Happy New Year, shizukanai (formerly pxahyoo)! Exchange fic: "Slowly, Breathlessly Swept Away"
Title: Slowly, Breathlessly Swept Away
Rating: PG-13
Genre: slices of life, drama
Warning: nada. though in this AU, please consider the idea of man loving man is not an abnormality (and possibility of mpreg, though nothing major).
Summary: Jaejoong falls for the beautiful eyes, those that gaze softly at another man; falls for that bright smile, the one smile the man serves for his pretty little girl; falls for the man that gives a hug that warm his heart like hot chocolate does. Jaejoong falls for Jung Yunho, and he falls hard.
Author’s note: I try to mash up two of your prompts, hope you enjoy it shizukanai! Title is inspired by Backstreet Boys’ drowning. Aaaaand, thank you so much for the patience you had with me, Mods!
The remaining winter wind is harsh on his face. Slapping it blushing red mercilessly, freezing the muscle behind those lean cheeks. However, Han Jaejoong doesn’t care. His mood is too bright and overwhelming with an indescribable happiness to feel gloom on such beautiful day. The somewhat morning sun is hiding somewhere behind the cloud, making the weather extremely enjoyable for a prologue to spring. In the land the light snow starts to melt drop by drop, blanketing the asphalts with slippery wet look. But here, out in the sea, on a ferry to Hongdo island, Jaejoong is surrounded by blue--soft, pastel blue sky that the sea mirrored. The sound of the relentless waves lapping at the deck below sings a familiar, nostalgic tune that Jaejoong misses from living in a bustling city like Seoul.
He is going to visit his favorite auntie from his mother side. His grandparents moved to the small island that also known as red island almost four decades ago. Around that time, his mother, a sophomore in university, chose to stay in Busan with her auntie rather than moving to that almost isolated island. Aunt Mujin, who is Jaejoong’s mother only sister, at that time an elementary student, was brought there. Aunt Mujin had been living there since, only twice or thrice every year that she came to the mainland and visit Jaejoong’s mother. After she married and had a child, she always brought along his son.
Kim Junsu, Jaejong’s cousin, is actually close to him because their age doesn’t differ that much. Now, his cousin is living in Vienna, pursuing his musical studies there, while Jaejoong himself will be on his senior year at Seoul National University coming the new semester. He is on Fine Arts major, but has not decided yet what will be his focus for the final assignment. Moving image fascinates him, and for some time he has been mulling over some ideas for a short, kind-of-documentary movie. However, looking back on his latest projects, it seems that his final would be another mixed medias installation rather than a movie project.
Anyway, for the last decade, Aunt Mujin hasn’t been able to move around much, let alone visiting him in Seoul. Her age has caught up to her physics, toning down her cheerful and active upbringing to someone that must walk with a stick. She decided to not move around so much, then. The last time Jaejoong met her was at his mother’s burial ceremony, but that was already three years ago. Four days ago, on a Thursday night, Aunt Mujin called him and asked his whereabouts, then spontaneously Jaejoong decided that he wanted to visit his auntie. The old lady only let out a boisterous laugh at his decision, then said that she totally welcomed his presence on her house.
Now, here he is, on a ferry to Hongdo island, with stiff and cold cheeks thanks to the wintery wind. Bright eyes and a happy smile is present on his face. It’s cold, icy cold that almost makes his teeth clattering, but everything is pretty and blue in his eyes; and Jaejoong is still on his winter break, so nothing can bring him down.
Not even that looming deadline of spring project. Yep. Nothing can bring him down. Or so he decides anyway.
The ferry is still in the middle of nowhere but blue. He glances up on his black analog wrist watch. He still has around one and a half hour before the ferry arrived at Hongdo island. Stretching his arms over his head, Jaejoong turns around and heads back under the rooftop area, where the wind wouldn’t be able to slap him well. He sits in the middle row, avoiding to sit near the opened window, but still close enough to be able to enjoy the outside view. There are many empty chairs on the upper deck and probably twenty to thirty people on the lower deck, all are elderly, probably Hongdo locals.
The ferry is understandably quiet since it’s not a peak season for tourists to enjoy the beautiful nature the island can offer. It is said to have a killer sunset view. Well, Jaejoong can’t remember his last visit to Hongdo because he was just a kid that time so he can’t say it’s true. This time around he probably wouldn’t be able to witness the so-called killer view--it is still winter after all. But hoping for it doesn’t hurt any body, so Jaejoong looks forward to watch the sky for the sunset.
“Aah”, Jaejoong rubs his stomach through the thick jacket he is wearing, “I am hungry.” He takes out a granola bar from his daypack and munches on it, eyes set on the blue outside. Heuksando island is still a tiny shadow near the horizon, yet alone Hongdo island. He still has plenty of time to sleep after his snacks.
===== ===== =====
The pungent smell of fishes and other seafood reaches him as soon as the ferry is docked on the port. Jaejoong scrunches up his nose, a frown forming. It probably smells worse when it’s spring or summer. In spite of it, his steps are light hearted as he ventures out the ferry and into the small fishing town. Actually Hongdo is very much isolated just as the time his grandparents moved here. South Korea government decided to preserve this most outer island of the country as a national park, going as far as limited the area on where people can step their foot on, where not to. Since the town is not too big, the transportation is also limited to either feet or three-wheels scooters. There is only a few of cars. But other than that, the life in Hongdo island is pretty much the same with other town in the mainland South Korea.
He doesn’t see Aunt Mujin on the port. Most likely his aunt is waiting for him at her house. Jaejoong reads her address again and then asks around for KJMJ Hostel. His auntie’s house also serves as lodging for when the peak season where herds of tourists come to visit the island. It’s a little bit up in the hill, and no doubt would have a great view of the town. As he makes his way up, he keeps his smile on his face for the ahjummas and ahjussis who kindly return his smile with their own.
“Aaaaah! So cold!” He exclaims, arms stretches over his head as he keeps walking. Some people looks at him with amused smile.
Three minutes later he arrives at Aunt Mujin’s house. A big two stories house. Jaejoong tries the knob and finds that it’s not locked. He walks in and finds no one at the entrance that also serves as lobby and a living room.
“Yo, auntie! Where are you? Jaejoong’s here!” He walks further inside as he pulls his jacket’s zipper down. The temperature is warm inside the house due to heater. No one is seen, but he hears giggles coming from upstair. “Aunt Mujin? Are you up there?”
The giggling stops. “Joongie-ah, is that you? Come up!”
Jaejoong drops his daypack on one of the chairs in the lobby and comes up. What he sees is kind of surprising. An old lady, whose look is younger than her 72 years old age, holding on to a pretty little girl bunches up in layers of warm clothes.
“Oh my god, auntie! You are so naughty! Is she another cousin of mine?” Jaejoong teases out his auntie. He leans forward to hug her.
“Aigo! You little brat!” His auntie welcomes the hug, taking care of the two years old baby so she is not squeezed between their hug. “How is your trip?”
“Great. No seasick this time.” He settles on the floor, gazing up the little girl who looks at him with a doe black eyes. “Who is she, auntie?”
“Oh, good, good. I remember when you were kid and suffered from seasick because of the long trip. You were barely enjoying your stay here!” His auntie reaches out for his hands. “You have grown up, don’t you? Into this pretty young man.”
Jaejoong pouts. “Handsome! Not pretty, Aunt Mujin-ah. By the way, who is she auntie? She is looking at me like I have two heads on my shoulders.”
His auntie laughs. “You little brat. Pretty Yona is a daughter from Yunho-sshi. Almost two years old and already this big! Child these days! They are our only guest this winter. Well, I hope spring and summer would bring a lot of people here. You will help this ahjumma for summer rush, won’t you? Junsu will also comeback next summer. He called last night.” Jaejoong hides his amused smile by the back of his hand. Really. She can ramble a mile a minute and literally put a high speed train to a shame. “Anyway you will be seeing Yunho-sshi for lunch. We are having lunch together.” Aunt Mujin looks at Yona and grins. “Delicious lunch together, yes Yona?”
The little girl grins back and nods. “Hng!”
“Such a good kid, Yona-ah.” Aunt Mujin squeezes Yona in her arms.
“Okay. Then, where is my room? Can I head to the market?” Jaejoong stands up and starts his way down. “Do you need anything for lunch?”
“Aigo, such a good young lad. And handsome, too.” Aunt Mujin praises him too much that Jaejoong can only smile sheepishly. “Buy anything you want, and then help me prepare lunch. Your room is downstair, the first one before the kitchen. Next to you is Yunho-sshi’s room.”
“Okay, auntie!”
He grabs his daypack, open his room, and put his bag aside. He checks his wallet for cash and out he goes. He notices the pale yellow walking stick on the side of his neighbor’s door.
===== ===== =====
The sun is already high and the weather outside is warmer than this morning. Jaejoong has finished shopping. The chopped skates he finds are all fresh from this morning big catches. There are other fishes, abalones, mussels, conchs and crabs sell in the market, along with selected few of vegetables, most of it pickled. The advantage of living in fishermen’s village is the many fresh proteins that sea can offer is available in the market. Jaejoong is happy with his shopping. He is thinking of eating the skates raw, dips it in a spicy sauce. Ah, just from thinking it Jaejoong can feel his anticipation builds up. Then, he will cook some seafood hotpot from abalones, octopuses and mussels that he bought for lunch.
“Ah, life is sooooo good here.” Even with the air freezing, Jaejoong can’t contain his happiness being away from the city. This is the kind of get away that he longs.
