A Very Potter Sequel Quotes
When I get ambitious I'll sort it by character. *There is some language in these quotes*
Keep an eye out for AVPM and MAMD
Harry: I'M IN A RAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!
"What happened to the poster of headmaster Zefron?!"
who looks stupid now? YOU DO.
And he'll say "Draaaacooooo, you god damn little poofer!"
It's like that one time I made out with Professor Grubbly-plank... she got... clingy!
Not to mention she has cancelled the annual valentine's day feel 'er up dance and replaced it with a nasty old abstinence rally... how am I supposed to remain abstinent when I got a reputation to maintain... Professor Flitwick is gonna fail me now!!!
"I'm not a troll! I'm a little girl!"
"Whose that?" "I dunno....he was here when I got here. He's sleeping. And I think he's homeless..." "Ew, gross....."
"Oh, most importantly, I have mastered the use of the potty!"
"Is that cross-hatching I detect?"
Ron: "Favorite Amy Mann song on 3. One two three.... R&H: "Red Vines!" Harry: "Favorite color vines other than green?" R&H: "Red Vines!" Ron: "Favorite way to say 'red wines' in a German accent?" R&H: "Red Vines!....OH MY GOD!" Ron: "Where have you been all my life?!" Harry: "Living in a cupboard under some stairs..."
Sirius: "I was magically misquoted by that dumbass Rita Skeeter! What I actually said was: I want to hug... and kiss him!" -hugs and kisses Harry- Harry:"I believe him guys! He saw my parents in the mirror, and well, you can't fake that."
Draco: Hey, Potter. Hey, Potter. Potter. Harry: What Draco? Draco: I drew you a picture. You see what's happening to you in it. It's you getting hit in the head with a quaffle. Don't you feel foolish?
Draco rips the picture: Goyle paste it!!!
Oh look real muggles! Every one say Chocolate Frogs! I think I got it!
He doesn't know what a moogle is!
Do you love them enough... to kill them?
Oh you know what I think. I THINK I NEED SOME CAMOMILE BEFORE MY SLUMBER!!!
"Could you imagine the scandal if that broke out?...'Lucius Malfoy's Wife Beds Smeagol.'"
Didn't you grow up to be a sexy little bitch like your father
What a marvelous display. I am impressed.
Hey Lupin would you like to take a walk in the moonlight?
Draco: "Body Bind Hex." Lucius: "Oh no!"
"Butt Trumpet!" "My butt doesn't sound anything like that!'
Buut I'm George Nice try. You have an "F" on your shirt, dumba**.
WHAT THE DEVIL! It's a BBM from Umbridge 'Are you with Dumbledore? Did he get my text?' Now you've dragged me into this!!
"Draw-co! You danced! I finally taught you something!" "No.....*grand jete* The Cen-chars taught me that!"
Umbridge: Guess who's gonna be headmaster now?
Snape: Me?
Harry: Snape?
Umbridge: No! Me! Your mama! Umbridge! And from now on we're going to do things my way! THE UMBRIDGE WAAAAY!
Ron: Hey pal, that's a pretty cool headband you got there.
Harry: Aw, thanks. I use it to cover this gross scar I got when I was a baby. I was in the car with my parents when we crashed… into a crocodile. My parents got eaten but then the crocodile took out a knife and gave me this scar.
They say that when it takes off even Wizard God him self can't follow.
Peter P: Vote?! What don't ya all vote about what's gonna be on your tombstones!
Harry and Ron: Red Vines!
I heard that a dementor kissed her, and it died!
I can feast my eyes now. Team Jacob's headquarter's complete
BLOODY 'ELL! IT'S 'ARRY POTTAH!
