yet another sky 2 [complete]
title: yet another sky
pairing: Jaesu, little Jaechun
genre: angst
rating: nc-17
length: 10728 words, one shot
summary: One morning Jaejoong wakes up with the feeling that Junsu wants to die. What will he do about it?
a/n: (god I hate html, took me hours, look at my mood, the post is too large so I had to divide it in two parts) I warn you, this story is about suicide, an issue some of you might want to avoid. As you will notice, there will be quotes of Jaejoong from his Elle Korea interview and his interview about Park Yongha, may he rest in peace
“Did you see how happy your mother was when she saw you? Too bad that was the last time you saw that smile.”
Junsu sighed, he did that a lot lately in Jaejoong's presence.
“What are we going to do now? We still have four hours till we meet the other boys at the soccer field,” said Jaejoong.
“I don't know. Do you want to eat lunch, Hyung?”
“Too early. I'm not hungry. Do you want to drive to your father's pizza place?”
“Why?”
“To say good bye, of course.”
Junsu sighed. “No, I don't want to drive to my father's pizza place and there is no need to say good bye.”
“Whatever you say, Junsu. We can make a list of things we always wanted to do before we kill ourselves instead.”
“Fine, let's drive to the pizza place.”
“See, Junsu, I knew that would be on your list.”
“Hyung?”
“What?”
“Shut up.”
_
It took half an hour by the car to get to the Misarang pizza restaurant, the traffic was pretty bad that day.
But Junsu didn't once complain, he rather turned on the radio and sang along to his favourite songs. Jaejoong joined him and added the harmony, overdoing the vibration in his voice and making Junsu laugh at him in the end. He loved it when Junsu laughed sonorously like that.
“Too bad,” he said.
Junsu's smile turned upside down. “Now what?”
“Too bad that was our last duet. And nobody even heard it.”
_
Junsu's father was as enthusiastic as ever when they greeted him and Jaejoong didn't once wonder where Junsu had gotten his cuteness from.
“Do you guys want a pizza? I have to hurry up though, your mother is waiting for me, we have a date,” he giggled.
“I know, we just met her,” Junsu told him.
“You did? What did she say?”
“She's not expecting you for another half an hour. Which means you have to get going now, dad. The streets are packed today.”
“Oh, I better get ready then,” said Junsu's father and rushed through the restaurant to get his things together. Then he called one of his workers by the name and told him to make a pizza for Jaejoong and Junsu.
“That's not necessary,” complained Junsu while his father said, “rubbish. You can't come in here and not have a pizza.”
“Son,” he then addressed Jaejoong.
“Yes, father?”
“Tell him what kind of pizza you would like to have, his are almost as good as mine,” he said and pointed to his worker.
“Yes, father.”
“But dad-”
“No complain!” He then came back to give one hug to Junsu and one to Jaejoong. “How do I look?” he asked, unsure.
“Like a complete Casanova,” said Junsu.
Jaejoong shook his head. “You look good, father.”
“No flour stains?”
“No.”
“Good. Bye, boys!”
“Bye.” Jaejoong didn't wonder when the bye from Junsu really sounded like a last good bye.
They took their pizza with two bottles of coke to the beach, the place they decided to spend the rest of their spare time.
They were sitting on a flat stone and calmly munching on some slices, watching the waves hit the shore when Jaejoong made one of his other piercing comments.
“Too bad.”
“I know I'm going to regret it, but, what's too bad, Hyung?”
“Too bad you will never eat a handmade pizza by your father again.”
“I knew it.”
_
By two o'clock they were sitting lazily in the car because it had gotten a little too cold outside at the beach and Jaejoong was writing a 'last' message to their fans just for the jokes of it and to go on Junsu's nerves.
“Dear fans, this is the last time we write to you because we're a bunch of selfish bastards and we're going to commit suicide,” he read aloud. He was typing this into his cell-phone because he didn't find any paper in the car. Then he took a picture of Junsu and himself. “I'm going to add this picture under the message, what do you think?”
“Sounds fantastic,” Junsu said, the sarcasm not going unnoticed. He had changed his strategy from ignoring Jaejoong to agreeing to whatever he said.
“I know.”
That little indirect quarrelling went on and on and by the time of three o'clock, when Jaejoong had finished the 'last' message of one thousand words, Yoochun called.
“Hyuuuuung!”
“Yoochun-ah, perfect timing!”
“What are you guys doing?”
“Oh, nothing much. We're at the beach and just writing a last message for the fans.”
“What are you talking-” he didn't hear the end of it because Junsu had grabbed the phone out of his hand, gaping at him.
“Hey, Yoochun-ah. How are you?”
Jaejoong shoved Junsu's shoulder before leaning into him to hear Yoochun's voice. “I'm fine. But what was Jaejoong Hyung talking about, what are you doing?”
“Hyung is in one of his crazy phases, you know how he is.”
“I see.”
Jaejoong pinched him. “Ow! Stop that!”
“What did I do?” asked Yoochun.
“Not you!”
“This is too stupid, I'm hanging up.”
“Hey, Yoochun-ah, wait!”
“What?”
“We're going to play soccer in an hour, care to join us at the usual place?”
“I can't, my schedule hasn't ended. I'm just having a little break and was wondering what you guys were up to.”
“Ah, that's a pity.” Jaejoong could clearly see the disappointment in Junsu's face.
“Yeah, next time maybe.”
“Yeah, next time.”
“Gotta go now. Bye!”
“Bye.” They hung up and again, it really sounded like a last bye Junsu was giving there.
Jaejoong hugged him. “Too bad.”
Junsu didn't ask him what was too bad this time around. He just said, “I know.”
