The Flower Fencer Interludes - Confessions [01a]
Title: The Flower Fencer Interludes - Confessions [01a]
Main Pairing: Changmin/Jaejoong
Side Pairing: Yoochun/Junsu, Yunho/Yuri
Rating R
Genre: Humor, Drama, Romance, some Smut and Suggestiveness
Summary: Star Fencer Kim Jaejoong is determined to go for the gold at the 2012 London Olympics as a member of the Korean national team and nobody will get in his way. What happens when rival and former lover, Shim Changmin, returns to Korea to also represent the team? Who will come out on top and who will get their heart broken?
a/n: This is the first interlude of the story! Basically, these interludes are plot lines that were brought in but didn't seem to flow with the overall story. I guess you could see them as deleted scenes? The next official chapter for The Flower Fencer will take place in the summer/Olympics time, so these interludes serve to fill in what happened over time. My way of extending into a verse with this story? *shrugs* Anyway, apologies for taking forever to get this chapter out! But I'm entering finals season as of today. However, I will be leaving for home in a week and a half so hopefully I can get out another chapter soon!
The interludes will also be a part of the Starcandy Challenge, but not the story itself.
For this shot, the words is...019. "Sorry"
“Close your eyes, darling.”
Looking down at the beauty he was holding in his arms, Changmin obeyed the smaller man and shut his eyes, feeling himself being gently pushed back beneath the stream of water. As the water fell in torrents onto his head, he soon felt fingers massaging his scalp soothingly.
“So tall,” Jaejoong breathed out as he stood on the tips of his toes to get to the back of his lover’s head.
The taller man smiled cheekily as he could almost hear the pout in the raven’s voice. Keeping a grip on Jaejoong’s hips, Changmin lifted the smaller man up effortlessly, chuckling at the yelp that emitted from those plump lips. “Better?” he asked as he gave the smaller man some height.
Jaejoong instinctively wrapped his legs around the toned torso before dipping his head down; pressing light kisses to Changmin’s eyelids in response. As the smaller man continued to wash the shampoo out of the younger man’s hair, he let his lips leave fluttering kisses over every inch of tanned skin he could reach.
When he was certain that all the soap was washed out, Jaejoong dropped his hands to cup the younger man’s face and pressed his forehead atop Changmin’s, staring at the long eyelashes that were speckled with tiny droplets of water. “You can open your eyes now,” he murmured.
Changmin’s eyes fluttered open and met the dark brown orbs; the eyes no longer held the cold intensity that was so characteristic of Jaejoong. The frigidness that the raven previously held in his gaze to prevent anyone from getting in was replaced with complete love and tenderness. He refused to turn away from the gaze, instead choosing to bask in the warmth of it. And he knew that Jaejoong could see the same emotions play across his eyes as well; the eyes are the windows to the soul and Changmin’s windows were forever open to the world.
While the isolated shower stall that the pair were in filled with steam, the two felt as if all the clouds in their way were cleared; the stormy winter was gone and the beautiful, calm spring appeared with flowers in bloom. The proximity of their bodies and the way they were intertwined beneath the showerhead was a familiar position for the pair from just a half hour prior.
“Hi,” Changmin breathed out.
Jaejoong’s eyes crinkled as he smiled at the simplicity of the younger man’s choice of response. “Hello,” he replied, rubbing his nose against the other man before leaning back and dropping his gaze. “I missed you…”
The words were barely above a whisper, but Changmin picked up on the heaviness of the emotion behind it. “I missed you too, Jae,” he replied softly as he brushed the wet strands away from the older man’s face. “I missed you so much.”
Leaning into the touch for a moment, Jaejoong sighed. “Min-ah.”
“Hm?” was the response from Changmin, momentarily preoccupied with twirling his fingers through Jaejoong’s soft tresses.
“I…” Jaejoong began, “I want to talk…about everything.”
Changmin looked up at the sudden seriousness.
“It’s just…I want to wake up tomorrow morning in your arms without the possibility of the past coming to threaten us. I want us to go through everything that happened between us in the past four years; I want closure. When the sun comes up, I want to know that we’re having a fresh start and a second chance at this relationship without having to think of our past.” Jaejoong paused to take a breath. “Can we?”
The concern that the raven had etched on his face showed how much he had grown in the past four years. His desire to do things right this time around made Changmin’s body fill with pure appreciation and love. After Jaejoong walked out on him all that time ago, Changmin’s worst fear was the older man walking out on him again. Seeing the raven take the initiative while at the same time giving him complete control further cemented in Changmin’s mind that having another go at the relationship wouldn’t hurt him. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he was completely unaware of the smile that took over his face. Being brought back to the present, Changmin eyed the man in his arms. “Five more minutes?” he questioned hopefully. “I just want to hold you for five more minutes…”
Jaejoong dropped his arms, wrapping them around the younger man’s shoulders before burrowing his face in Changmin’s neck. “As long as you don’t let me go,” the beauty answered, lips brushing against the taller man’s throat.
Changmin smiled. “Never.”
--
“Chunnie?”
Yoochun snapped to attention at the calling of his name. “Hm?” he asked as he tilted his head back to look at the blond.
The pair was currently on the couch, Junsu sitting on one end while Yoochun lounged along the length of the couch with his head in the smaller man’s lap. “Are you worried about Changmin?” Junsu asked, carding his fingers through the thick locks.
Yoochun nodded. “I can’t help it, he’s my best friend. And it’s been a while since Jaejoong left to meet him. Neither of them has contacted us so things have either taken a turn for the worse or for the better. I’m just worried that things could potentially get out of hand with those two…both of them are fueled by their emotions and they aren’t exactly of sound mind right now. I know that they’re both old enough to sort things out on their own, but I can’t help being a little worried.”
“Changmin must’ve been really upset when he saw those photos,” Junsu mused.
“Those pictures did more damage than they were set out to cause, Su,” the sabreur replied, sighing before covering his face with his hands. “Jaejoong and Changmin were in the process of repairing their relationship, but those stupid photos potentially destroyed whatever was left from what happened four years ago.”