Now, girls. I know this is your first year at Hogwarts and I know that some of you might be nervous or frightened, but girls, I’m here to make your time at Hogwarts as totally awesome as possible because girls, I’m not just a teacher or security officer. In fact, I like to think of all of you as my daughters and that makes me your momma... and what a loving and caring mama I am. So for all of us girls to get along in the girls dormitory this year, there are some very simple rules that must be obeyed. Rule number one: no boys... unless they’re cute~ Rule number two: no alcohol... unless there’s plenty to go around~ Darn it, girls, I’m bad. Rule number three: no parties... unless Umbridge is invited! You keep me young, girls. Teh teh teh teh teh. But, seriously, girls; if I catch you with any boys or alcohol, I’m gonna rip your purty little boobies off. That’s right. From now on, we’re gonna be doing things around here my way... we’re gonna be doing things around here THE UMBRIDGE WAY. I’m sorry, did I make you cry; you chubby little fck? That’s alright. Human tears are very natural. In fact, when I was a young girl, tears would flow from my eyeballs every day... until one day, my mama Umbridge said to me, “Dolores. Girl. You put that down that cheesecake; you throw out that fondue; you get up off of that couch, girl. Up off of that couch- SIT DOWN. And, from that moment forward, I picked up everything I could find and hoisted it up over my head and I ate nothin’ but protein shakes, falcon eggs, and rocks. Because, I’ll tell ya, girls, it’s a man’s world out there and to get ahead, you gotta be stronger than a man. You gotta be a WO-MAN. I AM WOMAN~ HEAR ME SMASH! So get up, girls! Get on up and fall in! It’s your Mama Umbridge’s job to keep her baby bears safe. And I’m gonna do just that. Mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah. And to do that, I’m gonna toughen you girls up. From this day forward, y’ gonna do five hundred push-ups a day! Except for you, Cho Chang. You don’t gotta do a God damn thing. Yeah, because everybody already just thinks that you’re God damn perfect. Don’t they? Heh heh heh heh heh. Heh heh heh heh heh. Heh heh heh heh heh. Heh heh heh heh heh. Teh teh teh teh teh. And funny, too! Isn’t she just a fckn PEACH, girls? Don’t we just fckn love her! Lesson number one, girls. Little skanks like here are always gonna get whatever they want; and the rest of you, you’re gonna have to eat each other to get ahead ‘cause that’s just the way the world works for frumpy little turds like us! ...I mean, like YOU. Now, girls~ Get on upstairs and brush them cute little teeth of yours! If I catch you outside of bed after 2100 hours, I won’t be afraid to stick a red hot curling iron up those cute little buttholes of yours. ‘cause that’s what my mama did to me and I’m not afraid to do it to my daughters. Lights out!
You know Goyle, using the potty is not so bad. I don't know why I was afriad of it all those years. I think I was concerned about falling in, but I have found that if I climb on top of the potty and I put one foot on either side of the pot...ty hole rim and get a firm footing, I'm acctually quite safe. And you know, using the potty is a great time to socialize, you simply look over to the stall next to you, and you say, have a right chat with your neighbor. "Oh, hello there, good sir. First time using the potty, too, eh? Good luck my man." Then you simply squat, like so, and I do my buisness...in my diaper as usual. And then I undo the side latches, and let the diaper simple fall into the potty. Yes, father will hear of this.
Ron: "Now I want to give you something! Here, want a rat?"
Harry: "AHHH!!"
Ron: "AHHHHHH! Oh, it's my rat."
Harry: "Oh, ok!" *pets Scabbers*
H: Yeah, but in the Muggle world… I’m something they call a douchebag. I play guitar when everyone just wants to hang out, and make weird covers of Disney songs, who does that? I’m like Jesse McCartney. I’m Jesse McCartney’s douche!
Ron: I got a confession to make, too. Back home, around my brothers, I’m kind of a douchebag too. Like Shia LaBeouf. The prince douche.
Umbridge: Uh huh. No way, No how! A man does not threaten his woman *takes wand and snaps it*
Dumbledore: Woah! The Elder wand!
What's up my man? My name is Dean Thomas. You want some bubblegum?
Potter. I have a dilemma. I promised Dumbledore that I would protect the school, but the thing is, Potter... I hate you. I hate you so much. You know what I mean? But, it’s not fair, really, ‘cause it’s your dad is who I hated. And I was in love with your mum, but I had a butt-trumpet. My butt went, POOT POOT, POOT POOT, POOT POOT. And she chose him over me! You know how that is? It pisses me off; I mean, really. It fckn pisses me off. I was there for her, y’know? And when she needed someone, I was there, waiting like a tool! “Oh, we’re gonna snog now? Okay. What about now? Well, I’ll wait. I’ll wait forever. Like a tool.” And, just one time... just one time, I wanted to take your mum... ‘s boobies... and put them on my face... and go, BLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLU. Waaait, Potter; what I’m trying to say is that I’m torn up and if you go in there, you’re gonna be in big trouble... oh, screw you.
Charms sucks. Potion sucks. Transfiguration sucks. Best class is definitely Satanic Rituals.
Yes, Umbridge, I got all 900 of them! You've been clogging up my inbox!
Well, you didn't text me back!
