Feeling Twenty-Two

[jaejoongie520]

Feeling twenty-two is feeling out of breath.
Feeling like fish out of water,
Gasping to breathe,
Fighting to live,
Desiring to flop back into the waters
Back into the comfort of my sheets,
To never resurface.

Feeling twenty-two is feeling out of breath.
Feeling like I'm trekking Mt. Everest,
My lungs screaming for oxygen,
My brain yelling at me to go back,
My heart furiously beating to keep me alive,
My body dying to give out,
But my will pushing me to go on.

Feeling twenty-two is feeling the air knocked out of my chest.
Feeling numb and nothing,
A kind of nothingness so thick,
I feel I'm suffocating,
Drowning,
spiraling,
sinking,
despair.
doubt.
let's
stop
and
say
no
m
o
r
e
.

BUT TWENTY-TWO ISN'T OVER.
IT'S FEELING THE AIR BACK IN MY LUNGS.
FEELING MY EYES STINGING FROM THE FIRST RAYS OF LIGHT.
FEELING RINGING IN MY EARS
FEELING THE WORLD SPINNING BEFORE ME
LIKE A COMPASS DESPERATELY LOOKING FOR NORTH,
LIKE ME, DESPERATELY LOOKING FOR A DIRECTION.
I LET IT SPIN
SPIN UNTIL EVERYTHING BECOMES A BLUR
SPIN UNTIL I FALL
AGAIN AND AGAIN
OVER AND OVER
BUT TWENTY-TWO ISN'T OVER.
IT'S FEELING PANIC EBB
AS COMPOSURE SETTLES.
IT SITS ITSELF IN MY STOMACH
WARMING MY CORE.
I FEEL MY FINGERS, MY TOES.
MY LIMBS REGAINING STRENGTH AND I CRAWL.
I CLIMB, HAND OVER HAND, FOOT AFTER FOOT.
I REACH. I GRAB. I CLING.
BECAUSE TWENTY-TWO ISN'T OVER
BECAUSE MY LUNGS HAVE NOT COLLAPSED
BECAUSE MY BRAIN IS STILL CLEAR
BECAUSE MY HEART STILL BEATS

I                                                                                     .
am
here.
And no
one can say
I have failed.
No one can say
I have wasted time.
As I stand with aching
feet, bleeding hands, and
mud smeared face, I feel proud.
I have come a long way, a journey
dedicated to me, a path beaten by me.
My eyes closed, eyes wet, wings unfurl.
My eyes open, cheeks wet, wings take flight.
The sun is extra warm, the wind extra comforting,
Twenty-two is feeling the breath taken away from me