Jack of all trades
I work fairly...consistently to keep up a guise of intellectual competence. I've practiced my Google skills to be able to do a cursory amount of research to give the impression of familiarity on a range of topics. I think I might be doing this too well.
I'm tired of people telling me to use what I know. I don't know anything. I have a vague familiarity with the color blue, but I couldn't tell you the difference between teal and periwinkle. I let people think that I teach myself to do things, but it's not true. I learn from books and online tutorials, and people act like that's the same thing, but it's very much not. I don't know how to make stuff up. I don't know how to be original.
I'm tired of people telling me to be who I am. I'm not anyone. No matter who you are, who you think I am is shaped entirely around who I thought you wanted/expected me to be when we met. I'm a collection of disparate traits I picked up at varying points in my life because I felt like they each gave me some kind of advantage.
I'm tired of people telling me to just do things. I have a long and glorious history of just doing things wrong. I waste time and money and effort on things that I think I can do. As an example, I cite the fact that every single time I've taken a new bus route in my life, I've taken it in the wrong direction.
I don't know how to tell people that.
"Hey, you know how you thought I was smart? I was just pretending so you wouldn't fire me. No hard feelings?"
I'm so limited. I pretend I'm not. I pretend like I don't do things or don't try things because I don't want to or because I'm too lazy when in reality these are things that I cannot do, things that I'm entirely too stupid to handle.
I'm tired of people telling me to use what I know. I don't know anything. I have a vague familiarity with the color blue, but I couldn't tell you the difference between teal and periwinkle. I let people think that I teach myself to do things, but it's not true. I learn from books and online tutorials, and people act like that's the same thing, but it's very much not. I don't know how to make stuff up. I don't know how to be original.
I'm tired of people telling me to be who I am. I'm not anyone. No matter who you are, who you think I am is shaped entirely around who I thought you wanted/expected me to be when we met. I'm a collection of disparate traits I picked up at varying points in my life because I felt like they each gave me some kind of advantage.
I'm tired of people telling me to just do things. I have a long and glorious history of just doing things wrong. I waste time and money and effort on things that I think I can do. As an example, I cite the fact that every single time I've taken a new bus route in my life, I've taken it in the wrong direction.
I don't know how to tell people that.
"Hey, you know how you thought I was smart? I was just pretending so you wouldn't fire me. No hard feelings?"
I'm so limited. I pretend I'm not. I pretend like I don't do things or don't try things because I don't want to or because I'm too lazy when in reality these are things that I cannot do, things that I'm entirely too stupid to handle.