Stay out of the shrieking shack, I'm a werewolf in there. hey lupin, want to go look at the full moon? haha, zombies
"So, you're smarter than the person who wrote this book? You're smarter than Merlin?"
"Hey, Ron, what are you thinking about? Maybe a snack... or a frumpy little girl?"
No way? You listen to me now. For eleven years, I was a muggle douchbag locked under some stairs, but this year I found out that I'm a wizard. I'm famous. I can fly and turn invisible and I just traveled the fuck back in time! So fuck you Draco. How's that for a happy thought, cause there is absolutely no way that there is no way. You hear me? (epic lead into 'No Way')
Umbridge: I'm Team Jacob. Snape: What do you want you HORRID BITCH?
Dean: Quiditch? What'chu talkin' bout, Dumbledore!!!
"Lupin Can't sing! Lupin can't sing! Lupin cannot sing!" "I can.... I'm Remus Freakin... Okay, LOOK! Remember how Hermione can't draw? She can't draw!"
"Harry, Can you believe we only get seven years at Hogwarts?" "Yeah, but that's what makes it so special. Sure we have to go back home for the summer, but imagine how, how totally awesome going back's going to be. Until then, I gotta go back to the muggle world, they're gonna try and tell me this wasn't, that none of this happened, but you know what? It was real. It did happen. We spent time here. We made friends here. That's a part of us. Cause Hogwarts is bigger than any of us, of any of it's founders, and it's going to around long after we're gone. Maybe we'll see our kids come here one day. That's the thing about Hogwarts. No matter how long you're away from it, there's always a way back"
Lupin- Hey Ron what are you thinking about? Maybe a snack, or a frumpy little girl?
Ron- No actually I was thinking about Harry
Harry- Oh that's cool, I was thinking about me too
"I don't want this to be like spiderman 3, i hated that movie"
"It's my daddy. daddy daddy, You came to love me"
Seamus:So, you guys ever heard the one about Sirius Black and Flitwick’s little brother? So, Flitwick’s little brother is walking down the streets of London, and Sirius Black, he’s in this storm drain dressed as a clown. And he’s like “yo, hey, Flitwick’s little brother, down here, in this storm drain it’s me, a clown” and flitwick’s little brother’s like “yeah chap what you want” and Sirius black is like “ooh, flitwick’s little brother you’ve got to get down this storm drain with me cause you’re. missing. Out. We’ve got a carnival down here. We got loads of cotton candy and balloons” and the kid practically flipped he goes “o I got to get down there” and ?he stands up like alright let’s go to that carnival? so he reaches down his arm right, but Sirius black he grows his mad teeth, and HE BITES THE KID’S HEAD OFF. And two days later, that kid died. Dean:Man that is the biggest piece of bulls**t I have ever heard.
Mr. Weasley: "Platform 9 and 3/4? Why, it's right through that brick wall!"
Harry: "What?...Wh-what?"
Draco: "How's this sound? You're going to jail." Lucius: "It sounded forced."
Draco:"Oh, Dobby. Now I lament all those times I beat him senseless within an inch of his life and oh, right, yeah, that one time I drowned a litter of his young...my...brothers?"
Umbridge: "Dementors, I order you to kiss Sirius Black!"
Harry: "The only person that's gonna kiss Sirius Black is me."
Ron: "And me."
Hermione: "And me."
Draco: "And me."
Yaxley: "...And I'll kiss 'im too."
Luna: "I'm Luna Lovegood."
Draco: "Oh, right. You're that girl who was mysteriously absent from our second year. Would you like to come live in the centaur village with me?"
"It's a- a..... A VAMPIRE!!!"
DOLORES JANE UMBRIDGE, YOU PUT DOWN THAT CHEEEEESE. CAKE. I CAME DOWN. FRUM HEAVEN ABUVE. TO HEALP YOU SORT OUT THESE. CHILLENS.
Draco "The Harry Potter I know would never give up!"
Harry "That's because the Harry Potter you know is a twelve year old superhero, and I'm just an eleven year old child!"
Sirius "Harry, I am homeless... Can I come live with you?"
Umbridge "I don't like your hands-on approach in the classroom!"
Lupin "Cho, I said I was KIDDING!"
Snape "That's absurd."
Lupin "You're absurd!"
Snape "What? Say that again to my face!"
Lupin "You're ABSURD!"
Snape "THAT'S ABSURD!"
Snape "We can't expel each other... can we?"
Lupin "... I won't pretend to know..."
