*time to vent*
Well I have a lot of shit on my mind right now and I just needed something to do so I figured I would write in here..its not like anyone really cares but honestly i'm just tired of the way i feel about my life..i stay so confused and upset by everything i just don't know what to do anymore..i always seem to get myself in the most dumb situations and i wonder why i haven't learned my lesson by now..i mean its not like i am the most perfect person in the world by no means but i just wished for once i could feel good about myself and someone see me for who I AM..i mean i think i'm a damn good person i would walk the extra mile for anyone and a lot of ppl know that..but it seems like that is never good enough..sometimes i feel like i'm not even good enough for my family but of course that is the way they make it seem..things around here haven't been the greatest which whose life is perfect but still i just wished that for once things would seem almost normal to me..I always feel alone and isolated like i'm the only person who really knows me..like every night i sit here alone just wanting someone to talk for someone to listen to me really listen and it seems no matter what i'm still here alone..i mean i have ppl that i can talk to but then again sometimes i feel like i'm wasting every breath that i take..shew it never ends..found out a couple weeks ago that my little sister is going to have a baby and i mean its like damn reality strikes once more and as if we don't struggle here at my house day in and day out now we will have a little baby to provide for..of course it isn't mine but my sister does live here at the house which i don't know what she is going to do with her life..i worry so much about her and what is going to happen..i just got soo much shit on my mind UGGGHHHH...I wished i was smaller..i wished i had a pretty stomach, legs, butt, everything i just wished i could change so much..i wished that i could wear contacts and not wear these damn glasses every day but no i am blind in one eye so therefore i have to try to protect the other..there is just a lot of things i wished i could change about myself..most importantly it has to come from the inside before the outside can ever change i suppose in realization to me..i work so hard every day on my homework for school but then again i feel like it overwhelms me to certain points..i wanna do so good and become a RN or even something better and i fight every day with myself to get outta the bed to go to class cause i just feel soo shitty about myself..i have no job all i have been doing the past couple of months is clean house for some ppl and that doesn't make me feel good b/c every penny that i make goes to bills or something else..it never stops..you turn on the TV and all you hear about is bad things happening all over the world..ppl being in a football stadium for days on end without any food or medicine and there is nothing i can really do but sit there and watch and i swear if i had the money i would send so much of it to the ppl that need it the most..i mean there is ppl dying b/c they don't have their medicines and ppl that hasn't been with their families in weeks..it just breaks my heart into pieces and god knows i should be more thankful for what i have in my life b/c some other ppl aren't that lucky right now..i just wished i could change so much in the world today or even my world..i just wished i had ppl that had faith in me..my mom tries god love her heart but then again she tries to push me to my limit..life is just so stressful and the older you get you see how many responsibilities you will have later on down the road..shew its just a mess everything is..but i think i am done for now maybe a good hot shower will help me relax and i can study some more for my math test tomorrow..maybe i will do good on this one..sorry for the oh crappy entry but i just feel really down right now..but leave comments if you want...