Happy Holidays ephemeral_blue! Exchange fic: "Home"
Title: Home
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst, AU
Summary: A house is not a home without life, and on his own, Jaejoong doesn’t know if he’s enough.
3752 wc
Note: In a way, inspired by the poem Before the Afterlife by Cyril Wong, and written for the lovely ephemeral_blue, I hope you like this. ♥
The house is quiet.
He’s not used to such silence. After all, he’s lived in a house filled to the brim with people for most of his life, and even at work, he’s used to the sound of children laughing, talking, or even screaming. It’s completely unusual, and he doesn’t like it at all.
Jaejoong kicks a box and then lets out a sigh before he picks it up and begins to walk to where he knows the bedroom is. His feet take him in the direction of the room, and he can’t help but glance at the ecru walls of the corridor. They are blank, clean, and spotless.
Will they always stay that way? He has no clue, but Jaejoong hopes to think that the messes he’ll bring into the house will help shape it into something that’s his.
He puts down the box in his hands in order to open the door, and when the door swings open, he lets out a soft sigh. The bed’s in place, and so are the notable pieces of furniture - the wardrobe, the nightstands, and the desk, but the room is still lacking.
It’s missing the essential pieces that’ll make it a place worth living, and not some snapshot out of a house and home kind of magazine.
Jaejoong pushes the box into the room, too lazy to bother lifting up again and stops as soon as he’s a few meters from the bed. He crouches down and attempts to rip the packing tape off the seal, but it takes too long, so he just gives up and sits on the floor.
As soon as the package tape is unceremoniously ripped off, Jaejoong opens up the box and his eyes immediately land upon the pillows. He pulls one out, walks to the bed and lies down, his arms tightly wound around it.
It doesn’t make him feel any less lonely, but at least it’s soft.
~~~~
Yunho snores.
Jaejoong watches as Yunho’s chest slowly rises up and down, and the urge to run his hand all over the other’s chest is just too much. Yet he restrains himself and tries to settle for just watching. Yunho’s bed is tiny - hardly enough for the two of them, but at that moment, it feels like the most perfect bed in the world.
At that moment, Jaejoong feels like he can remember everything. From the first night he’d crashed at his then best friend’s apartment, to his awkward first night with his now boyfriend. All the thoughts bring happy feelings, so Jaejoong smiles.
Would it be wrong for him to think Yunho’s his other half?
Jaejoong reaches out, his hand carefully settling against the tan plane of Yunho’s chest. His hand remains splayed out, his skin a contrast against Yunho’s darker tone, and he slowly traces absentminded spirals that eventually turn into the infinity symbol.
All he wants is forever really - is that too much to ask?
~~~~
Jaejoong’s woken up by the sound of his phone ringing, and he twists around in bed, trying to reach it before he falls off with a loud thud. He groans loudly then reaches for the object and brings it to his ear.
“What?” he snaps as he sits up, his mind running over the task that he’d left behind.
“Are you done unpacking?” Yoochun asks on the other end of the line, “I want you to have dinner with Changmin and I -“
“So that you two can ditch me early and run back home to have sex?” Jaejoong grumbles as he gets off the floor to return to the other boxes. “No thanks, I’d rather not end up footing the bill should you two decide to run off. Your boyfriend eats more food than a whole village -“
“Don’t be like this Jaejoong!” the other man protests. “You used to like going out with Changmin and I -“
Jaejoong’s heart twists in his chest. “Only when Yunho would be there with me,” he says softly, trying not to let his own words bother him. “But now it’d just be the three of us, and that’s always awkward.”
“Well, I could invite more people and -“
“I’m still trying to unpack,” Jaejoong replies, cutting Yoochun off. “If you want, you could come over and help me.”
“No thanks.”
“Some best friend you are,” Jaejoong grumbles as he walks into the living and looks around. He eyes the boxes that still remain taped and unopened, but opts to ignore them in favor of sitting down on the couch. “This is pretty hard stuff you know -“
“I know.”
“Yet you still won’t come over…?”
“I’m still at work,” Yoochun replies, “but I have faith in you Jaejoong.” The younger man laughs, and Jaejoong scowls. “I know that you’ll be finished and enjoying yourself in your new place in no time -“
Jaejoong hangs up and tosses his phone to the side. He sinks in deeper into the leather of his sofa and spreads his arms out. The television that’d just been ordered a few days ago has yet to come, so in front of him is just the television cabinet.
Empty.
With a sigh, Jaejoong turns his eyes away and looks out the window. It’s still bright out, but he feels too lazy and too uninspired to go walking around the neighborhood. So, he gives into his inner couch potato and just lets time pass him by.
~~~~
“Everything on the television right now is lame,” Jaejoong comments aloud as Yunho makes his way from the kitchen with the popcorn in his hands. He glances at his boyfriend when he sits and automatically inches closer to him, and in turn, closer to the popcorn.