UmbridgesMother "I heard that Harry Potter, sayin' behind ya back, that you was a chubby li'l f*ck."
Umbridge "But I am a chubby little f*ck!"
UmbridgesMother "Delores! You LISSEN! To ya mama now."
Umbridge "Yeah, you're dead, and you're just fiiiiine. Why didn't I think of it before?"
UmbridgesMother "Because it's crazy."
Umbridge *waving axe around her office* duhduhduhduhduhduh!
Snape "What the devil is going on here?!"
Umbridge "Oh hey Snape." *hides axe*
Firenze "Neither of you are riding on my back. Let's walk."
Umbridge: Dumbledore, why you being such a lousy boyfraan?!
"We can't have crazy people running the school now, can we?"-Umbridge
Umbridge: "Where'd he go?"
Snape: "He disapparated"
Umbridge: "That's bullshit Snape, you can't disapparate inside of Hogwarts, right?"
Random guy: "Right!"
Umbridge: "Right! Dammit!" *kicks Hermione in the face*
I'M IN A RAGE!! THIS IS THE MADDEST I'VE EVER BEEN!!
*in the Shrieking Shack* Harry/Ron: Hermaynie? Hermamble? Hermama? Hermoingo? Hermoingo-boingo-boingo-boingo? Hermananim? Hermano? Hermano-nucleoisis?
I hope it's a puppy! Puppy, puppy puppy! Oh it's a book...
SIRIUS BLAAACK! SIRIUS BLAAAACK! SI-oh check mate- SIRIUS BLACK!
Snape: I would like to take this opportunity to announce the Hogwarts Astronomy Club. This year we will be paying particularly close attention to the cycles of the moon and their effects on certain professors. *glares at Lupin* Remus Lupin, for example. What do you enjoy doing in the light of a full moon?
Lupin: That's an easy one Snape ... KILL! *Lavender starts to cry* I mean, I mean...I mean kill animals! *all the children start to cry* I WANNA DANCE WITH ANIMALS.
Harry: You mean my dad's traitor best friend?
Lupin: No, NO! /I/ am your dad's traitor best fri- I am your dad's traitor- NO! I am your dad's best friend, okay?
DADDY! YOU CAME TO LOVE ME!!!! I drew you a picture! Look, look! This is me, and I'm on the potty, and that's you, In th backround are you're saying, "That's my son!" And Look, the potty is saying, "Thank you Draco, Potties need to eat too!"
in the future I'm really nice now
no tricks just treats
you have a poop nose now.
get the poo off me!
who made Cho cry? I don't care who did it your gonna get it Schlongbottom!
Ron: "Hey what flavor did you get?" Harry: "Broken Computer" Ron: "Gross! I don't even remember the last time I got a candy flavored one" Harry: "What flavor did you get?" Ron: "Defeat.....Well I give up on these...."
"Ugh, Umbridge, that book is like a hundred years old. It still refers to dementors as ring-wraiths!"
"Disapparate!"
"Ahhh, magic!"
"Thank you Draco, even potties need to eat."
"redvines: what the hell CANT they do"
"Did You Get My Text?"
"i dont want anybody dangerous, so i think i am going to go with the squirrel."
"Oh if it isn't that bastard Harry Potter. My name is Draco Malfoy. I am a racist, I despise gingers and mudbloods, and my parents work for the man who killed your parents. Do you want to be my friend?"
"He marries Ginny. They live happily ever after. There is literally no way to move on from this point."
"Alright gang, I'll ignore that some of you are late, if you ignore that I'm the latest."
'This must be the emotion you humans know as blood.'
"I see myself in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Hermione's turning into a blueberry and I'm eating her"
"I eat only protein shakes, vulcan eggs, and ROCKS!!!!"
"IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A F*CKING ELF!!"
"There's no way we're losing to Slytherin or Ravenclaw ooor... Jigglypuff."
"I'm gonna throw everything I know at him! I'm talkin' alohomora, lumos and jelly-legs jinx!"
"Favorite vines other than green? RED VINES. Favorite way to say red wines in a German accent? RED VINES!" "OH MY GOD!!! Where have you been all my life?" "Oh, in some cupboard under the stairs..."
"I have -stretches- no ulterior motive!"
"I mean... SHOOT. Gotta watch my damn mouth around you little bastards."
"You guys will do this thing... it'll feel goofy but I promise it will look so f*cking good."
"OH MY GOD, Umbridge, stop texting me!"
"My name is Lucius Malfoy and we are the Death Eaters!" *elaborate arm movement*
"How daaaaaaaaaaaaare you?"