The blond pursed his lips. “But shouldn’t Changmin have trusted you enough to know that such a thing wouldn’t happen?”
Yoochun sat up and turned his body toward the smaller man. “Shouldn’t you have trusted Jaejoong enough that such a thing wouldn’t happen?” he replied. Junsu froze as the sabreur’s words sunk in, realizing that he was guilty of the same thing. “Exactly,” Yoochun answered as he pulled Junsu into his lap, arms resting around his waist. “Sometimes love makes us do crazy things, Su. And sometimes, the thought of getting hurt because of that love makes us do crazier things. Changmin is usually rational, but he’s passionate and emotionally charged, especially when it comes to Jaejoong. That, paired with his insecurities that stemmed from his past with your cousin was enough to push him past his limit when he saw those photos.”
Junsu reached for the older man’s chin and held onto it, searching for his gaze. “I’m sorry for being irrational about the photos,” he apologized. “I was just so worried at the prospect that you were just getting close to me to get close to Jaejoong. And you’ve known Jaejoong for over twelve years now. I was stupid, but you know how I can run on my emotions sometimes. I just liked you so much that it freaked me out. And everyone thinks that Jaejoong-hyung is perfect and I could never compete with th-mmph!”
The sabreur leaned forward and crashed their lips together, effectively shutting Junsu up. With a nip at the foilist’s lower lip, Yoochun pulled away. “Stop right there,” he demanded. “First of all, I don’t think Jaejoong is perfect. He’s not perfect for me either, for that matter. You, on the other hand, are perfect in my eyes. You’re perfection in itself, and I think you’re perfect for me. So stop comparing yourself to your cousin,” Yoochun stated. “Besides, you said it yourself that I’ve known Jaejoong for twelve years. Don’t you think that if I harbored any feelings for him that I would’ve made my move by now?”
Junsu chewed on his lip. “You’re right,” he replied. “You’re completely correct.”
“Of course. He and I would’ve been together already since nobody can resist all of this,” Yoochun replied as if it were fact, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Park Yoochun!” Junsu groaned out as he playfully slapped the man’s chest. “Stop being a greaseball!”
“You like it.”
“I like you,” Junsu corrected. Once the words left his lips, the foilist slapped a hand over his mouth in embarrassment of the slip.
“Oh yeah?” Yoochun asked, smirk taking over his face as he moved Junsu to sit astride his lap. “Well, Kim Junsu, newest addition to the South Korean National Fencing Team…I like you too.”
The foilist beamed at the words, eyes lighting up and shrinking to the size of crescents. “Good,” he responded before leaning in to kiss the sabreur again. Junsu wanted his lips on the older man for so long that it nearly felt surreal. The foilist leaned down, one hand holding the nape of Yoochun’s neck and the other hand cupping his cheek, just trying to get closer. After nipping lightly at Yoochun’s lower lip, Junsu smiled into the kiss as the sabreur parted his lips in invitation.
Junsu could feel the older man’s hands slowly slip under his sweater, as if Yoochun was uncertain about how far the younger man wanted to take it. The foilist felt a fuzzy feeling in his being at how gentle the other man was being for the sensual reputation that he had. With every inch of bare skin that Yoochun touched with his fingers, Junsu’s inhibitions were flying out the window. He could feel his body responding to the sabreur, his temperature rising with each thrust of the sabreur’s tongue into his mouth. As one of Yoochun’s hands drifted down to slip under the waistband of his sweatpants, Junsu pulled away with a gasp. He stared down at the pink lips of the older man, refusing to look in the man’s eyes out of sheer embarrassment. “Sorry,” he squeaked, cheeks flushing.
Yoochun lips curled into a soft smile. “Tell me what you want, Su,” he drawled, fingers drawing circles on the blond’s lower back. The sabreur stared in amusement as he could essentially see the inner workings of Junsu’s mind painted on his face.
“Both of our roommates aren’t coming home tonight…” Junsu began shyly. “And Jaejoong and Changmin will probably be out for a while…”
The sabreur’s eyes widened. “Su…” he murmured. “Do you…are you…”
His jaw dropped in shock. “No, no, no, not sex,” Junsu rushed out. “Well, not tonight at least. But I just want to…” he paused, breaking off the sentence in embarrassment. “Can we just…”
Yoochun chuckled at how red the younger man’s face was and decided to give him a little help. “We don’t have to do anything you don't want to do,” he reassured the foilist. “I don’t want to rush things with you.” The smile that appeared on Junsu’s face was enough for him. “How about we just go into the room and talk, then?”
The blond pouted, his lips bearing a striking resemblance to his cousin. “I don’t want to talk, though,” he replied, drawing a sharp bark of laughter from Yoochun’s throat.
“Okay then, how about we just go into one of the bedrooms and continue whatever we were just doing, and then we’ll do things you’re comfortable with. How does that sound?”
“Hm…” Junsu voiced, teasing Yoochun, “I guess that works too.” He pulled himself off of the sabreur and stretched his hands out for the other man to grab.
“You really are too much, Su,” the older man whined as he stood up, linking hands with the foilist.
Junsu scoffed. “You like it,” he reasoned as he walked backward, leading the sabreur toward the first bedroom.
“I like you,” Yoochun corrected with a wink, following the blond.
--
“I can’t believe you were walking around Seoul in February wearing only a hoodie and long-sleeved shirt,” Jaejoong scolded quietly, his hands rubbing at the younger man’s ears. “You could have gotten hypothermia!”
Changmin attempted a chuckle that turned into a shudder; his teeth chattered as he entered the elevator, hands full of beautiful fencer. After seeing the younger man quivering from the cold of the parking garage when they stepped out of the car, Jaejoong had climbed onto him like a koala and insisted that he needed to keep the tall Adonis warm.
With his arms and legs wrapped around the man’s torso, Jaejoong furiously rubbed at the exposed olive-tinged skin in an effort to raise Changmin’s body temperature.
“I wasn’t being rational,” the taller epeeist replied, nudging the button labeled “9” with his elbow before stepping toward the back wall of the elevator car. He rested a pouting Jaejoong on the handrail before pulling his hands away and framing the raven’s face with them. “Forgive me?” he asked, running his thumb lightly over Jaejoong’s lower lip. His eyes remained on the beauty’s pout; Jaejoong’s lips have forever been one of Changmin’s weaknesses.
