(no subject)
i am realizing that there is no "self help" book for what i've got.
see i don't come from a family of religious wackos.
i am also over the age of 10.
but what i am, is the adult sister to someone who is disabled.
i can't sit and put a positive spin on a lot of what she is capable of doing. (although i am very thankful for everything she is capable of doing)
because fuck it. my brother and i were robbed.
i never got a sister that i could take to the mall. i never got a sister i could get mad at for stealing my clothes.
i didn't get any of the good and bad things about being an older sister.
i got dumped with a lot of responsibility that i was too young to handle and parents who largely forgot about me when it really counted.
but that's neither here nor there.
the book i was looking for was coping with adulthood. the more i try and pull away from needing to be my own person and have my own career, relationships ect....the more i get sucked in to this guilt trap by my mother. every time i try and say anything that has to do with how busy i am with school or work gets sent in to this cycle of her saying "yeah well i have a disabled child!" its unreal.
i am also at an age where its weird that i have issues with small children, and that i don't even want to consider having my own. i still cant fathom seeing friends pregnant or having kids. i immediately start looking at eye contact and motor functions of children.
i come from a generation of siblings that were before all of these workshops and manuals for siblings, but after the whole hiding your disabled family member away from society generation. i know that there must be more people out there with similar backgrounds.
so the question is...
A) do i keep looking for a book that doesn't exist.
B) find some personal counseling.
C) keep shoving it down until i implode (my personal vote!)
D) attempt to reach out and find others that may offer advice (aka. blog)
E) drink!
see i don't come from a family of religious wackos.
i am also over the age of 10.
but what i am, is the adult sister to someone who is disabled.
i can't sit and put a positive spin on a lot of what she is capable of doing. (although i am very thankful for everything she is capable of doing)
because fuck it. my brother and i were robbed.
i never got a sister that i could take to the mall. i never got a sister i could get mad at for stealing my clothes.
i didn't get any of the good and bad things about being an older sister.
i got dumped with a lot of responsibility that i was too young to handle and parents who largely forgot about me when it really counted.
but that's neither here nor there.
the book i was looking for was coping with adulthood. the more i try and pull away from needing to be my own person and have my own career, relationships ect....the more i get sucked in to this guilt trap by my mother. every time i try and say anything that has to do with how busy i am with school or work gets sent in to this cycle of her saying "yeah well i have a disabled child!" its unreal.
i am also at an age where its weird that i have issues with small children, and that i don't even want to consider having my own. i still cant fathom seeing friends pregnant or having kids. i immediately start looking at eye contact and motor functions of children.
i come from a generation of siblings that were before all of these workshops and manuals for siblings, but after the whole hiding your disabled family member away from society generation. i know that there must be more people out there with similar backgrounds.
so the question is...
A) do i keep looking for a book that doesn't exist.
B) find some personal counseling.
C) keep shoving it down until i implode (my personal vote!)
D) attempt to reach out and find others that may offer advice (aka. blog)
E) drink!