Raw
It opens the wounds every time I read about him. It leaves me raw. I don't know what draws me to keep reading about him. Maybe some day I will read that he is in jail. Him and his crew. They are the only ones left to be punished. Some of the others died a peaceful death they didn't deserve. Other's not so lucky.
To a certain extent, considering my current situation, they won. All these years later, after a long and arduous fight, they have overcome my ability to stay strong. I am exhausted. Tired from trying to be strong. Trying to scrape by. Trying to take that next breath. I still allow them to beat me up, every day, because I am too drained to continue to push back the memories. As I stand to lose everything I have fought to hang on to, I shed the tears I should have shed many years ago. I don't even know how to be the strong person I once was. I don't know how to push it all back the way I used to. I am wasting away. My life is going quickly by. I can't stop the flood. I am drowning and almost out of breath.