At the ding of the elevator signifying the arrival to the ninth floor, the raven nipped at Changmin’s thumb before unwrapping himself from the younger man. Jaejoong dropped his hands from the taller man’s ears and reached for the larger pair of hands instead. “Come make it up to me and I’ll warm you up,” Jaejoong murmured with twinkling eyes as he pulled Changmin along, eyes never breaking contact. With an almost inhuman grace, the beauty nearly glided backwards, leading the younger man until the paused in front of the door to the apartment.
Changmin pulled one of his hands out of the older man’s grip to pull out the key from his pocket before inserting it into the lock. With a quick twist, the door unlocked and the pair entered their home for the next five months. As soon as their shoes were off, the two made a beeline straight for their bedroom, the lamp next to the living room couch providing enough illumination for the pair to see their way down the hallway.
Jaejoong entered the bedroom first with Changmin hot on his heels, shutting and locking the door behind them. Their shared bedroom was shrouded in darkness, the only light coming from the night sky outside their window.
When Changmin turned around, he was greeted with Jaejoong’s bare back, the pale skin almost luminescent in the dark. His eyes traveled over the angel wings that framed the Romanized script in the center of his upper back, the contrast of black ink on white skin adding to the glow of Jaejoong’s body. He stepped closer to the older man who was undressing in the center of the room, slipping off his hoodie and shirt along the way. When Jaejoong was in reach, Changmin wrapped his arms around the beauty’s waist and pulled the body against him, the smaller man’s back against his chest. He could feel Jaejoong shivering at the cold touch, but the raven soon leaned into Changmin’s hold and rested pale hands onto the tanned pair.
“You were always on my mind,” the younger man whispered, his nose burrowed in the soft locks. “I could never move on every time, no matter how hard I tried…”
Jaejoong’s lip trembled, the thought of Changmin in love with someone else crossing his mind. The regret and self-hatred he felt for what he did returned, taking over his body. “I’m sorry,” the raven uttered, his voice cracking as his eyes began to well up with tears. His hands clenched at Changmin’s, holding them over his body as if the younger man would leave if he let go. “I’ll do anything and everything I can to make it up to you, just don’t leave me again…I’m so sorry…so, so, sorry…”
The taller man could feel the quivering body in his arms and tightened his hold, bringing Jaejoong back to the moment. “Hush, Jae,” he murmured, pressing his lips to the beauty’s cheek, “I want us to work just as much as you do.” Changmin dipped his head down, his nose trailing along Jaejoong’s throat while his lips brushed over pale skin. “I’m here, alright? I’m here...”
“Please don’t go,” Jaejoong whispered.
The taller man lifted his head, searching for Jaejoong’s lips before finally meeting them. He kept the kiss short yet meaningful, leaning back and speaking again. “Then talk to me, love. I’m listening.”
The beauty closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths as he calmed himself down. “I’m an emotional wreck tonight,” he commented, attempting jest while he wiped his eyes. “It’s been a while since I’ve really…felt.”
Changmin hummed in response, his fingers rubbing the older man’s sides. “Me too,” he admitted, his breath tickling the raven’s shoulder. “I feel alive.”
After a few seconds’ pause, Jaejoong turned his head and nuzzled the side of the taller man’s neck. “Make yourself comfortable,” the raven murmured before he stepped out of the younger man’s embrace, unbuckling his pants and undoing them then pacing toward the dresser across the room.
Changmin listened to the gentle words before obeying, making his way towards Jaejoong’s bed with his eyes still focused on the beauty. He continued to watch Jaejoong move around as he undressed before lowering himself onto the bed. Settling under the covers, he leaned back, propping himself on the headboard. A flicker of light appeared before a warm glow emitted from where Jaejoong was. When the raven turned around, Changmin’s heart stopped.
His eyes were fixated on the beauty before him, whose hands were wrapped around a large candle. Jaejoong took each step cautiously, eyes downcast toward the flame; the way that the light danced upon his skin rendered the tall Adonis speechless. His lips hinted at a small smile as his entire face glowed from the warm flame.
Setting the candle atop his nightstand, Jaejoong turned and shyly looked over at the younger man. The beauty pulled the covers back before climbing in bed, holding onto Changmin’s shoulders and settling himself on the younger man’s lap. At the motion, Changmin instinctively grasped at the narrow waist in a gentle yet firm hold.
Closing his eyes, Jaejoong took a deep breath. As soon as he exhaled, he opened his eyes. “I’m not used to people caring for me,” he whispered, staring at Changmin’s chest. “I was never afraid to toy with anyone’s heart because I didn’t really have one to begin with. Or at least, I never had one until you came along.” He bit his lip, trying to find the strength to continue. “I was so stupid. I was an entitled brat who thought he could do whatever he wanted if things didn’t go his way. It was immature and just so evil…I thought that if I couldn’t beat the competition, I should sabotage it.
“I look back on it now and hate myself for even thinking of such a thing. I saw the way you looked at me, and I knew how your emotions affected your fencing…I saw your weaknesses and took advantage of them in the worst way. I…I figured that since I couldn’t feel anything anyway, I could get you to fall for me and then break your heart and eliminate my biggest threat that stood between me and a gold medal…I just didn’t expect the plan to blow up in my face.”
Jaejoong’s doe eyes lifted as he felt the grip around his waist tighten. The raven could tell that the younger man was trying to remain calm, but his eyes betrayed him, filling with sadness, as they were unfocused. Jaejoong raised a hand and rested it on the other man’s jawline. “I didn’t expect to fall in love with you instead…
“You cared for me in a way that nobody else bothered to. It wasn’t just the huge things like the declarations of infatuation. It was the small things that really chipped at my block of ice for a heart…the way your face lit up whenever I entered the room, or how you would just gaze into my eyes as if you were staring into my soul. Each time you slept over and took care of me before taking care of yourself. You had your own ways of showing me affection and you taught me how to care for someone else beside myself.”