Yunho laughs and pushes a piece of popcorn into Jaejoong’s mouth. “What do you expect? It’s not like these are the typical television hours -“
“Afternoons are terrible,” Jaejoong complains as he pulls his shirt off and tosses it onto the ground. He looks at Yunho, and his boyfriend merely raises an eyebrow. “It’s so fucking hot, how can you still wear jeans?”
“Would you prefer that I take them off?” Yunho asks before he pops another piece of popcorn into Jaejoong’s mouth.
The older man chews then replies, “Well, I always prefer you with less clothing.” He smiles and leans closer, not caring that he’s sticky with sweat and ruining Yunho’s clean clothes. He stretches out like a cat and kisses Yunho’s jaw. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Can we stay like this forever?”
“Hot?”
Jaejoong laughs, and when he looks up, Yunho is trying not to grin. He pokes his boyfriend’s cheek. “You bastard.”
“What?” Yunho questions as he flips the channels, “I know I’d like to look this way forever - or well, I’d like for you to stay the way you look now. I can get old, but you can’t.”
“But I’d like to see you old,” Jaejoong murmurs as he rests his head against Yunho’s chest. “All wrinkly and cute, complaining about your bald spots, while our grandchildren run around -“
“Grandchildren?”
“Yes, my mom wants grandchildren from us, so that’s going to have to eventually lead over to us having grandchildren.” Jaejoong answers.
He doesn’t see the point in beating around the bush, and he knows that Yunho doesn’t mind his bluntness either. No holds barred, anything about their relationship’s future is up for discussion - the rules they kept from back when they’re just friends have extended to their romantic relationship. They’ve never seen the point in holding back, in waiting for the time when things are suddenly appropriate to talk about.
What’s the point in waiting? After all, if they didn’t intend on sticking around with one another for a long time, they wouldn’t even be together in the first place.
“Well, in that case,” Yunho says slowly, “I want twenty five kids - five sons, and twenty daughters.”
Jaejoong laughs, and he cups Yunho’s face to kiss him lightly before pulling away. “Well, it’s a good thing I’m not a woman then,” he speaks as he climbs onto Yunho’s lap and ignores the fact that he’s knocked off some popcorn onto the couch. “There’s no way I’d be able to give birth to that many children.”
“Maybe I should find a woman who’d be willing,” Yunho replies absentmindedly, and Jaejoong punches his chest. He chuckles and looks up at Jaejoong, “We should name one of our daughters after your mother.”
Jaejoong falls silent, and Yunho cups his cheek to bring his face close. Their lips are only centimeters apart once Yunho opens his mouth to speak again. “We’d have a lovely family.”
“I know,” Jaejoong whispers, feeling sad, and well aware that Yunho is most likely thinking of the people who’d abandoned him. Even after all this time, he still doesn’t know what kind of comfort he can offer. In a way, what had happened is partially his fault. If he and Yunho were still just friends, then -
Yunho kisses him, and silences more than just his lips. When he pulls away, he brushes Jaejoong’s cheeks softly. “Can I call your mother?”
Jaejoong nods, and he simply slides off Yunho’s lap. He watches as Yunho picks up the house phone, dials his parents’ home number then walks away.
After the phone call, Yunho sweeps him off his feet and pulls him into the bedroom, and once it’s all over, he whispers words that make Jaejoong realize what he’s been giving Yunho all along.
He’s given Yunho a place to call home.
~~~~
Jaejoong can’t bring himself to unpack his cooking utensils, so he settles for a packet of crackers that he found somewhere in his bag. The crunching is loud, and his eyes run over the numerous things he still has to fix up, several boxes scattered across the kitchen. There are so many things to take out, and Jaejoong considers calling someone over.
His fingers drum along the marble kitchen countertop, and he glances at his phone, only a stretch of his arm away.
He knows some of his sisters had offered to help, but he’d shot them all down. The whole act of moving - it was supposed to mean something. It was supposed to mean that he was putting the past behind, it was supposed to mean - so much.
Instead, all he feels is unhappiness and a sense of dread. There’s so much space, and so little of anything else. Once he puts everything where they should be, what’s left for him to do? A house is not a home without life, and on his own, Jaejoong doesn’t know if he’s enough.
After all, this house was never meant to be just his.
~~~~
Jaejoong opens the door, and instantly, his nose is assaulted by the scent of something burning. He quickly drops his bag and follows the scent to the kitchen, and when he sees who’s in front of the stove, he stops - not in shock, but in amusement.
“What’s that?” he asks, pointing to the charred mass that’s sitting on one of their prettiest plates.