Keep an eye out for AVPM and MAMD
Harry: I'M IN A RAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!
"What happened to the poster of headmaster Zefron?!"
who looks stupid now? YOU DO.
And he'll say "Draaaacooooo, you god damn little poofer!"
It's like that one time I made out with Professor Grubbly-plank... she got... clingy!
Not to mention she has cancelled the annual valentine's day feel 'er up dance and replaced it with a nasty old abstinence rally... how am I supposed to remain abstinent when I got a reputation to maintain... Professor Flitwick is gonna fail me now!!!
"I'm not a troll! I'm a little girl!"
"Whose that?" "I dunno....he was here when I got here. He's sleeping. And I think he's homeless..." "Ew, gross....."
"Oh, most importantly, I have mastered the use of the potty!"
"Is that cross-hatching I detect?"
Ron: "Favorite Amy Mann song on 3. One two three.... R&H: "Red Vines!" Harry: "Favorite color vines other than green?" R&H: "Red Vines!" Ron: "Favorite way to say 'red wines' in a German accent?" R&H: "Red Vines!....OH MY GOD!" Ron: "Where have you been all my life?!" Harry: "Living in a cupboard under some stairs..."
Sirius: "I was magically misquoted by that dumbass Rita Skeeter! What I actually said was: I want to hug... and kiss him!" -hugs and kisses Harry- Harry:"I believe him guys! He saw my parents in the mirror, and well, you can't fake that."
Draco: Hey, Potter. Hey, Potter. Potter. Harry: What Draco? Draco: I drew you a picture. You see what's happening to you in it. It's you getting hit in the head with a quaffle. Don't you feel foolish?
Draco rips the picture: Goyle paste it!!!
Oh look real muggles! Every one say Chocolate Frogs! I think I got it!
He doesn't know what a moogle is!
Do you love them enough... to kill them?
Oh you know what I think. I THINK I NEED SOME CAMOMILE BEFORE MY SLUMBER!!!
"Could you imagine the scandal if that broke out?...'Lucius Malfoy's Wife Beds Smeagol.'"
Didn't you grow up to be a sexy little bitch like your father
What a marvelous display. I am impressed.
Hey Lupin would you like to take a walk in the moonlight?
Draco: "Body Bind Hex." Lucius: "Oh no!"
"Butt Trumpet!" "My butt doesn't sound anything like that!'
Buut I'm George Nice try. You have an "F" on your shirt, dumba**.
WHAT THE DEVIL! It's a BBM from Umbridge 'Are you with Dumbledore? Did he get my text?' Now you've dragged me into this!!
"Draw-co! You danced! I finally taught you something!" "No.....*grand jete* The Cen-chars taught me that!"
Umbridge: Guess who's gonna be headmaster now?
Snape: Me?
Harry: Snape?
Umbridge: No! Me! Your mama! Umbridge! And from now on we're going to do things my way! THE UMBRIDGE WAAAAY!
Ron: Hey pal, that's a pretty cool headband you got there.
Harry: Aw, thanks. I use it to cover this gross scar I got when I was a baby. I was in the car with my parents when we crashed… into a crocodile. My parents got eaten but then the crocodile took out a knife and gave me this scar.
They say that when it takes off even Wizard God him self can't follow.
Peter P: Vote?! What don't ya all vote about what's gonna be on your tombstones!
Harry and Ron: Red Vines!
I heard that a dementor kissed her, and it died!
I can feast my eyes now. Team Jacob's headquarter's complete
BLOODY 'ELL! IT'S 'ARRY POTTAH!
