(no subject)
I have to go to bed soon. But I wanted to say hello. Hello journal, hello Jamie of the future looking back. I love you. I trust that you'll be coming back to me in this moment, coming to me to show me the comfort and compassion I don't yet understand how to show myself. I am trying though. Trying hard. I'm going to find a new job, because I do not like working for Brent, and it's time to start doing something I love, not just something that I can survive on. I want to be done with surviving. Surviving requires suffering. I want to let that go. I don't want to survive, I want to LIVE. Surviving is about protecting oneself; it's about hunkering down and being safe. Living is about creating, it's about pouring out energy, it's about pain, it's about discomfort, and it's about trust and happiness. I want to choose life. I choose life. I choose pain. I choose reality- the present moment. Right now. Right now I'm restless, my eyes don't like looking at a computer screen. My neck doesn't like it either. I'm bloated. My breath stinks and my eyes are dry. I'm dehydrated. I'm not tired and it's time to go to sleep. I do not mind that I don't feel more satisfaction in this moment. I find peace in my willingness to be right here, right now, not resisting what is. I want to get up early tomorrow to meditate before work, so I'm going to lay down now and read until I get tired. Goodnight.