Yunho turns off the stove and glances at the burned remains before he turns his eyes to Jaejoong. “It was supposed to be a grilled cheese sandwich, but…it got burned. It was supposed to be for you.”
He walks up to the counter and picks up the plate. The sandwich smells and looks terrible - a culinary disaster, and Jaejoong wrinkles his nose before he looks at Yunho.
“What are you doing cooking?” he asks.
“Oh well,” Yunho trails off and looks around at the dirty kitchen. “I figured I needed to learn how to cook.” he offers.
Jaejoong laughs and sets the plate down onto the counter. He wraps his arms around the taller man and kisses him eagerly, much too easily overcome by Yunho’s cute gesture. Familiarity having made things easier for them, he slides his tongue into Yunho’s mouth just as the other man brings him closer.
Breath escapes his lips, and Jaejoong feels the stirring of arousal as Yunho turns and pins him against the counter. Their lips part for a few seconds, and Jaejoong lets out a breathy moan once Yunho’s lips and teeth find his neck. He clutches Yunho tightly, his nails digging into the fabric of the other’s shirt.
They part at the sound of the microwave beeping, and Jaejoong laughs. He gazes up into Yunho’s eyes and pushes back the other’s hair. “And what’s that?” he asks, his eyes flickering over to the microwave.
“…since the sandwich failed, I decided to make you instant noodles.”
Jaejoong laughs again, and he hugs Yunho tightly.
“What would I do without you?”
~~~~
The shower helps, and Jaejoong steps out feeling a lot better than he did thirty minutes ago. Granted, he could have shortened the time he’d spent inside the shower, but who’s around to judge him? He towels off his hair and walks around carefully, well aware of the fact that he’d forgotten to set a bathroom rug down earlier.
He stops in front of the mirror, and when he sees his reflection, he can’t help but stare at himself.
His hair is longer and in need of a haircut, and perhaps it’s time he dyes his hair a new color. Jaejoong stares at himself then cocks his head to the side - what about red? It’ll be a change, and change is something that he’s in need of.
There’s no need to worry if it’ll look good or not - Jaejoong lets his spontaneity get the better of him. It’s a done deal, and Yunho’s not around to tease or to discourage him from acting before thinking. Jaejoong smiles at his reflection and lets his spontaneous nature take a hold of him. He walks out of the bathroom in a hurry to get into a new change of clothes, the idea of surprising everyone with a new hair color making its way into the center of his mind.
He’s always liked surprises, and he’s too caught up with thinking about what Junsu will say that he forgets that his new neighbors may possibly see him through the window and catch the sight of him walking naked to the bedroom.
~~~~
He refuses to acknowledge the fact he’s crying.
Jaejoong sits on the toilet, his face in his hands. Thousands of questions are spinning in his mind, an uncontrollable tempest raging on and shattering his spirit. His throat is shut, and he can’t bring himself to answer Yunho, who’s knocking on the bathroom door and demanding to talk to him.
“Please, Jaejoong, open the door,” Yunho pleads. “Please, open the door.”
But despite the desperation in Yunho’s voice, and the desire to return into the comfort of Yunho’s arms, Jaejoong remains still. He’s not sure what’s caused these feelings anymore, but he knows that he just wants them to go away.
One word has led to another and then they’ve suddenly ended up where they are now. Is he really crying because of Yunho, or is it just because of something else? He shouldn’t be doing this, he shouldn’t be taking out past fears and anxieties out on Yunho, but there are a thousand frustrations and insecurities weighing him down, and there’s nothing he can do.
In his fear, he’s lashed out at Yunho, accusing him of abandoning him, and at that moment, he wonders if sorry is going to be enough for them.
It feels like the home they’ve built together is collapsing, and fears grips his heart. He begins to second guess himself and his relationship with Yunho. What if it’s all an illusion? Perhaps it hasn’t been as wonderful as he thought, perhaps he was blind to its numerous flaws, perhaps Yunho doesn’t love him as much as he thinks -
“Jaejoong, open the door.”
With those words, Jaejoong reminds himself to stop worrying - the truth is staring straight at him. Yunho is not his original parents, and never will be. He’s much too strong to abandon problems, and he’s not the kind of person to simply give up.
The storm raging within him quiets, and Jaejoong takes a deep breath before getting up to open the door. He’s afraid, so afraid of abandonment, but he knows he has to be strong. Slowly, he twists the door knob, and as soon as the door opens, Yunho rushes and pulls him into his arms.
“Don’t cry.”
Despite Yunho’s words, he bursts into tears all over again and ends up understanding what Yoochun feels about how tiresome it is to have so many emotions.
~~~~
His hair is dyed its new shade of red, and Jaejoong walks out to the balcony. If Yunho were around, he wouldn’t do what he’s about to do, but the fact of the matter is, Yunho’s not around.
