I have been reading your posts and I see strengths and things in you that you dont see.......you say you dont feel.......no empathy but I think quite the opposite.........you feel so much you cant handle it.........so it shuts down........I dont know what happened to you..........I do know who we are goes back to what happens to us as children.....and how we react as adults to anything in life is connected to those events. Under the anger.......is hurt..........and under the hurt.........is what what happened..the truth. No negative thoughts.....only positive girl.....karma rocks. Past is gone....cant change it......accept it for what it was.......lay it down......and walk on. Sounds easy........great advice.....not. Hard as hell........up this hill and down. We all walk our hills and valleys........we all have our burdens.........but I think you are walking tall.......perfect scores? nawww........but who of us is perfect. The thing about suicide is it dont just affect the person making the choice. My husband committed suicide. It destroyed me and my daughter and our family and friends........a circle blows outward like an atomic bomb. It actually is a selfish choice. I, me, my. Life is the most precious gift we have ever been handed. Now we may not do it perfect...but I think we really do have to just try. Not put us first. If we put others first and what we can do for them.........we kind of get what we need. I wish you blessings and smiles. Keep walking the path........I have faith you will get there.........deep curtsy.
Darn, I knew I wasn't clear enough when I wrote that, because we are kind of saying the same things from two different angles. It's not that I don't have pain, I have MASSIVE trauma, it's just that I don't feel empathy for NEW kinds of pain, because all that space is taken up by the old pain I already had. New traumas just don't affect me like they should, and that is PTSD. Does that make sense to you? Some things are just harder to express in words and this is one of them.
It's a terrible loss when someone you know commits suicide and I'm sorry you had to experience that. Coming from both sides I can say, yes, it kind of is a selfish choice, but it is not meant to be a hurtful one. When you experience so much pain that you consider suicide (and it can be emotional or physical pain, doesn't matter), it literally destroys your ability to think. So much of your thinking process is overwhelmed by pain, you can't escape yourself to really feel for how those around you will feel when you are gone.
It's like PTSD in that same regard. When the mind is overwhelmed, it is almost impossible to empathize. So it isn't that the person didn't care enough or didn't love enough, it was just that they hurt so much they couldn't think straight.
That said, it is also okay to be angry. Many blessings and I have faith in you as well!
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It's a terrible loss when someone you know commits suicide and I'm sorry you had to experience that. Coming from both sides I can say, yes, it kind of is a selfish choice, but it is not meant to be a hurtful one. When you experience so much pain that you consider suicide (and it can be emotional or physical pain, doesn't matter), it literally destroys your ability to think. So much of your thinking process is overwhelmed by pain, you can't escape yourself to really feel for how those around you will feel when you are gone.
It's like PTSD in that same regard. When the mind is overwhelmed, it is almost impossible to empathize. So it isn't that the person didn't care enough or didn't love enough, it was just that they hurt so much they couldn't think straight.
That said, it is also okay to be angry. Many blessings and I have faith in you as well!
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