myspace thing so ppl with out myspaces can read it
Its just getting bad lately...who the fuck knows any more. i dont even know what this life needs to make it a tale worth telling. I guess im going to spend a life time waiting.
All this Bull shit and fucking drama might actually be getting to me. Im always one fucking step behind or too fucking far ahead for my own good. I know every one has a bad fucking day and im sorry if this rant/ explanations a bit melodramatic and or a "get over your fucking self" issue but fuck you all i dont get to vent like normal fucking ppl so FUCK OFF you dont have to listen the whole way, just look for your fucking name.....its prolly their some where.
So W.e girl problems, skool problems/ drama, BS at home, The fact i have no front walk way or front of my house at all, Also the fact that everything is turning to shit lately, or that i have helped so many ppl and get almost nothing in return. See thats what i fucking call sacrificing everything i got for freedom...right satan? YEah satans my little freshman buddy...only fucking one i can stand.....bastards pushing his luck.
God i miss the days where i could sit in the back of the class and read. And not be picked out as the next Columbine kid or w/e. 5 appointments with guidance councilor not involving my sched, in one week. Muther fuckers think im disturbed, crazy,psychotic, and gonna shoot up the fucking skool. God i hate these fucking people...any one who knows me i hate the administration right off the bat, but when it gets to individuals...thats when its fucking serious. Im not saying any names...cause i dont feel like losing my myspace over some dumb shit like that. And no i have nothing against the skool or any way they are running it, i have no intention of fucking shooting any one....im not that type of crazy....im the good crazy. And i know this is going to be taken the wrong way by some stupid fuck...god and im waiting for it to happen to, so expect a long ass defense if your gonna try some thing assholes.
These muther fuckers are pissing me off, its bad enough i got this shit at home, see i dont mind working here or their or if i dont do shit i work my ass off for 2 days. Cause i figure its needed and expected of me, so i do it. But if im sitting their breaking up concrete and moving it for 2 days straight......i dont need the happy bull shit chores around the house. My hands are cut and sore and so are my arms...let me rest for a couple of hours. Just please unless you really know whats going on here...leave me alone. And their are certain ppl im actually reaching out to (big surprise) and they are not getting the hint. Maybe i should go to sleep for a couple of days and maybe shit will have blown over.
Like i said this was not meant to offend any one...up until this point, here is where the hatred, and the betrayal, and the hurting starts. Im tired of these fucking 2 faced ppl, i grew up with this Bs all my Life but im still meeting new ppl, so its fucking annoying and confusing trying it figure this shit out. Ive got some one spreading rumors behind my back to the ppl i care about and their fucking believing em.....and thats messing me up. I dont need this shit right now. Ppl who i thought were my friends are now leaving me and getting pissed at me for the stupidest fucking reasons.......HES AN ASS TO ME WHY CANT YOU GET THAT!!!!(you know who this is directed to). but w/e if they hate me they hate me for wrong reasons and weren't really my friends in the first place if they turned on me so easily.
Im an outsider and i get that, but why must it be obvious. I dont make it obvious im not wearing a fucking sign that says " im different hate me!!!!", am i? I dont think so, maybe its invisible, cause it seems like theirs some thing like that now. I just need my truck and my blanket, and maybe some gas money then im gone. Any one whose got an objection or who is still reading this, feel free to voice it!
A friend of mine recently wrote this, i dont know why but it is perfect for this essay.