As for when he’s coming back, Jaejoong really doesn’t know. He sits down on the balcony flooring and holds a cigarette. It’s a familiar weight against his finger tips, but he opts against lighting it up and carelessly throws it out onto the ground below.
Yunho wouldn’t like it if he went back to smoking.
Jaejoong’s never dealt well with loneliness, and being alone is something he hates more than anything. The house is too quiet and foreign, and despite all his furniture and fixtures placed where they should be, something is still lacking. He needs more than familiar items, he needs something that will tie him down to this home and make him eager to make new memories in it.
With a sigh, he relaxes and settles down, ignoring the ringing of his phone in favor of this moment of peace. His eyes wander the neighborhood - all the houses filled with people he has yet to meet, and feels all the more alone.
Is Yunho ever coming back?
~~~~
The apartment is quiet.
He walks outside to the balcony and leans against the railing. The wind is gentle against his skin, and he’s left the door open. Jaejoong doesn’t bother to turn his head, he already knows Yunho’s behind him.
“Were you smoking?”
He turns, and Yunho’s face is questioning. As usual, he plays the part of handsome executive well, and Jaejoong wants nothing more than to take him by the tie and lead him back into the bed.
But he can’t - they’re adults, and they have responsibilities.
Yunho has to go, and he has to watch him leave. Things would probably be easier for him if Yunho wasn’t who he was - if he wasn’t hardworking, if he wasn’t so smart, and if he wasn’t so wonderful, but then again, things would be different if they weren’t who they are.
“Jaejoong, I asked you a question.”
Yunho’s words pull him out of his thoughts, and a smile quirks at the corners of his lips for the first time that evening. “I don’t know,” Jaejoong replies, opting to play coy. “Was I?”
Yunho takes another step, and Jaejoong looks at him. There’s hardly much of a distance between them, but it’s there. In seconds, Yunho seals the distance between their lips and tastes them. The kiss is soft, chaste, but sweet. It’s fleeting, and he pulls away as swiftly as the evening breeze.
“So?”
“I’m proud of you.”
Jaejoong lets out a sigh, and Yunho sets his hands on his hips. He looks up at the handsome face he’s loved for the past years, and Jaejoong knows that he doesn’t want Yunho to go. Why does he have to leave anyway? He can offer him the world and more.
“I’m sorry I’m leaving,” Yunho speaks, and Jaejoong remains silent. “I should -“
“You know I’m proud of you, right?” Jaejoong speaks, shutting down his selfish and immature thoughts. He can handle this, and even though right now, he thinks he can’t, but deep down, he knows he’ll be fine.
“Yes.”
“You know I love you, right?”
“Yes.”
Jaejoong hugs him tightly and breathes in the scent of Yunho’s cologne. He feels Yunho hug him back, and a sigh escapes his lips.
“Don’t forget where home is.”
~~~~
It’s the first morning in his new house, and Jaejoong is woken up by the sound of the doorbell. He’d been too lazy to finish unpacking the necessary things for the bed, so he’d ended up falling asleep on the sofa. He slowly makes his way to the front door, hoping his neighbors don’t care about the fact that he looks like a mess.
“Just one second!” he shouts as he combs through his newly dyed hair with his hands, and he bites his lip to muffle his pain once he accidentally stubs his toe on a box. He hops on one foot to the front door, and then rests against it for a few seconds before he pulls it open to greet whoever’s at the door.
His mouth falls open, and the person at the door speaks first.
“Are you done unpacking?”
“Of course not,” Jaejoong whispers, and his eyes linger on Yunho’s face. He hadn’t expected him to come home until next month, so to see him there, at the front door, with his hair in odd angles and his shirt slightly rumpled, it’s all a surprise that his brain can’t seem to register. “The boxes are too heavy to carry.”
“Or are you just being lazy?” Yunho questions, not taking a single step forward.
“I think that could be it,” Jaejoong answers as a beautiful smile graces his lips. “You were always the more hardworking one after all.”
Yunho smiles. “How’s the house?”
“The walls are ugly,” Jaejoong murmurs. “I should’ve let you win. Perhaps they would look nicer in olive green.”
Yunho laughs. “Well, we can paint it ourselves sometime in the future.”
“Our bedroom is too quiet, the kitchen is too shiny, the bathroom is too clean, and the living room’s too neat,” Jaejoong answers finally, his eyes meeting Yunho’s. “The house sorely needs your presence...and maybe I should let you finally get that dog you always wanted. The lawn is huge.”
“Well I’m here now, aren’t I?” Yunho questions. “And I’m here permanently - no more job transfer…my office back here needs me more than they thought.”
Jaejoong laughs, and he runs up to Yunho as eagerly as the tide rushes to the shore. He holds him tightly, and Yunho kisses his cheek before he whispers into Jaejoong’s ears the words he’d wanted to hear for so long.