_
When there was one thing besides music that Junsu could completely merge into then it was soccer, he had always loved the sport and everybody who knew him well enough knew that fact. He always told them if he didn't become a singer he would have become a professional soccer player. Well, he was good enough for it, as far as Jaejoong could tell. They had divided into two teams and Jaejoong was in Junsu's team together with Junsu's twin brother and their mutual friends Hyunjoong and Youngpil. Jaejoong could tell how he loved the running, loved the dribbling with the ball and the feinting, he loved it the most when the opponents fell for his tricks. On the whole, they won all of the three games thanks to the brilliant player that he was. That's why Jaejoong wondered the more, how was Junsu willing to give up all of this?
Hours had passed by when they agreed to call it a day. They were sweating and exhausted to the bones but that didn't hinder Junsu from hugging each and every one of them to say his thanks and good byes.
Jaejoong was hugging Hyunjoong when he observed how Junsu was hugging his twin brother the longest.
“Will I see you in the next game, as well, Hyung?” asked him Hyunjoong.
“Depends,” he said.
“On what?”
“On Junsu.”
_
Junsu was still excitedly talking about the game when they were sitting in his car, driving back to Junsu's flat. “I just love soccer,” were the closing words to his little monologue.
“Do you know who you remind me of?”
“Who?”
“You remind me of Yongha Hyung.”
The ice-cold silence returned and all the happiness was gone from Junsu's face.
“He loved to sing and talked with me about music although he was an actor and you, you love soccer and talk about it all the time although you are a singer. I think he regretted his main career. He always said how he wanted to start from the very beginning. Do you regret it, too, Junsu? Is that why you want to die?”
By that time Junsu almost crashed into a tree.
“CAREFUL!” screamed Jaejoong and helped him turn the wheel sharply to the left. “Fuck, I just saw my whole life flash in front of my eyes!”
Then Junsu cried. “I'm sorry, Hyung,” he said and wiped his eyes, refocusing on the street. “But it's not like we aren't planning to kill ourselves anyway, right?”
“Junsu, you're scaring me.”
“Are we, or are we not, Hyung?”
He hesitated for just a moment before he answered and realized in how deep a shit they really were. “Of course we are, fuck! But we agreed that the car crashing idea wasn't a good one, didn't we!”
“Yes, right.”
They arrived at Junsu's flat when the sun was setting and Junsu was radiating off insecurity and anxiety like the smell of his sweat. Later, Jaejoong would be sure that anxiety smelled like the sweat after a soccer match.
Nobody said a word when they both held hands all the way to the door, Jaejoong too scared to let go and Junsu too scared to be left alone.
Only when they were inside did they let go as Junsu locked the door and Jaejoong borrowed another pair of pyjamas from Junsu's closet. He was the first to shower and made it a quick one, not trusting Junsu to be left alone for too long. He gave Junsu a reassuring hug before he shoved him into the bathroom when he came out. “Don't worry. I didn't leave a chaos behind this time.”
Junsu smiled at him crookedly.
He was lying in Junsu's bed, biting nervously at his finger nails when Junsu joined him fifteen minutes later, hair dripping wet.
He sat up, took the towel from Junsu's hands and started to ruffle his hair with it while he spoke. “I thought about it, Junsu.”
“About what, Hyung?”
“About us and death. If you want to die, Junsu, like really die, then I'm going to fucking die with you. And this time it's no fucking joke. I'm one hundred fucking percent serious.”
He dropped the towel and stared into Junsu's eyes, they were unreadable and Junsu said nothing.
“Are you even listening?” He shook him. “Why aren't you fucking talking to me?” He was getting furious, he just offered his life and Junsu didn't even bother to respond to him.
He stood up from the bed with the intention to leave the room when Junsu did react. He held onto Jaejoong's wrist with a hurting grip and spoke up. “Help me, Hyung. I don't... want to die.”
His voice cracked and he was suddenly crying rivers and it was all good because he had finally opened up to Jaejoong who could comfort and help him.
They were lying in the bed and Jaejoong was embracing him tightly, hushing him and stroking his shaking spine while Junsu was telling him all his sorrows. “Sometimes I really want to die, Hyung,” he said and Jaejoong responded, “shhh, I know.”
“But then again... I don't want to die,” Junsu would say and Jaejoong would again respond with “I know,” and it wouldn't make any sense to anyone else but to Jaejoong it would.
_
Consoling Junsu was nothing like consoling Yoochun, Jaejoong noticed, because consoling Junsu and kissing him came naturally together, for Yoochun it didn't.
He didn't even know who started it because as soon as he realized that what they were doing was actively kissing they were already too deep in it to stop or bother.
Their lips were smacking against each other's and Junsu's tongue was stroking his, encouraging his own to play with it, wet, warm and wonderfully. He followed it into Junsu's mouth and soon he knew the inner surfaces like the back of his hand. Kissing him was like coming home, as if it was always meant to be like that between them and Jaejoong pondered whether he always had a choked up desire in him to bite, suck and lick those cherry red lips.
His body somehow landed on top of Junsu's before he was aware of it and he only noticed when Junsu ground his hips against his own. He moaned into Junsu's mouth as he felt another hardness press against his own growing erection. He was too overwhelmed by all the sensations to not give away a sound, his heart was racing, his ears were pulsating and his face was flushing hot. His breath was coming short and Junsu wasn't in any other state either. He was excited, yet so nervous and shy, it had been too long since he last kissed someone and he didn't want to mess this up.
Judging by the roughness Junsu was handling him with, it had been a long time for Junsu, as well.
They tossed and turned in bed, bodies always sticking together and lips hanging onto each other's, it was getting all too much and yet, never enough. Jaejoong wanted to express how he wanted more and pulled at Junsu's shirt.