Jaejoong moved his other hand down to rest over Changmin’s heart. “The first time we slept together…I treated it like sex, but you made love to me that night. It was your first time with anyone, but the way that you just looked at me, I just felt a surge of emotions take over, a bunch of ice melting away. When I woke up the next morning, I just knew that I made the biggest mistake of my life by going into the relationship with cruel intentions.” Tears began to appear in both of their eyes.
“I was so afraid to tell you,” Jaejoong whimpered. “It was stupid of me, but I didn’t want you to leave me because I lied. I wanted to tell you, I really did. But I just needed more time to find the best way. There were just so many things I needed to be aware of…Changmin, I was going to tell you after Worlds was over. I no longer cared about the competition, but if I told you before the competition, then you would have gotten hurt anyway. I didn’t want that to happen. I couldn’t let it happen.” He closed his watering eyes as the memories he locked away reappeared.
“At first, I wanted to keep our relationship a secret because it was originally a part of my plan. Nobody would need to know that you and I were dating. But after I began to feel for you, I chose to keep it a secret so my parents wouldn’t find out that their son was dating a boy, and one that didn’t roam in the same social circles that I did. Just the thought of what they could have possibly done to you and your family, with you so young…I no longer only cared about myself, but I cared about another person as well. I cared about another person more than I cared about myself, Min…
“When Seunghyun asked me about the relationship, the first thing that entered my head was to protect you. If he found out that I was dating you, he would have made it known throughout the society my parents live in. I couldn’t have any harm come to you, so I acted as if I were still going along with my original plan to seduce you. You just…” Jaejoong paused as a sob wracked his body, bringing him to shivers. “Y-You weren’t supposed be there that day!”
Changmin’s eyes widened at the revelation, everything coming to light. “Jae…” he whispered, pulling the sobbing man against him.
“I’m sorry, Changmin!” Jaejoong cried out, hands reaching out and grabbing desperately at the younger man’s face, searching for his gaze. “I’m sorry for everything that I did! If I could take it all back I would!” His voice cracked at the end as sobs took over, cutting his speech off. “I t-tried t-t-to get in touch w-with you, I did,” he rushed out, taking a breath to calm himself down. “I didn’t know you left the country until Yoochun st-stopped by my house that night…I wish h-he would have followed through and beat me up like he wanted to. I deserved that and s-s-so much more.” He slowed down, taking a deep breath to calm his speech.
“Shh…” Changmin murmured, wiping away that older man’s tears. “Calm down, beautiful. Look at me,” he commanded gently as brought his head closer, their noses touching. “Take a few breaths and calm down for me, love. Can you do that?”
Jaejoong nodded as he kept his eyes on the younger man, sniffling as he willed himself to stop his sobbing. Feeling like he could speak again, the beauty swallowed and began again.
“You made me feel like I was alive and loved, Changmin,” he breathed out. “You gave my life more meaning in that six months than anything else did in the eighteen years before that. And I took it for granted…
“I tried to forget you, knowing that you would be much better off without me, but you had my heart, mind, and soul. I spent the next four years trying to imagine what would happen when I saw you again. I didn’t want you to come back because I knew I would do anything to be with you again…If you already moved on, I didn’t want to deal with the heartache, so I thought that it would be easier if I just became the biggest asshole on the planet when you returned.
“I tried, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t hold up that persona if I was going to be living with you for this long. My resolve crumbled and it hadn’t even been more than a few days…But I saw that you felt something too. The way that you looked at me, it reminded me of the past. At the thought of being with you again, I became selfish and broke away from all thoughts of keeping myself away. I wanted to fix things with you and prayed that you would take me back and give me that second chance.”
Jaejoong leaned in, pressing his lips lightly against the younger man’s cheek. “Last night in Jeju, I felt like I was in a dream with you. When I woke up in the same bed as you, I had never felt so hopeful about something. I thought that this would be my chance to make things up to you and to do things right…”
Changmin stilled, as he recalled what set him off earlier that day. “The photos,” he breathed. “With you and Yoochun…”
The raven shook his head. “It’s not what it looked like in those photos, Min-ah. Yoochun and I don’t feel that way for each other; we never have, and we never will.”
“I…” the younger man began, as he tried to think of the right things to say. “I’m sorry for overreacting about it. It’s just…It’s just that…I get insecure, Jaejoong. My feelings for you are so strong but at the same time I’m afraid of getting hurt.” He sighed. “I don’t want to get hurt…But I saw those pictures and assumed the worst, so I ran. I couldn’t get my heart broken again; I went into complete defensive mode.”
“Yoochun would never hurt you like that,” the beauty reasoned. “And I may have hurt you before but believe me when I say that I would do anything to make sure I don’t hurt you again…”
Changmin leaned forward and captured the plump lips in a kiss, almost cracking a smile at the nearly instantaneous response he got from Jaejoong. He tilted his head back, grinning as the smaller man chased his lips before moving back. “Give me time, Jae,” the younger man asked gently. “I spent four years trying to get over you, and I’m still in flight mode. There will be times that I’ll want to run away at the slightest confrontation, but I’m trying…I really am.”
“Whatever you want,” Jaejoong responded, leaning forward and nudging the strong jaw line with his nose. “I’m yours.”
“And I’m yours,” he returned with a smile. The younger man dropped his head down and kissed the beauty again. “Now let’s get some sleep so we can make your whole ‘wake up in my arms when the sun comes up’ dream a reality,” Changmin suggested as he wrapped his arms around the raven’s waist and rolled them to the side. His smile widened at the squeak that emitted from Jaejoong’s mouth from the sudden motion. With both of them lying on Jaejoong’s bed, Changmin blew out the candle and pulled the older man flush against his body, lying one of his arms under the head full of raven tresses. “I think I might love this,” he commented, sighing in content as he nuzzled the nape of Jaejoong’s neck. His other hand rested on Jaejoong’s abdomen, palm splayed over the pale skin. “Actually, I truly love this.”
The beauty curled up, snuggling back into Changmin’s body. “And I truly love you,” he murmured, placing a hand over the larger one spread over his tummy and holding onto it.