Heading back to his aunt’s place, he notices a man bundled up in blue down-jacket with the hats hanging off in the back, about six steps away in front of him. His pitch black short hair whips to the side as the wind breezes by. The man is walking slowly, carefully. Seems like the man has hurt his left foot and favors his right foot when walking. His big, manly posture and the way he carries himself somewhat demand attention from his surrounding.
Jaejoong watches as the man lifts his arm and tries to somewhat tame his messy hair from getting blow by the wind. Something about the man in front of him just don’t click with Hongdo. The village is not that big, more so because the national park status, and the local people don’t really differ much one from another. Maybe he is a tourist? Jaejoong remembers the walking stick on his neighbor’s door.
“Uhm. Ex-”
Just when Jaejoong opens his mouth to ask, a blur of black moves next to him and quickly latches themselves on the man’s side. “Yunho-ah, I said wait for me!”
Ah, so I am right. Jaejoong thinks as he stops walking and pretends to look at basins of sea animals on his side. The uncle who sells them smiles at him as he offers Jaejoong a slice of raw skate dips in gochujang. Jaejoong shakes his head and smiles a thank you for the offer. He glances at the strikingly handsome couple. So that man is Yunho-sshi, his aunt’s guest. Jaejoong blinks and notices that he isn’t the only one staring at them.
“Yoochun-ah.”
Jaejoong hears a deep voice coming out of the man, clearly older than Jaejoong himself. Now that Jaejoong can see his profile, he almost gasps in awe. Straight nose, fierce eyes, defined jaw-bones, and that small mole adoring the side of those chapped lips. Handsome is the one word that instantly appear in his mind. Then Jaejoong notices a wise look and soft eyes are directed to the blur of black that turns out to be another man. Younger, but just as handsome as Yunho-sshi.
Jaejoong stares. He feels the two figures in front of him are somewhat familiar. But he can’t pinpoint who they are from his memory. Yunho, Yoochun- wait-- their names sound familiar! Jaejoong tchs as he continues to watch the scene unfolds in front of him. Mind still searching for those men in his memory, but to no avail.
They have some hushed conversation, but the only thing that matters for Jaejoong is those soft eyes directed at Yoochun. It is so achingly loving and beautiful--Jaejoong’s fingers twitch. The urge to sketch the scene right away is so hard to curb, but he has grocery bags in his both hands. He looks at them, still conversing. However, those eyes are already printed in the back of his mind, haunting, demanding.
Then he sees Yunho cups Yoochun’s face in his hands, leans in, and kisses the shorter man on his forehead and eyes and mouth. Jaejoong gasps silently. Simple, innocent, loving pecks, yet convey so much feeling at the same time. Tightening his hold on the grocery bags, Jaejoong decides to hurry back to his sketch book.
He misses the goodbye said between the couple, and the sad look flickering in Yunho’s eyes after Yoochun walks away.
===== ===== =====
Yunho doesn’t come back for lunch. Jaejoong lightly comments on that and his auntie says that probably Yunho-sshi is wandering around. It makes Jaejoong wondered how trusting the man is, to leave her own daughter with some kind of stranger. His aunt says that it is because Yunho has been staying at Hongdo for more than two weeks. Jaejoong quirks his brow at that information, wondering what is the man’s job to be able to go on holiday for such a long time. Or maybe Jaejoong is assuming too much. He chastises himself inwardly for being overly curious to someone he just saw in a glimpse. Lunch is pretty much a quiet affair after that.
As he cleans the table, the cheerful little girl, who still babbles rather than talks, tugs on his pants. She shyly looks at Jaejoong and then lifts one of her arms, silently asking him to hold her, while her other hand is holding onto a sippy cup. Jaejoong relents, he becomes a weak-willed man whenever dealing with children, unable to refuse their request, even the silliest one. He bets it’s from the many times he takes care of Jaeyeon’s--his sister--little princesses. Jaejoong lifts Yona and the toddler’s eyes instantly curve into two crescents of happiness. Jaejoong’s heart melts straightaway, and he can’t help himself from kissing her forehead. Afterward, Yona doesn’t fuss much, except when Jaejoong tries to put her to sleep.
A few hours later, Jaejoong claims to his auntie that Yona steals his heart. His aunt only laughs hard as a response, prompting the toddler to giggle, too.
Jaejoong coos. “So cute, Yona-ah.” He lightly pinches her chubby cheeks, earning him the moony eyes.
The toddler is always smiling. Even if she is upset, she doesn’t dwell too long, quickly finding new things she can enjoy. She is too lovable not to fall in love with. That, and the fact that Jaejoong wears his heart on his sleeves. Her mother always says that he falls in love too quickly for his own good. However, so far in his life, nothing bad happens because of it, thus Jaejoong concludes that nothing is wrong with falling in love too quickly.
Yunho comes back when it’s dinner time. The table is already set as Jaejoong puts down the re-heated seafood hotpot he cooked for lunch. He is about to call his auntie and Yona to eat, but stops in his track when he sees Yunho standing at the entrance to dining room.
The look on Yunho’s face stops Jaejoong from greeting the man. The expression there is different than the one he had seen this afternoon. Nothing about it is soft and loving like when he looked at Yoochun. This man’s gaze is hard and cold. Jaejoong is baffled. What is wrong with that man?
“Where is Yona and Mujin-sshi?”
“Uhm.” Jaejoong tries.
“Oh, Yunho-sshi, you’re back. How is the island? Did you see the winter sunset in that secret hill I told you?” Aunt Mujin comes into the room after spending it outside the backyard with Yona. The little girl upon seeing her father, quickly runs to him, hugging his legs.
Yunho lifts her and gives her a squeezing hug. “Thank you. I enjoyed the sunset. It was an inspiring scene.” He speaks politely.
“Oh, good. Yona misses you all day. You should bring her along when you explore tomorrow.” Aunt Mujin says as she settles on her cushioned seat on the floor. The wooden floor is warm from the heater. “Come sit with us for dinner. Jaejoongie here prepares a lot for all of us. Please take your seat, Yunho-sshi.”
Yunho obeys and sits down across her. Yona on his lap, her little arms wrapped around her father’s neck. “Thank you.”
Jaejoong takes his seat beside his aunt. “Hello, Yunho-sshi. I am Jaejoong.”
The older man doesn’t even spare him a glance, only a grunt to let Jaejoong know that he hears it. Jaejoong shrugs. Oh well. Maybe something is up the man’s ass. At least, Jaejoong has tried to be nice.
“Appa- appa- appa~” Yona babbles as she hides her face on her father’s neck.
The effect of Yona’s adorable behavior is immediate and surprising. The man’s eyes light up, as he squeezes her chubby face and peppers it with kisses. A bright smile appears and Jaejoong is once again mesmerized by those expressive eyes.
“Hello, pretty girl,” Yunho pokes her nose. Yona laughs and squirms on her father’s lap.
Aunt Mujin nudges his leg under the table. Jaejoong looks away, sheepish from being caught staring. It is barely hours since he knows about the man’s existence, and already he is intrigued. His fingers are itching to continue his unfinished sketch from the afternoon.
“Come on, let’s eat before the soup gets cold.” Aunt Mujin says, eyes looking at Yunho kindly.
Yunho nods his gratitude. He prepares Yona’s bowl first. Rice and-
Suddenly Jaejoong remembers that he made an egg-drop soup for Yona. “Ah, Yunho-sshi. Wait, I also made an egg-drop soup for Yona.”
Jaejoong stands up and runs back to the kitchen. When he comes back, he brings a bowl with him and Yona’s colorful bib. He puts it down on the table, beside Yunho’s plate and then runs back to the kitchen again to bring the portable baby chair Yunho brought with him to Hongdo for Yona to sit down, so her father can comfortably feed her. “There you go,” Jaejoong huffs.
“Jaejae~” Yona giggles, a finger points at Jaejoong.
He coos at the happy toddler.
“Thank you.”
Jaejoong eyes alight. “You’re welcome, Yunho-sshi.”
After dinner, everyone tucks in early for there are not many entertainment available in Hongdo, especially during winter time. As Jaejoong settles on his futon, faintly he can hear a soft voice singing a lullaby tune from the room next to his. Somehow the image of Yunho comforting Yona makes Jaejoong smile.
That night Jaejoong falls asleep easily and dreams a certain pair of loving eyes looking at him.
===== ===== =====
Jaejoong wakes up and instantly he knows today is a happy day. He sleeps well. A smile decorates his face when he opens door. He heads to the bathroom to wash, humming his favorite song all the way. When he is done, he goes to the kitchen to prepare some simple breakfast. Toasts and scrambled eggs. Jaejoong hears a door opened and turns to see who is up. He sees Yunho and Yona. Both are dressed up to spend the day outside. Yona looks so cute bundles up in a red parka and black knee length boots, while Yunho looks handsome with his unzipped parka, showing the light brown sweater he wears inside. Both father and daughter wear matching knitted hats.
“Good morning, Yunho-sshi.” Jaejoong greets the man cheerfully. After last night, he doesn’t expect Yunho to reply and thus is surprised when Yunho says, albeit in a gruff tone, “Good morning.”
Yona toddles her way to Jaejoong. “Jaejae~”
“Morning, little princess.” Jaejoong lifts the baby and kisses her cheek. “You want breakfast, Yona?” The little girl grins at him, eyes again forming the twin crescents. “Jaejae has toasts and eggs for you.”
“No need. We’ll find something at the mini mart.” Yunho says. Jaejoong can see that Yunho wants to reach for Yona, but stops himself halfway.