Junsu eagerly complied by pulling it over his head and helped Jaejoong strip his own before he shoved his hand down Jaejoong's pants.
“Oh, fuck...”
He looked into Junsu's eyes when they stopped kissing and at long last he spotted how he could read the emotions in those brown pools. At the moment Junsu was totally scared and unsure of what he was doing but there was suppressed lust, too, and something else.
Junsu was retrieving his hand but Jaejoong held it in place. “No, don't stop, not now.”
He received another rough kiss for that and they fought as they tried to strip the other's lower half first. Somehow Jaejoong always knew in a deep corner of his heart and mind that their match would be the fighting kind, and the giggling kind because that's what Junsu did when Jaejoong came out as the winner.
He was panting on top of Junsu and throwing the bottoms aside when he got unsure of what to do next.
However, Junsu picked it up from there and gave him one of his sincere smiles. He buried one hand in Jaejoong's hair and stroked his scalp with his fingers which surprisingly appeased him. “Fuck me, Hyung,” he whispered and Jaejoong shivered.
“A-Are you sure?”
“Now or never,” it wasn't a direct answer but Jaejoong took it as a yes, he had the feeling that Junsu wouldn't have let him go even if he took it as a no.
“We need... something... for lubrication,” he said and what he really tried to convey was, okay I'll do it.
Junsu beamed up at him and pointed to his night-stand. “There's body lotion, take it.”
“Do you think it will work?” Jaejoong asked as he moved to get the lotion, dropping his own bottoms while he was at it.
“It will,” replied Junsu, eyeing him up and down and blushing furiously. “I use it for wanking.”
Jaejoong pressed his grin against Junsu's mouth and repositioned himself on top of him, his body absorbing Junsu's warmth immediately and revelling in it. They delved into kissing and stroking each other for a while, discovering new body parts they never touched and memorising the skins' surfaces, tickling, kissing and licking especially sensitive spots. Junsu was outstandingly loud, he had a lot more sensitive spots than Jaejoong and Jaejoong teased him till he screamed surrender. His nipples seemed to be very sensitive, Junsu moaned the loudest when Jaejoong gave them his whole attention by licking and sucking them erect.
Junsu took revenge by spreading the lube on Jaejoong's cock with more than necessarily light touches, earning a few loud moans of his own.
They kissed hard one more time and Jaejoong grabbed his prominent buttocks, squeezing a few times before spreading them slowly apart. He always wanted to do that. “I love your cute butt,” he said and bent Junsu's legs up who took them under the knees and held them to his chest.
“I always suspected that,” giggled Junsu. It ringed out abruptly when Jaejoong inserted his first lubricated finger into Junsu. “Oh...”
Jaejoong watched him patiently while he didn't stop the movement of his finger going in and out. “I'm sorry,” he apologized and came up to kiss Junsu's forehead, Junsu was scrunching up his face in pain but his muscles slowly eased up. “Please, bear with it.”
“No...” he panted. “It's all right, just give me a minute.”
Jaejoong couldn't imagine doing it with Junsu in any other position than this, he wanted to see every reaction on his face, every response of muscle while he proceeded. He wanted to show him how much he trusted Junsu and how much Junsu could trust him with just a glance of his eyes.
The next minute he inserted another finger and after another minute a third one while Junsu relaxed and opened up to him more and more. He turned his fingers around and suddenly Junsu was screaming as he hit something deep inside. “Oh, oh...god!”
He couldn't take the sight anymore, Junsu was blossoming under his fingers like a beautiful flower. He was completely vulnerable and undone in front of him, his cock was leaking precome on his stomach even though he hadn't touched it, his balls were tightening and he was obviously enjoying himself and Jaejoong wanted that, too. Damn, he wanted that, too.
He pulled out his fingers and replaced them with his hard cock in one thrust. “AH!” Junsu screamed again but he couldn't care, he was too overtaken by the tightness and warmth that met his sensitive skin. He saw black for a moment.
“Oh, fuck,” he moaned repeatedly and dropped his head on Junsu's shoulder, biting into it to muffle his voice. He nibbled his way up, from Junsu's neck to his throat, over his jawline till he found his way back home to Junsu's lips. He gave him a long, this time sweet and languid kiss while Junsu's body adjusted to him. As he looked up and saw Junsu's eyes watering he almost wanted to say something stupid and mushy, but he resisted and went with something safer. “Shh, everything will be all right.”
Junsu nodded and let go of his legs in order to throw his arms over Jaejoong's broad shoulders, he was sensing the unevenness of the tattoo on his shoulder blades with the tips of his fingers when Jaejoong shivered newly. Then he wrapped his legs around Jaejoong's narrow hips and hugged him close, a sign for Jaejoong to continue.
One hand of his was grabbing the back of Junsu's neck, thumb caressing his hair, while the other was on Junsu's ass, helping him to press the lithe body under him forward so he could bury himself deeper with every new thrust.
First he was rocking against Junsu slowly, making sure the pain subsided for him early enough and was replaced by pleasure. But then, when Junsu met his movements and moaned into his ear with every thrust, he sped up his pace.
They were both panting, and getting sweaty, Jaejoong felt so hot, Junsu's body against his own was so hot and the red of a sex-flush was gracing his body. The bed was creaking under them, the headboard was hitting the wall and the noises mixed with the ring of skin slapping on skin. All together it sounded like the unmistakable symphony of sex, and Jaejoong burned it into his memories.
“I...I'm going to...come!” Junsu was saying, his fingers scratching Jaejoong's back as he arched off the bed.
