i just all of a sudden started thinking about death & i started crying & couldn*t breathe. i used to contemplate that when i was younger...the fact that everyone we love will eventually have to die and after we*re dead, we*re just done. it*s inevitable and that*s what makes it so fucking scary...the fact that there*s absolutely nothing we can do to change it. the only way for me to keep going after thinking about stuff like that is to imagine that once we die, we*re reunited with our loved ones and it*s all just one big party. ok i need to stop because i*m crying right now. lol i remember when we took our gear-up trip freshman year, i was going out w/ JJ but i had a crush on johnathon. anywho, julian wasn't there so i sat with johnathon on the way back from corpus and he started talking to me about death and i was crying like a little bitch. then i got pist at him for making me feel sad and we started arguing. lol yeah that was just a random story that i remember. sorry about this fucked-up/all-over-the-place entry but that*s how it goes. peace homies <3
so i cleaned out the jimmy today. he*s like the only thing that*s always been there for me, whenever i needed him. whether it be putting my life in danger because of malfunctioning wipers or listening to me cry when things weren*t going my way, he never let me down. i may sound stupid for being so sad about getting rid of him, but i*ve just been through a lot of shit with that damn car. lol i*ve had some real good times in it. like sneaking people in the back & leaving school. or that one time i drove with cj & david i laughed sooo much. then there was that time julian drove it and we shared a cigarette on the expressway with the windows down and Happy on full blast. the time on the way home from buffalo*s when amanda & i had our heart2heart and i was crying like a psycho. the times that robert smoked out while i drove him around & we talked about our problems. the HEB crash. the speeding ticket. the broken door [ thanks david ] ah i don*t know, i*m gonna miss it.
i*m a very very weird person. i*m happy. i really truly am. there*s like one thing in my life that isn*t going perfect but that*s not really something I can control. i mean, even if i had the chance to have that thing that*s missing, i probably still wouldn*t take it. does that make sense? yeah no one knows what i*m talking about and i*m not even going to try to begin to explain. i realized that i take a lot of things for granted. i mean, i*ve been talking to a good friend lately & he makes me realize that my problems are papitas compared to some other people*s. life is too short to be mad all the time. i know this. but being cynical, hard-headed & a bit moody is who i am. and if i*m happy with myself and my wonderful friends & family, i should be fine...right? i don*t know, this is complicated. i*m only updating because i*m bored. so i guess i*m done.
i*m going to miss my brother. i love my family. i*m glad nathan & i are friends again, eventhough we*ll be arguing by tomorrow. julian was right, we do need to get2gether at robert*s before school starts. i want a black. i need perfume. i*m excited to cruise in my new car :) i really wanna be the perfect daughter. i can pull it off, i know i can. i haven*t hung out with cici in forever. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JASON! football season will be great. drama is annoying, especially when it involves me. my brother*s good at pool but i can still beat him. i*m really thankful that my parents came through for me on this one, they*re the greatest.
whoa. last night as i was trying to go to sleep, i had a panic attack. i hadn*t had one of those in a while. i just all of a sudden started thinking about death & i started crying & couldn*t breathe. i used to contemplate that when i was younger...the fact that everyone we love will eventually have to die and after we*re dead, we*re just done. it*s inevitable and that*s what makes it so fucking scary...the fact that there*s absolutely nothing we can do to change it. the only way for me to keep going after thinking about stuff like that is to imagine that once we die, we*re reunited with our loved ones and it*s all just one big party. ok i need to stop because i*m crying right now. lol i remember when we took our gear-up trip freshman year, i was going out w/ JJ but i had a crush on johnathon. anywho, julian wasn't there so i sat with johnathon on the way back from corpus and he started talking to me about death and i was crying like a little bitch. then i got pist at him for making me feel sad and we started arguing. lol yeah that was just a random story that i remember. sorry about this fucked-up/all-over-the-place entry but that*s how it goes. peace homies <3