and so here i am again
my mom got pissed at me cause i keep having these weird dreams and waking up outside. she told me that my "soul is miserable" and i need to pray or some shit. she thought it was because i'm stressed out at work....well let's analyze this. in my dream i'm trying to get away from something and stuff keeps putting me back and keeping me from getting somewhere else. i wonder what the hell that could be, hmm?
i wish i weren't such a disappointment. but everclear always has a song for me...and now is no different.
~you put yourself in stupid places
yes i think you know it's true
situations where it's easy to look down on you
think you like to be the victim
think you like to be in pain
i think you make yourself the victim almost every single day
you do what you do
you say what you say
you always try to be everything to everyone
yeah you do it again
you always do it again
you say they taught you how to read and write
yeah they taught you how to count
i say they taught you how to buy and sell
your own body by the pound
i think you like to be their simple toy
i think you love to play the clown
i think you are blind to the fact that the hand you hold
is the hand that holds you down
spin around and fall down
do it again
you stumble and you fall
yeah why won't you ever learn?
spin around and fall down do it again
yeah you stumble and you fall
i wonder if you'll ever learn
yeah why won't you ever learn?
come on now do that stupid dance again
you jump through the big hoop
you play all the right games
you try to be everything to everyone~
one of these days, i'm going to put together a soundtrack for myself. can't think why i haven't done it yet.
art alexakis is my hero
before i end this, i want to ask...why do we do this to ourselves? we hurt ourselves and other people, feel sorry for ourselves and others, and then try as hard as we can to feel normal...none of us ever did anything THAT wrong. and yet we're sitting here punishing ourselves, feeling guilty for no good reason...this shouldn't be how it is.
brian...do you remember the time we were coming back from the first green day concert...our first concert ever? and we went to the jack-n-the box and got a coke and you were sitting there doing your damn billy joe impressions. telling the drive thru lady to "give me a fucking coke, goddamnit" and i was sitting there laughing so hard even though my throat hurt so bad and i was so exhausted, and we got our lemonades (they were out of coke...who runs out of coke??) and just drove to that deserted parking lot in north phoenix (probably not the best idea...i'm glad we didn't get shot). and then we sat there and watched the stars and drank our lemonades, and we promised we'd always remember. not remember the night, exactly, but that feeling when the lights went up and we heard our mutual favorite song, and we stood there taking in the lights and music and the feeling of absolute ecstatic happiness...and when the first line was sung "i been waiting a long time for this moment to come" we grabbed hands and just poured over.....
i remember. and i wish it would come again. because although i'm happy, and even though my life is ok right now...i want to be like that again. i don't want you to go away, and i want everyone i love to be happy with who they are and what they're doing. i wish i could help. do SOMETHING.
and it just feels like this chance will never come again. i know that doesn't make sense to anyone but it doesn't matter.
~i have so much to give...but no one wants to take it~
i wish i weren't such a disappointment. but everclear always has a song for me...and now is no different.
~you put yourself in stupid places
yes i think you know it's true
situations where it's easy to look down on you
think you like to be the victim
think you like to be in pain
i think you make yourself the victim almost every single day
you do what you do
you say what you say
you always try to be everything to everyone
yeah you do it again
you always do it again
you say they taught you how to read and write
yeah they taught you how to count
i say they taught you how to buy and sell
your own body by the pound
i think you like to be their simple toy
i think you love to play the clown
i think you are blind to the fact that the hand you hold
is the hand that holds you down
spin around and fall down
do it again
you stumble and you fall
yeah why won't you ever learn?
spin around and fall down do it again
yeah you stumble and you fall
i wonder if you'll ever learn
yeah why won't you ever learn?
come on now do that stupid dance again
you jump through the big hoop
you play all the right games
you try to be everything to everyone~
one of these days, i'm going to put together a soundtrack for myself. can't think why i haven't done it yet.
art alexakis is my hero
before i end this, i want to ask...why do we do this to ourselves? we hurt ourselves and other people, feel sorry for ourselves and others, and then try as hard as we can to feel normal...none of us ever did anything THAT wrong. and yet we're sitting here punishing ourselves, feeling guilty for no good reason...this shouldn't be how it is.
brian...do you remember the time we were coming back from the first green day concert...our first concert ever? and we went to the jack-n-the box and got a coke and you were sitting there doing your damn billy joe impressions. telling the drive thru lady to "give me a fucking coke, goddamnit" and i was sitting there laughing so hard even though my throat hurt so bad and i was so exhausted, and we got our lemonades (they were out of coke...who runs out of coke??) and just drove to that deserted parking lot in north phoenix (probably not the best idea...i'm glad we didn't get shot). and then we sat there and watched the stars and drank our lemonades, and we promised we'd always remember. not remember the night, exactly, but that feeling when the lights went up and we heard our mutual favorite song, and we stood there taking in the lights and music and the feeling of absolute ecstatic happiness...and when the first line was sung "i been waiting a long time for this moment to come" we grabbed hands and just poured over.....
i remember. and i wish it would come again. because although i'm happy, and even though my life is ok right now...i want to be like that again. i don't want you to go away, and i want everyone i love to be happy with who they are and what they're doing. i wish i could help. do SOMETHING.
and it just feels like this chance will never come again. i know that doesn't make sense to anyone but it doesn't matter.
~i have so much to give...but no one wants to take it~