Jaejoong hissed at the light pain and didn't let him come by fisting his balls between their bodies. He stared intensely into Junsu's eyes as he thrust faster. “Not until you promise me.”
“AH! Shit, what are you... doing, Hyung? Promise what?”
“Promise me that you will never kill yourself. Not without me.” Jaejoong saw him screwing up his eyes and taking a while to comprehend the words, he was far away. He squeezed Junsu's balls and cock one more time to remind him of answering. “Promise me.”
“Shit! I promise!”
“Promise that we'll die together!”
He thrust and squeezed once more and Junsu screamed. “Oh, god! I promise! I promise!”
Jaejoong let go and Junsu came almost immediately, toes curled, mouth open and eyes glazed. The sight of Junsu's cock pulsing pearly streaks of ejaculate onto his chest did it for him, too and soon he thrust through his own orgasm.
“Well, wouldn't that have been too bad,” said Jaejoong a very long while later, they were cleaned up and snuggling with each other under the blanket by that time.
Junsu yawned before he asked. “What, Hyung?”
“Wouldn't that have been too bad if we had killed ourselves today and never experienced that?”
“I totally agree,” said Junsu and gave him a heartfelt smile. Jaejoong was relieved.
_
A month later Jaejoong was done moving in next door and they celebrated it by visiting the beach once again.
He was taking a deep breath of the fresh air and realized how happy he was. In moments like that he reminded himself of all the things he was thankful for.
He turned to Junsu who was sitting next to him and looking out to the horizon. “Junsu, can you smell that?”
“Are you suggesting that I stink, Hyung?”
He rolled his eyes. “No, stupid. I mean the breeze of the ocean. It smells different, try it.”
Junsu breathed it in and closed his eyes. “You're right,” he said as he opened them anew.
“I know. Isn't it a blessing that we can breathe?” Junsu agreed again. “We should be thankful for it. Imagine all the sick people in the world who can't breathe properly. It's such a natural thing to do, we don't even think about it and yet, it's such a gift.”
“I am thankful.”
“And you should be. As long as we can breathe, Junsu, it's all right.”
“Yeah, it's all right.”
He took Junsu's hand in his and squeezed it. “What else are you thankful for?”
“Hmm.”
“What, not one thing coming to mind?”
“No, there are too many things coming to my mind all at once.”
Jaejoong smiled at him. “That's good. As long as there are things we are thankful for there will be things that make us happy. Remember the things that make you happy as the same reasons you don't want to die, Junsu.”
Junsu swallowed heavily.
“So, what are your reasons, Junsu?”
“I will tell you mine if you tell me yours.”
“Deal.”
“My father's handmade Italian pizza.” They grinned at each other.
“My mother's home-made Korean food,” replied Jaejoong.
“Soccer with my brother.”
“Hmm, teasing my Nunas and playing with my nieces.”
“My mother's smile.”
“My father's smile.”
“Are you serious? Your father's?”
Jaejoong scoffed. “Of course, are you mocking me?”
“No.”
“Then go on! My pet's cute aegyo.”
“My kids' cute aegyo, too,” Junsu said and Jaejoong laughed because by 'kids' he meant again 'pets'.
“Singing and composing,” he said.
“Singing and composing,” copied Junsu and they grinned at each other again. “And my fans.”
“Our fans.”
“And you.”
“And you.” Jaejoong kissed him, caressing the warm hand in his.
Junsu looked up and sighed, satisfied. “And the endless sky.”
“And the endless sky,” Jaejoong repeated.
They sat in comfortable silence and enjoyed the view for a while. The sun was setting and kissing the ocean, the water was reflecting its orange shades and the waves were glistening like diamonds. The sky had the same colour of orange together with yellow, magenta, and blue anywhere beyond the horizon.
“What are you thinking about,” asked him Junsu, throwing him out of his reverie.
“About Yongha Hyung. I think that he's up there in heaven and protecting us. I think that he's happy and that every beautiful sky means that he's smiling down at us. Hey,” he shoved Junsu by the shoulder, “you don't think, I'm crazy, do you?”
“No,” he smiled. “It's a happy thought and I will believe so, too.”
“Good. Keep smiling like that, not the fake smile but this true one, it suits you much better.”
“When did I ever-”
“Don't pretend, I saw it. And remember everything we talked about today. Remember all the reasons that make your life invaluable when you feel miserable again, take up the habit of finding joy in the smallest of things. Also, hold the hand of the person next to you, hold mine just like this,” he said and shook their joined hands. “Don’t think that you’re the only one living in this world. Don’t grow your sorrow on your own and ask for help, like you did, remember?”
Junsu nodded and suddenly Jaejoong saw tears running down his cheeks. Jaejoong kissed them away and hugged him tightly, hurting with him. “And don't you ever, for one second, forget our promise,” he whispered into his ear.
“Never. I'll keep my promise,” Junsu choked out and Jaejoong believed him.
“If you keep all these things in mind, you won't want to die anymore. But if you still feel down, in case I'm not there to give you comfort, I'll send you pictures of the pretty skies I see, so you remember me. And just when you think I've stopped, I'll send you a picture of yet another beautiful sky.”
_
mjjeje: the cool sky 09-18-2011
mjjeje: the sky~~ 09-18-2011
mjjeje: the sky~ 09-24-2011
mjjeje: today's really pretty sky~ 09-25-2011
mjjeje: mountain sky~ 09-26-2011
mjjeje: the morning sky is pretty, too 09-28-2011
End.
Thanks for reading/ Shu
Thanks to the lovely miungoc_luv_su you can now read this story translated into Vietnamese!