He puts down Yona, and the little girl toddles her way back to her father, rambling nonsensical words. “No, it’s okay. I just need to pack it in a lunch box and you are set to go.”
“Thank you.”
Jaejoong dismisses it by waving his hand, not actually looking at the man as he searches the cupboards for any lunch boxes. He misses the hesitant look on Yunho’s face.
When he is done, Jaejoong hands out two lunch boxes and two cups of yogurt he found in the fridge to Yunho. Then he crouches down to Yona’s level. “Have fun, little princess.”
“Uhn!” Yona gives him her trademark moony eyes.
===== ===== =====
After a quick breakfast, he spends some time in the balcony at second floor and continues his sketch that is inspired by Yunho. Half an hour later, Jaejoong decides to discard his work for a hike in a nearby trail. He feels that his sketch done no justice to what he witnessed. Jaejoong sighs as he tediously follow the ascending trail. Sometimes stopping to catch his breath and takes in the beautiful scenery.
The winter morning is splendid for Jaejoong. The weather is good, the sky is clear except for that huge gloomy cloud hanging out in the far south, and the air is fresh cold, not a freezing one, the wind blows softly and everything is just pretty. On the sides of the trail, small buds of flowers to bloom in spring can already be seen. Everything looks sharp and vivid. Unlike the somber color of winter, the scenery is changing to various shades of greens, browns and every other colors that compliment both the baby blue sky and royal blue sea.
He spends the morning sketching the nature from one of the viewing decks at the top. The hiking trail divides to some more paths along way, there are cemented path also the unbeaten ones, and Jaejoong choose to go to the very top. Once in awhile he stops and just daydreams, and that’s when he remembers Yunho and his eyes. Jaejoong pouts whenever he recalls those expressive almond-colored eyes. It seems he can’t shake of that soft gaze Yunho directed at Yoochun, he almost feels obsessed by the many times those eyes haunted him. It is barely even a day since he sees it, too! Jaejoong admits though, that he has the penchant to do so. Like last year, when he was so obsessed with the taste of various chili pastes, and even went as far as to ask his friend in Japan to send him the famous Death Sauce, not one, but all the variant tastes. Jaejoong’s mouth watered at the thought of it. He knows of his tendency to become so obsessed with something, but that is the problem, it is never someone.
Jaejoong sighs and picks up his graphite pencil. He would add some color for later on with the compressed chalks. He must have left it in his hurry to leave this morning. He adds light shading for the ground and the waves so it looks more dynamic, then thickens the outline of the houses in the middle. When he looks up again, the gloomy cloud he has seen this morning has moved and now looms above the houses below, the sun hides behind it.
“Uh, should head down before the rain,” he mumbles as he collects his thing and shoves it inside his day pack.
Looking at the dark clouds already dispersing and making way for the sunshine, it won’t be raining dogs and cats. Most likely it will be a light shower, so Jaejoong treks his way back down in an easy pace. True to his observation, not five minutes later it drizzles. Jaejoong looks down and watches for his steps since the trail is getting wet and more slippery than it was before. He catches some voices from in front of him and looks up. He recognize the father and daughter. They were walking slowly in front of him, Yunho is holding Yona’s hand tightly and his walking stick in the other hand as they descend the cemented path. Before he can decide whether to greet the pair or not, Jaejoong sees Yona stops on her track and looks up to his father.
“Appa- appa.“ Yona calls Yunho.
Yunho also stops and looks down to his baby girl. “Yes, Yona-ah?”
Yona lifts up her arms. “Appa~”
Jaejoong watches how Yunho’s face turns to this loving expression, and how a grin tugs at his lips. Jaejoong is mesmerized--by that grin, by that bright and cheerful face, by those eyes--so, so different than when he looks at Jaejoong. And, he doesn’t understand why his heart aches at the knowledge. He stares unblinkingly as Yunho picks up Yona and hugs her, peppering her face with smooches.
“Heheheheung.” Yona giggles and squirms. “Appa, Yona, loooove,” the little girl drawled as she kisses her father’s cheek.
“Yes, appa love Yona-ah,” he says, giving another kiss to her chubby cheek. “Now, Yona walks with appa, okay?”
Yona nods. “Eung!”
Yunho puts her down and they hold hands again.
Jaejoong blinks as the pair resume their journey down. Jaejoong decides that it’s time to make his presence known. “Ah, Yunho-sshi.”
He sees the man turns his head, and with a slow dread, Jaejoong watches the smile falls off the handsome face and a frown replaces it. He can’t explain the disappointment he feels. He swallows down his bitter feeling as he stiffly steps down the path. “Hi,” he greets. A smile readily on his face, and although he can’t see his own face at that moment, he knows that his smile is awkward and forced.
===== ===== =====
Lunch is awkward. Sure that Yunho thanked Jaejoong for his help when they trekked down the trail silently and Yona a gurgling happy baby in the younger man’s arm. But then, nothing. If Jaejoong were an over-sensitive man and childish, he would complain and accuse Yunho for avoiding him. That man wouldn’t even look at Jaejoong, giving only short responses when Jaejoong addresses him in a mundane conversation.
Jaejoong is irritated. No. That’s an understatement, he is beyond irritated. Never in his life someone is shunning him out without him knowing the reason. They just met for god’s sake! It hasn’t been 24 hours since they formally met at dinner last night. And, Jaejoong tsk-ed in annoyance, it’s not that man is incapable of being friendly. Yunho-sshi is definitely singling me out from the recipient list! He had seen how Yunho interact with his aunt, and with other people they have met in town as they headed back to KJMJ. It is nothing like that cold, detached gaze he seems to have given to Jaejoong all day long.
“...-sshi and Yona are going back this noon? What gives so suddenly?” Aunt Mujin asks, as they finish up their lunch.
Jaejoong stops halfway to the kitchen with dirty dishes. What?
“Yeah. I apologize, but I need to go back soon. Something has came up and I can’t prolong my stay.”
Jaejoong notices his odd reaction and resumes his way to the kitchen, but quietly that he can still hear the conversation going on.
Jaejoong turns the tap and starts washing the dishes. He strains his ear so he still could eavesdrop.
“Done with your bag? Yona is napping, right?”
“Yeah. It’s done. When Yona wakes up, we are going.”
“Ah, I am going to miss Yona. She is such a good girl.”
“Thank you, Mujin-sshi. I am sorry to have left her with you yesterday. I hope she didn’t do anything that bother you.”
“No, no. Not at all, Yunho-sshi. Joongiie took care of her most of the day.”
Jaejoong stacks up the clean dishes into the racks as quiet as he can to see if Yunho has anything to say about it. But again he gets disappointed when Yunho only grunts his response, a what-sounded-like-halfhearted thank you. And Jaejoong scowls. Mostly at himself for being disappointed. He doesn’t know what to expect himself, what kind of response he expects Yunho to say, and yet he is disappointed when this Yunho-man put him aside.
Done with the dishes, Jaejoong locks himself inside his room. He sits down near the window for the light, since he doesn’t switch on the lamp. His sketchbook on his lap, the compressed colored chalks scatter around on the floor. A set of earphones in his ears, blaring whatever musics the radio station decides to play, which is for once, old songs from the early 2000s. He was still too young that time, but the songs back then were much more to his taste than the ones nowadays. The radio even plays Loveholic’s Sky. That one was his favorite. It was on the top of his play list several years ago, when he was in high school. Well, it still is his favorite, even though he rarely listens to it now.
“...-ngie?”
He turns his head to the door, taking off one of the earphone. “Yes, auntie?”
“Joongie, come out and help Yunho-sshi.”
Jaejoong frowns, but he obeys. “Okay.” He opens the door and expects to see Yunho with Yona, except he only sees his auntie. “Where are they?”
“Ah, Yunho-sshi already made his way to the ferry. Just like a minute ago, come quick Joongie, go after them, and say your good bye to Yona. She was looking for you when she woke up.”
He wants to say no, he won’t go after that man, who clearly doesn’t want him around, but he remembers the sweet little girl, and he sighs. “Alright. Only because you asked auntie-yah. And, that I miss Yona already.”
Aunt Mujin only laughs. “Hurry, please!”
“Okay, okay!”
Jaejoong grabs his jacket and walks out. Yunho shouldn’t be that far and he is correct. He can see the man and Yona walking slowly at the end of the turn that leads to the port. The man is heaving a huge backpack, maybe up to 70 liters, one hand holding his walking stick while Yona toddles beside him.
Jaejoong quickens his pace, and when he is close by, he calls out. “Yona!”
“Uh?”
Jaejoong sees Yona turns her head back and she grins when she sees her. “Jaejae~!”
He grins back at the little girl, ignoring the fact that Yunho’s has stiffened beside her. “Jaejae will escort you to the ferry, little princess.” He swoops in and lifts Yona into his arms. “Oops, heavy princess aren’t you?” Jaejoong pokes her nose and earns a giggle. Then, Jaejoong looks at Yunho. “C’mon, or you will miss the ferry.”
Then, as Jaejoong now well-expected, the remaining walk to the port is nothing but awkward silent. He tries to not be irritated with Yunho’s cold attitude toward him by playing with Yona’s hair. After Yunho buys the ticket, Jaejoong walks up to him. Yona, still in his arms, reaches forward to her dad. Then everything happens to fast for Jaejoong to understand what is really going on. In a mere second he feels warm body encloses him, then the next all he sees is dark blur that moves fast to the ferry, albeit unsteadily.
Jaejoong is totally dumbfounded.
