Sincerism

[jadine]

I believe in total, absolute openness and honesty in relationships.  I wish this could be applied more broadly, but societal conventions label very direct communication as "rude".  Instead, we're expected to dance around every interaction, watching for subtle cues that may mean very different things to the different people involved, and guessing at

Comments

[pouchedfox]

hmmmm, well the cartoon capture my thoughts and reaction exactly to why this isn't good irl, I saw something like this in an episode of "are you being served" when a customer was discovered to admire being insulted because she respected sincerity and was always sincere herself. In ohio where I lived I knew a few people like that, and they were extremely abrasive.

In an internet chat room - hmmmmmm. would just be a troll convention, I knew a troll like that too, he was banned after he was making jokes about a person who died in a tragic accident.

It seems like a noble thing at first, but the truth is, EVERYBODY LIES, and we need those lies. otherwise people would feel hurt, and then react out of emotion rather than logic, which might lead them to hurt others or themselves or hurt them psychologically.

Theres a time for tough love, but theres also times for gentle discretion. I have known people that had difficulty with discretion, and their life was miserable, because they said whatever they felt and it drove their friends away, and cost them respect and endangered their job.

[jadine]

I did say specifically that the comic shows why society doesn't work like this. However, this is significantly different from saying this isn't good irl.

I don't believe this is something people should inflict on others without their consent, which is what you're talking about. It's like the difference between BDSM and domestic abuse. All participants have to be consenting.

That's why I propose a group of people who have specifically said they want to do this. It's why people within such a group should warn others of the context, before unleashing any "rude" opinions.

I believe we need white lies sometimes - for example, at work. I do not believe we need lies in the context of a relationship or close friendship.

This kind of "Sincerism" or whatever is probably something like poly - some people are suited to it and others aren't. I'm looking for people who want to try it. I know that most people are not comfortable with this, and I'm not proposing that anyone force it on them.

[pouchedfox]

oh ok, hmm that could be interesting, I'm thinking about how conversations would go, and it's hard because I'm so used to the polite small talk, things you may think but dont say, that i have to keep rethinking it to see how that would work......

Though seriously there are times where I hate the fact that I can't be sure if the person is lying to be polite and spare my feelings or if their telling the truth - and in those I would have liked knowing the truth, but couldnt be sure.

[bayashi314]

I have this with my ex. This form of truth. We are best friends and it works for us. Its not why we're exes, either. :P

People with Aspergers will get behind this idea. We can't tell when someone is lying or not anyhow, at least not usually. So I tend to ask "Are you being serious?" in many situations where it is apparently obvious to others...

[pouchedfox]

yes. I've known a few people with aspergers now and it's been thought provoking. Theres times where I felt hurt by something they said, then I stopped myself and considered what their intent was, that they didn't really have any mallice behind it, and that it told more about my insecurities than about them.

Sometimes stuff like hurts at first, then you stop and step back and you realize something you wouldn't have considered before.

[bayashi314]

You can be my boss anyday pouchedfox. Oh if only others actually saw some of that at times...

Meh, not complaining. I've not known anything else my whole life, so really, I think the way you NT folks have it is ridiculous. At least in my case, I'm actively deciding, and therefore actively screwing up on my own, the decision about what another person is thinking or feeling.

:P

[flwyd]

People with Aspergers will get behind this idea.

Mailing lists with a high fraction of aspies (say, open source developer lists) can develop some pretty loud threads of sincerism.

[bayashi314]

Can we have a hat or badge or secret signal? To show others in the "know" who we are?