Here are the links to the fansites she posted it in, but I'm afraid you have to log in:
Link 1
Link 2
And here you can read it in her own wordpress, no log in needed:
Link 3
pairing: Jaesu, little Jaechun
genre: angst
rating: nc-17
length: 10728 words, one shot
summary: One morning Jaejoong wakes up with the feeling that Junsu wants to die. What will he do about it?
a/n: (god I hate html, took me hours, look at my mood, the post is too large so I had to divide it in two parts) I warn you, this story is about suicide, an issue some of you might want to avoid. As you will notice, there will be quotes of Jaejoong from his Elle Korea interview and his interview about Park Yongha, may he rest in peace
“Did you see how happy your mother was when she saw you? Too bad that was the last time you saw that smile.”
Junsu sighed, he did that a lot lately in Jaejoong's presence.
“What are we going to do now? We still have four hours till we meet the other boys at the soccer field,” said Jaejoong.
“I don't know. Do you want to eat lunch, Hyung?”
“Too early. I'm not hungry. Do you want to drive to your father's pizza place?”
“Why?”
“To say good bye, of course.”
Junsu sighed. “No, I don't want to drive to my father's pizza place and there is no need to say good bye.”
“Whatever you say, Junsu. We can make a list of things we always wanted to do before we kill ourselves instead.”
“Fine, let's drive to the pizza place.”
“See, Junsu, I knew that would be on your list.”
“Hyung?”
“What?”
“Shut up.”
_
It took half an hour by the car to get to the Misarang pizza restaurant, the traffic was pretty bad that day.
But Junsu didn't once complain, he rather turned on the radio and sang along to his favourite songs. Jaejoong joined him and added the harmony, overdoing the vibration in his voice and making Junsu laugh at him in the end. He loved it when Junsu laughed sonorously like that.
“Too bad,” he said.
Junsu's smile turned upside down. “Now what?”
“Too bad that was our last duet. And nobody even heard it.”
_
Junsu's father was as enthusiastic as ever when they greeted him and Jaejoong didn't once wonder where Junsu had gotten his cuteness from.
“Do you guys want a pizza? I have to hurry up though, your mother is waiting for me, we have a date,” he giggled.
“I know, we just met her,” Junsu told him.
“You did? What did she say?”
“She's not expecting you for another half an hour. Which means you have to get going now, dad. The streets are packed today.”
“Oh, I better get ready then,” said Junsu's father and rushed through the restaurant to get his things together. Then he called one of his workers by the name and told him to make a pizza for Jaejoong and Junsu.
“That's not necessary,” complained Junsu while his father said, “rubbish. You can't come in here and not have a pizza.”
“Son,” he then addressed Jaejoong.
“Yes, father?”
“Tell him what kind of pizza you would like to have, his are almost as good as mine,” he said and pointed to his worker.
“Yes, father.”
“But dad-”
“No complain!” He then came back to give one hug to Junsu and one to Jaejoong. “How do I look?” he asked, unsure.
“Like a complete Casanova,” said Junsu.
Jaejoong shook his head. “You look good, father.”
“No flour stains?”
“No.”
“Good. Bye, boys!”
“Bye.” Jaejoong didn't wonder when the bye from Junsu really sounded like a last good bye.
They took their pizza with two bottles of coke to the beach, the place they decided to spend the rest of their spare time.
They were sitting on a flat stone and calmly munching on some slices, watching the waves hit the shore when Jaejoong made one of his other piercing comments.
“Too bad.”
“I know I'm going to regret it, but, what's too bad, Hyung?”
“Too bad you will never eat a handmade pizza by your father again.”
“I knew it.”
_
By two o'clock they were sitting lazily in the car because it had gotten a little too cold outside at the beach and Jaejoong was writing a 'last' message to their fans just for the jokes of it and to go on Junsu's nerves.
“Dear fans, this is the last time we write to you because we're a bunch of selfish bastards and we're going to commit suicide,” he read aloud. He was typing this into his cell-phone because he didn't find any paper in the car. Then he took a picture of Junsu and himself. “I'm going to add this picture under the message, what do you think?”
“Sounds fantastic,” Junsu said, the sarcasm not going unnoticed. He had changed his strategy from ignoring Jaejoong to agreeing to whatever he said.
“I know.”
That little indirect quarrelling went on and on and by the time of three o'clock, when Jaejoong had finished the 'last' message of one thousand words, Yoochun called.
“Hyuuuuung!”
“Yoochun-ah, perfect timing!”
“What are you guys doing?”
“Oh, nothing much. We're at the beach and just writing a last message for the fans.”
“What are you talking-” he didn't hear the end of it because Junsu had grabbed the phone out of his hand, gaping at him.
“Hey, Yoochun-ah. How are you?”
Jaejoong shoved Junsu's shoulder before leaning into him to hear Yoochun's voice. “I'm fine. But what was Jaejoong Hyung talking about, what are you doing?”
“Hyung is in one of his crazy phases, you know how he is.”
“I see.”
Jaejoong pinched him. “Ow! Stop that!”
“What did I do?” asked Yoochun.
“Not you!”
“This is too stupid, I'm hanging up.”
“Hey, Yoochun-ah, wait!”
“What?”
“We're going to play soccer in an hour, care to join us at the usual place?”
“I can't, my schedule hasn't ended. I'm just having a little break and was wondering what you guys were up to.”
“Ah, that's a pity.” Jaejoong could clearly see the disappointment in Junsu's face.
“Yeah, next time maybe.”
“Yeah, next time.”
“Gotta go now. Bye!”
“Bye.” They hung up and again, it really sounded like a last bye Junsu was giving there.
Jaejoong hugged him. “Too bad.”
Junsu didn't ask him what was too bad this time around. He just said, “I know.”
