Dear Phoenician Pedestrian
Dear Phoenician Pedestrian:
I was surprised at the affronted look and subsequent gestures you gave me to indicate you were upset by the little beep I gave my horn when you stepped out in front of my moving vehicle without looking. I do not know what it is that you ate at Red Lobster which inebriated your common sense gland so badly. (This is, of course, assuming you had any common sense to begin with.)
At this time, I would like to assure you my actions were not done out of spite but rather out of concern for your idiocy in trying to battle a car with foot traffic. I honked to LET YOU KNOW I WAS THERE. I would also like to provide you with a little common sense "rule of thumb" when determining the "winner" in automobile accidents-- the "Rule of Lug Nuts", which is thus: The vehicle with the most lug nuts wins. As a pedestrian, your mode of transportation has zero lug nuts. In comparison to the 20 lug nuts on my vehicle, that would make your odds of survival virtually insignificant in comparison to mine... and while I might be doing society a favor, I would rather not have to deal with the resulting paperwork and investigation required by any auto-pedestrian accident. I have better, more productive things to waste my time on.
Here's another hot tip-- if you step in front of my vehicle and do not give me enough time to stop without hitting your moronic ass (even if I'm going 5-10 mph in a parking lot), you are at fault. A lot of people don't "get" that little tid bit of information. As a driver, I reserve the right to honk at you for being a moron. As a person, I reserve the right to laugh at your idiotic reaction to my horn-- this was to act affronted, stick your chest out and place your arms to your side in the "what? you dissin' me" posture (which, by the way, was quite amusing when done by a heavy-set, pasty white guy like yourself) as you stepped immediately in front of the center of my car. Furthermore, your gestures after the fact were inconsistent with your initial reaction, which was also cause for amusement. First, you act affronted and step in front of my car to issue your displeasure at my pointing out what an idiot you are to step in front of traffic. Second, you then were pulled back towards the sidewalk by your girlfriend, who was on her cellphone. Third, you tried to be all "cool" and motion me to pass when, clearly, you were in a big hurry because YOU were the one who initially stepped out into traffic without looking.
I am not sorry for smiling at you as I waited for you to finish your bravado in order to save face in front of your girlfriend-- you looked quite silly at the time-- and walk across the street. I secretly hope your girlfriend teased the snot out of you for your idiocy. I also hope you do not reproduce children with the same idiot, self-centered attitude you possess.
If anything, I'm glad my horn finally alerted you to my vehicle's presence and its close proximity to your own-- even if you had a puffed up dance to go along with it. Thanks for the entertainment and please, for the sake of your girlfriend, I encourage you to follow the old adage "look both ways before crossing the street". Maybe your mom didn't teach that to you, but I know 5 year-olds with more common sense than an adult like you. In fact, that's another rant for another day-- things kids learn from their parents, which they forget still apply to themselves as adults (who should know better). Be safe.
Fondly,
The driver who almost hit you, but honked.
I was surprised at the affronted look and subsequent gestures you gave me to indicate you were upset by the little beep I gave my horn when you stepped out in front of my moving vehicle without looking. I do not know what it is that you ate at Red Lobster which inebriated your common sense gland so badly. (This is, of course, assuming you had any common sense to begin with.)
At this time, I would like to assure you my actions were not done out of spite but rather out of concern for your idiocy in trying to battle a car with foot traffic. I honked to LET YOU KNOW I WAS THERE. I would also like to provide you with a little common sense "rule of thumb" when determining the "winner" in automobile accidents-- the "Rule of Lug Nuts", which is thus: The vehicle with the most lug nuts wins. As a pedestrian, your mode of transportation has zero lug nuts. In comparison to the 20 lug nuts on my vehicle, that would make your odds of survival virtually insignificant in comparison to mine... and while I might be doing society a favor, I would rather not have to deal with the resulting paperwork and investigation required by any auto-pedestrian accident. I have better, more productive things to waste my time on.
Here's another hot tip-- if you step in front of my vehicle and do not give me enough time to stop without hitting your moronic ass (even if I'm going 5-10 mph in a parking lot), you are at fault. A lot of people don't "get" that little tid bit of information. As a driver, I reserve the right to honk at you for being a moron. As a person, I reserve the right to laugh at your idiotic reaction to my horn-- this was to act affronted, stick your chest out and place your arms to your side in the "what? you dissin' me" posture (which, by the way, was quite amusing when done by a heavy-set, pasty white guy like yourself) as you stepped immediately in front of the center of my car. Furthermore, your gestures after the fact were inconsistent with your initial reaction, which was also cause for amusement. First, you act affronted and step in front of my car to issue your displeasure at my pointing out what an idiot you are to step in front of traffic. Second, you then were pulled back towards the sidewalk by your girlfriend, who was on her cellphone. Third, you tried to be all "cool" and motion me to pass when, clearly, you were in a big hurry because YOU were the one who initially stepped out into traffic without looking.
I am not sorry for smiling at you as I waited for you to finish your bravado in order to save face in front of your girlfriend-- you looked quite silly at the time-- and walk across the street. I secretly hope your girlfriend teased the snot out of you for your idiocy. I also hope you do not reproduce children with the same idiot, self-centered attitude you possess.
If anything, I'm glad my horn finally alerted you to my vehicle's presence and its close proximity to your own-- even if you had a puffed up dance to go along with it. Thanks for the entertainment and please, for the sake of your girlfriend, I encourage you to follow the old adage "look both ways before crossing the street". Maybe your mom didn't teach that to you, but I know 5 year-olds with more common sense than an adult like you. In fact, that's another rant for another day-- things kids learn from their parents, which they forget still apply to themselves as adults (who should know better). Be safe.
Fondly,
The driver who almost hit you, but honked.