Help I'm Drowning
Ok so we go look at the new house this weekend (on Saturday actually) and well very very little progress has been made on it, then we go by there today and absolutly nothing else has been done on it and there is no possible way for it to be ready for move in tomorrow or this week even, so again we are stuck having to figure out what we are going to do. So CD Kenneth's dad sticks up left nad right for the contractor saying he's doing the best he can blah blah wah wah wah... so yah Shawn and I are trying to not freak out (it's not working so well for me) We have absolutly no where to go, after I had a, I dont want to call it a fiht with my brother, but well t was more like he freaked out on me for no reason this weekend so we are not currently speaking to one another.
Basically I called him Saturday morning to see how he was doing and he started in on jobs and Shawn and I working and then he told me that Shawn was going to leave me because he was going to get tired of me and having to support me and was going to move back to New Jersey, I tired to ignore this comment, to which he started in on why I wasn't working and I told him that A) I was looking and have been sending out many many resumes and had no call backs and tha B) I have applied for disability to which he started to yell at me and tell me that he would be angry if I got disability for just having diabetes, to which I explained that I have more than just diabetes, that its uncontrolled, I have Hashimoto disease which is more disabling than anything and that I also have the stomach issues, to which he replied if you have these stomach issues then why haven't you lost more weight, now I have lost over 70lbs in the last year, not trying to lose just lost it, so what more does he want, he then told me that when I got tired of living like I am then I would wnat to work again and then I would stop making excuses, I hung up on him at that point, but the damage was already done.
Most people don't know what I would give to not have the health issues I have and to be able to go out there and work and do the things I love to do, like play sports and camp and hike and hell what I would not give to be able to stand up for more than just 5 minutes. I can't even stand long enough to cook a meal. TRhey don't realize how often I think about killing myself... how much life for them would be better if I were not here anymore... I dont have a life.. I exist.. and frankly I am tired of even that...
So tomorrow I will be homeless, I Am sure my mom is turning in her grave...then again maybe not... After all she made sure my brother was taken care of...
Basically I called him Saturday morning to see how he was doing and he started in on jobs and Shawn and I working and then he told me that Shawn was going to leave me because he was going to get tired of me and having to support me and was going to move back to New Jersey, I tired to ignore this comment, to which he started in on why I wasn't working and I told him that A) I was looking and have been sending out many many resumes and had no call backs and tha B) I have applied for disability to which he started to yell at me and tell me that he would be angry if I got disability for just having diabetes, to which I explained that I have more than just diabetes, that its uncontrolled, I have Hashimoto disease which is more disabling than anything and that I also have the stomach issues, to which he replied if you have these stomach issues then why haven't you lost more weight, now I have lost over 70lbs in the last year, not trying to lose just lost it, so what more does he want, he then told me that when I got tired of living like I am then I would wnat to work again and then I would stop making excuses, I hung up on him at that point, but the damage was already done.
Most people don't know what I would give to not have the health issues I have and to be able to go out there and work and do the things I love to do, like play sports and camp and hike and hell what I would not give to be able to stand up for more than just 5 minutes. I can't even stand long enough to cook a meal. TRhey don't realize how often I think about killing myself... how much life for them would be better if I were not here anymore... I dont have a life.. I exist.. and frankly I am tired of even that...
So tomorrow I will be homeless, I Am sure my mom is turning in her grave...then again maybe not... After all she made sure my brother was taken care of...