_
When there was one thing besides music that Junsu could completely merge into then it was soccer, he had always loved the sport and everybody who knew him well enough knew that fact. He always told them if he didn't become a singer he would have become a professional soccer player. Well, he was good enough for it, as far as Jaejoong could tell. They had divided into two teams and Jaejoong was in Junsu's team together with Junsu's twin brother and their mutual friends Hyunjoong and Youngpil. Jaejoong could tell how he loved the running, loved the dribbling with the ball and the feinting, he loved it the most when the opponents fell for his tricks. On the whole, they won all of the three games thanks to the brilliant player that he was. That's why Jaejoong wondered the more, how was Junsu willing to give up all of this?
Hours had passed by when they agreed to call it a day. They were sweating and exhausted to the bones but that didn't hinder Junsu from hugging each and every one of them to say his thanks and good byes.
Jaejoong was hugging Hyunjoong when he observed how Junsu was hugging his twin brother the longest.
“Will I see you in the next game, as well, Hyung?” asked him Hyunjoong.
“Depends,” he said.
“On what?”
“On Junsu.”
_
Junsu was still excitedly talking about the game when they were sitting in his car, driving back to Junsu's flat. “I just love soccer,” were the closing words to his little monologue.
“Do you know who you remind me of?”
“Who?”
“You remind me of Yongha Hyung.”
The ice-cold silence returned and all the happiness was gone from Junsu's face.
“He loved to sing and talked with me about music although he was an actor and you, you love soccer and talk about it all the time although you are a singer. I think he regretted his main career. He always said how he wanted to start from the very beginning. Do you regret it, too, Junsu? Is that why you want to die?”
By that time Junsu almost crashed into a tree.
“CAREFUL!” screamed Jaejoong and helped him turn the wheel sharply to the left. “Fuck, I just saw my whole life flash in front of my eyes!”
Then Junsu cried. “I'm sorry, Hyung,” he said and wiped his eyes, refocusing on the street. “But it's not like we aren't planning to kill ourselves anyway, right?”
“Junsu, you're scaring me.”
“Are we, or are we not, Hyung?”
He hesitated for just a moment before he answered and realized in how deep a shit they really were. “Of course we are, fuck! But we agreed that the car crashing idea wasn't a good one, didn't we!”
“Yes, right.”
They arrived at Junsu's flat when the sun was setting and Junsu was radiating off insecurity and anxiety like the smell of his sweat. Later, Jaejoong would be sure that anxiety smelled like the sweat after a soccer match.
Nobody said a word when they both held hands all the way to the door, Jaejoong too scared to let go and Junsu too scared to be left alone.
Only when they were inside did they let go as Junsu locked the door and Jaejoong borrowed another pair of pyjamas from Junsu's closet. He was the first to shower and made it a quick one, not trusting Junsu to be left alone for too long. He gave Junsu a reassuring hug before he shoved him into the bathroom when he came out. “Don't worry. I didn't leave a chaos behind this time.”
Junsu smiled at him crookedly.
He was lying in Junsu's bed, biting nervously at his finger nails when Junsu joined him fifteen minutes later, hair dripping wet.
He sat up, took the towel from Junsu's hands and started to ruffle his hair with it while he spoke. “I thought about it, Junsu.”
“About what, Hyung?”
“About us and death. If you want to die, Junsu, like really die, then I'm going to fucking die with you. And this time it's no fucking joke. I'm one hundred fucking percent serious.”
He dropped the towel and stared into Junsu's eyes, they were unreadable and Junsu said nothing.
“Are you even listening?” He shook him. “Why aren't you fucking talking to me?” He was getting furious, he just offered his life and Junsu didn't even bother to respond to him.
He stood up from the bed with the intention to leave the room when Junsu did react. He held onto Jaejoong's wrist with a hurting grip and spoke up. “Help me, Hyung. I don't... want to die.”
His voice cracked and he was suddenly crying rivers and it was all good because he had finally opened up to Jaejoong who could comfort and help him.
They were lying in the bed and Jaejoong was embracing him tightly, hushing him and stroking his shaking spine while Junsu was telling him all his sorrows. “Sometimes I really want to die, Hyung,” he said and Jaejoong responded, “shhh, I know.”
“But then again... I don't want to die,” Junsu would say and Jaejoong would again respond with “I know,” and it wouldn't make any sense to anyone else but to Jaejoong it would.
_
Consoling Junsu was nothing like consoling Yoochun, Jaejoong noticed, because consoling Junsu and kissing him came naturally together, for Yoochun it didn't.
He didn't even know who started it because as soon as he realized that what they were doing was actively kissing they were already too deep in it to stop or bother.
Their lips were smacking against each other's and Junsu's tongue was stroking his, encouraging his own to play with it, wet, warm and wonderfully. He followed it into Junsu's mouth and soon he knew the inner surfaces like the back of his hand. Kissing him was like coming home, as if it was always meant to be like that between them and Jaejoong pondered whether he always had a choked up desire in him to bite, suck and lick those cherry red lips.
His body somehow landed on top of Junsu's before he was aware of it and he only noticed when Junsu ground his hips against his own. He moaned into Junsu's mouth as he felt another hardness press against his own growing erection. He was too overwhelmed by all the sensations to not give away a sound, his heart was racing, his ears were pulsating and his face was flushing hot. His breath was coming short and Junsu wasn't in any other state either. He was excited, yet so nervous and shy, it had been too long since he last kissed someone and he didn't want to mess this up.
Judging by the roughness Junsu was handling him with, it had been a long time for Junsu, as well.
They tossed and turned in bed, bodies always sticking together and lips hanging onto each other's, it was getting all too much and yet, never enough. Jaejoong wanted to express how he wanted more and pulled at Junsu's shirt.
