Writing

[jafsica]

So, I was getting really, really bored in religion class today.
So, I started writing down things I was thinking last night. Well mainly one thing. Before I went to bed.
My mind got stuck on it for a while. Lying in bed trying to sleep.

I didn't finish writing it down during class. So I will just add on to it on here.

It's not really necessarily coherent. Ya know, mind moves faster than hand. Hard to organize thoughts.

Here goes:

Life's not fair.
She doesn't deserve this
Brought that happiness.
True love.
Not it appears it's to be taken away.
Why?
Why her?
God's doing?
That seems pretty sadistic.
Fuck God.

If I could I would take her cancer
and transfer it to my body.
Take away her pain.
So she can better enjoy her true love.
Take away her suffering.

She has so much more potential than I do.
So much more potential for true happiness.
If I could take her pain away,
I would be happy if I could see her suffering end.
I would be fulfilled.

I don't care that I'm young.
I don't care that I'm (this is the point where classe ended.)
I don't want to watch her die.
I hope I don't have to watch her die.

I would take the cancer.
Needles don't bother me.
Yeast infections would suck.
So would the pain.
But it would be worth it to take it away from her.

I can't describe it.

I guess I don't place that much value on my life.

And taking some one's pain away, I could find more value in my life.

I'd miss my friends.
And I'm sure they'd miss me.

If I died.

But. Maybe I could over come it.

I hope this chemo works.

Even that will be fucking uncomfortable for her.

I can't describe it.

I just wish I could fix things.

I always want to fix things.

But it seems I often fail at that.

I'll stop now.

I love you all.

Right now I'm thinking of the song Sorrow by Bad Religion.

Peace and Good Night.