Long after this, when Jaejoong recalls back, he would remember the swish of Yunho’s hand go past him and hold him tight. His big hand splays on Jaejoong’s back, spreading warm to where it touched. He would remember the happy sound of Yona giggling, probably thinking that this is a game of hugging. Jaejoong would remember that the crushing hug, a bear-hug, he would fondly describe, doesn’t last more than a second. He would also remember the husky voice whispering a thank you right into his ear, sounding so sincere unlike before. Then, definitely Jaejoong would remember the slight touch of soft lips on the tip of his ear.
Jaejoong would remember, too, the pounding of his heart inside the ribcage, and shit, as something finally dawns in his head. He has a suspicion as to why he feels such an irritation when that man, who he knows nothing about a day before--basically a stranger, ignore him.
Do I... like him?
===== ===== =====
Two weeks has passed since then. Spring comes like usual. Seoul is bustling like usual. The spring installation project for university makes him crazy. That is also the usual. Jaejoong sighs. Everything after his impromptu vacation is nothing but a common experience to him. He is in boredom.
“Hey, hyung! You don’t slack off at this point.”
Changmin--junior in age, genius in brain, creative in life-surviving skills, very sarcastic in life--complains at him? Well, that is also usual. Jaejoong sighs again.
“What’s the matter, hyung? I have never seen you sighing so much in your entire academic life here. Did you go on holiday and meet new love or something?”
Jaejoong jerks away when he hears the word love. “Wh-what? No! I love him? No! Of course not!”
Changmin quirks his brow. “Hyung.” His tone is flat, but Jaejoong feels cornered anyway.
Shit. Jaejoong wants to facepalm. “Drop it.”
“Ask nicely, hyung.”
Jaejoong rolls his eyes. “Please.”
“Okay.” When the brow comes down to its regular place, Jaejoong wants to sigh in relief. But he knows his peaceful day won’t last long. He sighs again, trying to concentrate on his piece.
“Have you heard the spring line-up? You won’t believe this, we finally will get classes with that Jung Yunho!”
Jaejoong looks at the detail he has been doing since this morning. That crook looks tilted. “Really?” Yep, it’s tilted. “Jung Yunho, the asspro you admire?” Hm. Jung Yunho? That sounds familiar. Jung Yun- Jaejoong’s head whips around so fast that Changmin flinches. “What?”
“Hyung! Restrain from hurting yourself please! Or doing anything remotely close to prove that sentence.” Changmin one-touches his hyung.
“Hey! You hurt me!” Jaejoong protests.
“I am the only one allowed to do so.” Changmin claims. “But anyway, yes! The mighty Jung Yunho will teach us. You know I have been waiting to meet him in class since forever. I thought last semester he would be there, but, thanks to some idiot who couldn’t, for the life of him, tell a red light from the green, he was taking last semester off.”
Jaejoong hears Changmin’s rambling nonstop, but all he can hear is his heart pounding crazily. Since that hug, Jaejoong is unable to take Yunho, and sometimes Yona too, out of his head.
Shit. That’s why he thinks that name and figure is familiar to him. Now he remembers, too. Yoochun is a opera singer that now turns into a famous ballad singer, whom his cousin, Junsu, couldn’t stop talking about, especially after Yoochun attended one of his classes as a guest teacher. Jaejoong slaps himself mentally. To think that he just figures everything out now is pathetic. Yunho is Yoochun’s husband. He remembers two years ago when Changmin prattled on and on about Yunho finally getting married to his pregnant childhood friend and few months after that Changmin prattled about how cute their daughter was.
Jaejoong’s heart aches at the knowledge.
“He is divorced now- Hyung! Are you listening?”
Jaejoong glares as he rubs his stinging forearm. “Why are you so violent, Changmin-ah! I am your hyung!”
“Then you act like one!” Changmin exclaims, a pout on his childish face. “It’s actually mortifying for me, you know, when I heard he was using your project, that remix two, as an example for his class last year. I hate you for that.”
Jaejoong rolls his eyes. “Thank you. I’ll take that as compliment coming from your mouth.”
“So. How is it going with your installment now? I can see the blueprint, but I am not sure, are you keeping the main piece from me or what?”
Jaejoong winces. “Well.” Another eyebrow quirking from Changmin. “Nah, it’s coming along. You’ll see.”
To be honest, Jaejoong is in a midlife crisis regarding to that main piece. He already sets everything up, but the main piece is not coming along, all because of his restless sleep haunted by those eyes. Then something clicks. Maybe... “Don’t worry, Minnie. It’s coming along, I promise you.”
===== ===== =====
For his spring project, Jaejoong chooses to not dwell on his unrequited love life. He tries to think the positive side of the unrequited love to be his theme. Jaejoong is not happy with the situation, but what can he do anyway? The man is married, has a cute daughter that even Jaejoong love, so how should he work on his love life then? Being a mistress is not Jaejoong’s style. It’s another story if Yunho is single. Jaejoong will make his move. Even though Yunho would dismiss him easily. Yeah, most likely that older man is going to do so.
Jaejoong is in the middle of his walk to their spring project studio to add some finishing detail, also to check on one particular scene of animated waves that he made.
“Hyung!”
Jaejoong turns his head and finds Changmin running full speed toward him. “Wow, wow, boy, slow down. I am not going anywhere.”
The younger man stops in front of him and grabs his hand, tugging him towards the next building. “You wouldn’t believe this! Jung is participating in the spring project! His is already up! Quick! We need to see it now! They are having limited audiences now. Jung is there, too!”
Changmin is shooting words after words with gleeful excitement and Jaejoong can’t help but laugh. But, w-wait, Jung Yunho is there? Jaejoong tries to pull his hand back. He is not ready yet, but unfortunately, it’s a futile attempt. Changmin is stronger than his childish look. Jaejoong resigns to his fate.
When they get to the studio, people is already queuing in front of the closed door. Some are the professors that taught them, so they greets them first. Jaejoong also notices few fellow students that he had worked with before, in classes and projects. Less than two minutes later, the door is opened.
Jaejoong looks up, and Yunho is there. Looking the same like he last saw him, but at the same time different. When their gazes meet, Jaejoong almost gasps. Those eyes are looking at him, into him, and no, it’s not that cold and hard gaze like before. It is something warm and intense. The moment is gone when Yunho has to look away and welcome the audiences.
What is that? Jaejoong blinks. Why the man is so different? But before he can think of any answer, Changmin is pulling him inside the studio, and both of them are assaulted with the fishy smell. Jaejoong can make out murmurs of wonder and excitement from the crowd, and he too can’t help but stares in awe at Yunho’s installation. The man is recreating the moment in Hongdo. He is bringing the reality of the fishermen town into the studio. From the fishy smell, to those voices of ahjusshis and ahjumas selling raw skates. Yunho is using several materials, such as wires and wood planks, also some common instruments like basins to infuse the daily life into the installation.
Changmin is leaving his side and Jaejoong’s feet brings him to one side that show the almost sunset scenery that Yunho painted on the wall. It looks to real to be just a painting, and how can Yunho get that beautiful orange-purple-pink-lavender color?
“Hey.”
Someone is calling him from behind. “Hey you, too. Look at this, sunset. How real this can be?” Jaejoong whispers, awe-struck.
“Thank you, I painted it.”
Jaejoong turns his head slowly to see Yunho standing behind him. The man is smiling. At him. Yunho is smiling at him. Jaejoong’s heart is pounding fast. “Uh, hi,” he responds, too stunned to say anything else.
“Do you have a minute?”
Jaejoong nods dumbly and then he follows Yunho to another corner where he can see another painting. From his peripheral view, he sees Changmin glaring at him. But he could care less about Changmin at the moment. In front of him now is a painting of a man and a little girl looking at the vast sea. He gasps when he realizes who are they meant to be.
“Uh. What does this mean, Yunho-sshi?” Jaejoong asks, and he hates himself that his voice sounds shaky, a little breathless. He is aware of his hope rising, of spring and maybe the love soon-to-be.
“Are you free tonight?”
“But, Yoochun-sshi?” Jaejoong winces as soon as the question flies by his mouth. The hope that is blooming inside of him, wilts. Yeah, Yunho is married.
“We are not together anymore. Not as husband and wife anymore. I’ll tell you the story. Later. If you agree to have dinner with me.”
Jaejoong quirks his eyebrow. His heart is pounding twice faster now. “Deal.”
When Yunho walks away from him, his number is in Jaejoong’s hand and his big grin is already imprinted in Jaejoong’s heart.
Is this the end of his unrequited love, then? Should he change his installation? Jaejoong grins. No, he decides. It’s okay like that.
“Why are you grinning? You look creepy.” Changmin stands beside him, as they both look at Yunho, who is talking with Professor Cha, from the sculpture division.
“Nah.”
“What were you talking about with Jung?”
“Nah.”
“Hey. Your smile is getting creepier by each passing second. Are you sick? We are still having dinner together, right?”
Jaejoong snorts. Dinner with Changmin means he is slaving himself to cook for that bottomless-pit man. “No, I get a date tonight.”
“Hey! You promise me a hotpot!”
Jaejoong turns and gives Changmin a look that shut the younger man up and stop him from executing the violent one-touch-love.
“Later, Changmin. I have a date.”
With one Jung Yunho, he adds inwardly in case Changmin decides that the information would make him hate Jaejoong forever.
Yunho’s eyes, that captivated Jaejoong’s heart from the moment he saw them, catch his. And, Jaejoong notices as warm spread inside him, it’s the soft eyes he longs to be directed at.