Junsu eagerly complied by pulling it over his head and helped Jaejoong strip his own before he shoved his hand down Jaejoong's pants.
“Oh, fuck...”
He looked into Junsu's eyes when they stopped kissing and at long last he spotted how he could read the emotions in those brown pools. At the moment Junsu was totally scared and unsure of what he was doing but there was suppressed lust, too, and something else.
Junsu was retrieving his hand but Jaejoong held it in place. “No, don't stop, not now.”
He received another rough kiss for that and they fought as they tried to strip the other's lower half first. Somehow Jaejoong always knew in a deep corner of his heart and mind that their match would be the fighting kind, and the giggling kind because that's what Junsu did when Jaejoong came out as the winner.
He was panting on top of Junsu and throwing the bottoms aside when he got unsure of what to do next.
However, Junsu picked it up from there and gave him one of his sincere smiles. He buried one hand in Jaejoong's hair and stroked his scalp with his fingers which surprisingly appeased him. “Fuck me, Hyung,” he whispered and Jaejoong shivered.
“A-Are you sure?”
“Now or never,” it wasn't a direct answer but Jaejoong took it as a yes, he had the feeling that Junsu wouldn't have let him go even if he took it as a no.
“We need... something... for lubrication,” he said and what he really tried to convey was, okay I'll do it.
Junsu beamed up at him and pointed to his night-stand. “There's body lotion, take it.”
“Do you think it will work?” Jaejoong asked as he moved to get the lotion, dropping his own bottoms while he was at it.
“It will,” replied Junsu, eyeing him up and down and blushing furiously. “I use it for wanking.”
Jaejoong pressed his grin against Junsu's mouth and repositioned himself on top of him, his body absorbing Junsu's warmth immediately and revelling in it. They delved into kissing and stroking each other for a while, discovering new body parts they never touched and memorising the skins' surfaces, tickling, kissing and licking especially sensitive spots. Junsu was outstandingly loud, he had a lot more sensitive spots than Jaejoong and Jaejoong teased him till he screamed surrender. His nipples seemed to be very sensitive, Junsu moaned the loudest when Jaejoong gave them his whole attention by licking and sucking them erect.
Junsu took revenge by spreading the lube on Jaejoong's cock with more than necessarily light touches, earning a few loud moans of his own.
They kissed hard one more time and Jaejoong grabbed his prominent buttocks, squeezing a few times before spreading them slowly apart. He always wanted to do that. “I love your cute butt,” he said and bent Junsu's legs up who took them under the knees and held them to his chest.
“I always suspected that,” giggled Junsu. It ringed out abruptly when Jaejoong inserted his first lubricated finger into Junsu. “Oh...”
Jaejoong watched him patiently while he didn't stop the movement of his finger going in and out. “I'm sorry,” he apologized and came up to kiss Junsu's forehead, Junsu was scrunching up his face in pain but his muscles slowly eased up. “Please, bear with it.”
“No...” he panted. “It's all right, just give me a minute.”
Jaejoong couldn't imagine doing it with Junsu in any other position than this, he wanted to see every reaction on his face, every response of muscle while he proceeded. He wanted to show him how much he trusted Junsu and how much Junsu could trust him with just a glance of his eyes.
The next minute he inserted another finger and after another minute a third one while Junsu relaxed and opened up to him more and more. He turned his fingers around and suddenly Junsu was screaming as he hit something deep inside. “Oh, oh...god!”
He couldn't take the sight anymore, Junsu was blossoming under his fingers like a beautiful flower. He was completely vulnerable and undone in front of him, his cock was leaking precome on his stomach even though he hadn't touched it, his balls were tightening and he was obviously enjoying himself and Jaejoong wanted that, too. Damn, he wanted that, too.
He pulled out his fingers and replaced them with his hard cock in one thrust. “AH!” Junsu screamed again but he couldn't care, he was too overtaken by the tightness and warmth that met his sensitive skin. He saw black for a moment.
“Oh, fuck,” he moaned repeatedly and dropped his head on Junsu's shoulder, biting into it to muffle his voice. He nibbled his way up, from Junsu's neck to his throat, over his jawline till he found his way back home to Junsu's lips. He gave him a long, this time sweet and languid kiss while Junsu's body adjusted to him. As he looked up and saw Junsu's eyes watering he almost wanted to say something stupid and mushy, but he resisted and went with something safer. “Shh, everything will be all right.”
Junsu nodded and let go of his legs in order to throw his arms over Jaejoong's broad shoulders, he was sensing the unevenness of the tattoo on his shoulder blades with the tips of his fingers when Jaejoong shivered newly. Then he wrapped his legs around Jaejoong's narrow hips and hugged him close, a sign for Jaejoong to continue.
One hand of his was grabbing the back of Junsu's neck, thumb caressing his hair, while the other was on Junsu's ass, helping him to press the lithe body under him forward so he could bury himself deeper with every new thrust.
First he was rocking against Junsu slowly, making sure the pain subsided for him early enough and was replaced by pleasure. But then, when Junsu met his movements and moaned into his ear with every thrust, he sped up his pace.
They were both panting, and getting sweaty, Jaejoong felt so hot, Junsu's body against his own was so hot and the red of a sex-flush was gracing his body. The bed was creaking under them, the headboard was hitting the wall and the noises mixed with the ring of skin slapping on skin. All together it sounded like the unmistakable symphony of sex, and Jaejoong burned it into his memories.
“I...I'm going to...come!” Junsu was saying, his fingers scratching Jaejoong's back as he arched off the bed.
Jaejoong hissed at the light pain and didn't let him come by fisting his balls between their bodies. He stared intensely into Junsu's eyes as he thrust faster. “Not until you promise me.”