“I’m home.”
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst, AU
Summary: A house is not a home without life, and on his own, Jaejoong doesn’t know if he’s enough.
3752 wc
Note: In a way, inspired by the poem Before the Afterlife by Cyril Wong, and written for the lovely ephemeral_blue, I hope you like this. ♥
The house is quiet.
He’s not used to such silence. After all, he’s lived in a house filled to the brim with people for most of his life, and even at work, he’s used to the sound of children laughing, talking, or even screaming. It’s completely unusual, and he doesn’t like it at all.
Jaejoong kicks a box and then lets out a sigh before he picks it up and begins to walk to where he knows the bedroom is. His feet take him in the direction of the room, and he can’t help but glance at the ecru walls of the corridor. They are blank, clean, and spotless.
Will they always stay that way? He has no clue, but Jaejoong hopes to think that the messes he’ll bring into the house will help shape it into something that’s his.
He puts down the box in his hands in order to open the door, and when the door swings open, he lets out a soft sigh. The bed’s in place, and so are the notable pieces of furniture - the wardrobe, the nightstands, and the desk, but the room is still lacking.
It’s missing the essential pieces that’ll make it a place worth living, and not some snapshot out of a house and home kind of magazine.
Jaejoong pushes the box into the room, too lazy to bother lifting up again and stops as soon as he’s a few meters from the bed. He crouches down and attempts to rip the packing tape off the seal, but it takes too long, so he just gives up and sits on the floor.
As soon as the package tape is unceremoniously ripped off, Jaejoong opens up the box and his eyes immediately land upon the pillows. He pulls one out, walks to the bed and lies down, his arms tightly wound around it.
It doesn’t make him feel any less lonely, but at least it’s soft.
~~~~
Yunho snores.
Jaejoong watches as Yunho’s chest slowly rises up and down, and the urge to run his hand all over the other’s chest is just too much. Yet he restrains himself and tries to settle for just watching. Yunho’s bed is tiny - hardly enough for the two of them, but at that moment, it feels like the most perfect bed in the world.
At that moment, Jaejoong feels like he can remember everything. From the first night he’d crashed at his then best friend’s apartment, to his awkward first night with his now boyfriend. All the thoughts bring happy feelings, so Jaejoong smiles.
Would it be wrong for him to think Yunho’s his other half?
Jaejoong reaches out, his hand carefully settling against the tan plane of Yunho’s chest. His hand remains splayed out, his skin a contrast against Yunho’s darker tone, and he slowly traces absentminded spirals that eventually turn into the infinity symbol.
All he wants is forever really - is that too much to ask?
~~~~
Jaejoong’s woken up by the sound of his phone ringing, and he twists around in bed, trying to reach it before he falls off with a loud thud. He groans loudly then reaches for the object and brings it to his ear.
“What?” he snaps as he sits up, his mind running over the task that he’d left behind.
“Are you done unpacking?” Yoochun asks on the other end of the line, “I want you to have dinner with Changmin and I -“
“So that you two can ditch me early and run back home to have sex?” Jaejoong grumbles as he gets off the floor to return to the other boxes. “No thanks, I’d rather not end up footing the bill should you two decide to run off. Your boyfriend eats more food than a whole village -“
“Don’t be like this Jaejoong!” the other man protests. “You used to like going out with Changmin and I -“
Jaejoong’s heart twists in his chest. “Only when Yunho would be there with me,” he says softly, trying not to let his own words bother him. “But now it’d just be the three of us, and that’s always awkward.”
“Well, I could invite more people and -“
“I’m still trying to unpack,” Jaejoong replies, cutting Yoochun off. “If you want, you could come over and help me.”
“No thanks.”
“Some best friend you are,” Jaejoong grumbles as he walks into the living and looks around. He eyes the boxes that still remain taped and unopened, but opts to ignore them in favor of sitting down on the couch. “This is pretty hard stuff you know -“
“I know.”
“Yet you still won’t come over…?”
“I’m still at work,” Yoochun replies, “but I have faith in you Jaejoong.” The younger man laughs, and Jaejoong scowls. “I know that you’ll be finished and enjoying yourself in your new place in no time -“
Jaejoong hangs up and tosses his phone to the side. He sinks in deeper into the leather of his sofa and spreads his arms out. The television that’d just been ordered a few days ago has yet to come, so in front of him is just the television cabinet.
Empty.
With a sigh, Jaejoong turns his eyes away and looks out the window. It’s still bright out, but he feels too lazy and too uninspired to go walking around the neighborhood. So, he gives into his inner couch potato and just lets time pass him by.
~~~~
“Everything on the television right now is lame,” Jaejoong comments aloud as Yunho makes his way from the kitchen with the popcorn in his hands. He glances at his boyfriend when he sits and automatically inches closer to him, and in turn, closer to the popcorn.