Spring has come, hasn’t it? Coming slowly in the background and sweeping him off his feet, taking his breath away.
Rating: PG-13
Genre: slices of life, drama
Warning: nada. though in this AU, please consider the idea of man loving man is not an abnormality (and possibility of mpreg, though nothing major).
Summary: Jaejoong falls for the beautiful eyes, those that gaze softly at another man; falls for that bright smile, the one smile the man serves for his pretty little girl; falls for the man that gives a hug that warm his heart like hot chocolate does. Jaejoong falls for Jung Yunho, and he falls hard.
Author’s note: I try to mash up two of your prompts, hope you enjoy it shizukanai! Title is inspired by Backstreet Boys’ drowning. Aaaaand, thank you so much for the patience you had with me, Mods!
The remaining winter wind is harsh on his face. Slapping it blushing red mercilessly, freezing the muscle behind those lean cheeks. However, Han Jaejoong doesn’t care. His mood is too bright and overwhelming with an indescribable happiness to feel gloom on such beautiful day. The somewhat morning sun is hiding somewhere behind the cloud, making the weather extremely enjoyable for a prologue to spring. In the land the light snow starts to melt drop by drop, blanketing the asphalts with slippery wet look. But here, out in the sea, on a ferry to Hongdo island, Jaejoong is surrounded by blue--soft, pastel blue sky that the sea mirrored. The sound of the relentless waves lapping at the deck below sings a familiar, nostalgic tune that Jaejoong misses from living in a bustling city like Seoul.
He is going to visit his favorite auntie from his mother side. His grandparents moved to the small island that also known as red island almost four decades ago. Around that time, his mother, a sophomore in university, chose to stay in Busan with her auntie rather than moving to that almost isolated island. Aunt Mujin, who is Jaejoong’s mother only sister, at that time an elementary student, was brought there. Aunt Mujin had been living there since, only twice or thrice every year that she came to the mainland and visit Jaejoong’s mother. After she married and had a child, she always brought along his son.
Kim Junsu, Jaejong’s cousin, is actually close to him because their age doesn’t differ that much. Now, his cousin is living in Vienna, pursuing his musical studies there, while Jaejoong himself will be on his senior year at Seoul National University coming the new semester. He is on Fine Arts major, but has not decided yet what will be his focus for the final assignment. Moving image fascinates him, and for some time he has been mulling over some ideas for a short, kind-of-documentary movie. However, looking back on his latest projects, it seems that his final would be another mixed medias installation rather than a movie project.
Anyway, for the last decade, Aunt Mujin hasn’t been able to move around much, let alone visiting him in Seoul. Her age has caught up to her physics, toning down her cheerful and active upbringing to someone that must walk with a stick. She decided to not move around so much, then. The last time Jaejoong met her was at his mother’s burial ceremony, but that was already three years ago. Four days ago, on a Thursday night, Aunt Mujin called him and asked his whereabouts, then spontaneously Jaejoong decided that he wanted to visit his auntie. The old lady only let out a boisterous laugh at his decision, then said that she totally welcomed his presence on her house.
Now, here he is, on a ferry to Hongdo island, with stiff and cold cheeks thanks to the wintery wind. Bright eyes and a happy smile is present on his face. It’s cold, icy cold that almost makes his teeth clattering, but everything is pretty and blue in his eyes; and Jaejoong is still on his winter break, so nothing can bring him down.
Not even that looming deadline of spring project. Yep. Nothing can bring him down. Or so he decides anyway.
The ferry is still in the middle of nowhere but blue. He glances up on his black analog wrist watch. He still has around one and a half hour before the ferry arrived at Hongdo island. Stretching his arms over his head, Jaejoong turns around and heads back under the rooftop area, where the wind wouldn’t be able to slap him well. He sits in the middle row, avoiding to sit near the opened window, but still close enough to be able to enjoy the outside view. There are many empty chairs on the upper deck and probably twenty to thirty people on the lower deck, all are elderly, probably Hongdo locals.
The ferry is understandably quiet since it’s not a peak season for tourists to enjoy the beautiful nature the island can offer. It is said to have a killer sunset view. Well, Jaejoong can’t remember his last visit to Hongdo because he was just a kid that time so he can’t say it’s true. This time around he probably wouldn’t be able to witness the so-called killer view--it is still winter after all. But hoping for it doesn’t hurt any body, so Jaejoong looks forward to watch the sky for the sunset.
“Aah”, Jaejoong rubs his stomach through the thick jacket he is wearing, “I am hungry.” He takes out a granola bar from his daypack and munches on it, eyes set on the blue outside. Heuksando island is still a tiny shadow near the horizon, yet alone Hongdo island. He still has plenty of time to sleep after his snacks.
===== ===== =====
The pungent smell of fishes and other seafood reaches him as soon as the ferry is docked on the port. Jaejoong scrunches up his nose, a frown forming. It probably smells worse when it’s spring or summer. In spite of it, his steps are light hearted as he ventures out the ferry and into the small fishing town. Actually Hongdo is very much isolated just as the time his grandparents moved here. South Korea government decided to preserve this most outer island of the country as a national park, going as far as limited the area on where people can step their foot on, where not to. Since the town is not too big, the transportation is also limited to either feet or three-wheels scooters. There is only a few of cars. But other than that, the life in Hongdo island is pretty much the same with other town in the mainland South Korea.
He doesn’t see Aunt Mujin on the port. Most likely his aunt is waiting for him at her house. Jaejoong reads her address again and then asks around for KJMJ Hostel. His auntie’s house also serves as lodging for when the peak season where herds of tourists come to visit the island. It’s a little bit up in the hill, and no doubt would have a great view of the town. As he makes his way up, he keeps his smile on his face for the ahjummas and ahjussis who kindly return his smile with their own.
“Aaaaah! So cold!” He exclaims, arms stretches over his head as he keeps walking. Some people looks at him with amused smile.
Three minutes later he arrives at Aunt Mujin’s house. A big two stories house. Jaejoong tries the knob and finds that it’s not locked. He walks in and finds no one at the entrance that also serves as lobby and a living room.
“Yo, auntie! Where are you? Jaejoong’s here!” He walks further inside as he pulls his jacket’s zipper down. The temperature is warm inside the house due to heater. No one is seen, but he hears giggles coming from upstair. “Aunt Mujin? Are you up there?”
The giggling stops. “Joongie-ah, is that you? Come up!”
Jaejoong drops his daypack on one of the chairs in the lobby and comes up. What he sees is kind of surprising. An old lady, whose look is younger than her 72 years old age, holding on to a pretty little girl bunches up in layers of warm clothes.
“Oh my god, auntie! You are so naughty! Is she another cousin of mine?” Jaejoong teases out his auntie. He leans forward to hug her.
“Aigo! You little brat!” His auntie welcomes the hug, taking care of the two years old baby so she is not squeezed between their hug. “How is your trip?”
“Great. No seasick this time.” He settles on the floor, gazing up the little girl who looks at him with a doe black eyes. “Who is she, auntie?”
“Oh, good, good. I remember when you were kid and suffered from seasick because of the long trip. You were barely enjoying your stay here!” His auntie reaches out for his hands. “You have grown up, don’t you? Into this pretty young man.”
Jaejoong pouts. “Handsome! Not pretty, Aunt Mujin-ah. By the way, who is she auntie? She is looking at me like I have two heads on my shoulders.”
His auntie laughs. “You little brat. Pretty Yona is a daughter from Yunho-sshi. Almost two years old and already this big! Child these days! They are our only guest this winter. Well, I hope spring and summer would bring a lot of people here. You will help this ahjumma for summer rush, won’t you? Junsu will also comeback next summer. He called last night.” Jaejoong hides his amused smile by the back of his hand. Really. She can ramble a mile a minute and literally put a high speed train to a shame. “Anyway you will be seeing Yunho-sshi for lunch. We are having lunch together.” Aunt Mujin looks at Yona and grins. “Delicious lunch together, yes Yona?”
The little girl grins back and nods. “Hng!”
“Such a good kid, Yona-ah.” Aunt Mujin squeezes Yona in her arms.
“Okay. Then, where is my room? Can I head to the market?” Jaejoong stands up and starts his way down. “Do you need anything for lunch?”
“Aigo, such a good young lad. And handsome, too.” Aunt Mujin praises him too much that Jaejoong can only smile sheepishly. “Buy anything you want, and then help me prepare lunch. Your room is downstair, the first one before the kitchen. Next to you is Yunho-sshi’s room.”
“Okay, auntie!”
He grabs his daypack, open his room, and put his bag aside. He checks his wallet for cash and out he goes. He notices the pale yellow walking stick on the side of his neighbor’s door.
===== ===== =====
The sun is already high and the weather outside is warmer than this morning. Jaejoong has finished shopping. The chopped skates he finds are all fresh from this morning big catches. There are other fishes, abalones, mussels, conchs and crabs sell in the market, along with selected few of vegetables, most of it pickled. The advantage of living in fishermen’s village is the many fresh proteins that sea can offer is available in the market. Jaejoong is happy with his shopping. He is thinking of eating the skates raw, dips it in a spicy sauce. Ah, just from thinking it Jaejoong can feel his anticipation builds up. Then, he will cook some seafood hotpot from abalones, octopuses and mussels that he bought for lunch.
“Ah, life is sooooo good here.” Even with the air freezing, Jaejoong can’t contain his happiness being away from the city. This is the kind of get away that he longs.