Now, girls. I know this is your first year at Hogwarts and I know that some of you might be nervous or frightened, but girls, I’m here to make your time at Hogwarts as totally awesome as possible because girls, I’m not just a teacher or security officer. In fact, I like to think of all of you as my daughters and that makes me your momma... and what a loving and caring mama I am. So for all of us girls to get along in the girls dormitory this year, there are some very simple rules that must be obeyed. Rule number one: no boys... unless they’re cute~ Rule number two: no alcohol... unless there’s plenty to go around~ Darn it, girls, I’m bad. Rule number three: no parties... unless Umbridge is invited! You keep me young, girls. Teh teh teh teh teh. But, seriously, girls; if I catch you with any boys or alcohol, I’m gonna rip your purty little boobies off. That’s right. From now on, we’re gonna be doing things around here my way... we’re gonna be doing things around here THE UMBRIDGE WAY. I’m sorry, did I make you cry; you chubby little fck? That’s alright. Human tears are very natural. In fact, when I was a young girl, tears would flow from my eyeballs every day... until one day, my mama Umbridge said to me, “Dolores. Girl. You put that down that cheesecake; you throw out that fondue; you get up off of that couch, girl. Up off of that couch- SIT DOWN. And, from that moment forward, I picked up everything I could find and hoisted it up over my head and I ate nothin’ but protein shakes, falcon eggs, and rocks. Because, I’ll tell ya, girls, it’s a man’s world out there and to get ahead, you gotta be stronger than a man. You gotta be a WO-MAN. I AM WOMAN~ HEAR ME SMASH! So get up, girls! Get on up and fall in! It’s your Mama Umbridge’s job to keep her baby bears safe. And I’m gonna do just that. Mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah. And to do that, I’m gonna toughen you girls up. From this day forward, y’ gonna do five hundred push-ups a day! Except for you, Cho Chang. You don’t gotta do a God damn thing. Yeah, because everybody already just thinks that you’re God damn perfect. Don’t they? Heh heh heh heh heh. Heh heh heh heh heh. Heh heh heh heh heh. Heh heh heh heh heh. Teh teh teh teh teh. And funny, too! Isn’t she just a fckn PEACH, girls? Don’t we just fckn love her! Lesson number one, girls. Little skanks like here are always gonna get whatever they want; and the rest of you, you’re gonna have to eat each other to get ahead ‘cause that’s just the way the world works for frumpy little turds like us! ...I mean, like YOU. Now, girls~ Get on upstairs and brush them cute little teeth of yours! If I catch you outside of bed after 2100 hours, I won’t be afraid to stick a red hot curling iron up those cute little buttholes of yours. ‘cause that’s what my mama did to me and I’m not afraid to do it to my daughters. Lights out!
You know Goyle, using the potty is not so bad. I don't know why I was afriad of it all those years. I think I was concerned about falling in, but I have found that if I climb on top of the potty and I put one foot on either side of the pot...ty hole rim and get a firm footing, I'm acctually quite safe. And you know, using the potty is a great time to socialize, you simply look over to the stall next to you, and you say, have a right chat with your neighbor. "Oh, hello there, good sir. First time using the potty, too, eh? Good luck my man." Then you simply squat, like so, and I do my buisness...in my diaper as usual. And then I undo the side latches, and let the diaper simple fall into the potty. Yes, father will hear of this.
Ron: "Now I want to give you something! Here, want a rat?"
Harry: "AHHH!!"
Ron: "AHHHHHH! Oh, it's my rat."
Harry: "Oh, ok!" *pets Scabbers*
H: Yeah, but in the Muggle world… I’m something they call a douchebag. I play guitar when everyone just wants to hang out, and make weird covers of Disney songs, who does that? I’m like Jesse McCartney. I’m Jesse McCartney’s douche!
Ron: I got a confession to make, too. Back home, around my brothers, I’m kind of a douchebag too. Like Shia LaBeouf. The prince douche.
Umbridge: Uh huh. No way, No how! A man does not threaten his woman *takes wand and snaps it*
Dumbledore: Woah! The Elder wand!
What's up my man? My name is Dean Thomas. You want some bubblegum?
Potter. I have a dilemma. I promised Dumbledore that I would protect the school, but the thing is, Potter... I hate you. I hate you so much. You know what I mean? But, it’s not fair, really, ‘cause it’s your dad is who I hated. And I was in love with your mum, but I had a butt-trumpet. My butt went, POOT POOT, POOT POOT, POOT POOT. And she chose him over me! You know how that is? It pisses me off; I mean, really. It fckn pisses me off. I was there for her, y’know? And when she needed someone, I was there, waiting like a tool! “Oh, we’re gonna snog now? Okay. What about now? Well, I’ll wait. I’ll wait forever. Like a tool.” And, just one time... just one time, I wanted to take your mum... ‘s boobies... and put them on my face... and go, BLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLU. Waaait, Potter; what I’m trying to say is that I’m torn up and if you go in there, you’re gonna be in big trouble... oh, screw you.
Charms sucks. Potion sucks. Transfiguration sucks. Best class is definitely Satanic Rituals.
Yes, Umbridge, I got all 900 of them! You've been clogging up my inbox!
Well, you didn't text me back!
Stay out of the shrieking shack, I'm a werewolf in there. hey lupin, want to go look at the full moon? haha, zombies
"So, you're smarter than the person who wrote this book? You're smarter than Merlin?"
