I am so lost in life right now
Too much thinking causes too much stress, hurt, and frustration...
Hi, my name is Jeannie. My life goal is now days undecided. I have no idea what to do anymore with my life. I don't know who to call a friend or who I can rely on or talk to anymore. My hard work seems to never pay off and I always get slapped in the face for trying. I seem to be there for everyone but no one seems to be there for me. I do not like to burden people because I feel that others may have it way worse than I do. I try to take my life a day at a time but when things boil down I still feel hurt, stressed, and sick more than a day at a time. And I simply just don't know what to do anymore.
I feel that my family expects too much from me, especially my step father. He always tells me that as soon as I graduate University I more-or-less have to have my life in order and what I want to do lined up. How about getting through the toughest semester of my life first? It would be nice. I also feel that my friends try to cheer me up even by lying to me. They in turn expect too much from me and think I'm something I simply am not at times. People will never allow me to be a failure, I have never failed at anything and I wish I could find it in my heart and mind to realize that failure some times IS OKAY instead of the most horrible thing on the face of the planet.. It makes my stomach churn.
I dream to have my life in order some day, settle down with a decent guy and start a family of my own. I don't want to struggle at life but here I am doing it right now... I wish life was easier I really do.
The only thing that seems to be keeping me sane right now (believe it or not) is my love for music. TVXQ are the only 5 guys who seem to brighten my day when I simply want to just jump off a bridge just a figure of speech.
Thank you to them... 동방신기 감사함니다
The only thing I would like to do is get an ESL job and move to Korea because I loved it there but in all honesty I'm so nervous to stand in front of a class room it is rather sad and I don't know if I could adapt to it or not. And then it leads me back to square one when I think about it... Depressed and sick. I feel like I'm here just to exist and that I have no point sometimes and that I won't make a difference on this earth sometimes but I'll be here until I die I would never wish death on anyone including myself.
With that said I don't know what else to write... My thoughts have left me I'm just depressed and it really sucks.
- Jeannie