Yunho laughs and pushes a piece of popcorn into Jaejoong’s mouth. “What do you expect? It’s not like these are the typical television hours -“
“Afternoons are terrible,” Jaejoong complains as he pulls his shirt off and tosses it onto the ground. He looks at Yunho, and his boyfriend merely raises an eyebrow. “It’s so fucking hot, how can you still wear jeans?”
“Would you prefer that I take them off?” Yunho asks before he pops another piece of popcorn into Jaejoong’s mouth.
The older man chews then replies, “Well, I always prefer you with less clothing.” He smiles and leans closer, not caring that he’s sticky with sweat and ruining Yunho’s clean clothes. He stretches out like a cat and kisses Yunho’s jaw. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Can we stay like this forever?”
“Hot?”
Jaejoong laughs, and when he looks up, Yunho is trying not to grin. He pokes his boyfriend’s cheek. “You bastard.”
“What?” Yunho questions as he flips the channels, “I know I’d like to look this way forever - or well, I’d like for you to stay the way you look now. I can get old, but you can’t.”
“But I’d like to see you old,” Jaejoong murmurs as he rests his head against Yunho’s chest. “All wrinkly and cute, complaining about your bald spots, while our grandchildren run around -“
“Grandchildren?”
“Yes, my mom wants grandchildren from us, so that’s going to have to eventually lead over to us having grandchildren.” Jaejoong answers.
He doesn’t see the point in beating around the bush, and he knows that Yunho doesn’t mind his bluntness either. No holds barred, anything about their relationship’s future is up for discussion - the rules they kept from back when they’re just friends have extended to their romantic relationship. They’ve never seen the point in holding back, in waiting for the time when things are suddenly appropriate to talk about.
What’s the point in waiting? After all, if they didn’t intend on sticking around with one another for a long time, they wouldn’t even be together in the first place.
“Well, in that case,” Yunho says slowly, “I want twenty five kids - five sons, and twenty daughters.”
Jaejoong laughs, and he cups Yunho’s face to kiss him lightly before pulling away. “Well, it’s a good thing I’m not a woman then,” he speaks as he climbs onto Yunho’s lap and ignores the fact that he’s knocked off some popcorn onto the couch. “There’s no way I’d be able to give birth to that many children.”
“Maybe I should find a woman who’d be willing,” Yunho replies absentmindedly, and Jaejoong punches his chest. He chuckles and looks up at Jaejoong, “We should name one of our daughters after your mother.”
Jaejoong falls silent, and Yunho cups his cheek to bring his face close. Their lips are only centimeters apart once Yunho opens his mouth to speak again. “We’d have a lovely family.”
“I know,” Jaejoong whispers, feeling sad, and well aware that Yunho is most likely thinking of the people who’d abandoned him. Even after all this time, he still doesn’t know what kind of comfort he can offer. In a way, what had happened is partially his fault. If he and Yunho were still just friends, then -
Yunho kisses him, and silences more than just his lips. When he pulls away, he brushes Jaejoong’s cheeks softly. “Can I call your mother?”
Jaejoong nods, and he simply slides off Yunho’s lap. He watches as Yunho picks up the house phone, dials his parents’ home number then walks away.
After the phone call, Yunho sweeps him off his feet and pulls him into the bedroom, and once it’s all over, he whispers words that make Jaejoong realize what he’s been giving Yunho all along.
He’s given Yunho a place to call home.
~~~~
Jaejoong can’t bring himself to unpack his cooking utensils, so he settles for a packet of crackers that he found somewhere in his bag. The crunching is loud, and his eyes run over the numerous things he still has to fix up, several boxes scattered across the kitchen. There are so many things to take out, and Jaejoong considers calling someone over.
His fingers drum along the marble kitchen countertop, and he glances at his phone, only a stretch of his arm away.
He knows some of his sisters had offered to help, but he’d shot them all down. The whole act of moving - it was supposed to mean something. It was supposed to mean that he was putting the past behind, it was supposed to mean - so much.
Instead, all he feels is unhappiness and a sense of dread. There’s so much space, and so little of anything else. Once he puts everything where they should be, what’s left for him to do? A house is not a home without life, and on his own, Jaejoong doesn’t know if he’s enough.
After all, this house was never meant to be just his.
~~~~
Jaejoong opens the door, and instantly, his nose is assaulted by the scent of something burning. He quickly drops his bag and follows the scent to the kitchen, and when he sees who’s in front of the stove, he stops - not in shock, but in amusement.
“What’s that?” he asks, pointing to the charred mass that’s sitting on one of their prettiest plates.
Yunho turns off the stove and glances at the burned remains before he turns his eyes to Jaejoong. “It was supposed to be a grilled cheese sandwich, but…it got burned. It was supposed to be for you.”
