My emotions/thoughts on bullying and not fitting in with the status quo
Here is something I wrote recently (on paper). I'm going to copy it here. It's about my experiences and the emotions that come along with them.
My emotions are my emotions, regardless of whether they are rational. I'm trying to deal with them in an effective way. It was written as a stream of conscious, so it could use some editing/polishing, but I'm going to type it out verbatim. Not everything is meant to be perfect.
What I wrote:
As a child, I was terrified of going to Hell. When I grew up, I began to let go of this and found much more peace. It still seems like something I have to keep my mouth shut about. I tend to sit silently through prayers, trying to be respectful.
When I express my opinions about religion, beliefs and feminism (oh, and GLBT rights) I am often met with vitriol and/or invalidation. Oftentimes, I am able to provide studies and evidence, and people still ignore or discount it. It stops fruitful discussions.
I feel like it would be so much easier if I could just believe. It fits the "norm." It's okay to talk about your belief but not your lack of belief.
Sometimes I just want to give up, but if I die, there is nowhere to go. Plus I would disappoint people I love the most.