“AH! Shit, what are you... doing, Hyung? Promise what?”
“Promise me that you will never kill yourself. Not without me.” Jaejoong saw him screwing up his eyes and taking a while to comprehend the words, he was far away. He squeezed Junsu's balls and cock one more time to remind him of answering. “Promise me.”
“Shit! I promise!”
“Promise that we'll die together!”
He thrust and squeezed once more and Junsu screamed. “Oh, god! I promise! I promise!”
Jaejoong let go and Junsu came almost immediately, toes curled, mouth open and eyes glazed. The sight of Junsu's cock pulsing pearly streaks of ejaculate onto his chest did it for him, too and soon he thrust through his own orgasm.
“Well, wouldn't that have been too bad,” said Jaejoong a very long while later, they were cleaned up and snuggling with each other under the blanket by that time.
Junsu yawned before he asked. “What, Hyung?”
“Wouldn't that have been too bad if we had killed ourselves today and never experienced that?”
“I totally agree,” said Junsu and gave him a heartfelt smile. Jaejoong was relieved.
_
A month later Jaejoong was done moving in next door and they celebrated it by visiting the beach once again.
He was taking a deep breath of the fresh air and realized how happy he was. In moments like that he reminded himself of all the things he was thankful for.
He turned to Junsu who was sitting next to him and looking out to the horizon. “Junsu, can you smell that?”
“Are you suggesting that I stink, Hyung?”
He rolled his eyes. “No, stupid. I mean the breeze of the ocean. It smells different, try it.”
Junsu breathed it in and closed his eyes. “You're right,” he said as he opened them anew.
“I know. Isn't it a blessing that we can breathe?” Junsu agreed again. “We should be thankful for it. Imagine all the sick people in the world who can't breathe properly. It's such a natural thing to do, we don't even think about it and yet, it's such a gift.”
“I am thankful.”
“And you should be. As long as we can breathe, Junsu, it's all right.”
“Yeah, it's all right.”
He took Junsu's hand in his and squeezed it. “What else are you thankful for?”
“Hmm.”
“What, not one thing coming to mind?”
“No, there are too many things coming to my mind all at once.”
Jaejoong smiled at him. “That's good. As long as there are things we are thankful for there will be things that make us happy. Remember the things that make you happy as the same reasons you don't want to die, Junsu.”
Junsu swallowed heavily.
“So, what are your reasons, Junsu?”
“I will tell you mine if you tell me yours.”
“Deal.”
“My father's handmade Italian pizza.” They grinned at each other.
“My mother's home-made Korean food,” replied Jaejoong.
“Soccer with my brother.”
“Hmm, teasing my Nunas and playing with my nieces.”
“My mother's smile.”
“My father's smile.”
“Are you serious? Your father's?”
Jaejoong scoffed. “Of course, are you mocking me?”
“No.”
“Then go on! My pet's cute aegyo.”
“My kids' cute aegyo, too,” Junsu said and Jaejoong laughed because by 'kids' he meant again 'pets'.
“Singing and composing,” he said.
“Singing and composing,” copied Junsu and they grinned at each other again. “And my fans.”
“Our fans.”
“And you.”
“And you.” Jaejoong kissed him, caressing the warm hand in his.
Junsu looked up and sighed, satisfied. “And the endless sky.”
“And the endless sky,” Jaejoong repeated.
They sat in comfortable silence and enjoyed the view for a while. The sun was setting and kissing the ocean, the water was reflecting its orange shades and the waves were glistening like diamonds. The sky had the same colour of orange together with yellow, magenta, and blue anywhere beyond the horizon.
“What are you thinking about,” asked him Junsu, throwing him out of his reverie.
“About Yongha Hyung. I think that he's up there in heaven and protecting us. I think that he's happy and that every beautiful sky means that he's smiling down at us. Hey,” he shoved Junsu by the shoulder, “you don't think, I'm crazy, do you?”
“No,” he smiled. “It's a happy thought and I will believe so, too.”
“Good. Keep smiling like that, not the fake smile but this true one, it suits you much better.”
“When did I ever-”
“Don't pretend, I saw it. And remember everything we talked about today. Remember all the reasons that make your life invaluable when you feel miserable again, take up the habit of finding joy in the smallest of things. Also, hold the hand of the person next to you, hold mine just like this,” he said and shook their joined hands. “Don’t think that you’re the only one living in this world. Don’t grow your sorrow on your own and ask for help, like you did, remember?”
Junsu nodded and suddenly Jaejoong saw tears running down his cheeks. Jaejoong kissed them away and hugged him tightly, hurting with him. “And don't you ever, for one second, forget our promise,” he whispered into his ear.
“Never. I'll keep my promise,” Junsu choked out and Jaejoong believed him.
“If you keep all these things in mind, you won't want to die anymore. But if you still feel down, in case I'm not there to give you comfort, I'll send you pictures of the pretty skies I see, so you remember me. And just when you think I've stopped, I'll send you a picture of yet another beautiful sky.”
_
mjjeje: the cool sky 09-18-2011
mjjeje: the sky~~ 09-18-2011
mjjeje: the sky~ 09-24-2011
mjjeje: today's really pretty sky~ 09-25-2011
mjjeje: mountain sky~ 09-26-2011
mjjeje: the morning sky is pretty, too 09-28-2011
End.
Thanks for reading/ Shu
Thanks to the lovely miungoc_luv_su you can now read this story translated into Vietnamese!
Here are the links to the fansites she posted it in, but I'm afraid you have to log in:
Link 1
Link 2
And here you can read it in her own wordpress, no log in needed:
Link 3