He walks up to the counter and picks up the plate. The sandwich smells and looks terrible - a culinary disaster, and Jaejoong wrinkles his nose before he looks at Yunho.
“What are you doing cooking?” he asks.
“Oh well,” Yunho trails off and looks around at the dirty kitchen. “I figured I needed to learn how to cook.” he offers.
Jaejoong laughs and sets the plate down onto the counter. He wraps his arms around the taller man and kisses him eagerly, much too easily overcome by Yunho’s cute gesture. Familiarity having made things easier for them, he slides his tongue into Yunho’s mouth just as the other man brings him closer.
Breath escapes his lips, and Jaejoong feels the stirring of arousal as Yunho turns and pins him against the counter. Their lips part for a few seconds, and Jaejoong lets out a breathy moan once Yunho’s lips and teeth find his neck. He clutches Yunho tightly, his nails digging into the fabric of the other’s shirt.
They part at the sound of the microwave beeping, and Jaejoong laughs. He gazes up into Yunho’s eyes and pushes back the other’s hair. “And what’s that?” he asks, his eyes flickering over to the microwave.
“…since the sandwich failed, I decided to make you instant noodles.”
Jaejoong laughs again, and he hugs Yunho tightly.
“What would I do without you?”
~~~~
The shower helps, and Jaejoong steps out feeling a lot better than he did thirty minutes ago. Granted, he could have shortened the time he’d spent inside the shower, but who’s around to judge him? He towels off his hair and walks around carefully, well aware of the fact that he’d forgotten to set a bathroom rug down earlier.
He stops in front of the mirror, and when he sees his reflection, he can’t help but stare at himself.
His hair is longer and in need of a haircut, and perhaps it’s time he dyes his hair a new color. Jaejoong stares at himself then cocks his head to the side - what about red? It’ll be a change, and change is something that he’s in need of.
There’s no need to worry if it’ll look good or not - Jaejoong lets his spontaneity get the better of him. It’s a done deal, and Yunho’s not around to tease or to discourage him from acting before thinking. Jaejoong smiles at his reflection and lets his spontaneous nature take a hold of him. He walks out of the bathroom in a hurry to get into a new change of clothes, the idea of surprising everyone with a new hair color making its way into the center of his mind.
He’s always liked surprises, and he’s too caught up with thinking about what Junsu will say that he forgets that his new neighbors may possibly see him through the window and catch the sight of him walking naked to the bedroom.
~~~~
He refuses to acknowledge the fact he’s crying.
Jaejoong sits on the toilet, his face in his hands. Thousands of questions are spinning in his mind, an uncontrollable tempest raging on and shattering his spirit. His throat is shut, and he can’t bring himself to answer Yunho, who’s knocking on the bathroom door and demanding to talk to him.
“Please, Jaejoong, open the door,” Yunho pleads. “Please, open the door.”
But despite the desperation in Yunho’s voice, and the desire to return into the comfort of Yunho’s arms, Jaejoong remains still. He’s not sure what’s caused these feelings anymore, but he knows that he just wants them to go away.
One word has led to another and then they’ve suddenly ended up where they are now. Is he really crying because of Yunho, or is it just because of something else? He shouldn’t be doing this, he shouldn’t be taking out past fears and anxieties out on Yunho, but there are a thousand frustrations and insecurities weighing him down, and there’s nothing he can do.
In his fear, he’s lashed out at Yunho, accusing him of abandoning him, and at that moment, he wonders if sorry is going to be enough for them.
It feels like the home they’ve built together is collapsing, and fears grips his heart. He begins to second guess himself and his relationship with Yunho. What if it’s all an illusion? Perhaps it hasn’t been as wonderful as he thought, perhaps he was blind to its numerous flaws, perhaps Yunho doesn’t love him as much as he thinks -
“Jaejoong, open the door.”
With those words, Jaejoong reminds himself to stop worrying - the truth is staring straight at him. Yunho is not his original parents, and never will be. He’s much too strong to abandon problems, and he’s not the kind of person to simply give up.
The storm raging within him quiets, and Jaejoong takes a deep breath before getting up to open the door. He’s afraid, so afraid of abandonment, but he knows he has to be strong. Slowly, he twists the door knob, and as soon as the door opens, Yunho rushes and pulls him into his arms.
“Don’t cry.”
Despite Yunho’s words, he bursts into tears all over again and ends up understanding what Yoochun feels about how tiresome it is to have so many emotions.
~~~~
His hair is dyed its new shade of red, and Jaejoong walks out to the balcony. If Yunho were around, he wouldn’t do what he’s about to do, but the fact of the matter is, Yunho’s not around.