Heading back to his aunt’s place, he notices a man bundled up in blue down-jacket with the hats hanging off in the back, about six steps away in front of him. His pitch black short hair whips to the side as the wind breezes by. The man is walking slowly, carefully. Seems like the man has hurt his left foot and favors his right foot when walking. His big, manly posture and the way he carries himself somewhat demand attention from his surrounding.
Jaejoong watches as the man lifts his arm and tries to somewhat tame his messy hair from getting blow by the wind. Something about the man in front of him just don’t click with Hongdo. The village is not that big, more so because the national park status, and the local people don’t really differ much one from another. Maybe he is a tourist? Jaejoong remembers the walking stick on his neighbor’s door.
“Uhm. Ex-”
Just when Jaejoong opens his mouth to ask, a blur of black moves next to him and quickly latches themselves on the man’s side. “Yunho-ah, I said wait for me!”
Ah, so I am right. Jaejoong thinks as he stops walking and pretends to look at basins of sea animals on his side. The uncle who sells them smiles at him as he offers Jaejoong a slice of raw skate dips in gochujang. Jaejoong shakes his head and smiles a thank you for the offer. He glances at the strikingly handsome couple. So that man is Yunho-sshi, his aunt’s guest. Jaejoong blinks and notices that he isn’t the only one staring at them.
“Yoochun-ah.”
Jaejoong hears a deep voice coming out of the man, clearly older than Jaejoong himself. Now that Jaejoong can see his profile, he almost gasps in awe. Straight nose, fierce eyes, defined jaw-bones, and that small mole adoring the side of those chapped lips. Handsome is the one word that instantly appear in his mind. Then Jaejoong notices a wise look and soft eyes are directed to the blur of black that turns out to be another man. Younger, but just as handsome as Yunho-sshi.
Jaejoong stares. He feels the two figures in front of him are somewhat familiar. But he can’t pinpoint who they are from his memory. Yunho, Yoochun- wait-- their names sound familiar! Jaejoong tchs as he continues to watch the scene unfolds in front of him. Mind still searching for those men in his memory, but to no avail.
They have some hushed conversation, but the only thing that matters for Jaejoong is those soft eyes directed at Yoochun. It is so achingly loving and beautiful--Jaejoong’s fingers twitch. The urge to sketch the scene right away is so hard to curb, but he has grocery bags in his both hands. He looks at them, still conversing. However, those eyes are already printed in the back of his mind, haunting, demanding.
Then he sees Yunho cups Yoochun’s face in his hands, leans in, and kisses the shorter man on his forehead and eyes and mouth. Jaejoong gasps silently. Simple, innocent, loving pecks, yet convey so much feeling at the same time. Tightening his hold on the grocery bags, Jaejoong decides to hurry back to his sketch book.
He misses the goodbye said between the couple, and the sad look flickering in Yunho’s eyes after Yoochun walks away.
===== ===== =====
Yunho doesn’t come back for lunch. Jaejoong lightly comments on that and his auntie says that probably Yunho-sshi is wandering around. It makes Jaejoong wondered how trusting the man is, to leave her own daughter with some kind of stranger. His aunt says that it is because Yunho has been staying at Hongdo for more than two weeks. Jaejoong quirks his brow at that information, wondering what is the man’s job to be able to go on holiday for such a long time. Or maybe Jaejoong is assuming too much. He chastises himself inwardly for being overly curious to someone he just saw in a glimpse. Lunch is pretty much a quiet affair after that.
As he cleans the table, the cheerful little girl, who still babbles rather than talks, tugs on his pants. She shyly looks at Jaejoong and then lifts one of her arms, silently asking him to hold her, while her other hand is holding onto a sippy cup. Jaejoong relents, he becomes a weak-willed man whenever dealing with children, unable to refuse their request, even the silliest one. He bets it’s from the many times he takes care of Jaeyeon’s--his sister--little princesses. Jaejoong lifts Yona and the toddler’s eyes instantly curve into two crescents of happiness. Jaejoong’s heart melts straightaway, and he can’t help himself from kissing her forehead. Afterward, Yona doesn’t fuss much, except when Jaejoong tries to put her to sleep.
A few hours later, Jaejoong claims to his auntie that Yona steals his heart. His aunt only laughs hard as a response, prompting the toddler to giggle, too.
Jaejoong coos. “So cute, Yona-ah.” He lightly pinches her chubby cheeks, earning him the moony eyes.
The toddler is always smiling. Even if she is upset, she doesn’t dwell too long, quickly finding new things she can enjoy. She is too lovable not to fall in love with. That, and the fact that Jaejoong wears his heart on his sleeves. Her mother always says that he falls in love too quickly for his own good. However, so far in his life, nothing bad happens because of it, thus Jaejoong concludes that nothing is wrong with falling in love too quickly.
Yunho comes back when it’s dinner time. The table is already set as Jaejoong puts down the re-heated seafood hotpot he cooked for lunch. He is about to call his auntie and Yona to eat, but stops in his track when he sees Yunho standing at the entrance to dining room.
The look on Yunho’s face stops Jaejoong from greeting the man. The expression there is different than the one he had seen this afternoon. Nothing about it is soft and loving like when he looked at Yoochun. This man’s gaze is hard and cold. Jaejoong is baffled. What is wrong with that man?
“Where is Yona and Mujin-sshi?”
“Uhm.” Jaejoong tries.
“Oh, Yunho-sshi, you’re back. How is the island? Did you see the winter sunset in that secret hill I told you?” Aunt Mujin comes into the room after spending it outside the backyard with Yona. The little girl upon seeing her father, quickly runs to him, hugging his legs.
Yunho lifts her and gives her a squeezing hug. “Thank you. I enjoyed the sunset. It was an inspiring scene.” He speaks politely.
“Oh, good. Yona misses you all day. You should bring her along when you explore tomorrow.” Aunt Mujin says as she settles on her cushioned seat on the floor. The wooden floor is warm from the heater. “Come sit with us for dinner. Jaejoongie here prepares a lot for all of us. Please take your seat, Yunho-sshi.”
Yunho obeys and sits down across her. Yona on his lap, her little arms wrapped around her father’s neck. “Thank you.”
Jaejoong takes his seat beside his aunt. “Hello, Yunho-sshi. I am Jaejoong.”
The older man doesn’t even spare him a glance, only a grunt to let Jaejoong know that he hears it. Jaejoong shrugs. Oh well. Maybe something is up the man’s ass. At least, Jaejoong has tried to be nice.
“Appa- appa- appa~” Yona babbles as she hides her face on her father’s neck.
The effect of Yona’s adorable behavior is immediate and surprising. The man’s eyes light up, as he squeezes her chubby face and peppers it with kisses. A bright smile appears and Jaejoong is once again mesmerized by those expressive eyes.
“Hello, pretty girl,” Yunho pokes her nose. Yona laughs and squirms on her father’s lap.
Aunt Mujin nudges his leg under the table. Jaejoong looks away, sheepish from being caught staring. It is barely hours since he knows about the man’s existence, and already he is intrigued. His fingers are itching to continue his unfinished sketch from the afternoon.
“Come on, let’s eat before the soup gets cold.” Aunt Mujin says, eyes looking at Yunho kindly.
Yunho nods his gratitude. He prepares Yona’s bowl first. Rice and-
Suddenly Jaejoong remembers that he made an egg-drop soup for Yona. “Ah, Yunho-sshi. Wait, I also made an egg-drop soup for Yona.”
Jaejoong stands up and runs back to the kitchen. When he comes back, he brings a bowl with him and Yona’s colorful bib. He puts it down on the table, beside Yunho’s plate and then runs back to the kitchen again to bring the portable baby chair Yunho brought with him to Hongdo for Yona to sit down, so her father can comfortably feed her. “There you go,” Jaejoong huffs.
“Jaejae~” Yona giggles, a finger points at Jaejoong.
He coos at the happy toddler.
“Thank you.”
Jaejoong eyes alight. “You’re welcome, Yunho-sshi.”
After dinner, everyone tucks in early for there are not many entertainment available in Hongdo, especially during winter time. As Jaejoong settles on his futon, faintly he can hear a soft voice singing a lullaby tune from the room next to his. Somehow the image of Yunho comforting Yona makes Jaejoong smile.
That night Jaejoong falls asleep easily and dreams a certain pair of loving eyes looking at him.
===== ===== =====
Jaejoong wakes up and instantly he knows today is a happy day. He sleeps well. A smile decorates his face when he opens door. He heads to the bathroom to wash, humming his favorite song all the way. When he is done, he goes to the kitchen to prepare some simple breakfast. Toasts and scrambled eggs. Jaejoong hears a door opened and turns to see who is up. He sees Yunho and Yona. Both are dressed up to spend the day outside. Yona looks so cute bundles up in a red parka and black knee length boots, while Yunho looks handsome with his unzipped parka, showing the light brown sweater he wears inside. Both father and daughter wear matching knitted hats.
“Good morning, Yunho-sshi.” Jaejoong greets the man cheerfully. After last night, he doesn’t expect Yunho to reply and thus is surprised when Yunho says, albeit in a gruff tone, “Good morning.”
Yona toddles her way to Jaejoong. “Jaejae~”
“Morning, little princess.” Jaejoong lifts the baby and kisses her cheek. “You want breakfast, Yona?” The little girl grins at him, eyes again forming the twin crescents. “Jaejae has toasts and eggs for you.”
“No need. We’ll find something at the mini mart.” Yunho says. Jaejoong can see that Yunho wants to reach for Yona, but stops himself halfway.
He puts down Yona, and the little girl toddles her way back to her father, rambling nonsensical words. “No, it’s okay. I just need to pack it in a lunch box and you are set to go.”