TFF: Previous
Interludes: Next
Main Pairing: Changmin/Jaejoong
Side Pairing: Yoochun/Junsu, Yunho/Yuri
Rating R
Genre: Humor, Drama, Romance, some Smut and Suggestiveness
Summary: Star Fencer Kim Jaejoong is determined to go for the gold at the 2012 London Olympics as a member of the Korean national team and nobody will get in his way. What happens when rival and former lover, Shim Changmin, returns to Korea to also represent the team? Who will come out on top and who will get their heart broken?
a/n: This is the first interlude of the story! Basically, these interludes are plot lines that were brought in but didn't seem to flow with the overall story. I guess you could see them as deleted scenes? The next official chapter for The Flower Fencer will take place in the summer/Olympics time, so these interludes serve to fill in what happened over time. My way of extending into a verse with this story? *shrugs* Anyway, apologies for taking forever to get this chapter out! But I'm entering finals season as of today. However, I will be leaving for home in a week and a half so hopefully I can get out another chapter soon!
The interludes will also be a part of the Starcandy Challenge, but not the story itself.
For this shot, the words is...019. "Sorry"
“Close your eyes, darling.”
Looking down at the beauty he was holding in his arms, Changmin obeyed the smaller man and shut his eyes, feeling himself being gently pushed back beneath the stream of water. As the water fell in torrents onto his head, he soon felt fingers massaging his scalp soothingly.
“So tall,” Jaejoong breathed out as he stood on the tips of his toes to get to the back of his lover’s head.
The taller man smiled cheekily as he could almost hear the pout in the raven’s voice. Keeping a grip on Jaejoong’s hips, Changmin lifted the smaller man up effortlessly, chuckling at the yelp that emitted from those plump lips. “Better?” he asked as he gave the smaller man some height.
Jaejoong instinctively wrapped his legs around the toned torso before dipping his head down; pressing light kisses to Changmin’s eyelids in response. As the smaller man continued to wash the shampoo out of the younger man’s hair, he let his lips leave fluttering kisses over every inch of tanned skin he could reach.
When he was certain that all the soap was washed out, Jaejoong dropped his hands to cup the younger man’s face and pressed his forehead atop Changmin’s, staring at the long eyelashes that were speckled with tiny droplets of water. “You can open your eyes now,” he murmured.
Changmin’s eyes fluttered open and met the dark brown orbs; the eyes no longer held the cold intensity that was so characteristic of Jaejoong. The frigidness that the raven previously held in his gaze to prevent anyone from getting in was replaced with complete love and tenderness. He refused to turn away from the gaze, instead choosing to bask in the warmth of it. And he knew that Jaejoong could see the same emotions play across his eyes as well; the eyes are the windows to the soul and Changmin’s windows were forever open to the world.
While the isolated shower stall that the pair were in filled with steam, the two felt as if all the clouds in their way were cleared; the stormy winter was gone and the beautiful, calm spring appeared with flowers in bloom. The proximity of their bodies and the way they were intertwined beneath the showerhead was a familiar position for the pair from just a half hour prior.
“Hi,” Changmin breathed out.
Jaejoong’s eyes crinkled as he smiled at the simplicity of the younger man’s choice of response. “Hello,” he replied, rubbing his nose against the other man before leaning back and dropping his gaze. “I missed you…”
The words were barely above a whisper, but Changmin picked up on the heaviness of the emotion behind it. “I missed you too, Jae,” he replied softly as he brushed the wet strands away from the older man’s face. “I missed you so much.”
Leaning into the touch for a moment, Jaejoong sighed. “Min-ah.”
“Hm?” was the response from Changmin, momentarily preoccupied with twirling his fingers through Jaejoong’s soft tresses.
“I…” Jaejoong began, “I want to talk…about everything.”
Changmin looked up at the sudden seriousness.
“It’s just…I want to wake up tomorrow morning in your arms without the possibility of the past coming to threaten us. I want us to go through everything that happened between us in the past four years; I want closure. When the sun comes up, I want to know that we’re having a fresh start and a second chance at this relationship without having to think of our past.” Jaejoong paused to take a breath. “Can we?”
The concern that the raven had etched on his face showed how much he had grown in the past four years. His desire to do things right this time around made Changmin’s body fill with pure appreciation and love. After Jaejoong walked out on him all that time ago, Changmin’s worst fear was the older man walking out on him again. Seeing the raven take the initiative while at the same time giving him complete control further cemented in Changmin’s mind that having another go at the relationship wouldn’t hurt him. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he was completely unaware of the smile that took over his face. Being brought back to the present, Changmin eyed the man in his arms. “Five more minutes?” he questioned hopefully. “I just want to hold you for five more minutes…”
Jaejoong dropped his arms, wrapping them around the younger man’s shoulders before burrowing his face in Changmin’s neck. “As long as you don’t let me go,” the beauty answered, lips brushing against the taller man’s throat.
Changmin smiled. “Never.”
--
“Chunnie?”
Yoochun snapped to attention at the calling of his name. “Hm?” he asked as he tilted his head back to look at the blond.
The pair was currently on the couch, Junsu sitting on one end while Yoochun lounged along the length of the couch with his head in the smaller man’s lap. “Are you worried about Changmin?” Junsu asked, carding his fingers through the thick locks.
Yoochun nodded. “I can’t help it, he’s my best friend. And it’s been a while since Jaejoong left to meet him. Neither of them has contacted us so things have either taken a turn for the worse or for the better. I’m just worried that things could potentially get out of hand with those two…both of them are fueled by their emotions and they aren’t exactly of sound mind right now. I know that they’re both old enough to sort things out on their own, but I can’t help being a little worried.”
“Changmin must’ve been really upset when he saw those photos,” Junsu mused.
“Those pictures did more damage than they were set out to cause, Su,” the sabreur replied, sighing before covering his face with his hands. “Jaejoong and Changmin were in the process of repairing their relationship, but those stupid photos potentially destroyed whatever was left from what happened four years ago.”
The blond pursed his lips. “But shouldn’t Changmin have trusted you enough to know that such a thing wouldn’t happen?”