"Hey, Ron, what are you thinking about? Maybe a snack... or a frumpy little girl?"
No way? You listen to me now. For eleven years, I was a muggle douchbag locked under some stairs, but this year I found out that I'm a wizard. I'm famous. I can fly and turn invisible and I just traveled the fuck back in time! So fuck you Draco. How's that for a happy thought, cause there is absolutely no way that there is no way. You hear me? (epic lead into 'No Way')
Umbridge: I'm Team Jacob. Snape: What do you want you HORRID BITCH?
Dean: Quiditch? What'chu talkin' bout, Dumbledore!!!
"Lupin Can't sing! Lupin can't sing! Lupin cannot sing!" "I can.... I'm Remus Freakin... Okay, LOOK! Remember how Hermione can't draw? She can't draw!"
"Harry, Can you believe we only get seven years at Hogwarts?" "Yeah, but that's what makes it so special. Sure we have to go back home for the summer, but imagine how, how totally awesome going back's going to be. Until then, I gotta go back to the muggle world, they're gonna try and tell me this wasn't, that none of this happened, but you know what? It was real. It did happen. We spent time here. We made friends here. That's a part of us. Cause Hogwarts is bigger than any of us, of any of it's founders, and it's going to around long after we're gone. Maybe we'll see our kids come here one day. That's the thing about Hogwarts. No matter how long you're away from it, there's always a way back"
Lupin- Hey Ron what are you thinking about? Maybe a snack, or a frumpy little girl?
Ron- No actually I was thinking about Harry
Harry- Oh that's cool, I was thinking about me too
"I don't want this to be like spiderman 3, i hated that movie"
"It's my daddy. daddy daddy, You came to love me"
Seamus:So, you guys ever heard the one about Sirius Black and Flitwick’s little brother? So, Flitwick’s little brother is walking down the streets of London, and Sirius Black, he’s in this storm drain dressed as a clown. And he’s like “yo, hey, Flitwick’s little brother, down here, in this storm drain it’s me, a clown” and flitwick’s little brother’s like “yeah chap what you want” and Sirius black is like “ooh, flitwick’s little brother you’ve got to get down this storm drain with me cause you’re. missing. Out. We’ve got a carnival down here. We got loads of cotton candy and balloons” and the kid practically flipped he goes “o I got to get down there” and ?he stands up like alright let’s go to that carnival? so he reaches down his arm right, but Sirius black he grows his mad teeth, and HE BITES THE KID’S HEAD OFF. And two days later, that kid died. Dean:Man that is the biggest piece of bulls**t I have ever heard.
Mr. Weasley: "Platform 9 and 3/4? Why, it's right through that brick wall!"
Harry: "What?...Wh-what?"
Draco: "How's this sound? You're going to jail." Lucius: "It sounded forced."
Draco:"Oh, Dobby. Now I lament all those times I beat him senseless within an inch of his life and oh, right, yeah, that one time I drowned a litter of his young...my...brothers?"
Umbridge: "Dementors, I order you to kiss Sirius Black!"
Harry: "The only person that's gonna kiss Sirius Black is me."
Ron: "And me."
Hermione: "And me."
Draco: "And me."
Yaxley: "...And I'll kiss 'im too."
Luna: "I'm Luna Lovegood."
Draco: "Oh, right. You're that girl who was mysteriously absent from our second year. Would you like to come live in the centaur village with me?"
"It's a- a..... A VAMPIRE!!!"
DOLORES JANE UMBRIDGE, YOU PUT DOWN THAT CHEEEEESE. CAKE. I CAME DOWN. FRUM HEAVEN ABUVE. TO HEALP YOU SORT OUT THESE. CHILLENS.
Draco "The Harry Potter I know would never give up!"
Harry "That's because the Harry Potter you know is a twelve year old superhero, and I'm just an eleven year old child!"
Sirius "Harry, I am homeless... Can I come live with you?"
Umbridge "I don't like your hands-on approach in the classroom!"
Lupin "Cho, I said I was KIDDING!"
Snape "That's absurd."
Lupin "You're absurd!"
Snape "What? Say that again to my face!"
Lupin "You're ABSURD!"
Snape "THAT'S ABSURD!"
Snape "We can't expel each other... can we?"
Lupin "... I won't pretend to know..."
UmbridgesMother "I heard that Harry Potter, sayin' behind ya back, that you was a chubby li'l f*ck."