“Thank you.”
Jaejoong dismisses it by waving his hand, not actually looking at the man as he searches the cupboards for any lunch boxes. He misses the hesitant look on Yunho’s face.
When he is done, Jaejoong hands out two lunch boxes and two cups of yogurt he found in the fridge to Yunho. Then he crouches down to Yona’s level. “Have fun, little princess.”
“Uhn!” Yona gives him her trademark moony eyes.
===== ===== =====
After a quick breakfast, he spends some time in the balcony at second floor and continues his sketch that is inspired by Yunho. Half an hour later, Jaejoong decides to discard his work for a hike in a nearby trail. He feels that his sketch done no justice to what he witnessed. Jaejoong sighs as he tediously follow the ascending trail. Sometimes stopping to catch his breath and takes in the beautiful scenery.
The winter morning is splendid for Jaejoong. The weather is good, the sky is clear except for that huge gloomy cloud hanging out in the far south, and the air is fresh cold, not a freezing one, the wind blows softly and everything is just pretty. On the sides of the trail, small buds of flowers to bloom in spring can already be seen. Everything looks sharp and vivid. Unlike the somber color of winter, the scenery is changing to various shades of greens, browns and every other colors that compliment both the baby blue sky and royal blue sea.
He spends the morning sketching the nature from one of the viewing decks at the top. The hiking trail divides to some more paths along way, there are cemented path also the unbeaten ones, and Jaejoong choose to go to the very top. Once in awhile he stops and just daydreams, and that’s when he remembers Yunho and his eyes. Jaejoong pouts whenever he recalls those expressive almond-colored eyes. It seems he can’t shake of that soft gaze Yunho directed at Yoochun, he almost feels obsessed by the many times those eyes haunted him. It is barely even a day since he sees it, too! Jaejoong admits though, that he has the penchant to do so. Like last year, when he was so obsessed with the taste of various chili pastes, and even went as far as to ask his friend in Japan to send him the famous Death Sauce, not one, but all the variant tastes. Jaejoong’s mouth watered at the thought of it. He knows of his tendency to become so obsessed with something, but that is the problem, it is never someone.
Jaejoong sighs and picks up his graphite pencil. He would add some color for later on with the compressed chalks. He must have left it in his hurry to leave this morning. He adds light shading for the ground and the waves so it looks more dynamic, then thickens the outline of the houses in the middle. When he looks up again, the gloomy cloud he has seen this morning has moved and now looms above the houses below, the sun hides behind it.
“Uh, should head down before the rain,” he mumbles as he collects his thing and shoves it inside his day pack.
Looking at the dark clouds already dispersing and making way for the sunshine, it won’t be raining dogs and cats. Most likely it will be a light shower, so Jaejoong treks his way back down in an easy pace. True to his observation, not five minutes later it drizzles. Jaejoong looks down and watches for his steps since the trail is getting wet and more slippery than it was before. He catches some voices from in front of him and looks up. He recognize the father and daughter. They were walking slowly in front of him, Yunho is holding Yona’s hand tightly and his walking stick in the other hand as they descend the cemented path. Before he can decide whether to greet the pair or not, Jaejoong sees Yona stops on her track and looks up to his father.
“Appa- appa.“ Yona calls Yunho.
Yunho also stops and looks down to his baby girl. “Yes, Yona-ah?”
Yona lifts up her arms. “Appa~”
Jaejoong watches how Yunho’s face turns to this loving expression, and how a grin tugs at his lips. Jaejoong is mesmerized--by that grin, by that bright and cheerful face, by those eyes--so, so different than when he looks at Jaejoong. And, he doesn’t understand why his heart aches at the knowledge. He stares unblinkingly as Yunho picks up Yona and hugs her, peppering her face with smooches.
“Heheheheung.” Yona giggles and squirms. “Appa, Yona, loooove,” the little girl drawled as she kisses her father’s cheek.
“Yes, appa love Yona-ah,” he says, giving another kiss to her chubby cheek. “Now, Yona walks with appa, okay?”
Yona nods. “Eung!”
Yunho puts her down and they hold hands again.
Jaejoong blinks as the pair resume their journey down. Jaejoong decides that it’s time to make his presence known. “Ah, Yunho-sshi.”
He sees the man turns his head, and with a slow dread, Jaejoong watches the smile falls off the handsome face and a frown replaces it. He can’t explain the disappointment he feels. He swallows down his bitter feeling as he stiffly steps down the path. “Hi,” he greets. A smile readily on his face, and although he can’t see his own face at that moment, he knows that his smile is awkward and forced.
===== ===== =====
Lunch is awkward. Sure that Yunho thanked Jaejoong for his help when they trekked down the trail silently and Yona a gurgling happy baby in the younger man’s arm. But then, nothing. If Jaejoong were an over-sensitive man and childish, he would complain and accuse Yunho for avoiding him. That man wouldn’t even look at Jaejoong, giving only short responses when Jaejoong addresses him in a mundane conversation.
Jaejoong is irritated. No. That’s an understatement, he is beyond irritated. Never in his life someone is shunning him out without him knowing the reason. They just met for god’s sake! It hasn’t been 24 hours since they formally met at dinner last night. And, Jaejoong tsk-ed in annoyance, it’s not that man is incapable of being friendly. Yunho-sshi is definitely singling me out from the recipient list! He had seen how Yunho interact with his aunt, and with other people they have met in town as they headed back to KJMJ. It is nothing like that cold, detached gaze he seems to have given to Jaejoong all day long.
“...-sshi and Yona are going back this noon? What gives so suddenly?” Aunt Mujin asks, as they finish up their lunch.
Jaejoong stops halfway to the kitchen with dirty dishes. What?
“Yeah. I apologize, but I need to go back soon. Something has came up and I can’t prolong my stay.”
Jaejoong notices his odd reaction and resumes his way to the kitchen, but quietly that he can still hear the conversation going on.
Jaejoong turns the tap and starts washing the dishes. He strains his ear so he still could eavesdrop.
“Done with your bag? Yona is napping, right?”
“Yeah. It’s done. When Yona wakes up, we are going.”
“Ah, I am going to miss Yona. She is such a good girl.”
“Thank you, Mujin-sshi. I am sorry to have left her with you yesterday. I hope she didn’t do anything that bother you.”
“No, no. Not at all, Yunho-sshi. Joongiie took care of her most of the day.”
Jaejoong stacks up the clean dishes into the racks as quiet as he can to see if Yunho has anything to say about it. But again he gets disappointed when Yunho only grunts his response, a what-sounded-like-halfhearted thank you. And Jaejoong scowls. Mostly at himself for being disappointed. He doesn’t know what to expect himself, what kind of response he expects Yunho to say, and yet he is disappointed when this Yunho-man put him aside.
Done with the dishes, Jaejoong locks himself inside his room. He sits down near the window for the light, since he doesn’t switch on the lamp. His sketchbook on his lap, the compressed colored chalks scatter around on the floor. A set of earphones in his ears, blaring whatever musics the radio station decides to play, which is for once, old songs from the early 2000s. He was still too young that time, but the songs back then were much more to his taste than the ones nowadays. The radio even plays Loveholic’s Sky. That one was his favorite. It was on the top of his play list several years ago, when he was in high school. Well, it still is his favorite, even though he rarely listens to it now.
“...-ngie?”
He turns his head to the door, taking off one of the earphone. “Yes, auntie?”
“Joongie, come out and help Yunho-sshi.”
Jaejoong frowns, but he obeys. “Okay.” He opens the door and expects to see Yunho with Yona, except he only sees his auntie. “Where are they?”
“Ah, Yunho-sshi already made his way to the ferry. Just like a minute ago, come quick Joongie, go after them, and say your good bye to Yona. She was looking for you when she woke up.”
He wants to say no, he won’t go after that man, who clearly doesn’t want him around, but he remembers the sweet little girl, and he sighs. “Alright. Only because you asked auntie-yah. And, that I miss Yona already.”
Aunt Mujin only laughs. “Hurry, please!”
“Okay, okay!”
Jaejoong grabs his jacket and walks out. Yunho shouldn’t be that far and he is correct. He can see the man and Yona walking slowly at the end of the turn that leads to the port. The man is heaving a huge backpack, maybe up to 70 liters, one hand holding his walking stick while Yona toddles beside him.
Jaejoong quickens his pace, and when he is close by, he calls out. “Yona!”
“Uh?”
Jaejoong sees Yona turns her head back and she grins when she sees her. “Jaejae~!”
He grins back at the little girl, ignoring the fact that Yunho’s has stiffened beside her. “Jaejae will escort you to the ferry, little princess.” He swoops in and lifts Yona into his arms. “Oops, heavy princess aren’t you?” Jaejoong pokes her nose and earns a giggle. Then, Jaejoong looks at Yunho. “C’mon, or you will miss the ferry.”
Then, as Jaejoong now well-expected, the remaining walk to the port is nothing but awkward silent. He tries to not be irritated with Yunho’s cold attitude toward him by playing with Yona’s hair. After Yunho buys the ticket, Jaejoong walks up to him. Yona, still in his arms, reaches forward to her dad. Then everything happens to fast for Jaejoong to understand what is really going on. In a mere second he feels warm body encloses him, then the next all he sees is dark blur that moves fast to the ferry, albeit unsteadily.
Jaejoong is totally dumbfounded.
