Coping with the HOlidays
Wow I can not believe that it is already almost the Christmas holiday. I have not even begun to think about what we are doing. WE just got back a little over a week ago from Thanksgiving in New York. It was nice, we got to spend time with my mom's family and that was a good thing. I am ready to go back there, heck if we could find jobs there I would contemplate moving there, heck I have even been thinking about moving back to Jersey. At least there Shawn has his family and friends.
I guess the past few weeks are hard because I am used to doing so much holiday preparations with my mom and this year we are not even putting up a tree. Is it possible to skip Christams?
That is what I want to do, I want to hide under the covers until January.
I am finding it hard to want to do much of anything really. I come to the store, we dont sell anything so we sit here all day doing nothing. I go home I eat and I go to bed.
I sat down the other day and realized that I have lost some of the most important things, most of the most inmportant things in my life this year, I feel lost and alone.
I can not seem to do anything right with Shawn anymore, he seems frustrated or angry with me all the time, my roommates are always on edge and if I cry then Kenneth freaks out on us because he "feeds" off me, so in order to keep the peace at the house I have to keep my emotions bottled up... I hate that..
I sit there at times and I wish it had been me that died not my mom.. because I think people would be happier with that, I know my brother would have been.
I contemplate it at times, I do. What else do I have? I am all alone now.
I guess the past few weeks are hard because I am used to doing so much holiday preparations with my mom and this year we are not even putting up a tree. Is it possible to skip Christams?
That is what I want to do, I want to hide under the covers until January.
I am finding it hard to want to do much of anything really. I come to the store, we dont sell anything so we sit here all day doing nothing. I go home I eat and I go to bed.
I sat down the other day and realized that I have lost some of the most important things, most of the most inmportant things in my life this year, I feel lost and alone.
I can not seem to do anything right with Shawn anymore, he seems frustrated or angry with me all the time, my roommates are always on edge and if I cry then Kenneth freaks out on us because he "feeds" off me, so in order to keep the peace at the house I have to keep my emotions bottled up... I hate that..
I sit there at times and I wish it had been me that died not my mom.. because I think people would be happier with that, I know my brother would have been.
I contemplate it at times, I do. What else do I have? I am all alone now.