Yoochun sat up and turned his body toward the smaller man. “Shouldn’t you have trusted Jaejoong enough that such a thing wouldn’t happen?” he replied. Junsu froze as the sabreur’s words sunk in, realizing that he was guilty of the same thing. “Exactly,” Yoochun answered as he pulled Junsu into his lap, arms resting around his waist. “Sometimes love makes us do crazy things, Su. And sometimes, the thought of getting hurt because of that love makes us do crazier things. Changmin is usually rational, but he’s passionate and emotionally charged, especially when it comes to Jaejoong. That, paired with his insecurities that stemmed from his past with your cousin was enough to push him past his limit when he saw those photos.”
Junsu reached for the older man’s chin and held onto it, searching for his gaze. “I’m sorry for being irrational about the photos,” he apologized. “I was just so worried at the prospect that you were just getting close to me to get close to Jaejoong. And you’ve known Jaejoong for over twelve years now. I was stupid, but you know how I can run on my emotions sometimes. I just liked you so much that it freaked me out. And everyone thinks that Jaejoong-hyung is perfect and I could never compete with th-mmph!”
The sabreur leaned forward and crashed their lips together, effectively shutting Junsu up. With a nip at the foilist’s lower lip, Yoochun pulled away. “Stop right there,” he demanded. “First of all, I don’t think Jaejoong is perfect. He’s not perfect for me either, for that matter. You, on the other hand, are perfect in my eyes. You’re perfection in itself, and I think you’re perfect for me. So stop comparing yourself to your cousin,” Yoochun stated. “Besides, you said it yourself that I’ve known Jaejoong for twelve years. Don’t you think that if I harbored any feelings for him that I would’ve made my move by now?”
Junsu chewed on his lip. “You’re right,” he replied. “You’re completely correct.”
“Of course. He and I would’ve been together already since nobody can resist all of this,” Yoochun replied as if it were fact, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Park Yoochun!” Junsu groaned out as he playfully slapped the man’s chest. “Stop being a greaseball!”
“You like it.”
“I like you,” Junsu corrected. Once the words left his lips, the foilist slapped a hand over his mouth in embarrassment of the slip.
“Oh yeah?” Yoochun asked, smirk taking over his face as he moved Junsu to sit astride his lap. “Well, Kim Junsu, newest addition to the South Korean National Fencing Team…I like you too.”
The foilist beamed at the words, eyes lighting up and shrinking to the size of crescents. “Good,” he responded before leaning in to kiss the sabreur again. Junsu wanted his lips on the older man for so long that it nearly felt surreal. The foilist leaned down, one hand holding the nape of Yoochun’s neck and the other hand cupping his cheek, just trying to get closer. After nipping lightly at Yoochun’s lower lip, Junsu smiled into the kiss as the sabreur parted his lips in invitation.
Junsu could feel the older man’s hands slowly slip under his sweater, as if Yoochun was uncertain about how far the younger man wanted to take it. The foilist felt a fuzzy feeling in his being at how gentle the other man was being for the sensual reputation that he had. With every inch of bare skin that Yoochun touched with his fingers, Junsu’s inhibitions were flying out the window. He could feel his body responding to the sabreur, his temperature rising with each thrust of the sabreur’s tongue into his mouth. As one of Yoochun’s hands drifted down to slip under the waistband of his sweatpants, Junsu pulled away with a gasp. He stared down at the pink lips of the older man, refusing to look in the man’s eyes out of sheer embarrassment. “Sorry,” he squeaked, cheeks flushing.
Yoochun lips curled into a soft smile. “Tell me what you want, Su,” he drawled, fingers drawing circles on the blond’s lower back. The sabreur stared in amusement as he could essentially see the inner workings of Junsu’s mind painted on his face.
“Both of our roommates aren’t coming home tonight…” Junsu began shyly. “And Jaejoong and Changmin will probably be out for a while…”
The sabreur’s eyes widened. “Su…” he murmured. “Do you…are you…”
His jaw dropped in shock. “No, no, no, not sex,” Junsu rushed out. “Well, not tonight at least. But I just want to…” he paused, breaking off the sentence in embarrassment. “Can we just…”
Yoochun chuckled at how red the younger man’s face was and decided to give him a little help. “We don’t have to do anything you don't want to do,” he reassured the foilist. “I don’t want to rush things with you.” The smile that appeared on Junsu’s face was enough for him. “How about we just go into the room and talk, then?”
The blond pouted, his lips bearing a striking resemblance to his cousin. “I don’t want to talk, though,” he replied, drawing a sharp bark of laughter from Yoochun’s throat.
“Okay then, how about we just go into one of the bedrooms and continue whatever we were just doing, and then we’ll do things you’re comfortable with. How does that sound?”
“Hm…” Junsu voiced, teasing Yoochun, “I guess that works too.” He pulled himself off of the sabreur and stretched his hands out for the other man to grab.
“You really are too much, Su,” the older man whined as he stood up, linking hands with the foilist.
Junsu scoffed. “You like it,” he reasoned as he walked backward, leading the sabreur toward the first bedroom.
“I like you,” Yoochun corrected with a wink, following the blond.
--
“I can’t believe you were walking around Seoul in February wearing only a hoodie and long-sleeved shirt,” Jaejoong scolded quietly, his hands rubbing at the younger man’s ears. “You could have gotten hypothermia!”
Changmin attempted a chuckle that turned into a shudder; his teeth chattered as he entered the elevator, hands full of beautiful fencer. After seeing the younger man quivering from the cold of the parking garage when they stepped out of the car, Jaejoong had climbed onto him like a koala and insisted that he needed to keep the tall Adonis warm.
With his arms and legs wrapped around the man’s torso, Jaejoong furiously rubbed at the exposed olive-tinged skin in an effort to raise Changmin’s body temperature.
“I wasn’t being rational,” the taller epeeist replied, nudging the button labeled “9” with his elbow before stepping toward the back wall of the elevator car. He rested a pouting Jaejoong on the handrail before pulling his hands away and framing the raven’s face with them. “Forgive me?” he asked, running his thumb lightly over Jaejoong’s lower lip. His eyes remained on the beauty’s pout; Jaejoong’s lips have forever been one of Changmin’s weaknesses.
