Musings and general thoughts
What makes a good life?
Money? Family? Love? Happiness?
There is a wealth of people out in the world that will absolutely tell you "everything" you need to do to have a good life. The problem with that is, not everyone has the same values and visions and dreams of what makes a good life.
I can look at my life from the outside and on the surface looks like a pretty good life. I think from the outside that I should be grateful and not complain. But, being content and happy is more to me than the surface look of family (although that money thing would surely help with the being content part) and that picture that others see.
Life happens.... and I didn't have a magic crystal ball to tell me when this or that decision would bring complete chaos and unhappiness down on me. Mostly I just deal with it and move on, constantly pushing forward, constantly looking toward that big goal, So much so that i miss what is right in front of me sometimes.
But now I am stuck, in an empty canal. No water to swim in. I see a prize on the horizon that I truly deeply want. It keeps pulling me, and calling me, like a beautiful haunting melody from the depths of my soul. But the timing in my life is soooo wrong, and I know that the prize will most likely be gone, when the time is right.
Yet, I will look to that prize as a guiding star in the deepness of the night. Hoping and wishing with all my might that somehow it will be there, when I get to there.
Sense of duty keeps me stuck in this place slogging along, wondering when the water will come back.
Am torn and confused and can't make up my mind. Struggle with what is the "right" thing to do, because there are many choices and others to consider and "right" for one, doesn't neccessarily mean "right" for everyone.
I am tired of being patient and long suffering. I have been patient. I have waded through the crap time and time again and got to the other side only to find another bog to wade through. I have put the needs of the family before myself. I don't think it is selfish to want something more,
Others talk about faith, and believing, in *their God*.
I can't say that I wish I could believe that.
Somehow, I know I will find my way, to what I need, Maybe not what I want but most definitely what I need.
I am just tired of waiting,
Money? Family? Love? Happiness?
There is a wealth of people out in the world that will absolutely tell you "everything" you need to do to have a good life. The problem with that is, not everyone has the same values and visions and dreams of what makes a good life.
I can look at my life from the outside and on the surface looks like a pretty good life. I think from the outside that I should be grateful and not complain. But, being content and happy is more to me than the surface look of family (although that money thing would surely help with the being content part) and that picture that others see.
Life happens.... and I didn't have a magic crystal ball to tell me when this or that decision would bring complete chaos and unhappiness down on me. Mostly I just deal with it and move on, constantly pushing forward, constantly looking toward that big goal, So much so that i miss what is right in front of me sometimes.
But now I am stuck, in an empty canal. No water to swim in. I see a prize on the horizon that I truly deeply want. It keeps pulling me, and calling me, like a beautiful haunting melody from the depths of my soul. But the timing in my life is soooo wrong, and I know that the prize will most likely be gone, when the time is right.
Yet, I will look to that prize as a guiding star in the deepness of the night. Hoping and wishing with all my might that somehow it will be there, when I get to there.
Sense of duty keeps me stuck in this place slogging along, wondering when the water will come back.
Am torn and confused and can't make up my mind. Struggle with what is the "right" thing to do, because there are many choices and others to consider and "right" for one, doesn't neccessarily mean "right" for everyone.
I am tired of being patient and long suffering. I have been patient. I have waded through the crap time and time again and got to the other side only to find another bog to wade through. I have put the needs of the family before myself. I don't think it is selfish to want something more,
Others talk about faith, and believing, in *their God*.
I can't say that I wish I could believe that.
Somehow, I know I will find my way, to what I need, Maybe not what I want but most definitely what I need.
I am just tired of waiting,