Today's Check-In (Tuesday): Snail Pace Ahead!
After that long last post, I wanna make this short. Real short. Finally finished my disability paperwork, took four hours, lots of writing by hand, and my hands may soon fall off.
Comprehensive List of Tasks
Medication = yes
Sober (no drinking/drugs/cutting) = yes
No Compulsions = fail, um... see the revelations below
Extras = yes, because I'm counting that Harm Reduction post which took over an hour of my life (worth it!)
TOTAL SCORE = 9.75/13 = 75% oh so close but no cigar (goal is 80% daily)
Revelations Today
There's a fine line between compulsion and motivation -- at least for me there is. You see, I think the higher dose of meds is kicking in, and they seem to be working very well (which is a first with me in all the history of the psychiatric drugs I've been on). It's my 'danger week' and I don't feel compelled to do anything, then again, I don't feel compelled to do ANYTHING. While I'm not going crazy online shopping, I'm also spending a worrisome amount of time contentedly staring at the walls--not spacing out, but actually being happy to just sit there. *blink blink*
I really need to get on a pain med schedule. And this reminds me, I still haven't taken it. Be right back.
Okay, I'm back now. Seems that even EXCRUCIATING PAIN isn't enough of a reminder to take my pain meds. Humph. Just need to figure out how best to work that into my routine, and still not sure if that's a safe, logical thing to do. That's a question for the pain specialist.
I don't know how to tell the difference between buying something because you like it and buying it compulsively. For my recovery I wanted to lounge in this nice silk faux-kimono on a papasan chair, possibly while eating ice cream and reading my Kindle. Sort of a present for having surgery. Bought the kimono today, along with a fabulous vintage hat. It uses a HATPIN! I feel so excitedly 1920's because my new hat has a hatpin (which I also had to buy). I wore it home and felt awesome. So did I buy the kimono and hat because they were nice and I wanted them, or because I saw them and was compelled to buy them. What's the difference?
AgtOrange tried to explain, but my final conclusion is, "well, everything I see that I like I'm compelled to buy". For me, I don't think there is rational desire, it's just compulsion. For that matter (see first revelation), I don't think I have normal motivation, it's just compulsion.
My therapist washed her hands of it, "that's a question for Dr. [shrink] to sort out". Hmmm.
Comprehensive List of Tasks
- strength exercises (well, I thought about doing them, does that count?)
- grooming (basic, done)
- meal (no time to cook, STILL haven't made that pie and beginning to wonder how long peaches stay good in the crisper. Ate healthy, but from Cosi = half points)
- therapy (done, great talk there)
- Spanish (started it, but was interrupted by a much enjoyed phone call (hiya Tashok, long time no hear!) and never got back to studying = half points)
- chores (4 hours of solid paperwork, nuff said)
- coping (yup, read my chapters on the metro, including one I won't be discussing in-depth about what to do if your teen is using drugs)
Medication = yes
Sober (no drinking/drugs/cutting) = yes
No Compulsions = fail, um... see the revelations below
Extras = yes, because I'm counting that Harm Reduction post which took over an hour of my life (worth it!)
TOTAL SCORE = 9.75/13 = 75% oh so close but no cigar (goal is 80% daily)
Revelations Today
There's a fine line between compulsion and motivation -- at least for me there is. You see, I think the higher dose of meds is kicking in, and they seem to be working very well (which is a first with me in all the history of the psychiatric drugs I've been on). It's my 'danger week' and I don't feel compelled to do anything, then again, I don't feel compelled to do ANYTHING. While I'm not going crazy online shopping, I'm also spending a worrisome amount of time contentedly staring at the walls--not spacing out, but actually being happy to just sit there. *blink blink*
I really need to get on a pain med schedule. And this reminds me, I still haven't taken it. Be right back.
Okay, I'm back now. Seems that even EXCRUCIATING PAIN isn't enough of a reminder to take my pain meds. Humph. Just need to figure out how best to work that into my routine, and still not sure if that's a safe, logical thing to do. That's a question for the pain specialist.
I don't know how to tell the difference between buying something because you like it and buying it compulsively. For my recovery I wanted to lounge in this nice silk faux-kimono on a papasan chair, possibly while eating ice cream and reading my Kindle. Sort of a present for having surgery. Bought the kimono today, along with a fabulous vintage hat. It uses a HATPIN! I feel so excitedly 1920's because my new hat has a hatpin (which I also had to buy). I wore it home and felt awesome. So did I buy the kimono and hat because they were nice and I wanted them, or because I saw them and was compelled to buy them. What's the difference?
AgtOrange tried to explain, but my final conclusion is, "well, everything I see that I like I'm compelled to buy". For me, I don't think there is rational desire, it's just compulsion. For that matter (see first revelation), I don't think I have normal motivation, it's just compulsion.
My therapist washed her hands of it, "that's a question for Dr. [shrink] to sort out". Hmmm.