"in the night shadows
that surround my thoughts
i look through the window
and view everthing i have sought
in my mind your picture lingers
a face of such beauty
skin so soft even at the fingers
never could i imagine your cry
i would do anything to prevent it
even if i my heart would die
all i have left is to sit
and look out the window
and hope one day u see it fit
to come and wake me with ur smile
till morning i wait to see you shadow
even though it may take a while"
thank you andy, that is beautiful....*tear*
YEah i skipped a line it seemed grammatically correct and what not so w/e. its my essay fuck off if you dont like my ideas and the ways i am expressing them. the point is a bit obsessive but its written well and and all around great poem. but w/e enough about that one, sorry andy you get your 2 sentences of fame and thats it save some for the other fuck heads. *sarcastic smile and thumbs up to you andy*. So im feeling alone, betrayed, and a bit tipsy right now..*note* (is not crunk, is tipsy). diary of a madman is starting to sound good...oh wait its an ozzy song, and nooooooooooo their has never been an ozzy song that has been played out into a title of some thing else.....right?
Maybe one day i can be happy and not have to blame others on all my problems...even though most of my problems stem of others. Im cool for now, well not really but to give the ppl who care about me safe at mind, i am!....I spent some time with sam williams tonight, it was fun i missed hanging out with her. I miss hanging out with sam smith...she was really cool and never minded listening and is just an all around good person to be around. Also i miss misha...aLOt i miss that basement and al lthe fun times and weird/ awkward moments but every thing always turned out for the best.....*keep telling your self that dumbshit maybe you ll believe it one day* but w/e i miss alot of my friends form here...and tonight im not getting started on every one from Gc ive ben writing since 10:30 its now 10 to midnight!
God i dont need sleep but the fucking captain is gonna start flipping about it soon. I dont care im going to keep going cause im not near done for tonight. Any one noticed how i stopped wearing a watch? thats cause time doesn't fucking matter, its just gonna keep slowing down when your alone and sitting their, but when your with some one how time flies bye. ITs good for your personal/ mental health if you dont keep track, OR do it by months. Im not saying be all drab and fucked up with your Gf/ Bf im just saying dont let shit fly by, it hurts if you try to speed things up (going with the flow). Bad idea
Jay leno....what a monkey. i hate this late night bull shit they call Tv, and arent friday nights supposed to have the best shit on, Maybe im not looking at the right channels, who the fuck knows. I got all 3 systems finally...and im in debt up to my hair, but who cares im just a degenerate curly haired loser who is doomed to be alone..but w/e right?
All this Bull shit and fucking drama might actually be getting to me. Im always one fucking step behind or too fucking far ahead for my own good. I know every one has a bad fucking day and im sorry if this rant/ explanations a bit melodramatic and or a "get over your fucking self" issue but fuck you all i dont get to vent like normal fucking ppl so FUCK OFF you dont have to listen the whole way, just look for your fucking name.....its prolly their some where.
So W.e girl problems, skool problems/ drama, BS at home, The fact i have no front walk way or front of my house at all, Also the fact that everything is turning to shit lately, or that i have helped so many ppl and get almost nothing in return. See thats what i fucking call sacrificing everything i got for freedom...right satan? YEah satans my little freshman buddy...only fucking one i can stand.....bastards pushing his luck.
God i miss the days where i could sit in the back of the class and read. And not be picked out as the next Columbine kid or w/e. 5 appointments with guidance councilor not involving my sched, in one week. Muther fuckers think im disturbed, crazy,psychotic, and gonna shoot up the fucking skool. God i hate these fucking people...any one who knows me i hate the administration right off the bat, but when it gets to individuals...thats when its fucking serious. Im not saying any names...cause i dont feel like losing my myspace over some dumb shit like that. And no i have nothing against the skool or any way they are running it, i have no intention of fucking shooting any one....im not that type of crazy....im the good crazy. And i know this is going to be taken the wrong way by some stupid fuck...god and im waiting for it to happen to, so expect a long ass defense if your gonna try some thing assholes.
These muther fuckers are pissing me off, its bad enough i got this shit at home, see i dont mind working here or their or if i dont do shit i work my ass off for 2 days. Cause i figure its needed and expected of me, so i do it. But if im sitting their breaking up concrete and moving it for 2 days straight......i dont need the happy bull shit chores around the house. My hands are cut and sore and so are my arms...let me rest for a couple of hours. Just please unless you really know whats going on here...leave me alone. And their are certain ppl im actually reaching out to (big surprise) and they are not getting the hint. Maybe i should go to sleep for a couple of days and maybe shit will have blown over.