As for when he’s coming back, Jaejoong really doesn’t know. He sits down on the balcony flooring and holds a cigarette. It’s a familiar weight against his finger tips, but he opts against lighting it up and carelessly throws it out onto the ground below.
Yunho wouldn’t like it if he went back to smoking.
Jaejoong’s never dealt well with loneliness, and being alone is something he hates more than anything. The house is too quiet and foreign, and despite all his furniture and fixtures placed where they should be, something is still lacking. He needs more than familiar items, he needs something that will tie him down to this home and make him eager to make new memories in it.
With a sigh, he relaxes and settles down, ignoring the ringing of his phone in favor of this moment of peace. His eyes wander the neighborhood - all the houses filled with people he has yet to meet, and feels all the more alone.
Is Yunho ever coming back?
~~~~
The apartment is quiet.
He walks outside to the balcony and leans against the railing. The wind is gentle against his skin, and he’s left the door open. Jaejoong doesn’t bother to turn his head, he already knows Yunho’s behind him.
“Were you smoking?”
He turns, and Yunho’s face is questioning. As usual, he plays the part of handsome executive well, and Jaejoong wants nothing more than to take him by the tie and lead him back into the bed.
But he can’t - they’re adults, and they have responsibilities.
Yunho has to go, and he has to watch him leave. Things would probably be easier for him if Yunho wasn’t who he was - if he wasn’t hardworking, if he wasn’t so smart, and if he wasn’t so wonderful, but then again, things would be different if they weren’t who they are.
“Jaejoong, I asked you a question.”
Yunho’s words pull him out of his thoughts, and a smile quirks at the corners of his lips for the first time that evening. “I don’t know,” Jaejoong replies, opting to play coy. “Was I?”
Yunho takes another step, and Jaejoong looks at him. There’s hardly much of a distance between them, but it’s there. In seconds, Yunho seals the distance between their lips and tastes them. The kiss is soft, chaste, but sweet. It’s fleeting, and he pulls away as swiftly as the evening breeze.
“So?”
“I’m proud of you.”
Jaejoong lets out a sigh, and Yunho sets his hands on his hips. He looks up at the handsome face he’s loved for the past years, and Jaejoong knows that he doesn’t want Yunho to go. Why does he have to leave anyway? He can offer him the world and more.
“I’m sorry I’m leaving,” Yunho speaks, and Jaejoong remains silent. “I should -“
“You know I’m proud of you, right?” Jaejoong speaks, shutting down his selfish and immature thoughts. He can handle this, and even though right now, he thinks he can’t, but deep down, he knows he’ll be fine.
“Yes.”
“You know I love you, right?”
“Yes.”
Jaejoong hugs him tightly and breathes in the scent of Yunho’s cologne. He feels Yunho hug him back, and a sigh escapes his lips.
“Don’t forget where home is.”
~~~~
It’s the first morning in his new house, and Jaejoong is woken up by the sound of the doorbell. He’d been too lazy to finish unpacking the necessary things for the bed, so he’d ended up falling asleep on the sofa. He slowly makes his way to the front door, hoping his neighbors don’t care about the fact that he looks like a mess.
“Just one second!” he shouts as he combs through his newly dyed hair with his hands, and he bites his lip to muffle his pain once he accidentally stubs his toe on a box. He hops on one foot to the front door, and then rests against it for a few seconds before he pulls it open to greet whoever’s at the door.
His mouth falls open, and the person at the door speaks first.
“Are you done unpacking?”
“Of course not,” Jaejoong whispers, and his eyes linger on Yunho’s face. He hadn’t expected him to come home until next month, so to see him there, at the front door, with his hair in odd angles and his shirt slightly rumpled, it’s all a surprise that his brain can’t seem to register. “The boxes are too heavy to carry.”
“Or are you just being lazy?” Yunho questions, not taking a single step forward.
“I think that could be it,” Jaejoong answers as a beautiful smile graces his lips. “You were always the more hardworking one after all.”
Yunho smiles. “How’s the house?”
“The walls are ugly,” Jaejoong murmurs. “I should’ve let you win. Perhaps they would look nicer in olive green.”
Yunho laughs. “Well, we can paint it ourselves sometime in the future.”
“Our bedroom is too quiet, the kitchen is too shiny, the bathroom is too clean, and the living room’s too neat,” Jaejoong answers finally, his eyes meeting Yunho’s. “The house sorely needs your presence...and maybe I should let you finally get that dog you always wanted. The lawn is huge.”
“Well I’m here now, aren’t I?” Yunho questions. “And I’m here permanently - no more job transfer…my office back here needs me more than they thought.”
Jaejoong laughs, and he runs up to Yunho as eagerly as the tide rushes to the shore. He holds him tightly, and Yunho kisses his cheek before he whispers into Jaejoong’s ears the words he’d wanted to hear for so long.
“I’m home.”