Umbridge "But I am a chubby little f*ck!"
UmbridgesMother "Delores! You LISSEN! To ya mama now."
Umbridge "Yeah, you're dead, and you're just fiiiiine. Why didn't I think of it before?"
UmbridgesMother "Because it's crazy."
Umbridge *waving axe around her office* duhduhduhduhduhduh!
Snape "What the devil is going on here?!"
Umbridge "Oh hey Snape." *hides axe*
Firenze "Neither of you are riding on my back. Let's walk."
Umbridge: Dumbledore, why you being such a lousy boyfraan?!
"We can't have crazy people running the school now, can we?"-Umbridge
Umbridge: "Where'd he go?"
Snape: "He disapparated"
Umbridge: "That's bullshit Snape, you can't disapparate inside of Hogwarts, right?"
Random guy: "Right!"
Umbridge: "Right! Dammit!" *kicks Hermione in the face*
I'M IN A RAGE!! THIS IS THE MADDEST I'VE EVER BEEN!!
*in the Shrieking Shack* Harry/Ron: Hermaynie? Hermamble? Hermama? Hermoingo? Hermoingo-boingo-boingo-boingo? Hermananim? Hermano? Hermano-nucleoisis?
I hope it's a puppy! Puppy, puppy puppy! Oh it's a book...
SIRIUS BLAAACK! SIRIUS BLAAAACK! SI-oh check mate- SIRIUS BLACK!
Snape: I would like to take this opportunity to announce the Hogwarts Astronomy Club. This year we will be paying particularly close attention to the cycles of the moon and their effects on certain professors. *glares at Lupin* Remus Lupin, for example. What do you enjoy doing in the light of a full moon?
Lupin: That's an easy one Snape ... KILL! *Lavender starts to cry* I mean, I mean...I mean kill animals! *all the children start to cry* I WANNA DANCE WITH ANIMALS.
Harry: You mean my dad's traitor best friend?
Lupin: No, NO! /I/ am your dad's traitor best fri- I am your dad's traitor- NO! I am your dad's best friend, okay?
DADDY! YOU CAME TO LOVE ME!!!! I drew you a picture! Look, look! This is me, and I'm on the potty, and that's you, In th backround are you're saying, "That's my son!" And Look, the potty is saying, "Thank you Draco, Potties need to eat too!"
in the future I'm really nice now
no tricks just treats
you have a poop nose now.
get the poo off me!
who made Cho cry? I don't care who did it your gonna get it Schlongbottom!
Ron: "Hey what flavor did you get?" Harry: "Broken Computer" Ron: "Gross! I don't even remember the last time I got a candy flavored one" Harry: "What flavor did you get?" Ron: "Defeat.....Well I give up on these...."
"Ugh, Umbridge, that book is like a hundred years old. It still refers to dementors as ring-wraiths!"
"Disapparate!"
"Ahhh, magic!"
"Thank you Draco, even potties need to eat."
"redvines: what the hell CANT they do"
"Did You Get My Text?"
"i dont want anybody dangerous, so i think i am going to go with the squirrel."
"Oh if it isn't that bastard Harry Potter. My name is Draco Malfoy. I am a racist, I despise gingers and mudbloods, and my parents work for the man who killed your parents. Do you want to be my friend?"
"He marries Ginny. They live happily ever after. There is literally no way to move on from this point."
"Alright gang, I'll ignore that some of you are late, if you ignore that I'm the latest."
'This must be the emotion you humans know as blood.'
"I see myself in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Hermione's turning into a blueberry and I'm eating her"
"I eat only protein shakes, vulcan eggs, and ROCKS!!!!"
"IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A F*CKING ELF!!"
"There's no way we're losing to Slytherin or Ravenclaw ooor... Jigglypuff."
"I'm gonna throw everything I know at him! I'm talkin' alohomora, lumos and jelly-legs jinx!"
"Favorite vines other than green? RED VINES. Favorite way to say red wines in a German accent? RED VINES!" "OH MY GOD!!! Where have you been all my life?" "Oh, in some cupboard under the stairs..."
"I have -stretches- no ulterior motive!"
"I mean... SHOOT. Gotta watch my damn mouth around you little bastards."
"You guys will do this thing... it'll feel goofy but I promise it will look so f*cking good."
"OH MY GOD, Umbridge, stop texting me!"
"My name is Lucius Malfoy and we are the Death Eaters!" *elaborate arm movement*
"How daaaaaaaaaaaaare you?"