At the ding of the elevator signifying the arrival to the ninth floor, the raven nipped at Changmin’s thumb before unwrapping himself from the younger man. Jaejoong dropped his hands from the taller man’s ears and reached for the larger pair of hands instead. “Come make it up to me and I’ll warm you up,” Jaejoong murmured with twinkling eyes as he pulled Changmin along, eyes never breaking contact. With an almost inhuman grace, the beauty nearly glided backwards, leading the younger man until the paused in front of the door to the apartment.
Changmin pulled one of his hands out of the older man’s grip to pull out the key from his pocket before inserting it into the lock. With a quick twist, the door unlocked and the pair entered their home for the next five months. As soon as their shoes were off, the two made a beeline straight for their bedroom, the lamp next to the living room couch providing enough illumination for the pair to see their way down the hallway.
Jaejoong entered the bedroom first with Changmin hot on his heels, shutting and locking the door behind them. Their shared bedroom was shrouded in darkness, the only light coming from the night sky outside their window.
When Changmin turned around, he was greeted with Jaejoong’s bare back, the pale skin almost luminescent in the dark. His eyes traveled over the angel wings that framed the Romanized script in the center of his upper back, the contrast of black ink on white skin adding to the glow of Jaejoong’s body. He stepped closer to the older man who was undressing in the center of the room, slipping off his hoodie and shirt along the way. When Jaejoong was in reach, Changmin wrapped his arms around the beauty’s waist and pulled the body against him, the smaller man’s back against his chest. He could feel Jaejoong shivering at the cold touch, but the raven soon leaned into Changmin’s hold and rested pale hands onto the tanned pair.
“You were always on my mind,” the younger man whispered, his nose burrowed in the soft locks. “I could never move on every time, no matter how hard I tried…”
Jaejoong’s lip trembled, the thought of Changmin in love with someone else crossing his mind. The regret and self-hatred he felt for what he did returned, taking over his body. “I’m sorry,” the raven uttered, his voice cracking as his eyes began to well up with tears. His hands clenched at Changmin’s, holding them over his body as if the younger man would leave if he let go. “I’ll do anything and everything I can to make it up to you, just don’t leave me again…I’m so sorry…so, so, sorry…”
The taller man could feel the quivering body in his arms and tightened his hold, bringing Jaejoong back to the moment. “Hush, Jae,” he murmured, pressing his lips to the beauty’s cheek, “I want us to work just as much as you do.” Changmin dipped his head down, his nose trailing along Jaejoong’s throat while his lips brushed over pale skin. “I’m here, alright? I’m here...”
“Please don’t go,” Jaejoong whispered.
The taller man lifted his head, searching for Jaejoong’s lips before finally meeting them. He kept the kiss short yet meaningful, leaning back and speaking again. “Then talk to me, love. I’m listening.”
The beauty closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths as he calmed himself down. “I’m an emotional wreck tonight,” he commented, attempting jest while he wiped his eyes. “It’s been a while since I’ve really…felt.”
Changmin hummed in response, his fingers rubbing the older man’s sides. “Me too,” he admitted, his breath tickling the raven’s shoulder. “I feel alive.”
After a few seconds’ pause, Jaejoong turned his head and nuzzled the side of the taller man’s neck. “Make yourself comfortable,” the raven murmured before he stepped out of the younger man’s embrace, unbuckling his pants and undoing them then pacing toward the dresser across the room.
Changmin listened to the gentle words before obeying, making his way towards Jaejoong’s bed with his eyes still focused on the beauty. He continued to watch Jaejoong move around as he undressed before lowering himself onto the bed. Settling under the covers, he leaned back, propping himself on the headboard. A flicker of light appeared before a warm glow emitted from where Jaejoong was. When the raven turned around, Changmin’s heart stopped.
His eyes were fixated on the beauty before him, whose hands were wrapped around a large candle. Jaejoong took each step cautiously, eyes downcast toward the flame; the way that the light danced upon his skin rendered the tall Adonis speechless. His lips hinted at a small smile as his entire face glowed from the warm flame.
Setting the candle atop his nightstand, Jaejoong turned and shyly looked over at the younger man. The beauty pulled the covers back before climbing in bed, holding onto Changmin’s shoulders and settling himself on the younger man’s lap. At the motion, Changmin instinctively grasped at the narrow waist in a gentle yet firm hold.
Closing his eyes, Jaejoong took a deep breath. As soon as he exhaled, he opened his eyes. “I’m not used to people caring for me,” he whispered, staring at Changmin’s chest. “I was never afraid to toy with anyone’s heart because I didn’t really have one to begin with. Or at least, I never had one until you came along.” He bit his lip, trying to find the strength to continue. “I was so stupid. I was an entitled brat who thought he could do whatever he wanted if things didn’t go his way. It was immature and just so evil…I thought that if I couldn’t beat the competition, I should sabotage it.
“I look back on it now and hate myself for even thinking of such a thing. I saw the way you looked at me, and I knew how your emotions affected your fencing…I saw your weaknesses and took advantage of them in the worst way. I…I figured that since I couldn’t feel anything anyway, I could get you to fall for me and then break your heart and eliminate my biggest threat that stood between me and a gold medal…I just didn’t expect the plan to blow up in my face.”
Jaejoong’s doe eyes lifted as he felt the grip around his waist tighten. The raven could tell that the younger man was trying to remain calm, but his eyes betrayed him, filling with sadness, as they were unfocused. Jaejoong raised a hand and rested it on the other man’s jawline. “I didn’t expect to fall in love with you instead…
“You cared for me in a way that nobody else bothered to. It wasn’t just the huge things like the declarations of infatuation. It was the small things that really chipped at my block of ice for a heart…the way your face lit up whenever I entered the room, or how you would just gaze into my eyes as if you were staring into my soul. Each time you slept over and took care of me before taking care of yourself. You had your own ways of showing me affection and you taught me how to care for someone else beside myself.”