Long after this, when Jaejoong recalls back, he would remember the swish of Yunho’s hand go past him and hold him tight. His big hand splays on Jaejoong’s back, spreading warm to where it touched. He would remember the happy sound of Yona giggling, probably thinking that this is a game of hugging. Jaejoong would remember that the crushing hug, a bear-hug, he would fondly describe, doesn’t last more than a second. He would also remember the husky voice whispering a thank you right into his ear, sounding so sincere unlike before. Then, definitely Jaejoong would remember the slight touch of soft lips on the tip of his ear.
Jaejoong would remember, too, the pounding of his heart inside the ribcage, and shit, as something finally dawns in his head. He has a suspicion as to why he feels such an irritation when that man, who he knows nothing about a day before--basically a stranger, ignore him.
Do I... like him?
===== ===== =====
Two weeks has passed since then. Spring comes like usual. Seoul is bustling like usual. The spring installation project for university makes him crazy. That is also the usual. Jaejoong sighs. Everything after his impromptu vacation is nothing but a common experience to him. He is in boredom.
“Hey, hyung! You don’t slack off at this point.”
Changmin--junior in age, genius in brain, creative in life-surviving skills, very sarcastic in life--complains at him? Well, that is also usual. Jaejoong sighs again.
“What’s the matter, hyung? I have never seen you sighing so much in your entire academic life here. Did you go on holiday and meet new love or something?”
Jaejoong jerks away when he hears the word love. “Wh-what? No! I love him? No! Of course not!”
Changmin quirks his brow. “Hyung.” His tone is flat, but Jaejoong feels cornered anyway.
Shit. Jaejoong wants to facepalm. “Drop it.”
“Ask nicely, hyung.”
Jaejoong rolls his eyes. “Please.”
“Okay.” When the brow comes down to its regular place, Jaejoong wants to sigh in relief. But he knows his peaceful day won’t last long. He sighs again, trying to concentrate on his piece.
“Have you heard the spring line-up? You won’t believe this, we finally will get classes with that Jung Yunho!”
Jaejoong looks at the detail he has been doing since this morning. That crook looks tilted. “Really?” Yep, it’s tilted. “Jung Yunho, the asspro you admire?” Hm. Jung Yunho? That sounds familiar. Jung Yun- Jaejoong’s head whips around so fast that Changmin flinches. “What?”
“Hyung! Restrain from hurting yourself please! Or doing anything remotely close to prove that sentence.” Changmin one-touches his hyung.
“Hey! You hurt me!” Jaejoong protests.
“I am the only one allowed to do so.” Changmin claims. “But anyway, yes! The mighty Jung Yunho will teach us. You know I have been waiting to meet him in class since forever. I thought last semester he would be there, but, thanks to some idiot who couldn’t, for the life of him, tell a red light from the green, he was taking last semester off.”
Jaejoong hears Changmin’s rambling nonstop, but all he can hear is his heart pounding crazily. Since that hug, Jaejoong is unable to take Yunho, and sometimes Yona too, out of his head.
Shit. That’s why he thinks that name and figure is familiar to him. Now he remembers, too. Yoochun is a opera singer that now turns into a famous ballad singer, whom his cousin, Junsu, couldn’t stop talking about, especially after Yoochun attended one of his classes as a guest teacher. Jaejoong slaps himself mentally. To think that he just figures everything out now is pathetic. Yunho is Yoochun’s husband. He remembers two years ago when Changmin prattled on and on about Yunho finally getting married to his pregnant childhood friend and few months after that Changmin prattled about how cute their daughter was.
Jaejoong’s heart aches at the knowledge.
“He is divorced now- Hyung! Are you listening?”
Jaejoong glares as he rubs his stinging forearm. “Why are you so violent, Changmin-ah! I am your hyung!”
“Then you act like one!” Changmin exclaims, a pout on his childish face. “It’s actually mortifying for me, you know, when I heard he was using your project, that remix two, as an example for his class last year. I hate you for that.”
Jaejoong rolls his eyes. “Thank you. I’ll take that as compliment coming from your mouth.”
“So. How is it going with your installment now? I can see the blueprint, but I am not sure, are you keeping the main piece from me or what?”
Jaejoong winces. “Well.” Another eyebrow quirking from Changmin. “Nah, it’s coming along. You’ll see.”
To be honest, Jaejoong is in a midlife crisis regarding to that main piece. He already sets everything up, but the main piece is not coming along, all because of his restless sleep haunted by those eyes. Then something clicks. Maybe... “Don’t worry, Minnie. It’s coming along, I promise you.”
===== ===== =====
For his spring project, Jaejoong chooses to not dwell on his unrequited love life. He tries to think the positive side of the unrequited love to be his theme. Jaejoong is not happy with the situation, but what can he do anyway? The man is married, has a cute daughter that even Jaejoong love, so how should he work on his love life then? Being a mistress is not Jaejoong’s style. It’s another story if Yunho is single. Jaejoong will make his move. Even though Yunho would dismiss him easily. Yeah, most likely that older man is going to do so.
Jaejoong is in the middle of his walk to their spring project studio to add some finishing detail, also to check on one particular scene of animated waves that he made.
“Hyung!”
Jaejoong turns his head and finds Changmin running full speed toward him. “Wow, wow, boy, slow down. I am not going anywhere.”
The younger man stops in front of him and grabs his hand, tugging him towards the next building. “You wouldn’t believe this! Jung is participating in the spring project! His is already up! Quick! We need to see it now! They are having limited audiences now. Jung is there, too!”
Changmin is shooting words after words with gleeful excitement and Jaejoong can’t help but laugh. But, w-wait, Jung Yunho is there? Jaejoong tries to pull his hand back. He is not ready yet, but unfortunately, it’s a futile attempt. Changmin is stronger than his childish look. Jaejoong resigns to his fate.
When they get to the studio, people is already queuing in front of the closed door. Some are the professors that taught them, so they greets them first. Jaejoong also notices few fellow students that he had worked with before, in classes and projects. Less than two minutes later, the door is opened.
Jaejoong looks up, and Yunho is there. Looking the same like he last saw him, but at the same time different. When their gazes meet, Jaejoong almost gasps. Those eyes are looking at him, into him, and no, it’s not that cold and hard gaze like before. It is something warm and intense. The moment is gone when Yunho has to look away and welcome the audiences.
What is that? Jaejoong blinks. Why the man is so different? But before he can think of any answer, Changmin is pulling him inside the studio, and both of them are assaulted with the fishy smell. Jaejoong can make out murmurs of wonder and excitement from the crowd, and he too can’t help but stares in awe at Yunho’s installation. The man is recreating the moment in Hongdo. He is bringing the reality of the fishermen town into the studio. From the fishy smell, to those voices of ahjusshis and ahjumas selling raw skates. Yunho is using several materials, such as wires and wood planks, also some common instruments like basins to infuse the daily life into the installation.
Changmin is leaving his side and Jaejoong’s feet brings him to one side that show the almost sunset scenery that Yunho painted on the wall. It looks to real to be just a painting, and how can Yunho get that beautiful orange-purple-pink-lavender color?
“Hey.”
Someone is calling him from behind. “Hey you, too. Look at this, sunset. How real this can be?” Jaejoong whispers, awe-struck.
“Thank you, I painted it.”
Jaejoong turns his head slowly to see Yunho standing behind him. The man is smiling. At him. Yunho is smiling at him. Jaejoong’s heart is pounding fast. “Uh, hi,” he responds, too stunned to say anything else.
“Do you have a minute?”
Jaejoong nods dumbly and then he follows Yunho to another corner where he can see another painting. From his peripheral view, he sees Changmin glaring at him. But he could care less about Changmin at the moment. In front of him now is a painting of a man and a little girl looking at the vast sea. He gasps when he realizes who are they meant to be.
“Uh. What does this mean, Yunho-sshi?” Jaejoong asks, and he hates himself that his voice sounds shaky, a little breathless. He is aware of his hope rising, of spring and maybe the love soon-to-be.
“Are you free tonight?”
“But, Yoochun-sshi?” Jaejoong winces as soon as the question flies by his mouth. The hope that is blooming inside of him, wilts. Yeah, Yunho is married.
“We are not together anymore. Not as husband and wife anymore. I’ll tell you the story. Later. If you agree to have dinner with me.”
Jaejoong quirks his eyebrow. His heart is pounding twice faster now. “Deal.”
When Yunho walks away from him, his number is in Jaejoong’s hand and his big grin is already imprinted in Jaejoong’s heart.
Is this the end of his unrequited love, then? Should he change his installation? Jaejoong grins. No, he decides. It’s okay like that.
“Why are you grinning? You look creepy.” Changmin stands beside him, as they both look at Yunho, who is talking with Professor Cha, from the sculpture division.
“Nah.”
“What were you talking about with Jung?”
“Nah.”
“Hey. Your smile is getting creepier by each passing second. Are you sick? We are still having dinner together, right?”
Jaejoong snorts. Dinner with Changmin means he is slaving himself to cook for that bottomless-pit man. “No, I get a date tonight.”
“Hey! You promise me a hotpot!”
Jaejoong turns and gives Changmin a look that shut the younger man up and stop him from executing the violent one-touch-love.
“Later, Changmin. I have a date.”
With one Jung Yunho, he adds inwardly in case Changmin decides that the information would make him hate Jaejoong forever.
Yunho’s eyes, that captivated Jaejoong’s heart from the moment he saw them, catch his. And, Jaejoong notices as warm spread inside him, it’s the soft eyes he longs to be directed at.
Spring has come, hasn’t it? Coming slowly in the background and sweeping him off his feet, taking his breath away.