Like i said this was not meant to offend any one...up until this point, here is where the hatred, and the betrayal, and the hurting starts. Im tired of these fucking 2 faced ppl, i grew up with this Bs all my Life but im still meeting new ppl, so its fucking annoying and confusing trying it figure this shit out. Ive got some one spreading rumors behind my back to the ppl i care about and their fucking believing em.....and thats messing me up. I dont need this shit right now. Ppl who i thought were my friends are now leaving me and getting pissed at me for the stupidest fucking reasons.......HES AN ASS TO ME WHY CANT YOU GET THAT!!!!(you know who this is directed to). but w/e if they hate me they hate me for wrong reasons and weren't really my friends in the first place if they turned on me so easily.
Im an outsider and i get that, but why must it be obvious. I dont make it obvious im not wearing a fucking sign that says " im different hate me!!!!", am i? I dont think so, maybe its invisible, cause it seems like theirs some thing like that now. I just need my truck and my blanket, and maybe some gas money then im gone. Any one whose got an objection or who is still reading this, feel free to voice it!
A friend of mine recently wrote this, i dont know why but it is perfect for this essay.
"in the night shadows
that surround my thoughts
i look through the window
and view everthing i have sought
in my mind your picture lingers
a face of such beauty
skin so soft even at the fingers
never could i imagine your cry
i would do anything to prevent it
even if i my heart would die
all i have left is to sit
and look out the window
and hope one day u see it fit
to come and wake me with ur smile
till morning i wait to see you shadow
even though it may take a while"
thank you andy, that is beautiful....*tear*
YEah i skipped a line it seemed grammatically correct and what not so w/e. its my essay fuck off if you dont like my ideas and the ways i am expressing them. the point is a bit obsessive but its written well and and all around great poem. but w/e enough about that one, sorry andy you get your 2 sentences of fame and thats it save some for the other fuck heads. *sarcastic smile and thumbs up to you andy*. So im feeling alone, betrayed, and a bit tipsy right now..*note* (is not crunk, is tipsy). diary of a madman is starting to sound good...oh wait its an ozzy song, and nooooooooooo their has never been an ozzy song that has been played out into a title of some thing else.....right?
Maybe one day i can be happy and not have to blame others on all my problems...even though most of my problems stem of others. Im cool for now, well not really but to give the ppl who care about me safe at mind, i am!....I spent some time with sam williams tonight, it was fun i missed hanging out with her. I miss hanging out with sam smith...she was really cool and never minded listening and is just an all around good person to be around. Also i miss misha...aLOt i miss that basement and al lthe fun times and weird/ awkward moments but every thing always turned out for the best.....*keep telling your self that dumbshit maybe you ll believe it one day* but w/e i miss alot of my friends form here...and tonight im not getting started on every one from Gc ive ben writing since 10:30 its now 10 to midnight!
God i dont need sleep but the fucking captain is gonna start flipping about it soon. I dont care im going to keep going cause im not near done for tonight. Any one noticed how i stopped wearing a watch? thats cause time doesn't fucking matter, its just gonna keep slowing down when your alone and sitting their, but when your with some one how time flies bye. ITs good for your personal/ mental health if you dont keep track, OR do it by months. Im not saying be all drab and fucked up with your Gf/ Bf im just saying dont let shit fly by, it hurts if you try to speed things up (going with the flow). Bad idea
Jay leno....what a monkey. i hate this late night bull shit they call Tv, and arent friday nights supposed to have the best shit on, Maybe im not looking at the right channels, who the fuck knows. I got all 3 systems finally...and im in debt up to my hair, but who cares im just a degenerate curly haired loser who is doomed to be alone..but w/e right?