Jaejoong moved his other hand down to rest over Changmin’s heart. “The first time we slept together…I treated it like sex, but you made love to me that night. It was your first time with anyone, but the way that you just looked at me, I just felt a surge of emotions take over, a bunch of ice melting away. When I woke up the next morning, I just knew that I made the biggest mistake of my life by going into the relationship with cruel intentions.” Tears began to appear in both of their eyes.
“I was so afraid to tell you,” Jaejoong whimpered. “It was stupid of me, but I didn’t want you to leave me because I lied. I wanted to tell you, I really did. But I just needed more time to find the best way. There were just so many things I needed to be aware of…Changmin, I was going to tell you after Worlds was over. I no longer cared about the competition, but if I told you before the competition, then you would have gotten hurt anyway. I didn’t want that to happen. I couldn’t let it happen.” He closed his watering eyes as the memories he locked away reappeared.
“At first, I wanted to keep our relationship a secret because it was originally a part of my plan. Nobody would need to know that you and I were dating. But after I began to feel for you, I chose to keep it a secret so my parents wouldn’t find out that their son was dating a boy, and one that didn’t roam in the same social circles that I did. Just the thought of what they could have possibly done to you and your family, with you so young…I no longer only cared about myself, but I cared about another person as well. I cared about another person more than I cared about myself, Min…
“When Seunghyun asked me about the relationship, the first thing that entered my head was to protect you. If he found out that I was dating you, he would have made it known throughout the society my parents live in. I couldn’t have any harm come to you, so I acted as if I were still going along with my original plan to seduce you. You just…” Jaejoong paused as a sob wracked his body, bringing him to shivers. “Y-You weren’t supposed be there that day!”
Changmin’s eyes widened at the revelation, everything coming to light. “Jae…” he whispered, pulling the sobbing man against him.
“I’m sorry, Changmin!” Jaejoong cried out, hands reaching out and grabbing desperately at the younger man’s face, searching for his gaze. “I’m sorry for everything that I did! If I could take it all back I would!” His voice cracked at the end as sobs took over, cutting his speech off. “I t-tried t-t-to get in touch w-with you, I did,” he rushed out, taking a breath to calm himself down. “I didn’t know you left the country until Yoochun st-stopped by my house that night…I wish h-he would have followed through and beat me up like he wanted to. I deserved that and s-s-so much more.” He slowed down, taking a deep breath to calm his speech.
“Shh…” Changmin murmured, wiping away that older man’s tears. “Calm down, beautiful. Look at me,” he commanded gently as brought his head closer, their noses touching. “Take a few breaths and calm down for me, love. Can you do that?”
Jaejoong nodded as he kept his eyes on the younger man, sniffling as he willed himself to stop his sobbing. Feeling like he could speak again, the beauty swallowed and began again.
“You made me feel like I was alive and loved, Changmin,” he breathed out. “You gave my life more meaning in that six months than anything else did in the eighteen years before that. And I took it for granted…
“I tried to forget you, knowing that you would be much better off without me, but you had my heart, mind, and soul. I spent the next four years trying to imagine what would happen when I saw you again. I didn’t want you to come back because I knew I would do anything to be with you again…If you already moved on, I didn’t want to deal with the heartache, so I thought that it would be easier if I just became the biggest asshole on the planet when you returned.
“I tried, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t hold up that persona if I was going to be living with you for this long. My resolve crumbled and it hadn’t even been more than a few days…But I saw that you felt something too. The way that you looked at me, it reminded me of the past. At the thought of being with you again, I became selfish and broke away from all thoughts of keeping myself away. I wanted to fix things with you and prayed that you would take me back and give me that second chance.”
Jaejoong leaned in, pressing his lips lightly against the younger man’s cheek. “Last night in Jeju, I felt like I was in a dream with you. When I woke up in the same bed as you, I had never felt so hopeful about something. I thought that this would be my chance to make things up to you and to do things right…”
Changmin stilled, as he recalled what set him off earlier that day. “The photos,” he breathed. “With you and Yoochun…”
The raven shook his head. “It’s not what it looked like in those photos, Min-ah. Yoochun and I don’t feel that way for each other; we never have, and we never will.”
“I…” the younger man began, as he tried to think of the right things to say. “I’m sorry for overreacting about it. It’s just…It’s just that…I get insecure, Jaejoong. My feelings for you are so strong but at the same time I’m afraid of getting hurt.” He sighed. “I don’t want to get hurt…But I saw those pictures and assumed the worst, so I ran. I couldn’t get my heart broken again; I went into complete defensive mode.”
“Yoochun would never hurt you like that,” the beauty reasoned. “And I may have hurt you before but believe me when I say that I would do anything to make sure I don’t hurt you again…”
Changmin leaned forward and captured the plump lips in a kiss, almost cracking a smile at the nearly instantaneous response he got from Jaejoong. He tilted his head back, grinning as the smaller man chased his lips before moving back. “Give me time, Jae,” the younger man asked gently. “I spent four years trying to get over you, and I’m still in flight mode. There will be times that I’ll want to run away at the slightest confrontation, but I’m trying…I really am.”
“Whatever you want,” Jaejoong responded, leaning forward and nudging the strong jaw line with his nose. “I’m yours.”
“And I’m yours,” he returned with a smile. The younger man dropped his head down and kissed the beauty again. “Now let’s get some sleep so we can make your whole ‘wake up in my arms when the sun comes up’ dream a reality,” Changmin suggested as he wrapped his arms around the raven’s waist and rolled them to the side. His smile widened at the squeak that emitted from Jaejoong’s mouth from the sudden motion. With both of them lying on Jaejoong’s bed, Changmin blew out the candle and pulled the older man flush against his body, lying one of his arms under the head full of raven tresses. “I think I might love this,” he commented, sighing in content as he nuzzled the nape of Jaejoong’s neck. His other hand rested on Jaejoong’s abdomen, palm splayed over the pale skin. “Actually, I truly love this.”
The beauty curled up, snuggling back into Changmin’s body. “And I truly love you,” he murmured, placing a hand over the larger one spread over his tummy and holding onto it.
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